


Vanilla Lips and Cigarette Tips

by weheartscorose



Series: Deeper than Sweet Water River [1]
Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Pregnancy, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-10-06
Packaged: 2018-12-11 01:13:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 142,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11703708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weheartscorose/pseuds/weheartscorose
Summary: Consistency is one way to avoid shock. You can't be freaked if you know what's going to happen. Sure, Jughead maybe cynical but not without his reasons. He was still plastered to the side of Archie and shielded by the tough exterior of Veronica but he did not foresee the return of Betty Cooper with a secret she cannot hide or how she would fit seamlessly back into his very consistently, ordinary life.





	1. The Reckoning

**Author's Note:**

> A chapter in which Jughead has no idea how his life is going to change.

** Chapter One **

_And then came the downpour._

_And though everyone was weaponed with umbrellas, he was not._

_And she came, unsuspected, drowning him in the meantime._

* * *

The best thing about life is that it is what you make it. Riverdale was exactly as it always was, exactly what the founding fathers made it. Riverdale was nothing more than the sleepy town where I lived my life. Sweet Water River continued to flow, Pop continually fed the youth. The school was made up of a collective of students with promise. The type of kids where the teachers swore that if just given a little more than what Riverdale had to offer, they'd go far. The type of kids where the girls had candy apple red lips and the boys laughed with a boisterous boom. Riverdale was consistent and it never changed which was just as well. Because I, the Riverdale native did not take well to change.

My jeans don't move even an inch as I try and pull them up my wet body and I hear the morning cry of Abel telling me that I am, admittedly, running later than usual. Several hushes later and then violent shriek tells me that his mother has managed to calm him. Ok, I am not so sure that he will remain silent and to me, it's just a sign that we are in the calm before the storm.

"Juggie!" Veronica slams on the door of my room. "Get up, Crystal's bitching about you on the station and I'm trying my damn hardest not to ring in and join her!"

I groan out loud and hope she hears it because this pounding headache isn't easing up. I scowl at the door and I almost hold up my middle finger to it before I hear little fists pounding along with his mother. "Juggie!" Abel shouts.

I smile to myself and pull up my jeans as hard as I can. The radio reads six-thirty-six. Ok, so six minutes late, not too bad for a Monday. Six minutes late but I haven't even left the house so I fumble around for my keys and shove them in my pocket then reach for the Marlboros on the table next to me, shoving a stick between my lips, I walk out the bedroom door.

I walk down the long corridor that is the connection between me and the _other_ world. The other world being the domestic bliss of this house. Down my end, it's dark, it's not exposed to the afternoon sun at all which I am positive is the perfect condition for growing mould and once I hit that second lounge room – or what Veronica insists we call the _'formal living'_ – I am in the world of cupcakes, children and a loving relationship. A world encased in a white picket fence and I'm sure, with enough persuading from Ronnie, a dog. A nice dog like a Golden Retriever or Labrador. I walk out of the formal living and straight into a cooked breakfast.

As lovely as this seems, bacon, eggs and toast with a dark haired three-year-old and his mother who spends a small fortune on sculpting her eyebrows, I'm brought right back down to reality.

Veronica is glaring at me with the plate of food hovering over the trash can. I almost leap to the safety of that plate of food. "Ronnie," I say holding my hands up in truce, my unlit cigarette bobbing up and down as I speak. "Don't do that, what has that food ever done to you?" I slowly edge over to her, gently taking the food off her to place back down on the table.

The kitchen was bright, French doors in every direction, expansive benches right from one side of the room to the other, a gigantic sized fridge – a side-by-side, because God forbid Ronnie has to bend down for anything. Fruit strategically placed on the bench to create the illusion that the occupants of this house might enjoy a health fix from time to time. Sunlight pouring in as though it was the middle of summer but we just left winter. Riverdale was good at that.

Keeping up appearances.

Ronnie shakes her head and slides a cup of coffee along the bench to knock my plate. "White, no sugar," she says with a laugh. "Honestly, you're going to be an hour late, Jug!" she says and then she pulls out a stool for me to sit on.

I take the seat and settle my cigarette next to the coffee. Abel eyes the cigarette curiously but I push it further away. "Not for another twelve years, kid," I say to him but he runs away, toast flying from his tiny mouth.

"I wish you wouldn't say things like that to him, he's impressionable," she says, taking a sip of her own coffee.

"Impressionable?" I say with a mouthful of food, taking a deep sip of my coffee. Our ongoing joke. I like my morning coffee black with three sugars. "He's a kid, he's not going to think back in twelve years and remember I've said that."

"Just get to work, Jughead," she says shaking her phone in my face. "Seriously, I will call in."

"I don't take kindly to threats," I say with a shrug. The food is gone from my plate and I should be running out the door but I shove the cigarette back in my mouth and pull out my keys. "Another day in the life, eh Ronnie?"

She smiles and pats me on the back as I go to walk out the house. "Jug?"

"Hmm," I say, drinking back my coffee before handing the empty cup to her and then tightening my belt.

"You need a shirt."

"Uggh!" I almost yell before finding my flannel hanging on the front door handle. "Archie must have known," I say pulling my arms through. "Tell him I said thanks!"

"He reads your mind," Ronnie replies, rolling her eyes. "Abel, come and say goodbye to Uncle Jug!"

Abel comes running through the corridor and I give him a wave, "See ya later, Kid!" I yell behind me rushing to my beat-up car to get to work, no doubt hearing the very obvious digs from Crystal Myers on my way there.

"Have a great day, Holden Caulfield!" shouts Veronica, at least I start my day with a smile.

* * *

"Good morning Riverdale! For those who have been following, Jughead Jones has just signed his own death sentence – ah! Sorry guys, here he is now!"

I saunter in slowly as not to distract but I shake my head and mouth to her; _"Sorry, car problems,"_ which she just rolls her eyes at me in reply. She knows by now I have every excuse under the sun. Not that she believes any of them but at least I try and give her an excuse, right? Not much use in just admitting that I'm shit at keeping the time.

I drop my bag on the floor next to my seat and pull my hat down further on my head. It was going to be a shit day but at least I still have this second cup of cold coffee sitting on my desk which Crystal must have made about an hour ago, I drink some down.

She announces the next song and then glares at me from across the desk before standing. Crystal was slim and dark eyed with even darker, butt length hair that she wore down at all times and had a glare that has easily killed me one hundred times over. I shrink back in my seat. "Cryss," I start, putting my hands up in truce for the second time this morning. "I had a rough night..."

She just shakes her head and shoves a pile of papers to me. "A rough night?" she hisses, "You were at mine for most of that night, you stayed up late writing again, didn't you? By the way, you have ash on your shirt..."

I pretend to look shocked by her accusations but damn, she knew me well enough to know I had been up writing until God only knows when, I stutter a bit. "Well maybe a little," I try as I brush the ash off my shirt. Crystal sighs and then takes a sip of her own coffee. "Hey! Why is your coffee hot?"

She laughs. "Yours would have been too if you had been on time!"

"Touché," I reply.

I flick through the pile of papers she gave me and read over the plan for the day. I read out one of our fan questions. "Dear Jug and Cryss – hey, that's us!" I say pointing at Crystal jokingly, "My girlfriend has been accepted to College out of state and I haven't. Is long distance worth pursuing? Or do you think it's a lost cause?" I feel my mouth getting dry but Cryss looks up from the song list and nods her head.

"Keep going," she mumbles. "Otherwise I have to read the list of dribble the other kids have sent through."

I lick my lips and keep reading, the words seem to grow on the paper but Cryss is waiting so I continue. "I would appreciate your help because I don't know what to do. River Vixen's Man."

I snigger and try to laugh it off a bit. "Ok, so now it's an investigation between which one of the ten River Vixens have been accepted to an outside college, these kids are stupid."

"You and your damn investigations, Jug. Not everything needs to be investigated!"

"At school -" I start but I noticed Cryss puts her hand up when the song finished and I thank her for that because I didn't really want to get into what I did at school.

"Good morning, Riverdale and my apologies," I start with a grin. "It's shining out there -"

"And yes, you got to see a lot more of that when you were running late, didn't you Jug?"

"Yes," I agree, "I might have but I feel I saw a lot more of the back of my eyelids."

Crystal laughs, "Go on!"

"We had a submission this morning from River Vixen's Man, _'Dear Cryss and Jug'_ – which is us by the way - _'My girlfriend has been accepted to College out of state and I haven't. Is long distance worth pursuing? Or do you think it's a lost cause? I would appreciate your help because I don't know what to do'_ well, that's a tough one."

A tough one? A _tough_ one? I feel manic laughing at myself internally. That's one of the first signs of craziness, right? I feel a little crazy. I feel like I have space travelled back in time, five years back. The smell of cigarettes and vanilla already hazing my mind as Cryss talks in slow motion.

"Relationship advice? Well Jug here isn't great at that, didn't you once say you had a relationship with a bird?"

I force a laugh, trying to shake the smell out of my memory bank, such a disrespectful thing, that memory. Trying to remind me of vanilla. I can barely stand the sight of a vanilla shake these days. "In my defence," I reply. "it _did_ frequent my car daily for about a month. Longer than most people in my life..."

Crystal laughs out loud but eyes me seriously. Shit, now I'm going to get a heart to heart, one on one session with her when we're done. "But in all seriousness, River Vixen Man, it's a tough one."

I sigh out loud and speak up. "I can't imagine long distance being easy but if the love is there..."

"Seventeen-year old's change though, if she's your first love, then maybe it's worth the break. How many people can say they're with their High School Sweetheart? I'll open the lines for High School Sweethearts to call in and prove me wrong."

I chuckle, knowing that Ronnie will be listening in. "I don't want people that I live in calling in, you hear me, Ronnie?"

Crystal bites her lip and smiles. "Any advice, Jughead?"

Advice? I have a list of things to say, I keep a scroll in my pocket about what not to do. "All I say is that love conquers all, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. If you love something, sometimes you have to let it go. Any other clichés?"

"Be serious, Jug!"

I sigh and run my hand over my face. I feel my heart start beating faster and the slightest amount of anxiety catch in my throat. Fuck you, River Vixen Man. "You gotta let go and let her see the world. All the best parts, all the crap parts. The parts that you're not in. Because she's either going to love it and leave. Or she'll hate it and somehow fit you into her world again."

"Woah dude," Crystal says with an amused smirk. "That's really philosophical!"

I shrug and grin back.

It's been five years of feeling sorry for myself so I have a collection of philosophical musings in my mind.

"Jug," Crystal starts, "We have Veronica Andrews trying to call in, you want to let her through?"

I just shake my head.

* * *

Riverdale remains as sleepy as it always has. I often form visions in my mind of leaving this place, cutting the ties, loosening these shackles. Maybe I would get some big gig in New York city. I feel like I know New York, the falling snow, the noisy streets. Walking through Broadway with a hot latte and a croissant, some high-ended affair in Manhattan. I feel like Ronnie has told me so much about New York that maybe I had grown up there too. I needed to upgrade my life. But the truth is I haven't even upgraded my phone or the cheap brand of cigarettes that I have been smoking since I was sixteen. Dad always said I romanticised Riverdale, oh to live the American Dream. It was just that, a whole lot of dreams that I never, ever lived. I just think that maybe Dad dreamed as much as I did but never admitted it.

I stood out on the street and leaned on a lamppost, pools of water forming near my feet. Crystal had insisted that the sun would stay out the entire day but I knew better than that. The strong smell of coffee beans infiltrated the air and tangled with my cigarette smoke. The Coffee Club had the best coffee in town, there was no denying. I could barely stand the smell of a vanilla shake let alone sit in Pop's most days so Archie came to the party and we have now been frequenting Coffee Club for years. Archie was inside getting my double shot latte and scowling at me from indoors. It was his ritual. To frown upon my smoking addiction.

I see him shove the glass door with his foot and come outside to meet me.

My best friend was still the same. The love and respect I have for this six-foot-something red head was what Ronnie describes as ' _sickening_ ' but he was always here for me and, well, I owe him my life. I owe him my car and the roof over my head and quite often the food in my stomach. The coffee that I am about to devour, like I haven't been quenched in a month. And though I could go on and on for months about the love I have for my best friend, I don't voice it because he is glaring at me as I take a drag of my smoke.

"Thanks for coming, man," he says, taking a sip of his own cup.

I shrug. "It's four PM," I say with a smirk. "You know what that means."

Four PM on the dot. Our daily coffee date. He always thanks me like it must have been a huge effort to find the thirty minutes to come out here with him. As if I we don't do this every day. I never say anything though. Archie pulls his jacket higher up his neck and takes a sigh of relief. "Coffee date," he says bumping his shoulder to mine but the I realise something.

"Where's V?" I ask. Not having Ronnie here is a cardinal sin and the only thing I can think of that would warrant her not being here is either the kid is sick or she's at her mom's. "No espresso today, huh?"

Archie just nods quickly. "Yeah."

"Yeah. What?" my eyes widen a bit as I chuck my cigarette out. "She's not pissed at me because I left a towel in the bathroom, is she? I thought we'd agreed she won't go in there anymore..."

Archie laughs but shakes his head. "You know my wife likes things..."

"Obsessively, compulsively, disorderedly clean?"

"Well, yeah," Archie replies with a shrug. "You could say that. Disorderedly?" he asks.

"I just did a _thing_ , don't read too much into it," I reply smirking.

"Don't worry, I won't."

We stand in relative silence and it's the little things that Archie Andrews doesn't usually do that catches my attention like the way he usually doesn't pick at the hem of his jacket or how he doesn't usually just stare at cars driving by like they're of an interest to him or how today he's not talking about how gifted his music kids are and he's not banging on about the amount of talent there is in Riverdale and asking me to try and get their music on the station. "Something eating away at you, Arch?"

Archie laughs. And it's loud. "What? Noooo!"

I raise an eyebrow, that was not such a convincing ' _no'_ , I feel. " _No_?"

He laughs again. "What?"

I grab my friend by the shoulders and shake him. "Man, we've shared a home since we were sixteen. You and your wife literally came home from your Honeymoon and I was living at your house. I know you. So, tell me why the fuck you're acting so weird."

Archie takes another long sip of his coffee and then points at mine as if trying to encourage me to drink too. "Long day, bro," he says quietly. "Sorry."

I just nod in acceptance and wonder if maybe Ronnie's not here because they've been fighting so I leave it. The last thing I need is to be trapped in a lovers quarrel because Veronica will then lay into me and she scares the shit out of me. "Don't worry about it. It's been a long day here too."

Archie nods in agreeance, his brown eyes flicking up to meet mine. "I heard your question on the radio."

I don't skip a beat. "Don't, Arch."

"What?" he says throwing his hands in the air. "You gave that kid a good answer. All morning in the staff room we were trying to figure out who River Vixen's Man, was."

"Such enthralling conversations in the Riverdale High staff room I am sure."

"Oh ha-ha," he adds sarcastically. "But seriously, you answered well considering you went through that with Betty."

I hold up my hand, trying to silence him. "Don't Arch."

Archie always had the increasingly annoying knack of saying things and asking question when any other normal human being would not. When we were kids, I used to put it down to him just being a little more immature than others. Now that I've known him twenty years, I figured it's just _him_.

He sighs and runs a hand through his red hair. "Jug, it's been years. And I don't know why you're so wound up about it. You were eighteen and she went to College, she didn't _die_. And now look, you gave some sound advice to a kid whose girlfriend is going away. Like Crystal said this morning, it's not like everyone ends up with their High School Sweetheart."

"Easy for you to say, you did," I mutter.

He just nods. We've had this conversation at least a million times in the last five years. And it goes around and around in circles. Sentence structures and replies only varying slightly.

Archie throws his cup in the trash can. "She left to study. She has a phone. She has a computer. You could have emailed, called, texted..."

I sigh impatiently. Yes, there was a thousand things I could have done. "Well I didn't. And you're right. It's been years." Five years to be exact, not that I have been counting.

"V, Kev, Josie, Reggie, shit even Cheryl, we all went and visited."

Archie pulls up the hood of his jacket and I was counting down the seconds until he left because I didn't want to hear all the things that I could have done. "I gotta wind up this afternoon, I'll see you at home," I force out.

He nods. "See you soon."

I was like a kid throwing a tantrum. It was ok for Archie, just as always everything turned out for him. He had the girl, the job, the kid, the house.

He also had his best friend living with him like he always has since we were sixteen.

And like the true Jones I am, I only had the few cards I was dealt and none of them played out right.

* * *

I got home after signing out for the day. V texted to let me know it was burgers for dinner tonight and I wracked my brain for what I could have done to deserve such a luxury. I almost drooled on myself as I was thinking about what she might put on my burgers or if maybe she had ordered from Pop's instead.

I pulled up into the driveway and Archie had beat me home, maybe he felt bad for bringing up Betty and so he conned Ronnie into feeding me. They knew the way to my heart.

I swung open the door of the house, Abel was asleep on some sort of make shift bed he had created out of his mom's good towels, both her and Archie were standing in the door way, smiling at me. I point down at Abel, "Looks similar to what I used to sleep on when we were at High School."

Archie laughs but Ronnie looks shocked and shakes her head; "Jug," she says, shoving my shoulder. "Don't say that!"

"A joke, V," adds Archie, "Just a joke."

"It would have been funnier if it wasn't the truth," she says.

I sigh out loud and chuck my jacket on the sofa. "Don't get so wound up, Ronnie," I say throwing my cigarettes on the kitchen bench. "We don't need your negative vibes infiltrating the burgers."

She spins on her heels to smile at me and Archie takes a stool next to me, fingering the packet of cigarettes and frowning. "How many of these do you go through a day?"

Twenty. "Five or six," I say with a shrug. He nods in approval.

"I'm just cooking off dessert and then we can eat. Oh, you're awake baby!" she says as Abel runs to his mom's side.

Archie keeps quiet but I'm too busy trying to figure out what's in the oven for desert. I couldn't smell it yet but I am starving from not having eaten since breakfast. Archie grins as Abel runs to the side of the bench where we are. "Hey Buddy," he says giving Abel a hug. "You gonna give some love to uncle Juggie too?"

Abel nods and throws his body to my direction so I scoop him up in my arms and give him a kiss. I love this kid. I've literally been in this kids life since the moment he was born. I give him a tickle and kicks me to let him free. "Fine kid," I say placing him on the floor. "But don't come screaming to me when you don't get your way."

"I don't scream," Abel replies seriously, well, as seriously as a three-and-a-half-year-old can, "Screaming is for babies."

"I thought you were a baby?" I argue back but he runs away.

Ronnie clears her throat. "Had a good day, Jug?"

I nod and take a sip of the cola she just handed me. A good day? I guess so. Consistently good just like the rest. "Sure, it was good."

"And how are things going with Crystal?"

I laugh to myself and Archie gives me an apologetic look. "What do you mean, Ronnie?"

She tries to appear non-prying but, that's not the way of Veronica Andrews. "Oh," she says with a small shrug, wiping down the bench. "I just, well, she's different, isn't she?"

Different? Amazing? Carefree? Funny. "Sure."

"It's just that Archie needs to tell you something."

Archie chokes on his drink and his eyes widen. Something tells me that Archie wasn't planning on telling me anything. These two were nuts and now I'm smack bang in the middle of it. "I was?" he asks.

I withhold a grin and raise an eyebrow to my friend. "Yeah Arch?"

Archie glares at Ronnie but it just makes her place her hands on her hips. "Yes!"

"About Crystal?" I ask them. "What does me and Crystal have to with anything?"

"Everyth-" Veronica starts but Archie holds up his hand.

"V, stop; Crystal has nothing to do with this... I don't even know why you mentioned her," he says with a questioning laugh.

"You're right," Ronnie says. "I just... wanted to know?"

Archie sighs loudly and then turns to look at me. "We have an announcement. I just don't know how to tell you."

"He knows exactly how to tell you, he just won't!" Ronnie pipes up.

I start laughing. "Guys, it's just me. Jughead. You know, the guy you've known your whole lives... lives in your house... eats your food..."

"Fine, if you won't make the announcement, then I will!" Ronnie states.

I hold back a laugh. "Don't tell me you're having another kid," I say with a wink. "This little dude is enough for me," I say, throwing my thumb over my shoulder to where I can hear very loud singing.

"I ate flowers today!" Abel says running over to me and pointing at his stomach.

"Well Uncle Juggie ate crap all day," I reply.

"Jug!" Ronnie whines, "Honestly!"

I look at Archie and Ronnie, "Well?"

Archie shook his head but sat down at took a sip of his soda. "Uh..."

"So, you guys are having another baby?" I ask.

Ronnie steps back from the bench and flattens her dress, takes a deep breath and blurts out; "Betty's moved back in town, she's here!"

It was like a foreshadowing that I should have paid more attention to. River Vixen's Man, Archie being weird at coffee date. The universe was trying to tell me something but I didn't listen. If I had listened then maybe I wouldn't be standing here right now with my mouth open so wide, it was about to catch flies. Abel was tugging at my shirt, trying to get my attention but I couldn't pry my eyes away from his parents. The way Archie's face contorted or the way Veronica just stood there with her hands on her hips just waiting for me to respond.

It was like the heart I once owned before it was torn out, was shoved back into its empty cavity but it just doesn't fit properly any more.

Betty Cooper was in town. Here, in Riverdale where I live.

Betty Cooper was back in town for good.

"Well ain't that a kick in the metaphorical guts," I say forcing a laugh.

Archie tries to laugh too and I give my friend a nod in respect. He was trying to make this as simple as possible but naturally, in the life of Jughead Jones, things weren't so simple. "Yeah."

Veronica rolls her eyes and shrugs. "She's back to live."

My life was permanently put on hold. Betty was back in town and she mentions it as if things were as they were five years ago, would it be a rewinding of time where we would go strolling through the woods? Go and watch Archie play music as if we were some sort of cult following and then go and sit in her sickeningly pink room and talk about our dreams and aspirations? Where we thought, we were young gods trying to decipher the way of the world? Veronica had a gift in pretending we were still the same young gods we were all those years ago.

Veronica's candy apple red lips moved almost as if in slow motion. I could barely make out the words she was saying. I could hear her describing Betty's shotgun trip home and how Mama Cooper was so happy and now Betty's a teacher at the High School and Archie was so pleased because he got to see her everyday just like every other mundane day in his life from birth until the reckoning that was Betty's leaving.

It was like watching an art form unravel in front of my very eyes. Veronica's arms flew through the air and her grin explained so much to me. She was happy to have her friend home. She believed Betty would just slot right in next to us during coffee date and would be a standard guest at Veronica's candle light suppers. Archie seems to believe it too because his eyes are stuck to his wife, nodding at the right times, make sounds to show he's listening.

Jughead on the other hand? Well, I can barely process anything past Betty's name.

"That's great," I say clapping my hands together. "I'm so happy for her."

Ronnie just bites her lip and slides a plate across the table in the same fashion she did this morning when she fed me. "Hungry?"

"I'm not hungry," I mumble as I shove back from the bench and jump off the stool. I snatch my cigarettes off the bench too and start to head out of the kitchen but I have second thoughts.

I turn around and see Veronica has placed a glass next to the plate, I walk back. "Sorry," I say quietly. "I'm actually starving now."

I will go and eat these in the darkness of my room.

I eat and then lay back in my bed, not even bothering to unzip my jacket or kick off my Docs. I close my eyes.

Lace. Hands smoothing over lace, nails sticking to the gaps, threads unravelling. Splayed fingers on dimples of hips, teeth pulling at flesh. Laughter against lips.

Cracking of thunder, pattering of rain, bare feet on concrete. High ponytails and pulling of hair. Hard grips. Fingers between thighs and back scratching.

Tonight, I don't even bother trying to force myself not to dream or breathe.

My thoughts are short and abrupt and stuck in my eighteen-year-old brain.

I reach for my laptop that's been on all day, scrolling through the crap that is my jotted down notes of writing and start typing.

_And then came the downpour._

_And though everyone was weaponed with umbrellas, he was not._

_And she came, unsuspected, drowning him in the meantime._

  


And for once in a long time, the words came a little easier than they had before.


	2. Hey there, Juliet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter in which Jughead decides where it would be easier to forget the past all together.

  


** Chapter Two **

_She was sugar on lips and he was the salt of the earth but he still held on to her flesh so tightly, he cut his palms._

* * *

How does one define shock?

There is a literal definition in the dictionary, but I refuse to read it. See it with my eyes, read it out loud with my lips or hear it echo through my head.

I have my own definition.

Is it the way you try to push out the sound of something you don't want to hear with only the brute force of your mind? Is it the ripple of pain that reverberates through you when they tell you they don't love you any more? Is it the blatant disregard when they promised you, _swore_ to you that they wouldn't put that bottle to their lips any more yet they did, not just once or twice, but so many times you can't even count? Or when you came home from school that day and half your home was gone?

How about when someone leaves you, the same person that insisted that you weren't a nobody and they _did_ love you and it didn't matter that she was born of the sun and spring and you were born from the bottom of a whiskey bottle.

She left you and you didn't chase after her and, well, things had never been the same.

Note to self: Go and see dad.

My day starts the same. Crystal's voice echoing through my room; _"Good morning Riverdale! A darker day out this morning but nothing a quick coffee can't fix from Pop's..."_

I laugh to myself. A darker day, huh? I hate to think of myself of anything other than human but maybe I am superhuman after all, I can control the weather as easily as I control my emotions. So not very well at all.

I grab a cigarette from the bedside table and then a soft knock on the door, curiously enough _not_ followed by the bangs of tiny fists. "Juggie," Ronnie says quietly. "You up? Or running late?"

I sigh and put my head to the door. "Late? Or super late?" I try and say steadily.

I don't know why I stormed out on Arch and V last night. They didn't do anything to me, shit, they probably thought they were doing me a favour in telling me that Betty was back in town. Betty and Arch grew up together, best friends, closer than brother and sister really. Of course, Archie was the first to know. I will make an effort with V this morning.

"Just normal late? I have a white coffee with no sugar here," and I can hear her banging the cup against the door. "We all know you need about five coffees to function and Archie's not here so I thought we could go out back together and you could lend me one of those cancer sticks, Abel's _asleep_ ," she sing-songs the word ' _asleep'_ and I just know she's had an early, stressful morning that only a mother would appreciate.

I smile against the door and then move out of the way to open it. I shove my shirt on as she swings it open and holds out the cup of coffee for me. "Thanks, Veronica," I say as I take the cup from her.

She raises her manicured eyebrow at me. " _Veronica_? I didn't think the news would have such an effect on you _Forsy_ -"

I cut her short. "Ok, I get it, let's get outside before your husband decides to make an emergency stop home and sees you filling your lungs."

I follow her out the back door to my designated smoking area complete with a small table and chairs and even an ashtray – as far away as possible from the area of which Abel plays. Sometimes I feel bad for being here. I feel like I've never given Archie a chance to live without me. I'm as much a part of his furniture as a fridge should be or a bed, because there's just no way you'd move out without those two necessities, and well, I'm that piece of furniture that just follows him everywhere.

I'm lucky. I've got a huge room with a bathroom, a patch of the backyard I can call my own and two people who stop me from drowning. I'm lucky and I'm a burden but they never tell me that.

Ronnie sits down at one of the two chairs at my outdoor table and reaches for the Marlboros I chucked on the table. A couple of times a week she'll come out here with me either when Arch has gone or she waits for him to sleep then will scrub herself for twenty minutes before hopping in bed. I don't nark on her, everyone likes a little release. "Jug, I'm..." she starts but she doesn't finish.

I don't meet her eyes through the haze of the smoke but I don't know if she really wants to meet mine either.

"Betty's back, huh?"

She smiles weakly and nods. "She is."

I just nod. What do I say? Ask how she is? Where she's staying? What she's doing? I probably should ask all three. "Riverdale, yeah?"

Of course, in Riverdale. She wouldn't be back if she was somewhere else, Jughead.

"She's been back a week."

"And you've seen her?"

Ronnie exhales loudly and flicks her cigarette. "Yeah, I've seen her twice. She wants to see you."

I snigger. She wants to see me? Why? "She did herself a favour when she stayed away."

"I wish I could feel sorry for you, Jughead," she says pointing her cigarette in my direction. "But I don't."

I sigh and fold my legs, trying to adjust this uncomfortable feeling. "It's a fairy-tale, V, we were eighteen and in love and then I was a shit person and I never went to see her and -" I'm cut off.

"And what, Jug? You didn't have a reason not to go or not to at least go and _see_ her when you would have had a free trip every time! You stayed because you were scared because -"

"Because I had nothing to offer her!" I almost yell. I can feel my blood pumping, my temples pulsing, my grip tightening all over something that happened five years ago, I should have moved on, but I didn't. I continue to live the same life I always have. I am nothing if not consistent. "You don't know what it's like to know you're holding someone back, Veronica."

Ronnie takes another long drag from her cigarette. "You have to be the smartest and stupidest person I know, Jughead Jones. And I think that maybe you've made your bed and you've not had to lie in it until now and it's scaring you."

I put my heads in my hands and lean over, trying feebly to ignore the brunette in front of me. "It's been five years."

"Five _long_ years," she corrects me.

I nod in my hands. "Five _long_ years and I thought I would have been over her by now but I'm not. It's like the past has dug me up and I'm trying weakly to carry on."

A plume of smoke comes out of V's mouth. "Keep talking, Holden."

"I just wanted her to get out of here and carry on with life out of Riverdale, away from the shit I carried on my shoulders and live a little."

"Obviously to her, it wasn't living if it wasn't in Riverdale," she says with a shrug, reaching over the little table to pull my hands away from my face. "I mean look at me, why do you think we've stayed? A girl from the bright lights of New York."

"Was it me?" I ask her jokingly. "Your good ol' pal Juggie and the great adventures?"

She laughs and holds my hand. "You were definitely part of it," she says then eyes me seriously. "Your bed is made, Juggie. Pull the sheets up."

"Don't want to," I mumble in reply. "I need new sheets."

* * *

She pushed me against the back wall of the station and started pulling at the collar of my shirt. Her mouth met mine in such ferocity that our teeth clicked together. My hands found her neck and travelled up to smooth over her long hair; _strawberries_.

She pulled at my lower lip and I smiled against her mouth, edging in painfully slowly. I closed my eyes, savouring the moment, feeling Crystal's lips on mine, feeling her hands running down my sides, fingers on my skin.

We kept on for a little longer, but something pulled me back, broke my flow.

The taste of vanilla was so overpowering, I thought I would never be able to taste again. I pulled away with Betty Cooper's name on the very tip of my tongue but I was staring at a black-haired girl whose eyes were so dark, they would match a dark night in the middle of winter rather than the flowing rapids of Sweet Water River.

We sit back down on our allocated seats and Crystal smiles at me from across the way. I straighten my hat and find it hard to pick something to play up next. I want to pick Eclipse by Pink Floyd, it makes me wonder if it will make me feel a little better but I'm not sure. Crystal holds up her hand to signal that I can jump on when I'm free. I go to push away my laptop but I wish that now I had a little more time, just to add a few more things to the story I'll never finish.

_She was sugar on lips and he was the salt of the earth,_

_but he still held on to her flesh so tightly,_

_he cut his palms._

"Jug!" Cryss yells out. I shut the laptop with a snap.

"Good afternoon Riverdale," I start. "We're running a bit slow this afternoon but it's only heading into Spring so that might be why. Today I want to open the line to people to see how they cope with change? Are you a person who doesn't adapt well to change? Or are you a person who could up and run into something new?"

Crystal nods and signals she's about to open the lines to whoever's calling in. In a weak attempt at trying to move on with the change indirectly happening in my life, I thought that people talking to me about their changes might help me out. But now I see myself facing ten people in line to talk about their experiences in change and I realise, I'm not much of a talker.

I open the line to the first caller. "We have Anne on line one, Jug," says Crystal.

"Good afternoon, Anne."

"Hey Jug!" Anne says. Anne is a worker at the school with Archie and started teaching not long before we left, so I know her reasonably well.

"And you're here to talk about change too? Let us know how you cope."

"As you know, I've been a teacher around here since you guys were at school – very proud of you by the way, you've done great!"

I turn red at Anne's announcement and Crystal starts laughing. "Cryss thinks that's funny, Anne, but she's not from around here."

"You making fun of me because I'm not a Riverdale native?"

"Oh yeah," Anne adds. "I've known all these kids that've come from Riverdale. I saw Betty's come home, she was always attached to the gang's side!"

I feel a lump in my throat. Is Riverdale so tiny that everyone knows everyone's business? Of course, it bloody is. I shake my head, trying to get Betty's name out my mind but the vanilla has come back. The comment from Anne just makes Betty's presence just a little bit too clear for me. What was I expecting to happen? For Veronica to be joking? Archie and Ronnie will tell me it was a huge joke and I'd continue on the mundane path of Jughead Jones? It was all so real though, it had been mentioned over the radio, it didn't get truer than that.

Crystal raises an eyebrow at me. She's heard about Betty one or two or a million times. She knows a little too much about my history. "Back to changes, Anne," I say a stiffly. "What's happened with you?"

Anne laughs. "My son took my grandkids interstate to start a new job. At first it was a little tough bit I just decided to..." I stopped listening. I stopped listening to all the lines I opened and for once, I started counting down the minutes until coffee date with Archie.

We started winding down the afternoon and my stupid idea of listening to other people's ways of dealing with change failed me. I didn't feel better. I felt worse.

Crystal's satin sheet of hair moved slowly in front of me and then I realised we were the only two in the whole station. Discs of vinyl were scattered on the bench but I couldn't be bothered cleaning up. I had to leave in ten minutes for coffee date and then I would come back and clean up.

"So," Crystal started. "Betty Hooper is back?"

" _Cooper_ ," I reply quickly. "As in Cooper journalists."

Crystal laughs and turns around to look at me. "Of course, it is."

"Is that a dig at her status?" I ask. It sure sounded like it to me. Crystal came from a hippie wagon. Her hippie parents still travelled as if no commitments. Shit, now I feel bad for even thinking that because hippie parents are still better than drunks for dads, aren't they?

"You made it a dig about her status when you used the word _'status'_ Jug. Let's just leave it, no talking about status any more. My parents hate class. My parents are crazy though," she says with a shrug.

I laugh to myself and shake my head. She had no idea what crazy was, she travelled from city to city with a guitar in the back of their van and incense burning no less. She didn't wake up in a cupboard some mornings or step over empty bottles just to get to the kitchen. "All parents are crazy," I reply.

"Nothing more to it than that." She nods. "I'm trying to get my parents to come this way for a break so I can see them. You spend much time with your parents?"

Today was proving to be a test of my ever-lacking patience. Tiny reminders that the clean-cut Riverdale has always been a little cut throat to me. "Time?" I laugh quietly, trying to flick through the vinyl instead of looking at her.

"Yeah, you know, the substance of which our days are made of?" she eyes me curiously. "It's just you don't mention them much. Yet I know Archie and Veronica as if they're _my_ friends," she chuckles.

"They're definitely my family," I say with a smile to myself. "They've been my family for a long time."

"I sense you're avoiding this topic, Jug." She didn't know the half of what I avoid.

"Yeah, I'm trying."

Crystal frowns and walks over to my side of the desk. "You have any siblings?"

"I've known you for three years and you don't even know about JB?"

"I don't know a lot about you. I know what you look like under your clothes and the brand of cigarettes you smoke..."

I nod in agreeance. "You're right," I say quietly. "Jellybean is my little sister. She has piercings on both sides of her nose and shaved the side of her head. She's Archie's best friend because they have a mutual respect for guitars. She rocks my world. Figuratively and actually."

She grins at me. "Maybe one day I'll meet her?"

"Maybe," I say. "When she decides to crawl back to Riverdale after experiencing the big smoke."

"There's no smoke bigger than Riverdale's."

Apparently not. As why else would one Betty Cooper be coming back if the smoke wasn't a big enough calling?

* * *

"Dinner tonight at seven, don't be late, V will kill you."

"Dinner for what?" I ask Archie, "Not another announcement of sorrow is it? Because I'm not interested. I've had my shocks for the week."

"End of the world, eh dude?" as much as the sarcasm drips from Archie's tongue, I know he's taking a stab at me.

I take a sip of the coffee, "Thanks for the strong stuff, I'm thinking of going to see dad this afternoon," I say with an obvious shudder. "Make sure he's still alive. Still breathing."

"Dad saw him the other day. Still alive, still breathing."

"Oh ha-ha," I say rolling my eyes but I take the muffin out of Archie's hand, take a bite and place it back. He glares at me. "JB was talking about coming back for the holidays but I don't want her staying with him. He smells."

"He smells? Like father like son, huh?"

"Shut up," I say giving him a shove. I meant more in the way where he smells like a bottle of beer and cheap cigarettes. "I haven't seen him in a few weeks, I better go."

Archie reads straight through me. No amount of sob stories about my dad was going to convince him that I wasn't trying to avoid tonight's dinner party. "You don't think the timings a little off?" he sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "If you don't come, Ronnie will kill you, you do know that, don't you?"

I can just imagine her, dressed in killer heals and chiffon. "In Cold Blood. Draping herself over my casket, Cheryl Blossom style."

"That's sick," Archie says suppressing a grin. "Dinner with Betty, Juggie. Just like old times. We could even go to Pop's, like real old times."

"The oldest times. I see you don't believe that a warm beer and enthralling promises of change is something that I enjoy and want to listen to this evening."

"You're weird, you know that right?" I appreciate Archie's silence on tonight's dinner.

"How come you're not strapping the leash around my neck and dragging me home?"

He sighs. "Jug. You know I don't want you to start hurting. And the same with Betty, if there was even an _iota_ of something hurting you, Betty wouldn't do it."

I choke on my coffee. "Using my own words against me?"

"It's because I know you'll never hear the end of it from Ronnie so why bother? You'll never be the same after the lecture she'll give you."

I laugh at my best friend and throw my arm over his shoulder. "Can't you see that I'm so excited over my meet up with dad?"

"You're jumping out of your skin, dude, I can tell." Archie looks at his watch and shoves his money in his pocket. "I'll talk to Ronnie later about JB. She can come and stay with us or I'll ask dad, I want to show her this new Fender anyways so let's get her here for the break, ok?"

"You're my personal Superman and I'm your Lois Lane."

"Just need to buy you a skirt suit," Arch replies clapping me on the back. "Grow your hair out a little..."

Maybe I should. Maybe the change will do me good.

* * *

At least this time dad's not laying on the couch in a heap of mess and memories. He's sitting outside with a cup of coffee and a dash of something strong in it, he has the cheek to reach for my cigarettes though, pull out a couple put them in his pocket; he lights one as he talks to me. "How's life with the rich, the jock and the privileged kid?" he says through a puff.

I shake my head and out my feet up on the table outside of the trailer. Lighting my own smoke but shaking my hand at dad's offer of a beer. "The rich is still bossy; the jock is still teaching. But don't talk shit about Abel."

He laughs and takes a deep drink from his cup, pulling out the flask from his jacket and pouring it into the cup before stirring it with his finger. "You like that kid. A damn lot."

I laugh. "Of course, I do, dad. I was there when he was born," I say with a grin. "I was there during his first breath of life and I've never been the same since."

"Uncle Juggie, the couch surfer," dad says jokingly but I don't see how this is funny. It's never been funny, the trailer he's lived in hasn't been home for eight years and was the creator of my surfing skills. Dad leans back on his deck chair and puts his boots up next to mine. "What's earned me the pleasure of your company, son."

I see another flask down on the ground under the table so I force my cigarettes off so I have a reason to pick both items up. Dad doesn't need a second flask and maybe I'll deserve a sip when I get home tonight. I reach down and pray he doesn't notice then I shove the flask in my sock. "Arch and Ronnie are having dinner tonight. "

"You don't want in on the free meal?" he asks. "Are you in there, Jughead?" As tempting as a spaghetti bolognese sounds, I couldn't bring myself to go.

"Betty's back, dad. Betty's back and Archie and V are having dinner with her like some re-enactment of the last supper," I sigh. " _My_ last supper," I add dramatically

"Hah," dad says raising an eyebrow. "Back is she? come back to see what she's missing out on? She's missed out on a lot, Jughead. You're a good kid, you done yourself good."

"Thanks dad," I say stiffly. "That's pretty nice of you to say. You're not getting slack in your old age, are you?"

Dad looks down. "Maybe I am son, maybe I just miss your mom and this old flame bullshit is getting to me."

"Yeah," I say quietly. "Maybe."

Dad laughs a little awkwardly but chucks his flask to me. "Take a sip." I put my lips to it and take a swig, burning my throat in the meantime.

"I'm sorry I don't try," I say weakly. "I don't try and come and see you more. I just get..." Mad, frustrated, angry, pissed off.

"I understand. At least you come at all. Not like Jellybean. I miss her I just – just." Never tried to give up the drink? Never tried to fix us? The family where we could all sit around the table, chatting about our days?

"Don't," I say to dad. "It's ok, honest."

"No, it's not, Jug!" he says slamming his fist on the table. "I listen to you, every day on the radio. It's the best part of my day and the worst because I can hear how much you hurt. Before, when Betty was around, at least I could rely on her to make you happy and then poof," he says, slapping his hands together. "She vanished."

I try to bring dad back down into reality. "She didn't vanish, Dad. She went to College to get an education." Archie was right. She didn't die. She didn't run away. I did.

Dad just nods. "You want to see her? Get that old flame back?"

I laugh and chuck dad's flask back at him. "It's been too long. I can barely get a match lit these days with my flame."

Way too long. Five years. Two separate paths that, even though we're in the same town, the same suburbs, the sharing the same flowing river and the same memories, I wasn't so sure we'd ever end up sharing the same path again.

* * *

It's funny how some places always feel like home. Fred's place has always felt like home to me. It's not even weird when I go there, kick off my boots, watch his TV. It's never weird and it never has been.

Even now, I'm parked down the road from where the Drive In used to be and just the familiarity of the surroundings makes me feel like I'm a sixteen-year-old kid waiting for everyone to leave so I can stay up in the store room. It's like coming home. It's not until now that I've had a chance to think to myself. I'm sort of used to Ronnie being the voice of reason and Archie being the person who pushes me just to be a little _more_.

The more I hear myself _think_ , the more I think a little too much. Betty used to come with me here. We all used to go. Me, her, V, Kev, Joaquin, Archie, Josie, Cheryl. We lived a different life to the one we're living now. I had to face the facts. I hadn't moved on. I lived the same mundane life I lived before she went, I'm still Jughead. I still live with Archie. I still make a little cash and fill my days at work talking crap. And I wished that she had moved on to be the person she always wanted to be. It was a cliché that she was destined for great things and these things were all bigger and better than me.

The guy who doesn't even have a proper name.

It's been five years though and maybe I have always been gutless and that's why I haven't even made the effort to see her. Arch was right, we had been friends our entire lives, we dated for two years. I've loved her forever. Why so gutless, Jug?

I thought that parking outside the old Drive In spot would make me think more clearly, and in a way, it has. Because now it seems so clear to me that maybe I should go and see her, so now I start the engine ready to drive to my place and gate crash a dinner party of Veronica Andrews.

* * *

"You're so slow!" she says in a huff. "Both physically and mentally!"

I nod and look down at my feet, a scolded kid. "I'm slow both physically and mentally."

"You were supposed to arrive two hours ago! You were supposed to make your grand entrance at least an hour ago, Noah Calhoun!"

"Ronnie," says her husband, trying to keep a laugh from his lips. "Look, you're thinking way out of context here."

"You can pry my love story out of my cold, dead hands Archibald Andrews."

I pick at the spaghetti from the plate someone's left on the bench and take a sip from Archie's cup of soda. "Look, I know we live a life of theatrics, V," I try and say to my friend but she won't have a bar of it. "A musical of sorts..."

"You know I had to tell B what time you air in the mornings and show her the door to your room, she asked me if you still drink shakes and if you still wear Docs everywhere. She asked me how your dad was and she asked me how old Jellybean is now. I wouldn't have to waste my breath if you were there to tell her yourself!" She goes on a little more but I think Archie and I have both zoned out but somewhere in the mix I hear her voice fade and I realise I can see a white cardigan discarded on the sofa. It's Betty's. In some bizarre way, it seemed to glow in the dimming room.

"Archie, please tell him that he can't avoid B forever, it's becoming too much."

"V," I say as a way to save Archie from being lectured for the rest of the night. "I know it's very emo-esque of me to avoid Betty," she seems relieved by my comment. "But I've moved on from Betty and I'm sure she's moved on from me but I should go and see her, she was my best friend since forever so, yes, I shall be the bigger man and I will go and see her when I get the chance."

Veronica grins at me and claps her hands together. " _Great_! She's at her mom and dad's at the moment but I think she's moving into her place soon."

Archie still seems a little... dishevelled? By the goings on but I put it down to his irritation in an easily excitable wife. "Ronnie?" They exchange a conversation with their eyes.

"Right here, you know?" I say.

Ronnie just shakes her head and grins at me again. "Ignore him. You're doing the right thing, Jughead." she snatches my phone from the bench and starts tapping away. "I'm putting her number in your phone, ok?"

I exhale and throw up my hands in the air. "Just going to see an old friend, _not_ igniting an old flame, you get it right Arch?"

He laughs. "Yeah dude, I think she thinks it's two-thousand-and-sixteen again."

"And what's wrong with that? two-thousand-and-sixteen had such promise!" Ronnie argues.

He shakes his head and flexes his hand. "You said this hand would make us millions."

Veronica smirks then turns to leave the kitchen. "Well it didn't make us millions but it sure knew how to help make our son," she says with a wink as she walks out.

Archie bites his lip and looks at me apologetically. "Sorry dude, busy tonight."

I sigh and look down at my phone before shouting out behind them; "Just going to see an old friend! Not trying to ignite a flame when I can't even light a match!"

* * *

It was like a scene out of a movie. A laughing Polly, re-enacting something to the family. Mama Cooper with her arm around Betty's dad's waist. And then a grinning blonde placed right in the centre.

I could just make her out through the window but it sort of felt like I was right in there with her. I could smell her skin, see the glimmer in her eyes, shit, I could hear her laugh and almost make out the words she was saying. I could feel the softness of her hands and the cotton of the blouse she was wearing. She was with her family. The family we all once felt was out of this world but I guess was just fierce over their family. Something so foreign to me, I guess it figures that I would have some sort of unjust feeling that I would always be not enough for Betty.

It's like the cameras rolled back in time as I stood outside their house, peering in. And yes, I do feel a little crazy for watching them like this. Laughing and reminiscing. I turn to walk away and I see Fred's TV light flickering, I look up the side of Betty's parents' house and I see it, the ladder, leaning against the side of the house as if it was a permanent fixture. A path directly up to Betty's bedroom.

I take out my phone from my pocket and start searching for Betty's number. Veronica has put it under _'Queen B'_ which I laugh out loud at. I stare at the number as if maybe it will convince me not to send a message. But I'm not an awkward eighteen-year-old, I know I feel, but I'm not. I'm twenty-three and should have triple the amount of guts I have currently. I hype myself up a little.

_\- Hey there, Juliet. Welcome home._

I press the send button and watch a little longer through the window. I see Betty look down at her phone and then her head snaps up. Tonight, I won't disrupt a perfect family portrait.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the space in which I beg for feedback. Begging. Love you all. Thanks for reading.


	3. The Burning Smell of Vanilla

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter in which Jughead learns of Betty's secret.

  


** Chapter Three **

_Open the gates and let the water flood over,_

_Just in the same way it always has,_

_When had drowning ever been welcome?_

* * *

"Let me get this right. You stood outside of her house – in the dark may I add – and you watched them. In the dark, may I add again," Crystal says mockingly. "Then you decided to come here at six-fucking-AM in the morning when on any other day, you can't even make it to work by six-forty-five. You're whack man, real whack."

I nod, and then pause, sitting down on her sofa. "Ok, it sounds shit and maybe the slightest bit creepy when you put it that way but please try and remember, I am a man who's attempting to be fuelled by my emotions so things may run a little back to front."

"Back to front?" she exclaims. "This is story writing shit, I hope this is all featuring in your book, honest to God."

My book? I barely have enough words to throw together to form proper sentences. "This is not featuring in my book," I say sternly, pointing my index finger at Crystal. "It's too stalker-ish and dark."

Crystal laughs at me and I sense that maybe she feels I'm a little crazy. "Dark is your thing though, right?"

I shrug. "I guess so."

She nods and then looks at me seriously. "Tell me what makes Betty Cooper so unapproachable, because she seems to have this weird hold on you and you..." she trials off.

"Can't seem to let go?" I ask with a huff. "Lied to Arch and Ronnie and said I've moved on when I haven't?"

She jerks her head to her front door and she follows me outside with a coffee and smokes. "It seems to me you might need about twenty of these today."

"What?" I ask, "Cigarettes?"

"And coffee," she says sitting down. "You need coffee or something stronger. So, you're not going to see her?"

"Betty?"

Her eyes widen. "Seriously, Jughead. This Juliet you keep banging on about."

"Of course, I'm going to see her! I fucked up and messaged her last night in the middle of my stalk-fest, I have to now!"

"You seem like you're really wanting to go," she adds sarcastically.

"I do!" I whine like a kid. "It's just, it's been so long!"

"What I'm getting from this whole story is that I don't think the length of time has anything to do with it... It seems to me like you're just scared and I hate to say it, Jughead, but I think you're scared to see she's moved on without you. You know how the other day you said to that kid on the radio that his girlfriend might like the world out there beyond him?"

I take a cigarette from the table and light it up. "Yes?" why did she have such a good memory?

"Maybe she's done that with you and that's why you don't want to see her."

"You're always so damn logical, aren't you?" I say exhaling. "So damn logical."

Crystal smiles at me. "Go and see her. It might turn out that her life is just as shit as yours is."

"Gee, thanks," I say snarkily.

"Or," she says, "It might just turn out that hers is great and she's married."

I almost choke on my coffee. "You're so great at advice, did you know that?"

Crystal Myers and I have a very complex relationship that consists of sleeping together and deep conversations. Though the team of sleeping together and deep conversations may create the illusion of something a little more than just a friendship, Crystal was just the right amount of not being a Riverdale native and also not knowing enough about me to develop any feelings. And that was exactly the way I wanted it.

"You want another coffee?" she asks gently.

I shake my head. "I can't do another coffee, any more than this and I'll be up all night tonight."

Little did she know, Jughead Jones needed at least five coffees to function.

* * *

It was a dark day. It was lunchtime on a Saturday but it was so dark, I don't know when it had even started raining. It had been raining so long.

My mind runs irrationally and sporadically. Coffee date on a Saturday had never been a _thing_ but I didn't want to tell Archie that I didn't want to be alone and I didn't need Veronica telling me I needed ' _healing_ ', I hate that she uses that word and I hate that it comes out of her perfectly framed lips. I don't think Veronica has the slightest idea of what would and wouldn't warrant healing.

Betty's presence in the town feels like everything is on high alert. The rain won't give up, Veronica's high excitement levels are on over drive and all Archie has spoken about is Betty's class. She's a topic on the radio, she's been in the house where I live, she's messaged me. She's very much a presence. And as much as I feel that Sweet Water River's rapids are becoming faster and the roots of trees are becoming increasingly deep rooted, I am, in fact, the only person in this town who is on high alert.

How many times had we sat like this? I flicked from eyes to eyes, Veronica, Archie and not so oddly enough, Kevin.

"Thanks for inviting me, Jug," Kev said with and sideways glance. "You're full of talk today." I note the sarcasm from his words.

I laugh at my friend and raise my cup to him. "A toast?"

"A toast," V concludes. "Saturday coffee, may it ever continue."

"So, is there a day where we don't do coffee date?" Archie asks seriously. "Because I feel like my entire wage is spent on coffee. Why the coffee date, Jug?"

"Need I have reason to want to have coffee with everyone?" I reply.

Kevin shrugs. "I like coffee date, I always drive past and you two are standing out the front drinking your coffee. Without me."

"Oh, you're not missing out," Ronnie says. "No gossip from those two, so it's a waste of time and energy."

"Why the silence?" Kevin asks directly to me. "Saturday coffee is usually an escape from your Saturday morning hangover," he says with a shrug.

"I'm nursing a clear head," I tell him. "Even if not very clear..."

He doesn't seem so convinced. "Sure... Well V told me -" he's cut off.

"V told you nothing, Keller," she snaps, glaring at him.

V would have told him a hell of a lot. "Ah, yeah, right," he adds.

Archie holds a struggling Abel in his arms and I hold out my arms to grab him off his dad. "Come to Uncle Jug," I say to Abel then in his ear I whisper; "Get me out of this place, kid."

"Betty..." Kevin starts but Ronnie glares at him again. "Never mind."

We all sit in silence bar Abel who's digging into a cup filled with just marshmallows. He offers a sticky one to me but I'm not one to pass on food so I take it from him and shove it in my mouth, now it's Kevin's turn to glare at me. "What?" I ask him.

"Gross," he says. "Ok, so I'm going to address the blonde elephant in the room. You got to go and see Betty."

I nod as if he's right. "I know, I'm going to see her."

"When? In another five years? She's been back three weeks and we all know what an irritated Betty is like, she's pissed."

Archie pretends like the napkin on the table is the most enthralling thing in his life and Ronnie nods and gives me a look that says _'I told you so'_. "Bad?" Archie replies.

Kevin rolls his eyes, "You know, for a guy who was once the only reason why Betty was ever irritated, you sure manage to make it seem like you had your mind as far away from Riverdale as possible."

"Can you blame him?" I mumble but Kev catches that.

"As for you, _vanishing act_ , I just want you to know that this little coffee date you set up, it ain't working," Kevin replies, moving a muffin in my direction, "Sustenance," he says nodding at the muffin. "Prepare yourself for war, Jones, because Betty has been wondering where you are."

"I texted her," I say simply and the entire table is filled with the sound of gasps and Abel's screaming.

"You did what?" Ronnie says clutching onto her gold necklace. "You sent her some text as if you guys were just catching up for a coffee?"

I throw up my hands in defeat. "Guys!" I whine. "Your obsession with me is cute and all but you are all making a massive deal about it."

"I'm not," says Kevin, very unconvincingly may I add.

"Ancient history!" I plead. "They'll be talking about this alongside the Romans and the evolution of man. Ancient history! We're not -"

"Bound by heart? Never ending love?" Kevin adds.

"Exactly!"

Archie laughs and Abel snatches my beanie off my head then places it on his father's head. Archie grins at his son and pulls my hat down tighter on his own red hair. "Ancient history resurrected," he says rubbing his temples. "Sounds interesting."

Kevin nods at my mess of hair, "Looks like the beast is unleashed, it's settled, he'll see her."

"Looks like you might need to wash the beast," Ronnie says while staring at my hair in disgust.

"Looks like next time, the beast will drink coffee alone," I say exhaling loudly.

As usual, nothing can be done in Riverdale without half a tribe trailing on behind you.

* * *

I read over her message a million times and I don't think I could ever get sick of reading it.

_-Juggie, meet me at the school at 7, please!_

That was it. That was the reply from the oh so out of reach Betty Cooper.

I think I might have stood in front of the mirror for at least an hour. I don't know what I was searching for, but I didn't find it anyways. I wondered if I should wear my beanie or not. If I didn't wear it, would it portray that I was a different guy? Probably not, I'm sure that Archie and Veronica had told her I hadn't changed much at all.

Would it look stupid if I wore shirt and slacks? Of course it would. I pull up my jeans and sling my suspenders over my shoulders. I am trivial over what to wear.

I even brought the laptop into the bathroom and I jot a few more things down.

My writing has become a little more consistent but now I find myself writing at the weirdest times. During my lunch break at the station and when Ronnie is trying to bum a cigarette from me. When I should in fact be shaving but I'm not. I don't bother to shave.

I stare at my face in the mirror. Dark rings under my eyes either from malnutrition or not enough sleep but definitely both, now that I come to think of it.

"Jughead!" I hear Ronnie yell out. "You haven't seen the keys to my car, have you?"

I sigh and shout back out; "Try the red bag!"

"Which one? Gucci or Michael Kors?"

"Gucci for sure!" I reply.

I don't know the difference.

I hear her clicking heels down the hallway past my bathroom and then back towards the kitchen. I shut my laptop and carry it out, following Ronnie to the kitchen where she's pulled everything out of the kitchen drawers. "I swear to god, if I didn't love that kid..."

"Don't blame him, you gave him the keys!" Archie yells from the sofa. "I told you not to!"

"I just wanted to have a bath with my lavender bath bomb and candles burning in peace," she snaps back. "is that so much to ask?"

Archie sees me walk in and grins at me knowing he's riled his wife. "You look..." he starts.

"Clean?" I ask. "The beast clean enough for you two?"

Veronica drops whatever it was she was holding in the kitchen and Archie sits up from the couch. "The beast is ready?" he asks me.

No, he was not. But I had to do this. I had read that text message so many times I had convinced myself that I was ready enough. When I close my eyes, I can see the blaring light from my phone, the words she's sent me. I had driven myself at least the tiniest bit mad. "The beast will try and be as ready as he can be."

"Can you guys please stop referring to ' _the beast'_ it's weird and not in the good way," Ronnie says but she walks into the lounge room from the kitchen bench and wraps her arms around me, giving me a peck on the cheek. "You'll be fine, Juggie, you just need to get past this weird bit. And please wear your beanie, that mop is out of control."

I smile at my two best friends. "Thanks mom, thanks dad," I tease.

"Go gettem son!" Archie says patting me on the back.

I walk out of the house, a cigarette hanging from my mouth. Cryss was right, I would need about twenty of these before I even get to the school.

I've always had a level of nerves but I feel that the nerves were vines, tightening around me. Spreading through my throat and around my neck, binding my hands together as if handcuffs. Stretching into my heart to stop it from beating steadily.

I still frequented the High School. Once a month I went and helped out with the Blue and Gold for as part of an extracurricular program so I still knew this place like the back of my hand. Or as if it was my home.

I find myself out the front of the school sitting on the wall and having a cigarette. I went through the whole pack as if not a care in the world for lung cancer. A blatant disregard to my body's general health.

Today had to be the longest Saturday in existence and I also have to be the first person in the history of the human race to complain about a long Saturday but alas, here I am. Praying that it was Sunday and this was all over with.

I didn't even bother to write back to Betty to let her know I'd be here. I'm not so sure she would be interested in my attendance at the school or if she would prefer the surprise. Is she even interested in surprises? I don't know. She used to be. But I guess in the five years, there would be a lot I don't know about Betty.

I hear a door slam behind me and the clicking of shoes on the pavement and in a state of shock, I don't turn to look. I want so badly to turn and look but I feel my body is frozen.

"Jughead?" asks a soft voice.

The thing about memories is that the memory never does match up the real thing. Ronnie might've told me that Betty still wears the same vanilla scented perfume and the amount of days I woke up, nose burning from the strong scent of vanilla made me lose count but nothing truly prepared me for the overpowering smell. I smell her before I see her. I feel I smelt her before I even heard her say my name.

And shit, my _name_ , I hear my name fall from her lips. I actually _hear_ my name. I feel like I haven't heard it in so long but I can _hear_ now. I feel like everything up until now was just a series of static noises. She says it like she speaks my name every day. It's like she's never left. I hate to sound like some sort of writer of teenage quotes but the way she says my name is like the rapids of a river, like the decent of a leaf during autumn.

And though I can feel all these things running through me, I still don't see her. I _feel_ her, I feel the breeze shift past me, I feel her move through my space. I feel her hand on my shoulder.

I turn around to face her. Face to face. She's smiling.

I don't know how much someone is supposed to change in five years. I'm not sure if it's not much at all or if maybe I was expecting to be eye to eye with someone I don't recognise but I sure as hell recognise her and it's like she hasn't changed at all. Her eyes are the deepest, her smile is still as bright as ever. It's like a cutting from the school year book. High School in the background and her in front of me, smiling. I hesitate but she doesn't and she throws her arms in the air, wrapping around my neck and then the brushing of lips against mine.

She pulls away before I even have a chance to savour the vanilla lipgloss or the smell of her skin and neck or her hands on my shoulders. "Betts," I say in a sigh. "Hey there, Juliet."

She's grinning at me and I take that as a sign of excitement to see me. She's still the same. She's still happy and my heart still soars in knowledge of this.

"Juggie!" she says. I don't know if the continuing of saying each others name was something to fill a tiny void but I know that the more I say her name, the more _real_ she becomes. She's here. In Riverdale. _With me_.

I briefly think of what might happen if I say it's not me, if I spin on my heels and run but my mind had other things in store and keeps me grounded. "Heya Betts," I say awkwardly.

She smiles weakly at me and puts her hand on my arm. "Wow, hey Jug!" she says a little more enthusiastically. "It's been a long time," she adds, throwing her arms around my neck again.

I gulp, I can't get enough air, I feel her skin on my neck and I can taste the vanilla in the air. Maybe I even felt her lips brush my collarbone and I inhale deeply, trying to ignore that I feel that my heart has come out of my chest by this point. "Betts," I say in a sigh. "I-I-"

"You missed me?" she says pulling away from me, smirking. "I could tell by _all_ the emails you sent me."

I detect a trace of poison in her comment and my face blushes red. My mind ticks with the excuses I really want to make but I still cannot fathom how I could lie to Betty Cooper. "Betts..."

She shrugs but grabs my hand in hers, holding it to her chest. "I was wondering if you were going to come and see me, Arch told me he had told you I was here but as per true Jughead style, you wanted to wait until the novelty had worn off."

She pulls her lower lip between her teeth, her eyes were still so bright blue, I could only ever look at them briefly. She wore a knee length skirt and peacoat and I knew, deep down, that under that skirt was all lace. Her hair was in her trademark high ponytail and pearls around her neck belonging to her mother. I knew the taste of her skin and more specifically, her lips. I knew she had been gone for five years. I knew that I was a shit person and never contacted her.

"Maybe I just wanted to make my own entrance," I say giving her a wink. She smiles to herself and looks down and I have very little restraint, but just enough to not tilt her chin up to meet me.

"Five years down, Jug, and it's like things have never changed."

"You know Riverdale," I say, moving my hand around the scene in front of us, "it never changes."

The only thing that changed around here was that she had left to study and left me here in this unchanging world where even my feelings had remained sturdy and intact.

"It changes, Jug!" she says shoving my shoulder like she always did. "You're still trying to write, you're making your dreams come true!" she says shaking her head.

I snigger. "Yeah but now I'm stuck with burdening my best friend with my presence everyday..."

Betty laughs. Betty laughs in true Betty style and I shiver upon hearing it. Five years since I heard that laugh and fuck, did I miss it. I feel like the world has slowed or maybe, is it turning backwards? Six-year-old Betty laughing at Arch and I with our wolf masks on, ten-year-old Betty laughing when I cracked a tooth, thirteen-year-old Betty trying to dance with Arch and I both so we wouldn't fight over who came to the disco alone.

Seventeen-year-old Betty laughing with me as we rolled around her bed kissing...

I quickly snap out of it as she waves her hands in front of me. "Hello? Any jug in that head?" she says clicking her fingers.

I nod and smile at her. "Sorry," I say coughing lightly. "Daydreaming."

"Daydreaming in the night, huh? Very talented," she says folding her arms. "I popped over to Archie and V's the other night and you weren't there?"

I shrug, "I am a lone wolf, sometimes I go wolfing alone," I say stupidly but she frowns at my response.

"Right."

I don't tell her that Archie had given me just the right amount of notice to take it upon myself not to be there. "Living with Archie and Veronica can be a little rough sometimes..."

Betty laughs and pats my arm again. "Why, he still tries to lecture you?"

I laugh too, it was easy to get back into laughing when she was around. "Yeah, gave me a health lecture this morning."

"I don't blame him, you still have that bad habit, I see," Betty says, pointing to the packet of Marlboros in my hand.

I shrug. "You used to love it."

"What makes you think that I don't any more?" she says a little too quickly and then she shakes her head. "Sorry," she says quietly. "So, living with Archie, huh?"

I know she knows the answer to this. She's seen Archie and Ronnie more than enough times since she's been back but I humour her anyways. "Yeah, they bought a house fit enough for Veronica Andrews and they have a whole separate wing where I bunk -"

"So, what I'm getting from this is that you don't _really_ have your own space."

I sigh and run a hand through my hair. Her questioning glare is the one she used to always wear when she worried about me. "Have I ever really had my own space?"

She doesn't like my comment and grips onto my wrist tightly. "Well Mr Jones," she says, pulling at my wrist. "Looks like you're coming back to my place for a coffee."

"Betts," I say weakly. "It's almost eight at night, I can't do coffee."

Betty laughs easily again. "Jug, it might have been five years but I know you need at least five coffees to function."

I really look at her with my mind open and my racing heart. Her hair was longer than usual and tied as it always was. I see her blue eyes shining in the moonlight, a pink lip, in between her teeth and a jacket pulled tightly around her. "Ok," I say weakly. "I'll come."

She nods and turns to walk away. "Good, because I was going to be super offended if you didn't."

The last thing I wanted to do now was offend Betty Cooper.

I follow behind her and pull out a smoke for the walk, lighting and inhaling a cigarette that seems to be laced with the taste of vanilla on my lips.

* * *

The duplex was, well, exactly what I would have expected from Betty Cooper.

The sofas were plush and felt better on my body than the expensive bed Ronnie bought me and she had at least ten thousand tea cups and saucers displayed in the cabinet alongside an expensive looking variety of tea leaves. "You could never live without your tea leaves, could you Betts?"

She laughs. "Remember that time I told you that my tea was tobacco and you tried to smoke it? Hilarious."

"Hilarious? I think a part of my lung died that day, it wasn't funny!" I say back, scanning the lounge.

She kicks off her shoes in the corner of the hallway and she walks into her kitchen to flick the switch on the kettle. "You gonna just stand there? Or come in for a hot drink? Coffee or tea?"

It's like my feet are made of lead. Chained to the ground as I watch Betty slowly. The entire house smells of vanilla and I see a bowl next to the front door that is overflowing with chap sticks. Her coat hanger has four cardigans in varying shades of pink yet, Betty didn't really ever like pink that much, she suited it. "Coffee!" I almost shout and I shake my head to myself. Way to create the illusion of calm, Jughead.

"Still three sugars?"

"Can I go twenty?" I ask her but she laughs.

"What? Not sweet enough? Still salty?"

Only Betty would get the joke. "You know Archie still doesn't get that..."

I walk into her kitchen and lean in the hallway frame, watching her but not wanting to seem like I was watching her. Though if I could, I would stand here for the next five years watching her to make up for all that time I didn't see her. "Archie doesn't get what? Archie doesn't get a lot of things, you know that Jug."

"You're right," I say quietly. "Archie doesn't get a lot of things. That's why we love him."

"Ever the neutral friend." She spins on her heels and then walks over to the back door. "Come on, let's go outside and you can smoke and I can laugh and it will be like it was way back when."

I frown and I search for something to say. An apology would be a great start but I don't even want to acknowledge how much of an idiot I am, so I will save that. "You will do that for me? Where's my lecture? I have my good ears on," I say pulling down my beanie. "You will really do that for your old pal Jug?"

"Jughead, you know I will do anything for you," she says, so lightly I could see the words from her mouth floating in the air above me. Her easy smile forming on her lips.

Don't you know I would do anything for you too?

She stands in front of the door and jerks her head for me to get it, I swing it open and see a table and chairs so I take a seat in one and she puts down a cup in front of me. "Thanks."

"White with three sugars, right? At first, I thought black but I'm thinking that's you in the morning, harsh, dark, hating life," she says with a wink.

"You remember?" I say with a laugh. "You've got the memory of an elephant."

"It's been five years, not fifty!"

"It feels like fifty," I tell her honestly.

She just frowns at me and takes a sip of her tea. "Tell me the grand adventures of Jughead Jones. Don't miss anything out. I want to hear your voice, I missed it."

I get a pounding headache almost instantly. How can I talk when she makes me almost bite my tongue clean off? I feel a little panicked, like I will never be able to form words again. I should be accustomed to this feeling because Betty has always made me feel a little out of this world. Does she realise she's almost put me into cardiac arrest? Because it doesn't seem like it, in saying that, Betty was never one to double back on her words. "The grand adventures, huh?"

"The good, bad and the ugly," she concludes.

"Well I got a job at the radio station?" I say shrugging. "I work with a girl; her name is Crystal."

"Crystal, huh?"

"You don't know her, she's not from around here."

Betty smiles at me and puts her cup up to her lips again. "What else? How's your dad?"

"Still lives in the dungeon," I tell her. "Still the same."

She sighs and shakes her head. "That's not good."

"Not good at all."

"And your writing?"

"Ah," I say, "The non-existent writing..."

"And why is it non-existent?" she asks and I feel like a kid whose mom was giving them a lecture. "You're so good at it."

I open and close my mouth, wondering what to say and how do I explain that I lost the spark for writing when she left my world? Is that even a valid excuse? Writers channel inspiration based off their losses but I channel mine from not much at all when it used to be the energy she spread through my mundane life. "I haven't had the time," I reply.

"You have to find the time, it's not like you have commitments, is it?"

I glance at her from the side and try and figure out if that comment was really her trying to figure out if I had committed myself to something or more so, _someone_. "My commitment is the station, you know me, dedicated to my work," I say with a small laugh.

She bites her lip and nods. "Dedicated to food more like."

We sit quietly for a while and Betty barely moves at all. "So, what about you? I didn't think you'd end up a High School teacher. I thought you'd be more drawn to the snotty nosed kind of student; the little ones."

"You still have a way with words, both magical and horrible at the same time."

"You could probably say the same thing about the hormone driven teens you're teaching."

"Don't be like that, Juggie," she says throwing a leaf at me. "You were one of them!"

"Me?" I scoff. "Barely. I was restrained and poetic," I say lifting my head as if some sort of regal upper class heart throb.

"Poetic? Yes. Restrained? I dunno..." she says with a wink.

We both laugh in unison. Like it was the funniest thing we had ever heard. "I had to be restrained," I joke. "Your mom was home a hell of a lot in our last year at High School."

"She probably stayed home so much to make sure I didn't turn out like Polly," she laughs at first then her face drops, eyes darkening.

"How is Polly?" I ask quickly. "How's her kids?"

She smiles to herself and starts nodding. "Yeah, Polly is great. Ellie and Jace aree amazing. I love them both so much, they... They really helped me when I was away."

The spit in my mouth can barely make its way down my throat and I feel myself getting hot even though the beginning of spring breeze still holds onto winter as tightly as it can. "I would imagine that's what family is for." I reply.

"True," she says. "Very true."

I sigh. "I shouldn't have said that, I know exactly that's what family is for."

"V would kill for you and Archie, well, we all know what Archie's done for you over the years," she adds chuckling. "You got a good family. How's Jellybean?"

Finally, a reason to smile. "Still a young god," I tell her. "Still the coolest person I know. Still full of demands. I want to get her here..."

"Do it!" Betty says, grinning at me. "I'd love to see her!"

"I want to," I say cautiously. "But I'm always getting her to stay with Archie and V so she doesn't have to stay with dad but... I don't know... I'm too much for them."

Betty scoffs. "As if they'd care if your sister stays during break, she can come and stay here!"

I shake my head at Betty with a laugh. "Hey JB," I say "You stay with Betty, I know you haven't seen her in five years, but come and crash on her sofa!"

"She won't be crashing on any sofa, Jones. She'll be staying in my spare room so you shut it!" she says sternly.

I just nod and take a sip of my coffee. "We'll see what happens."

"We will not be seeing anything, it _will_ be happening."

"I've never been one to argue with you, Betts, so whatever you say."

"Good to know you still know your place."

My place could be anywhere when it came to her. She could tell me I was to be a permanent fixture of her outdoor area and I would be more than happy if it meant I could sit here forever talking with her.

Though the small talk was going better than I had imagined and as typical as it sounds, it was as if we picked up from where left off, I needed to know, was there some huge thing I was missing here? Did she have a boyfriend? Would he turn up at any moment and destroy our reminiscing? Something in me tells me that Crystal was right, she must have a husband. "Betts, do you live here alone?" I actually hear her gulp down the tea and her eyes grow huge. Shit, I knew it. "Shit," I say out loud. "Sorry, I didn't mean to say that..."

"No!" Betts says waving her hands in the air. "I mean – yes."

I jerk my head back. "Sorry, I completely misread all of those cues, I thought I was better at reading people's reactions..."

She laughs nervously. "Juggie, you and your bloody cues."

"I just assumed..."

"No," she says a little more convincingly. "I did have... but..."

My heart slows a little more. I now know she doesn't have a guy that might come in and ruin my late-night coffee, that's great to know. "Didn't work out, huh?"

"You could say that," she says standing, she turns to face her own chair and starts taking off her jacket. "But there is something I really need to tell you."

She turns slowly and I put my coffee cup on the table and reach for a cigarette but before I can light it, I see exactly what she's about to tell me.

Underneath that jacket was a tight blouse and I knew the curves of her hips, the swell of her breasts and the smoothness of her arms but, there was one thing I didn't know and that was a small bump that was her stomach.

I was there throughout Veronica's pregnancy with Abel. I was there when she chundered over my Docs, I was there when she found out she was pregnant, found out Abel was a boy, her first break down when she thought she was going to be the worst mother in the world. Right now, I was staring at the swelling stomach of Betty Cooper and it stood out so clearly to me that I wondered if it was crystal ball, it glowed almost as if maybe, stupidly in my mind, it was the child of Christ himself.

I hear a sniff and I look up at Betty, chucking my cigarette on the table and then I shove off the ground myself to stand. "Betts, are you ok?" I say, rushing over to pull her in my arms.

I feel the sobs racking through her body, her nails digging into my back to pull me closer and now feel us, stomach to stomach, the bump close against me. The trees rustled, the breeze picked up. Yet again the weather is talking to me, making it known that we are the only two people in Riverdale. "I'm not ok, Jug. I'm ruined... I'm – I'm fucked."

I push against her, resting my forehead against her, forcing her head up to look at me in the eye. Blue against blue, nose to nose. "Don't say that!"

She sobs against my forehead and sniffs again. "He didn't want me, the baby. I haven't seen him in months. I'm four months, Jug, it's just me!"

I rummage around in my head to try and figure out something to say, something comforting, some appropriate above all else. "Did you not learn from your sister?" I ask. "Because if she heard you talk like that, she'd get you," I say in what I hope is a calming voice.

She laughs through a sob. "I'm screwed Jug, I'm all alone, I don't know what to do!"

"Did Archie and V know?" I ask her, my serious face on.

She nods. "Don't get mad at them, I made them promise not to tell you, I wanted to tell you myself. Please," she says sobbing even louder. "I just don't know what to do."

I nod and sigh, I take my beanie off so I can pull at my hair. At first, I feel anger. Who left her? Who the hell leaves the sun to live in the cold and damp of world that isn't filled with Betty? Who the hell had the guts to just up and leave? To forget that there's a human that belong to you and you don't want part of that? "I want to kill whoever did this, Betts. I do."

She nods. "I figured you would. I just need to figure this out and my parents, shit, you know them, Jug, and Polly has enough on her plate -" I cut her off.

I sigh and look back up from my boots. "Don't worry, Sunlight," I try and say as calmly as possible. "Uncle Juggie knows a thing or two about babies, don't worry your pretty little head."

She laughs and throws herself to hug me again. "You've always been the best person in my world," she says with a sigh. "And I haven't heard anyone call me Sunlight in forever..."

"Hey, don't say that," I say jokingly. "The kid will hate me before they even come out knowing their mother favours me over them," I say with a wink.

She laughs and shoves at my shoulder. "Damn you, Jughead."

Her laugh was so much like the sun, I felt burnt free of the cold I had embraced for the last five years of solitude.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Give me love and in turn, I will give you a love as unwavering as Jughead's is for Betty. Find me on tumblr at weheartscorose. I'm annoying and needy and I post trash all over my blog but I'm kind?


	4. As easy as breathing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter in which Jughead learns how easy it is to be with Betty again.

  


** Chapter four **

_It was as easy as breathing, laughing again._

_And everyone knows that with laughter, comes tears._

* * *

Things seem to run in slow motion.

It started when Ronnie walked in, black coffee with three sugars. It was both bitter and sweet in my mouth and even though, for the first time in months, I was up before the piercing shriek of both my alarm and Abel, I was running on time though every movement was in slow motion.

I could see every muscle in Veronica's face move and tense in an upward motion to create a smile. I could almost pinpoint every dark hair on her head as she realised I had come in late. I saw her face contort when I questioned why she never told me the truth. Her mind ticking away so slowly, trying to come up with an excuse.

People are bound by loyalty and it made me realise just how far one would go to keep that loyalty intact. Ronnie and Archie were bound by loyalty to Betty, it is a great trait to hold on to. They swore somewhat of an oath, to not be honest to me, their brother in arms I guess.

Did Archie stay up at night, wanting to tell me the truth? Did Ronnie look me in the eye so many times from the day of Betty's grand return, wanting to tell me truth? Or was it something that didn't even cross her mind? Where did the loyalty start and end?

The loyalty went full circle. The loyalty came right back to me and challenged me. Where did my loyalty start and end?

It started at Betty and it ends at Betty. She's pregnant and she needs help. I have a loyalty to Betty and there is no more to it than I would walk to the ends of the earth, barefooted, shards of glass, just to ensure she would never feel alone again. But the downside is, my life has been running in slow motion since she came back and it didn't matter how many late nights, coffees or cigarettes or even swigs of whiskey I had, I don't think anything has felt the same or run in normal time since.

Ronnie's grin was not so hard to decipher and I groan as I see her looming over me. "Just let me be late in peace," I beg her. "Please."

"You're awake at its five-thirty, you're doing good, Jughead."

"I don't want to do good."

"You're doing good," she insists. "Get up, let's go outside."

"I need to shower," I say rolling over to put my head in my pillow. "I need to sleep."

"Sleep is for those who are weak," she states matter-of-factly. "Sleep when you're dead!"

" _Kill_ me then," I say childishly. "Let me sleep."

She starts ripping my curtains open, lacking all respect to the items that keep the sun out of both my life and room. "You're arguing which means you're awake which means get the hell up and tell me all about last night!"

Last night? "She told me she's having a baby," I grumble. "Quite a huge piece of information for you to keep to yourself, V."

I hear her sigh and I feel the weight shift on my bed, she's made herself at home I see. I don't pull my head out of my pillow to see her but I know she's thinking of what to say next. "You know we couldn't, Juggie. It's her story to tell."

"It's not a story, Ronnie," I say with a groan. "It's actually a vital piece of information."

"I know," she says with a groan matching mine. "But look at it from our perspective."

I fling back my blanket and get up to sit at the edge of my bed, Ronnie crossing her legs on my bed too and facing me. "Fine," I say, rubbing my temples. "Listening and looking from your diamond laced perspective."

She pulls at the necklace around her neck, tapping her fingers on the jewellery. "Pearls, actually."

"Pearls," I correct myself, taking the cup of coffee from her hands. "Right."

"If it makes you feel better, we didn't know until we saw her too."

"It makes me feel like planets have collided and if you think that makes me feel better, then so be it."

Ronnie sighs and shoves me with her foot and her face screws. "Do you ever just say something a little, you know, _normal_? I'm all for your animated complaints but god, you must spend a lot of time trying to think up quips."

I throw a pillow at her and she manages to dodge it, scowling at me in the meantime. "What's your grand explanation for your silence, Ronnie?" I ask. "Because the last thing I want to do is be late," I say with a wink.

She laughs and takes a sip from her own coffee. "I'm sorry for not telling you, Jug. But we didn't want to hurt you."

"Hurt me? Why would it hurt me? Betty and I were friends before anything else and now, we're still friends before anything else..." I say a little weakly.

She gives me a small smile, "That's great," Ronnie says gently. "Betty needs all the friends she can get at the moment. After what that bastard done!" she throws her fist in the air as if to upper cut someone.

Hurt. So many varying shades of hurt and Archie and Veronica's incessant need to protect me.

"Why do you think that I'm just going to let this go? I'm quite good at remaining stone faced."

Ronnie shakes her head and stands up. "We Lodge women get what we want."

"You haven't been able to use that line in years, Andrews."

"Come on, get up, get moving!" she nags and I contemplate doing just that.

But all I can imagine is a knife in my back, the very one I always dream of when I'm unsure.

* * *

_All that is gone_  
All that's to come  
And everything under the sun is in tune  
But the sun is eclipsed by the moon

Eclipse by Pink Floyd finishes up and makes me miss Jellybean even more but my silence did not stop Crystal from harping on at me.

"You saw her then? The oh so unapproachable Betty Cooper of Jughead's former life?" Cryss says laughing.

I nod and flick to the next song playing. "More _untouchable_ than unapproachable. She's very approachable, actually. She would help anyone in need... well, the old her anyways."

Cryss eyes me from across the way and smirks at me, making me feel a little stupid. "I see you've figured out that thing have not changed."

Maybe time and space did not change anything. Riverdale might be caught in a time warp, maybe we did not age, maybe we did not change at all. "A lot changed," I say sighing.

Cryss raises an eyebrow; "Oh?" she says, "Go on."

Where did I start? With the length of Betty's hair? With the change of tone in lipstick? Or how she still uses the same chap-stick and she still wears her hair in a ponytail? The subtleties that never change. "She's pregnant," I confess. "That has in fact changed. I guess if it hadn't changed since the last time I saw her then that would be a completely different story."

Crystal gasps then claps her hand to her mouth. "Yeah because you'd be the dad," she adds weirdly.

I just look at her and shake my head. "You say the weirdest things; do you know that?"

"What!" she laughs. "You said it would have been weird if she had a four-year pregnancy!"

"Five." I correct her. "But yeah, she is in fact pregnant."

"Who's the lucky sod, then?"

I stare at Crystal and put my index finger in the air as if I had an idea. "That's the tricky part."

"I do love tricky parts, continue."

"Some dick head left her and that's why she's rolled up in Riverdale."

Crystal's mouth drops and her eyes grow huge but then holds up her hand for me to pause. "Good afternoon Riverdale! Another wet day out there but nothing a bit of R'n'B can't fix!"

"Let's listen to the best R'n'B hits of the nineties to brighten things up, but before that, another new release from our very own Pussy Cats!" I add.

We switch off.

"So," Crystal starts. "She's back in Riverdale because she's been knocked up?"

"Shush!" I hiss. "Don't say that, it's not nice!" I whine like a kid.

Crystal nods. "Sorry. Looks like things are a hell of a lot more complicated, huh?"

"Huh," I conclude.

"And how do you feel about all of this?"

Shocked? Saddened? Worried? "I feel like I just gotta be there, like the old days."

"Something tells me that she wishes it were the old days too."

* * *

Plumes of steam shot out in front of us, transparency on the grey of the day. Transparency was swiftly becoming one of my favourite words and the more I say it out loud, the more I hope that the surrounds of my life would adapt to this new transparent world I was trying to create.

Archie had Ronnie locked in his arms as we waited for our coffees though as much as he doesn't want to admit that he might be avoiding me, he was making a mighty fine point of not looking at me. That mixed with the five-minute tardiness proved that he was in fact, avoiding me.

I want to step outside for a cigarette but Ronnie has insisted on sitting indoors in order to avoid wetting an expensive pair of shoes and as I watch them standing in front of me, I can see she's tapping said shoes on the concrete floor. "If you wore Docs you wouldn't have this problem."

"If I wore Docs then I would be dead."

"Or a punk rocker?" Archie adds. He laughs a little then stops.

They grab the coffees and sit down next to me, I feel a long conversation and maybe an added two coffees coming on and this point is solidified because Archie has brought me a muffin as well. "What have I done to deserve such a treat?" I grumble. "What have I done to also deserve a lecture?"

Archie opens and closes his mouth, thinking what to say next. "Sorry, Dude. I didn't know how to tell you about Betty. I'm not lecturing you either."

"Neither did anyone else, apparently."

Ronnie frowns and reaches to grab my hand. "She's had such a hard time, Juggie. She's alone, the father is a fucking prick!"

Archie elbows her and she glares at him. "A witch hunt isn't going to solve anything," he warns his wife.

"You're right," she snaps back. "Only murder will."

"Woah, woah!" I say throwing my hands up. "I've had my fair share of questionings for murder, I don't want to sign up for anymore!"

We all laugh in unison then take a sip from our cups, Archie pipes up. "She's real down, I've never seen her like that. And I don't want any more murder questionings on your behalf either, Jug."

"Well Archiekins, _you_ get pregnant to someone and then have the monster leave you and then tell me how you feel."

"I just thought it wouldn't have affected her so much, you know, with Polly and all..."

It's like watching a sparring match. Archie versus Veronica, Veronica clearly winning as always. I get a small amount of satisfaction and amusement from their petty fights, I always have. They continue on as a stare at the muffin in front of me.

"I think she gets lonely at home and you know how her mom, she's always on her back then the stress of the pregnancy and then _working_ , it's so much for her," Ronnie ends.

I nod and pull my hat down further on my head, wishing it would swallow my body. "I don't know much about adult stuff..."

"It's not adult stuff, Juggie!" she argues.

"I'm not good at adulting."

Archie laughs and takes some of the muffin. "We weren't ever good at adulting to begin with," he says through bites.

"Oh, you two, laugh all you like but our friend needs our help so we will be helping her! So, grow up!"

Archie looks from me to Ronnie. "You always get what you want, don't you?"

"Is it working? Will you two listen to me and help our friend out?"

I just shrug but she kicks me under the table. "Ouch, V!" I whine. "Ok! Whatever you say."

"We Lodge women always get what we want," she says raising an eyebrow and flashing us her smile.

"I told you this morning, you can't use that line anymore," I say as I reach down to rub my leg.

Archie puts his head in his hands. "What do you want us to do?"

Ronnie sips at her own coffee. "We need to make sure she has vitamins, proper clothing, food, gets to her appointments!"

"She's an adult, babe, not a baby!" Archie says.

Ronnie rolls her eyes. "She's bringing a baby into the world, same diff?"

They keep bickering a little more; more static noise. Was V right? Was Betty all alone? Did she have no one? Did she really need vitamins? Appointments? I remember Ronnie had so many appointments. Was she ok? Did she need help?

Maybe she just needs a shake from Pops for starters, and maybe for once, I would enter the belly of the beast.

* * *

I didn't know what I was supposed to be looking for but I thought that the antenatal section of the drug store might be a good start. I browsed through the counter full of candy first as a way to ease myself into a very uncomfortable feeling of browsing and I thought of the candy as perhaps an incentive to continue on.

Veronica had made it very clear that Betty would need vitamins. Though not my typical gift to offer someone when visiting their home, but practicality would be something that both Betty and Ronnie would appreciate and if it earned me more brownie points with Ronnie, then possibly I would be seeing a bit of freshly baked brownie when I get home one day after work in the near future.

I don't know where the cold sweats came from or the rapid racing in my chest, but I had nothing to worry about, did I?

The feeling of non-worry is short lived when I hear a shriek; "Oh my god! What is this?"

All pale skin and legs obstructs my view with a very obnoxious laugh and candy apple lips. Cheryl slams a palm against the wall in front of me and I do not spend much effort in trying to hide my groan. "Cheryl," I try to say without dripping too much poison into my voice. "What a surprise."

"Pleasant?" she asks, grinning at me without blinking.

"No," I say not meeting her eyes, "Not really."

"Please explain what you're doing here, I need something to call in about tomorrow morning at the station, we all know your little girlfriend likes to let me through the lines."

Note to self: Don't let Crystal let Cheryl through the lines.

"I am shopping for necessities, Cheryl. You see, people like me, we have to do our own shopping, unlike the Blossoms who still have servants to do it for them," I say trying to walk past Cheryl, but she doesn't let me through, acting like somewhat of a human shield.

"Necessities, Johnny Depp? In the antenatal section? I don't know what you guys do in that radio station, but it looks like a little presenter might be joining the crew... how sweet."

I look up to look in her piercing eyes and I can see the grin that she always wears when enjoying the unravelling of people so I try my hardest not to unravel in her hands. "Ok, I admit it," I say, thinking of the fastest way to rid myself of her royal leech-ness, "Happy?"

Cheryl just shrugs; "Au revoir, Johnny Depp."

And just like the shit storm she is, she's off in a cloud of red and pink.

There are so many bottles. Blues, pinks, whites, yellows, varying bottles all claiming to be the cure for low iron and silica boosters or encouraging milk flow and pumping up calcium for bones. Why couldn't this be more straight forward? Why did Cheryl interrupt me? Couldn't she see I was trying to make a very important decision? I have at least fifteen bottles here to choose from.

What would I even do with these vitamins? Wrap them up if gift paper and write a short, endearing message on a card. Something like _'thanks for coming home, here's some vitamins to celebrate'_? Would she appreciate the gift? Is it considered a gift?

To stop myself from thinking things over too hard, I grab the closest bottle off the shelf and head up to the counter.

"Just these?" a teenaged girl asks me, obviously not enthralled by the job and I truly hope she's at least daydreaming about all the things she could be doing once pay day rolls around.

I just nod and pull my beanie down tighter on my head. "You don't happen to have gift paper, do you?"

She looks from the vitamins and up to me. "Uh..."

"Sorry," I say, laughing awkwardly. "Maybe a gift bag?"

She eyes me again and then the bottle, her face screwing up. "For these?"

I shrug and put my hands in my pocket, I feel my face turning red. Never did I think I would be having such a conversation but it makes me wonder just how far I would go for one Betty Cooper's return. "A gift for a friend?" I ask.

"Right," she says reaching under the counter. "I have this, and a pink bow," she adds pulling out a plain brown paper bag.

I assume this is as close to gift wrapping as I will get tonight so I nod. "I'll take it. How much?"

"You don't have to pay for the bag..." she says sighing. "And I won't charge you for the bow."

"That's mighty nice of you," I say a little too sarcastically but the girl sniggers.

"It's a little sad if this is what you're buying your girlfriend for her present so I'll make it a little better for her."

I just take the bag and bow off the bench. "She's not my girlfriend," I turn to walk away. "And I don't think I can stomach a shake!" I say out loud. I have officially lost my mind.

* * *

I zoomed through the streets of Riverdale, believing if I didn't get to Betty's in the next ten minutes, I might change my mind and never get there at all.

I turned corners with a cigarette hanging out of my mouth and the bottle of vitamins seemed to grow on the chair next to me. I questioned myself a dozen times by the time I got to Betty's driveway. Was it weird? A little creepy? Surely, she understood that I knew a thing or two about babies and pregnancy. I was practically Ronnie's doctor without the qualifications.

Or the knowledge.

The slow motion kicked in again once I was outside of Betty's door. I feel like I'm supposed to have a plan, my life was continually the same route but this was not part of it. I was supposed to head home, Ronnie would have organised my dinner and if not, Archie and I would fight it out until the loser had to cook, which was often me, because, as sad as it seems, he has quite a bit of muscle on me. Abel would be strapped to my leg for a while until his mother took him from me, my laptop would be willing and waiting. My evening coffee would often lead into my two AM coffee and I would be rummaging around, trying to gather together what little sleep I could. I wasn't supposed to be here at Betty's house with a make-shift gift that she will find bizarre.

Betty wasn't supposed to be in Riverdale at _all_.

My hand felt so heavy as I struggled to lift it up to knock on Betty's door. It was ironic considering I used to fall into her bedroom without so much as an invite, I could have spent hours on the plush, white carpet, tapping on the keyboard, waiting for Betty to come home and when she would she'd uplift the entire room, discarding lace and pink on the ground, laying down next to me as we spoke about the smallest things that were, at the time, giants to us.

Before I could think any more about a lace covered Betty, my fist knocks soundly on the door of her place and I hear rushing around behind it. Shit. I disrupted something.

I take a step back instinctively, was it too late to chuck the weirdest gift in history on ground and try and make out like it was some random delivery? Or has she already figured out that the heap of tin in the driveway belonged to me? There is not enough time to rethink my plan because a click at the door tells me that Betty is opening the door. "Juggie!" she says, slightly out of breath. "What are you doing here?"

I'm not sure of the answer myself but I hold the packaged vitamins in front of me, somewhat like a shield, "A gift," I mumble. I clear my throat. "From one friend to another."

"A gift?" she says, looking down at my hands. I feel a lump in my throat that I don't try and clear and then instantly wished that I had brought dad's flask with me. I need to occupy my hands, my mind. She was wearing a pair of jeans that I almost believed that I may have recognised, even after five years, and a tank top. The small swell of her stomach seemed to suit her, and if possible, she glowed even more than usual which she also suited. I quickly look way from her stomach and up to her face, blushing.

"A small gift, practicality at its finest," I explain. "Uh, it's a little stupid but V swears you need them, so naturally, I bowed to her."

Betty laughed tip toed as she grabbed the gift from me, she brushed her lips on my cheek, burning it in the meantime. "So, it will either be something practical, as you say or -" I cut her off.

"Or something extremely worthless but worth a lot of money," I say.

"Exactly, but knowing you -"

"It will be something practical as I don't do money," I add.

We both laugh and I rock back on the heels of my feet, smiling at Betty. She looks back in her house and holds out a hand. "Do you want to come in?" she asks.

I just nod as she turns to walk inside, not even bothering to hear my answer but it was a definite yes. It was an unwinding of her life in front of me, small trinkets showed me that she had definitely made herself a _new_ world in Riverdale. She had let me in to her tiny world and even though the pictures up in the house were packed with familiar faces, Kevin and Betty in an embrace outside Sheriff Keller's house, Archie, Betty and myself as kids on Fred's door step, Ronnie and Betty with a pregnant Polly, there were also a group of faces I didn't know, partying in a dorm and College swimming carnivals. Betty's home was a world of both the old and the new.

I made myself at home as much as I could in Betty's living room. I kicked off my Docs near her coffee table and put my legs up to cross under me but the strategically placed flowers made me feel like she had a little more of her mom in her than she'd care to accept. "Your house is so..."

"Pink?"

" _Pink_ ," I repeat. "You could say that."

She laughs as I hear a glass of soda being poured and her soft footsteps following behind her. "You used to always say how pink my room was."

"You used to always say how you were going to change that, liar, huh?"

Betty stands in front of me, stomach in line with my eyesight and glass of soda in hand too, but she shoves my shoulder with her free hand and frowns at me. "I just like flowers, ok?"

"Lilies," I reply. "I know that."

Betty falls next to me and puts her feet up on the coffee table, sipping away at her own soda. "My mom would kill me," she says with a sigh, leaning her head back on the cushions.

If I had a dollar for every time Betty thought her mom was going to kill her in her life, I would be very rich, Alice Cooper was all for murder and apparently, even her own daughter's. "Mrs Cooper still have it in for the trouble maker Jug. Head.?" I tease, mimicking how her mom always said my name.

Betty smirks to herself. "Not because you're here, because of the soda. Fifteen teaspoons of sugar in this soda, you know Juggie?"

"Ah," I say lifting my own to my lips. "But it's making you feel better, right? Fifteen perfect teaspoons."

Betty leans her shoulder into mine, it had been a long time since I felt the weight of Betty on me. The weight of her body and skin, the weight of her words in my mind. Both my own body and mind are oh so accepting of her weight, like it had never been deprived of it at all. "So many things have made me feel better since I've been home, it's like I've..."

"Seamlessly fit back into Riverdale?"

Betty gives me a small smile and nods. "Yeah, does that sound weird?"

Not as weird as the thought of it felt when I heard she was back. "Not at all."

"I just thought, well, I don't know. Archie and V have this big, normal, adult life and Kev, him and Joaquin... You..."

I try not to think too much of her words but how could I not? My days had never consisted with a visit to Betty's but now, I'm here for the second time in a week and as much as it has disrupted my usual flow, I can't imagine being anywhere else right now. "It's good to have you back," I say easily. "Things weren't the same without you around."

Betty seems to tense next to me and she runs a finger around the rim of her glass. "I wish I had never left, then..." she trials off yet again.

I can almost feel the sadness in the air, like maybe it would shift if I just moved my hands above us. Betty always had a sensitivity to others sadness, always trying to make people feel better about their situations and themselves. Betty could pinpoint a person's sadness and attempt to fix it. I wish I had the same knack, it would have been handy right about now because I just tell she's sad herself. We were two meet ups in and already I wanted to protect her. "What do you say about a visit to Pop's?"

She won't even look up from her glass of soda. "I'm sorry for being such a Debbie Downer." she mutters.

" _Betty_ Downer," I correct her then instantly feel stupid. "Sorry, bad timing as are most of my jokes."

She laughs a little humourlessly but looks up at me, tears almost forming. "No, don't be. I don't need people treating me differently, I'm sick of it."

I nod and put my arm over her shoulders, knocking my glass to hers. "Cheers, Sunlight."

"Thanks, Romeo," she says then she perks up a little. "You bought me a gift!"

I feel my face creeping up red again and I curse myself internally for even attempting to buy that stupid gift, if that's even what you could call it. "Uh, maybe open it a little later, I was heavily influenced by the persuasive Veronica Andrews and I think I'd rather you open it later when I'm not here to suffer."

"Don't even try, Juggie," she says practically throwing herself from the sofa. "I'm opening my gift!"

If I was to ever wake up from a dark, twisted, nightmare it would be now. I don't often put myself in situations where I am publicly an idiot, those days have long passed me by, but the racing in my chest doesn't let up and I feel the slow motion kicking in again as her long fingers reach for the brown paper bag and start toying with the pink bow. "Betts..." I give up weakly when she speaks.

"Feels heavy," she says eyeing in curiously. "What the heck is it?"

If it didn't seem so wrong on many levels, I feel I might have pushed her out of the way and taken the 'gift' from her hands. But I am resigned to humiliation now and I want to shove the blame to Veronica, if she wasn't so damn concerned about Betty all the time and her best interests, I don't think I would be here, face burning and mind in over drive, thinking up a million lies and excuses to why this was really some practical joke.

I hear the tearing of paper.

Said paper is discarded on the floor.

Betty eyes the bottle and then looks up at me. "Vitamins?" she asks.

I open and close my mouth before just lifting my shoulders into a shrug. "Surprise? You still like surprises, right?"

I'm still laying on the sofa, a little more uncomfortably I might add, but then all of a sudden Betty comes flying over to the sofa too, leaning down to wrap me in her arms. "This has to be the most thoughtful thing anyone has done for me in a long time!" she says, I feel tears staining my shirt but I hug her back.

The slow motion let go a little, things were speeding up in all the wrong times. I could have gone another ten days in this embrace, just to remind myself a little more that this is how things used to feel five years ago. There were so many other reminders that things weren't in the past of five years ago, we are five years ahead where Archie and Ronnie were married, Betty was home again and she needed a friend. I had to let go of the old feelings, fast forward to the new world.

Vanilla stuck to me as Betty stepped back. "I know pregnancy makes a girl emotional, I have been on the receiving end of a V attack," I say with a laugh.

Betty sits back down on the sofa and laughs too, sniffing and wiping her eyes. "I don't mean to cry, but you're right, things just set me off!"

I pat her thigh and turn to look at her. "I think we need shakes from Pop's."

"Does he still make the best vanilla shakes?" she asks, sniffing again. "I would kill for one and I haven't even had one since I've been home."

"He sure does, Sunlight!" I say clapping then searching for my keys. I didn't have the guts to tell her I haven't stepped foot in there since the day she left Riverdale.

I pull out my phone, words coming to me like floodwaters – I needed to jot a few things down.

_It was as easy as breathing, laughing again._

_And everyone knows that with laughter, comes tears._

I don't want there to be tears shed, but I feel that maybe there would be.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi my loves, leave me some love and in turn, I will love you? I'd love feedback.


	5. Bright Lights of Pop's

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter in which Jughead faces Pop's

** Chapter Five **

_How to completely shatter a heart with gaping wounds of a sixteen-year-old boy who couldn't bring himself to drop his universe just to be a speck in her ever-turning world_.

* * *

I was stuck in the middle.

Literally.

The overcrowded space that I would usually share with no one was infested with shoulders and knees and toes touching my legs. Is this really, what parents do when their kids have been palmed off to their grandparents?

Over take someone else's bed?

I appreciate the thought, they thought I was lonely and I needed company but it had been a long time since Veronica assumed that I _wasn't_ a person who enjoyed the peace and quiet, and well, it had been a long time since Archie and I had shared the same bed and-or bedroom.

Ronnie had described it as a slumber party and had insisted that I be excited about it; I feel Archie just wanted to know the gossip. I kick out both my legs in an attempt to hurt them, I succeed because Archie says; "Ouch, dude!"

"You know that you have your own bed to lie in, right?" I say, trying to turn onto my stomach so they can both see that I just want to sleep!

I thought we had agreed that Riverdale was finally on its way to moving on, Betty's presence was no longer making things run in slow motion and the high alert, like a storm warning, was stood down.

"Slumber party!" Ronnie says cheering. "I miss my son," she adds with a frown.

Archie has a strange expression on his face that told me that maybe, deep down, he wished that Abel was added to the slumber party so I stop trying to ignore them. "Isn't a slumber party supposed to have food at the very least? Popcorn, ice creams, candies... The list could go on."

Archie laughs and nudges my shoulder. "I heard you went to Pop's with Betty."

" _Ah_ ," I start, "And this is why you need to get the information from the horse's mouth rather than someone else's," I tell him.

Ronnie rolls her eyes and moves her hair out of her face, slinking deeper into the bed. "It was _A_ horse's mouth, though."

"Betty told me, this morning when I met her for coffee in the staff room," Archie explains.

I put my hand up to speak. "That particular horse is misinforming."

"I don't know if she would appreciate being referred to as a _horse_ , Jug," Ronnie says laughing. "I wouldn't anyway."

"A metaphorical horse – otherworldly," I reply. "More like a unicorn."

"No shake then, huh?" Archie says. "Come to think of it, she said you guys were thinking about going to Pop's for a shake, she didn't say if you did or didn't."

I had insisted we go to Pop's but I was thankful that we didn't go. Pop's was proof that I didn't move on so well from the past. When we were seventeen, after the shit storm that was Jason Blossom, we would meet there every night, sometimes with swollen lips, other times with eyes falling out of our head from studying all night, sometimes from lying in each other's arms all night. Pop's was the tradition of plain vanilla shakes and fries. Pop's was like our church and we ever the followers. I'm glad we didn't make it to Pop's. I don't think I could stand the sickly-sweet taste of his shakes after five years.

"What else did she say?" I ask, trying to act cool but I feel I came across a little, _eager_?

Did she tell them we stayed up until late, talking, laughing, only talking about the past of Riverdale and not her grand escape thereafter?

Archie just shrugs. "Fill in the blanks, will you?"

I lie back again, grabbing a pillow from Ronnie's lap and putting it over my head. "No blanks, guys. Just a lot of catching up, which I am also planning on doing with my sleep."

I hear them both sigh and laugh a little before hopping out of my bed. "Maybe we have a bit of catching up to do, too, Mister Andrews."

I don't even hear any words coming from Archie's mouth, just a low toned growl.

* * *

_How to completely shatter a heart with gaping wounds of a sixteen-year-old boy who couldn't bring himself to drop his universe just to be a speck in her ever-turning world_.

I snap shut the laptop when Crystal signals for me to jump on air.

"Good afternoon, Riverdale! A shout out to the pick me up that is Coffee Club, half price coffees for the rest of the afternoon!" I say before flicking through my notes. This afternoon was my day for chat so I had put down a few notes to work off but nothing seemed to take my fancy. I could talk about the tragedy that was my car going flat last night at Betty's but that would be either an ongoing joke on the line for a while and I didn't want people to laugh at my expense, not when I struggled enough with both my car and people laughing at me. I could revisit River Vixen's Man's story but I didn't want to plough through the pile of fan questions to hunt his update down. It was heading to the end of the month which meant I would be spending next week at the High School with the Blue and Gold, helping kids write articles, asking me if I think their writing would earn them the big bucks one day, I was living proof. So, probably not. "As most of you know, I help out with the Blue and Gold once a month before the end of month big publish."

"Is writing something you've always been naturally good at, Jug?" Cryss asks me. "Or was it something you stumbled across?"

I chuckle a little and give my friend a small smile. "I don't know if I could say I am naturally good at it, but _enjoying_ it came naturally to me so I've always stuck with it."

"And staying looped in with the Blue and Gold?"

"Well," I say with a sigh. "I feel like it's sort of my thing to give back to the community, and if kids like writing, then I like helping them do it."

"Sounds like fun, can I join in one day?" she says, looking me in the eye.

"Sure, next week!" I tell her. "Back to the story though..."

"Yeah, keep going!"

"I'm not much older than these kids but my body is haggard and I don't eat many vegetables so let's say I feel like I have a couple of decades on them but this one kid, let's call him Harry," I say.

"Ok, Harry it is."

"Well, Harry had a thing about publishing his own musings. He was a great writer, poems and things like that, short stories that kept you guessing. One, a love story from the perspective of a wife who thought her husband was cheating on her and at the very, bitter, heart wrenching end, it turns out the wife was dead -"

Cryss cut me off. "I need to read this and be freaked for the rest of my life; how do I get my hands on this story?"

"I probably have a copy in my car, if it wasn't weird, I would have read it out over the station but Harry will know I dobbed on him, so I won't."

"You'll let me read it, right? I need to meet you, Harry!" Crystal announces over the air.

I put up my hand. "Anyways, Harry was always so self-conscious about his writing, all he ever did was publish his interviews – he sucked as an interviewer, sorry Harry, but his writing was amazing and made me question my own stuff!"

"He must have been good!"

"I get a package a few months ago from Harry, his first draft of a book, and he says that the reason why he wrote it was because I encouraged him to get his short stories out on the Blue and Gold, I sort of encouraged him, ok, I admit," I say laughing. "I told another person to publish it in the Blue and Gold and I think Harry hated me for it, but now look!" I exclaim. "He's on his way to writing!"

"I love these feel-good stories," Crystal says with a grin. "That's a cool story!"

"But I'm back at the Blue and Gold next week and I'm hoping another budding writer might be in the mix and they can do a piece on Harry, and that's why, Cryss, I still waste some of my days in that stuffy old room at the High School."

We wound up for the end of the day and I started packing up, tucking my Marlboros into my pocket and searching for the lighter which Crystal notices then she chucks it to me, thief.

"What are you up to tonight?" she asks, eyeing me from the side. "You coming over?"

Usually if we wound up later in the evening, I would go over to hers. Couple of beers later and chats out the back of her place turned into me biting her lower lip and her thighs creeping up mine but I hadn't been drawn to that in a while. Tonight, I wondered if the school down the block was going to have its lights on and if Betty was hungry, Ronnie said to make sure that Betty was properly fed, I know that the school was not often well equipped with food and Betty's mom was a good cook but not necessarily a friendly one. "Well..."

Crystal's sheet of hair swayed behind her as she reached to grab her bag then she spun on her heels to look at me. She smirked and chucked a smoke in the air for me to catch. "You're busy, huh?"

I bite my lip as a way to stop myself from making up excuses. I liked Crystal, she was probably one of my closest friends. I didn't ever think that maybe we'd become a _thing_ but now I'm questioning whether or not she thought that we would be. I wasn't a breaker of hearts, a creator of feelings. Crystal was just _Crystal_ to me and well, it included a few nights of sweat, sleep and I think on her behalf, sympathy.

I just nod. "Yeah, I promised Ronnie – I would – I don't know, keep an eye..."

I was shit at this.

Crystal just nods. "Ok, but don't become a stranger," she says patting me on the back as she walks past me to the door. "I don't need you becoming incognito, you know."

* * *

I stubbed out the cigarette Crystal chucked me with my Doc's. My breath floated in the air mixed with my own smoke and I looked at the building that seemed to feel like a scene out of a cheap horror movie. It was pitch black and I wondered where the rain had gone, I don't voice it though, it would be summoned in an instant.

Betty had told me she was hungry. It used to feel so natural messaging her but I think I get at least a small dose of anxiety when I message her these days. I remember back when we were sixteen and she figured out I didn't really have a home, I held on to so much embarrassment that every message she sent me for a solid six months brought on such a heap of anxiety, it would take me thirty minutes to just open the messages and read them, wondering if it would be the message where she couldn't be with someone like _me_. I don't think sixteen-year-old Jughead knew Betty at all. I think he wished he knew her better, earlier. Then he would have known Betty would never judge him for not having a home. Soon after Betty was used to me floating around or crashing with Archie. We're twenty-three and I'm still doing it, she's not harped on about it so far.

I feel my phone vibrate and as quickly as it ends, my thoughts move to wondering if maybe she's telling me she's not hungry anymore and I can head off on my own. Maybe she's not at the school at all and I'm standing out here looking like either a dork, or just a creep. Thankfully I'm snapped out of it when I hear the clicking of her heels on the concrete. I don't know if you can actually recognise a particular person's footsteps, but I feel like I can tell by the speed and the shifting of weight of Betty's steps. I had a good twenty years of pinpointing it.

I decide to speak before I end up looking like I have an eye problem, staring at her was quickly becoming one of my favourite things again. "Nurse off duty?" I ask.

"Hmm," she says as she clicks down the stairs. "Barely, I can't keep up with these kids."

She made her way to the front where I was standing and I felt a young god. Black back drop, hazing cold air and the faint scent of vanilla, a comforting flash of teeth from Betty and a heavy-set frown, she was hungry, she didn't lie about that. "You still frown when you're hungry, Betts?" I ask.

She giggles and nods, putting her hands deep in her pockets, "Mom told me to pop over for dinner tonight but your promise of a shake threw me," she says raising an eyebrow. "I could have done take out, Juggie, I know you're probably tired!"

"Don't worry about my eight solid hours of beauty sleep, you know I'm beautiful enough," I joke and I put my own hands in my pocket, not sure about what to do with these useless limbs. "Besides, I'm not the one carting around something that means I have to eat for two," I nod at her stomach.

She pulls out a hand and pats her stomach. "That'd be right because you've always eaten for three or four."

I copy her and pat my own stomach the same way she just did. "Hungry boys."

She laughs and shakes her head. "You've not changed at all!"

She was right, I hadn't. I remained the same and I wondered if that was a bad thing. Stone faced, stone hearted, holding on to the same feeling – stone dreams – ever consistent just like our beloved Riverdale. "Come on, Betts. Let's hit the neon lights of Pop's, see if he's got anything new on the menu."

"If he does, you gotta tell me what's the best, I got five years to catch up on!"

Gods, she didn't know that I had too.

We jumped into my hatch and I wound down the windows, classic style because God forbid I own anything that came from after the Nineties. Betty straps herself in and looks around the car, from the back to the front, then looks in the back again. "I mean, Fred did tell me you still had this car but I think that maybe I thought he was joking..." she says pulling at the quilt that covered a very distressed, faded back seat. "I hope you've at least cleaned this quilt!" she says laughing.

My face creeps up red. "Cleaned it?" I say biting my lip. "Nothing in this car has been cleaned, Betty."

Her jaw drops and her eyes grow wide, she shoves my shoulder. "Jug," she says giggling. "Please tell me that was a joke, your subtle jokes are still, very, _very_ hard to figure out."

"What?" I say, changing gears as we start down the road. "That would be considered laundry and Veronica has insisted she doesn't mind doing my clothing but anything else is out of bounds."

"We christened this car, Juggie."

I gulp loudly. Using the word ' _christened_ ' threw me. Fred had given me my first car, a heap of shit he had bought off Reggie's dad one summer after he got sick of carting Archie and I around. There were only so many kids he could move around the town and with the added extras of Ronnie and Betty, he soon got sick of it. I paid him back five dollars a week for so long, I don't even know if I ever did pay it off or if he just eventually stopped bugging me for the cash. On the first night after taking Veronica and Archie to hit the clubs and driving back to Thorn Hill to drop of a very unappreciative Cheryl Blossom, I picked up Betty, we didn't even make it to the end of her street when I was forced to park by a very eager and wandering hand...

Betty keeps her fingers digging into the back side of the driver's seat, I don't know what she's looking for but she seems to be happy with her continual interfering with the car. "We sure did," is all I can force out.

"Several times," she says then she turns to the glove box. "What's in here?" she says trying to open it.

_Shit_.

I slam it back shut when she wiggles the handle a bit. "Don't," I say quickly. "It's just my service book and a bunch of crap," I try to say calmly but she takes the opportunity when I have to change gears and I feel like hitting my head on the steering wheel.

"What's a bet whatever's in here is rubbish from the last time I was here," she says, fingering through receipts and burger wrappers. "What's this?"

My ears start to burn and I pull my hat down on my head, wishing it would engulf me. I'm not usually one for keeping trinkets and small tokens of affection, I didn't keep any reminders of my childhood with me – mom was in charge of that – I have a small collection of photos in my closet at home, but I did keep one thing in the car with me at all times.

She had it in her hands, her finger running over it. "It's nothing," I mumble.

Betty scoffs and then points at the photo. "This was the day you got the car!" she says laughing, grinning at the smiling faces in front of her. "Look, you, me, Kev, Archie and V! Oh, my god, it's like it was just yesterday!"

I briefly look at the faces myself and groan internally. It felt like it was yesterday, parked outside Fred's place, trying to keep my cool when really, I wanted to hug Fred so tight I wouldn't have let go. "Archie was such a shit driver back then, hardly Fast and the Furious material."

"Though you both thought you were Vin Diesel."

"Can you blame us? Though, we both had too much hair."

She chuckles again. "Do you ever wish we could go back to those days?"

"If I kept up with all the wishes, Sunlight, I would lose track."

"Hmm," she says quietly. "Same here."

We pull up to the neon lights of Pop's. It was busy tonight and I could already smell the shakes. Betty wastes no time in jumping out of the car, grinning at the lights like she's finally come home. She walks ahead as I stay in the car, was it so wrong of me to want to bang my head on the driver's wheel? Or think about driving away? Of course, it fucking was.

She left the photo on the dash and I pick it up. Kev laying on the bonnet as if it was some high ended European car or he was some sort of show girl. Ronnie and Archie laughing in the background.

But it was the two people in the front who only had eyes for each other, a blonde girl wrapped up in the arms of a shy, smiling boy. Hair flowing as he tilted her back, lips locked against not only each other's, but a smile.

I flip the photo over, reading the writing of Ronnie: _the love tale of Jughead and Betty_.

Oh Ronnie, if only you could predict the future.

* * *

I walk up to the steps of Pop's. The dim lights seeming so bright to me and both familiar and discomforting. Betty had already sat down at a booth, frowning. I chuckle to myself, surely, we didn't come all this way for her to be disappointed.

I make my way up to the booth and stand at the table, I don't know what I'm doing or why I'm standing here like I'm about to take her order but she holds out her hand in front of her. "Care to join?" she asks.

"Only if you're treating," I say with a shrug which earns me another grin from her pink lips today.

She shakes her head. "I tried to get us our usual booth but those kids over there have it. They're my students so I didn't want to kick them out but..."

"Hey!" I say smiling at her. "Let the kids live a little, we're not the Gods around here anymore."

She scowls, "Don't they know who we are?" she says jokingly. "Honestly!"

I flick through the menu. "I see things haven't changed at Pop's then."

"You could have told me before we came here, I already ordered anyways."

I pause a bit. "I didn't know," I tell her honestly.

"What do you mean, you didn't know Jug?"

I shrug and lean back in my chair, playing with the hem of my shirt as not to meet her eyes. "I haven't been here in a long time."

She looks at me confused then leans in closer to me, her pink lip caught between her teeth then she tightens her ponytail. "How long is a long time?"

Since the day, the sun lowered when you left. "Five years?"

She laughs and throws her head back, "Five years? Jughead Jones went without a burger for five years?"

I knew for a long time that not going to Pop's sounds as stupid as it actually was but now, I feel more stupid. "I uh – well, there are other places to buy burgers, you know?"

She frowns and then looks me in the eye, I feel like looking away but I can't seem to. "Huh," she says, eyeing me. "Why would you punish yourself like that?"

Pop comes over and hands us our food. Fries for Betty with a vanilla shake and a burger for me with a malt shake. Pop grins at us; "Good to see you back, kids!"

"Thanks Pop," we say in unison but Betty's smile drops when he walks away and she glares at me. "Well?"

"It reminded me of you," I say bluntly.

She just nods and starts hacking at her fries as if it was her last meal. People always believed that Betty was a prim and proper girl but they had never seen her eat. I know my comment might have hit her a little harder than I wanted it to but, as always, I could never lie to Betty Cooper.

"I missed you, too, you know," she says looking at me and reaching to pat my hand. "More than I can say."

"We went through a lot, I'm sure it's only natural."

"It doesn't matter now," she says, shaking her head as if to rid it of my voice. "I'm back and I'm with the people I love."

I know what she means, the comforting embrace of all of us, all of us that grew up together. What can I say? The very same embrace has been here for me for so long. "I don't even know what it's like to be away from all of them."

She gives me a small smile. "The perks of growing up small town, eh Juggie?"

"The perks," I repeat. We had been meeting up on and off for three weeks now and I still haven't asked her about her other life. I didn't want to bring it up in case she didn't want to speak about it but part of me wasn't ready either. Tonight though, was a night of reminders of all that was lost and I don't think either of us can keep going on, like a cog in a clock, blocking out a five-year gap. "I want to know about college."

Betty keeps eating then takes a sip of her shake. "Wow, this is so damn good, how did I ever go without Pops?"

I take a sip of my own shake, the sweetness of the ice cream, the savoury malt. "I wonder the same thing," I say leaning back as I drink more.

"College was... amazing, Jug. It's like you never stop learning, you would have loved it, honestly, that brain -" she says reaching out to knock on my head. "- would have thrived!"

She always thought I was so damn intelligent, she told me over and over I was bigger than Riverdale but there were so many things holding me back and I will never say it out loud, but someone had to keep an eye on dad. "I'm not one for following the masses."

"It was a great experience. I made a few good friends, Sarah and Chelsea."

"They're going to come and visit you here in the big smoke?" I tease. "This concrete jungle?"

"Maybe," she says sighing. "Maybe after all of this is done and dusted," she says pointing at her stomach.

"So, in eighteen years then? Not too long, you don't think?"

"Oh, shut it you!" she says with a mouthful of fries. "I didn't party much, you know me, I'm not much of a partier."

"The Betty I used to know was always down for a good party," I say with a wink.

"Baby showers were the extent of my partying. And of course, Jughead Jones's Annual Birthday Bash!"

"You should have left clear instructions for Ronnie because she thinks I'm the kind to hit the clubs."

Betty starts laughing. "I would have paid good money to see that!"

I knew a little more now and a whole lot more than I knew three weeks ago. "What about the baby's dad?" I see her open and close her mouth a couple of times and I wonder if I stepped too far? But it was Betty, right? We had always been so close, we told each other everything. I could trust her as much as I could trust Archie, so that means my entire life, and they felt the same about me. I know she used to, at least. She would tell me the biggest things along with the smallest things. She told me when she changed shampoo, she admitted she didn't know how to fill up the gas of the car, she told me when her parents were separating. Things can't have changed that much, could they?

Betty sighs; "His name was Alex. He was studying Law believe it or not and we met at a study night in the library, now that I think back, he was not only boring but also full of himself but he paid attention to me and I think I enjoyed being noticed."

I don't bother hiding my snigger. "People in charge of the Law are great liars and pretenders, Betts, you know that!" I say trying to add a small piece of humour into what is really a shit situation.

"He paid a lot of attention to me and bought me things and well, I was naive enough to think that's what I wanted. Physical items mean nothing and now I know that. Because he left me when I told him I was pregnant. I think he might've liked the look of me on his arm," she looks at me, obviously seeing the way my jaw has tightened and the glare in my eye. "Oh Jug, don't feel sorry for me, he did me a favour!"

I try and relax a little with Betty's words but I don't feel sorry for her, I feel like I want to explode and hunt this guy down. I know Archie will come with me, he's always down for a confrontation, he has been since we were sixteen years old. "You're right," I say stiffly. "He did do you a favour, you don't need an asshole in your life, we've got enough of them here in Riverdale!"

"Who knows how long I would've been stuck with that prick if he had decided he wanted to be a dad. I don't think he ever said anything loving or nice to me in the time we were together. He never wanted to listen to what I had to say, the bullshit I usually go on about or how I get wound up by the smallest things. I realised, he didn't know me as much as I knew him..." she sips away at her shake, I think she's allowing me space to breathe.

He bought her things, material things. I could never afford to buy her anything special. I remember once I spent thirty dollars of a bunch of lilies for her. I spent my entire nest egg for a fortnight on those flowers and she kept them right until I told her to get rid of them, they were wilted and they made her room smell weird, I still laugh about it all the time but the truth was, she was broken to have them chucked out. I swore I would keep buying them for her but I couldn't. How could this guy not listen to her? She has to be the most interesting and understanding person I know. She taught me things about the world I would never have experienced. She was an amazing writer too; did he bother reading her work? She was the type of person where if you told her you had killed a man, she would try and relate to it somehow. She was a person worth listening to, there was no more to it than that.

"But you're happy now?" I ask trying to get at least a small bit of positivity out of this. "You're ok?"

"I'm happy and I'm coping and I have Archie with me during the day and somewhere amongst that I have V and when I can steal you, I have you getting dinner with me -" I cut her off.

"I said only if you were treating," I say challenging her.

"I will treat as many times as you want if it means you're around," she says laughing.

I laugh too. "I don't want to disrupt the bank flow of little Jughead there," I say, teasing, but now I wish I could snatch my words back, it's like they're floating above us towards her and I can't get them back.

"Interesting name, I'm not going to say it's a winner, but I'll add it to the list," she replies and I want to wipe my brow of sweat.

"I'm not so sure Ronnie is going to be happy if I'm eating out all the time, first she'll nag because it's unhealthy."

"Well, I'll have something to tell her because Archie still eats like a pig at work!"

"He burns it off with all the running," I say with a shrug. "Still as healthy as an ox."

"You wouldn't have to answer to her if you lived in your own place," Betty says raising an eyebrow.

"Oh Betts, that would make too much sense!" I reply sarcastically. "And I only answer to her a little."

Betty shakes her head, giggling. "It's all or nothing with V, so don't lie. I don't know why you don't get your own place, I need a roommate."

"Hello, you two over there, with the phones that you don't answer, we're hungry and starving to death like the world famine over here!" Kevin calls from behind us. "Oh great, so you guys do have ears, that's a bonus!"

Betty's face lights up and I do have to say, I'm glad to see Ronnie and Archie behind him too. They come piling in next to us, Ronnie's heel stabbing my foot as she squeezes in. "Why would one try to interrupt me while I'm at my high table," I say to her. "And trying to cut off my foot while you're at it."

She scowls at me and steals my shake. "Your high, _diner_ table?"

I shrug, "It's a table though, isn't it?"

Archie slings his arms over both Betty and Kevin's shoulder as he's stuck in the middle. "I'm starving and if you guys had answered my calls, you would've ordered for us already. Too busy catching up on gossip. Huh?"

"X-O-X-O gossip girl session, it looks like," says Kevin. "No coffee tonight, Juggie?"

"You know what caffeine does for me, Kev," I reply.

"Yeah, prevents you from being a zombie, Pop! Can we have three coffees for Juggie over here!" he pretends to yell out as an order.

Ronnie holds up a hand to try and silence us and then grabs Betty's hand from across the table. "And how's my favourite Momma going?" she says. "How's my niece or nephew?"

Betty looks at Kevin for saving but he does not hand her a rope to hold on to. "I'm only a few months, V, I'm fine!"

"Don't say that, as soon as you need help getting around I have at least three men here to carry you around on a golden carriage, you just call out for your best girl!"

"I can handle it, V, honestly!" Betty says with a laugh.

"I just like to handle things my own way," Ronnie argues back.

Betty looks at Ronnie sideways. "You have no way but the way of making things awkward for me, V, like when you tried to feel up my stomach..."

"I've given birth, B, I'm practically a midwife!"

For so long, us five had not even glanced at Pop's together as a team. It had been five years since the neon lights of Pop's had shone down on our faces pink on Archie's cheeks, yellow on Betty's hands, blue on Kevin's teeth. Laughter drifting, the boom of Archie's voice or the quick snaps of Ronnie. The soft laugh of Betty and the quips of Kevin. It had been a long time since I had stepped foot in this place, the sweet smell of sugar through my nostrils, the salty contrast of fries and the company of Betty Cooper. And though so much had changed between us, for the first time in a long time, things just seemed to be right again. But I will prepare for the next storm when it rolls around, just like it always does.

* * *

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for reading, hoping to publish all of the chapters up to chapter 17 by the end of the week <3


	6. The sound of a herd of horses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter in which Jughead experiences the new life.

_ **Chapter Six** _

_And now I question whether or not pain would be a kinder to me than the message she was sending me with her touch._

* * *

I haven't even given her a chance to say hello when I crash my mouth down on hers. My fingers easily get tangled in her long, black hair and I can smell it. Strawberries.

She sighs against me and I can feel her lips turn up into a smile, her hands reaching up to pull off my hat but I quickly reach up and make sure that the hat doesn't leave my head. It never will.

I grip on tightly to her ass, she groans in my mouth which just makes me want to go wild. At some point, we stumble into her room, incense burning, beads everywhere.

She rips off her oversized T she's wearing, my lips find her neck and my teeth graze along her collarbone. She scratches at my back and then I decide to take my flannel off, I need to start somewhere.

Her dark hair is splayed out on the bed around her, her naked body, my hands need to start feeling so I kick off my jeans – or at least try to – I need to kick off my boots first.

My hands travel up her body, I still feel like I don't know it though I had been here a few times. Or more like a dozen times. Or more.

Her skin is tan and it's darkening, she tastes like strawberries and cigarettes, her back arches to move a bit closer to me. I'm, for some reason, avoiding her lips and I can't get my head around it.

She's trailing down my body, focusing on my collarbone, tongue lapping at my skin in so many places I can't focus.

I'm not focused at all.

We finish and it was all urgency and fervour. "Cryss, I need a cigarette."

* * *

I don't know at which point I thought that the best fortress of solitude would have been my dad's but I turned up there. It was quintessentially _Jones_ of me. Dad still lived amongst the sty that used to feel like home to me, now it just _looked_ like the mess it _felt_ like.

I sat on the edge of the step out the front of the trailer and put my head in my hands, cigarette hazing around me. How did it get to this? A moments peace at the expense of sitting outside dad's place. I don't know where he is, I don't want to. I wonder if he's fallen sacrifice to the gods of Sweet Water River. Either that or he's crashed in his bed, I couldn't see past the mass of clothes piled on the bed, similar to my own.

I take a drag and watch the ash fall to my feet and cover my boots. It was always quiet out here. The trucks that speed past even had a level of calm about them, maybe I am so accustomed to talk and noise, I realise that it's just a bunch of voices that set me off.

I only have a few of them, but I read over the limited messages Betty has sent me. I feel almost religious reading over them, over and over.

I don't know really what I was expecting, yet I know, I wasn't expecting anything at all. She wasn't supposed to come home, she was going to the bright lights that was more than the glimmering sun of Riverdale, because let's face it, that is all there is here. The bright calling of home.

I laugh out loud to myself, she was supposed to be more, _see_ more, see the world, taste the lips of a thousand, interesting people, touch the earth.

I can't even summons the energy to be pissed, I can barely lift this cigarette to my lips or tear my eyes away from the bottle of Jack on my dad's table.

She was here, we shared the same town, drove the same roads, worked in the same area, I wonder if she's started frequenting Pop's with the rest of the crew again or has she tried something new? Is she _someone_ new? I don't know. I know Archie still treats her like they're fourteen years old but Archie, she's a big girl now. Bigger than us. Bigger than the world I'd created.

Crystal's inviting aura and thighs made me feel a little dirty with guilt. I shouldn't hold any guilt but I feel like I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Cryss was just so _different_ and I think with everything turning into a familiar feeling, I wanted to feel something different and outside of my circle.

"The prodigal son returns," I hear coming towards me.

"Do you have to say that every time I turn up here?" I groan. "There are a thousand other things you could say to me."

"It's not as funny," dad says lifting his arms in the air. "Gotta be saying something right to see you two times in a month, though eh?"

I nod. "Sure, dad."

"You look like you need a little pick me up," he says swinging the door of the trailer open. "Trouble in paradise with the Andrews?"

"Hah," I snigger. "Even if there was it wouldn't be enough to make me come back _here_ ," I say. "What the hell is that smell?" I say peering into the trailer, noticing it looks like it hasn't been cleaned since before the last time I came here.

"It's the just the smell of my lonely ass," dad says which makes me at least smile at him. "You liked that one. Huh?

I nod. "Pretty funny, I'll admit it."

Dad comes out with two beers. "I'll swap one of these for a cigarette?"

I chuck him the packet. "You keep it, I got a spare."

"Thanks, son. You've always treated me good. Now, what's with the visit?"

"Every time I turn up you question me like I want something from you."

"Jelly wants you to call her, I think she wants to come and she needs you to organise it."

"Ok, I'll call her this week," I say. Note to self: Ring Jellybean.

"You want my ears, and they're waiting, so spill."

"Where do I start?" Betty had come back and dad knew that much but he didn't know she was pregnant or that we had been spending time together or the fact that I may or may _not_ have invited her to our afternoon coffee dates when I shouldn't or that I had sex with my friend in some weird way to make myself feel better and now I just felt worse. "Betty's back," I say instead.

"I knew that, I bet Hal Cooper had some huge homecoming for her, seems like something he would do."

"I think you're confused with the Blossoms, dad," I correct him.

"Seems like all of those righteous idiots, don't you think?"

I nod. "I can't argue with that, you're right," I look down and take a sip of my beer. "She's pregnant to some guy that left her."

Dad drops his bottle top and takes his cigarette out of his mouth. "What?"

My own eyes widen. "I know!"

"Well, what does that mean for you?"

I scoff. "What do you mean? Betty's having a baby, I'm her friend so I guess I'll be there to support her..."

"No!" dad says. "Nah, I mean, when I saw Freddie, I think everyone just sort of thought you two would, you know..." he says moving his hands in front of him.

"Get back together?" I laugh. "Dad, it's been years, Betty's pregnant, the last thing she's thinking about it getting with me."

"So, you're thinking about getting with her, then?"

I pause. My dad wasn't much of a talker at the best of times but maybe he's finally become a true dad, even if only interested in my somewhat lacking love life. But Betty wasn't thinking about love and, as much as I do think about love as maybe part of a very distant history, I never thought about giving it another shot with Betty. "I've always thought about her," I reply sighing. "But I don't think she's down for another man at this point. Or probably _ever_ considering the circumstances."

"Ah, son. You've always loved that girl! Just 'cause she's pregnant doesn't mean anything. And if you're worrying about the dad or whatever, don't. Blood doesn't mean anything, it's all about the effort you put it. Trust me."

He's referring to Fred. Fred was as good as a dad to me. And I always loved my dad but to say he drip fed me poison was an understatement. Was dad trying to tell me I could be a dad to Betty's baby? "Jesus dad, I can't be a dad to that kid if Betty and I aren't together, besides, it's not like that anymore."

"Sure. Whatever you say son, but just think if anything happens, I think you'd be a great dad, better than your old man anyways."

"I'd try," I say quietly.

"So, you think you might want to become a dad then?" he says clapping me on the back.

I roll my eyes. "Dad, I feel your way too into this non-existent relationship and it's freaking me out."

"Fate, Jughead, destiny."

"Destiny is weird when she comes around my way, I don't like her."

* * *

The Coffee Club is almost empty with the exception of Archie and Betty. The redhead and blonde sit, laughing, flicking through a magazine. In this scene, I could imagine them two browsing through a home and garden magazine, planning the perfect picket fenced home. Lightly arguing over which colour to paint the kitchen. Maybe they were talking about grand plans to leave this town or what to eat tonight for dinner. To anyone in the world, you might have thought that they were a couple, heads almost knocking, Archie smiling at the blonde in front of him, his jacket draped over her shoulders until Betty slaps him lightly on the head and he frowns, rubbing the spot.

Ronnie growls and then grabs my hand, tugging at my arm to hurry me along, "He cannot be pissing off a mother lioness," she says. "Honestly I leave him with her for an hour and he's already pissed her off. Now look at me, _I'm_ pissed off."

"This means war, I gather?" I ask the dark-haired woman pulling me through the shop. She doesn't answer and she doesn't have to, she will be ripping Archie a new one, no less.

"Archibald!" his wife exclaims. "What part of _'look after Betty'_ don't you understand?"

"He said my child will look like a squashed potato," Betty whines. "So, he deserved to be hit."

"Hit him all you like," Ronnie says putting her hands on her hips.

"We all know Archie likes a good spanking," I mutter under my breath and Archie scowls at me.

"One time!" he moans at me.

Betty's eyes turn to slits. "Oh, my god, Archie!"

He turns red at all the attention. "You've opened up a can of worms, Dude, seriously!"

This is all cancelled out by Ronnie's loud gasp. "B! Tell me that's decaffeinated!"

Betty looks at the cup and something tells me she's wishing the cup will disappear. "It's decaffeinated..."

"Cheryl has always been right, you're the worst liar! When was your last appointment?"

Betty thinks, swishing her cup of coffee. "Three."

"Three?" Ronnie says.

"Three what?" Archie replies.

"She said three, guys, chill," I say, not quite understanding this three myself but someone has to speak up.

"I don't know!" Betty says throwing her hands up in defeat. "I've had one since I've been here!"

"ONE!" Ronnie almost shouts. "Oh, my baby!"

" _Not_ your baby," Betty sing-songs.

"Yeah, cool it, _Cheryl_ ," I say, teasing Veronica and she softens.

"Sorry, but guys, come on! You two – the males – you're supposed to be helping her out, here!"

"I bought the coffees, I helped her out," says Archie.

Veronica shoots daggers at her husband. "Not decaf though, was it, Archie!"

"Hey, I paid, I didn't order."

"Don't kill him, V!" Betty replies.

"I won't, not in front of you two innocents."

I sit down next to Archie as Ronnie goes up to order our coffees, "Muffin, please!" I call out.

"No one's getting muffins today, bro," Archie says. "I'm gonna get it tonight, thanks Betts."

Betty lifts her shoulders and takes another drink. "You should have told me to get decaf," she says teasing him. Ronnie sits down again and Betty adds; "I'll book in for an appointment at the end of the week."

Ronnie nods but then slaps a hand to her mouth. "I won't be here!" she whines. "I'll be in New York!"

"I'll go," Archie replies. "You need a support person, so I'm there."

"They won't let two teachers off at the same time, Arch, that's two classes they'll need to cover," Betty says. "It's ok, I'll be fine on my own... I need to get used to it."

We all sit in silence for a while, feeling a little uncomfortable with Betty's comments. This was something important. It will make things just a little more real for her. She'll be seeing the progress of the baby, maybe seven get a picture of it, seeing the effects of all that caffeine she's drunk today. She couldn't go alone but if V wasn't there, who was going to be?

Ronnie looks at her watch; "Shit!" she says. "I forgot I have to get Abel early!" she swipes the table and pushes the contents of keys and lipstick into her bag

Archie stands too. "I'll come, I don't have a class this afternoon, you two ok? You got a way home?"

I nod. "Yeah, Arch, I'll see you guys tonight!"

They both walk out and leave Betty and I alone. "So..." I start.

"I don't like being on the receiving end of -" I cut her off.

"Ronnie's lectures?"

"Yeah," she says quietly. "She's still so -"

"Controlling?"

"I was going to say worrying but that fits just as well."

We both laugh. I lift my coffee cup in the air. "A toast?"

"A toast, go ahead."

"To coffee date, may you ever keep joining," I say, knocking my cup with hers.

"You seem a lot..."

"Wound up?" I add.

She shakes her head. "No, I was going to say relaxed."

"Oh," I say. "We used to be better at this completing each other's sentences."

She laughs. "We'll get better."

I notice that she's wearing a pink cardigan that matches the pink of her lips but her eyes have darkened and she also has rings under them. Her hair is a little messy and she looks like she hasn't slept in days. I feel like I haven't either, my mind runs crazier in the night time. I used to worry about myself a hell of a lot, it shows I used to think of myself _too_ much, self-centred. But now I think of all the disruption in my life that I'm learning to embrace because a hell of a lot of disruption comes from the blonde in front of me, drinking this illegal coffee. "Are you ok, Betts? You look a little tired."

She groans and puts her head in her hands. "It's not morning sickness, Juggie. It's night time sickness and it fucking sucks!"

"Hmm, maybe this Doctor you need to see will help you with that?" I ask.

She nods. "That is true... hey," she says, looking at me to signal for her to carry on. "I didn't want to say this in front of Archie and V, but, I don't know – I mean, I understand if you don't want to..."

"What?" I feel like I know exactly what she's about to say but I need to hear it, I need to see the words spill out of her mouth, I need to make sure we are on the same wave length before embarrassing myself with not understanding her cues.

"I don't really want to go alone and, you know my mom, if I admit that I don't want to go alone she'll get all crazy at me... I was just wondering, if you have the time, if maybe you could come with me. To the appointment, that is?"

I feel my breathing slow and I grip onto my lip with my teeth. My fingers drum on the cup of coffee in my hands as if this was going to help me think, but I was barely thinking at all, I didn't have to think of the answer, of course I would go, I would go to every appointment for the rest of my life, I was there for Ronnie when she had Abel, how different was it? I was a friend helping a friend out. The coffee in my mouth goes cold from not swallowing but Betty's bright blue, dark ringed eyes looked into mine and her smile was never something I could resist. "Fuck yeah."

"Fuck yeah?" Betty says laughing. "Ok, cool."

"Very cool. The coolest," I say. "Ugh, I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm being weird," I mutter. My own cup of coffee is now empty so I reach for Betty's. "Sorry, I need another sip. No whiskey in this, is there?"

She shakes her head. "I may be on V's hit list, but caffeine is my limit, Juggie."

Of course, it was. "Uncle Juggie to the rescue," I say. "Now for a world of firsts with you, Queen B, first check up with you, first ultrasound with you."

"We've been through a lot of firsts, Juggie, this will be no different."

I can barely swallow my coffee. I wished it was burning hot just so I can feel something after her words.

* * *

"So, you're on daddy duty? That's kinda cute," Crystal says from her desk.

I groan; "Don't say that!" I slam my hands on the desk and put my head against the desk as well. "Between you and my dad, I think you guys almost want me to be a dad! Can't you see I literally own one hat that I don't wash? I don't _wash_ it, Cryss. What does that say about me?"

Crystal laughs in my face. "Jughead. I gotta be honest with you, this is turning out to be one hell of a painful story."

"I told you. I'm not writing this shit."

"As a character in your story," she says, ignoring me. "I think I have a say in this, and this is _soooo_ irritating to watch. Why don't you just admit your feelings for her?"

"They're not feelings, Cryss. They're _old_ feelings, I don't know how to explain it but it's not the same, I just need to move on!"

"Literally the worst love story of all time," she adds still ignoring me.

"You've obviously never read Romeo and Juliet then, have you?"

"My mom and dad never let me read it, too much negativity and death," she says brushing me off.

"You moved into the wrong town then."

Crystal spins in her chair to hop off then grabs her bag. "Late night visit tonight?" she asks me.

I feel a slight panic in me, trying to come up with something to say. I feel like I'm decreasingly becoming better at thinking up things on the spot. "Cryss, I..."

She comes over to my side of the station and grabs my shoulder. "Jug, it's just a bit of fun, I'm not waiting up for you at night, you know?"

Weirdly, that made me feel a whole lot better, but a little bit dirtier in myself.

* * *

It starts off like any other boring day. The rain had been bashing on my window for so many hours, I wonder if it was a sign for me to get up, get moving, try and put my jeans on a dry body rather than the damp one I usually try with. For some reason, last night I didn't shut my curtains, it was a foreshadowing because this morning, despite the rain, a little sun did shine through.

Abel is banging at my door and I take the initiative to get up, I fling open my blankets but Abel pays no respect to his Uncle Juggie because he comes through, like a Hurricane, destroying all in his path which includes my peace. "Morning, kid," I say croakily. He starts putting sticky fingers on my keyboard. "Any other kid and I would have kicked you out."

"What are you doing?" he asks me. "Mommy is making breakfast, we're going on a big plane!"

"How long for?" I ask him, partly to interact with him and partly because I genuinely want to know. I don't know how accurate his answer will be, though.

"Three nights!" he says.

"Hmmm, that does sound right."

"Can I take your 'puter?" he asks.

"Only if you can write a money earning book, how does that sound?"

"Ok!"

"Ok, well, let's see how that works out."

Abel runs out of my room when he hears his mom shout; "Abel! Come on!"

I sit in my room, sun trying to shine, rain pattering gently and all before six-thirty-AM. I flick on the station.

" _Good morning Riverdale! Just me today so I hope you all love Fleetwood Mac! Here's Tusk to start the day!"_

I didn't have to be up for another hour realistically, but the smell of bacon and eggs floats through into my room so I grab my Marlboros and head out in my boxers.

Veronica doesn't even look at me as she slides a plate across the bench; "I'm running late. You know how much I hate it but I needed to feed you, I don't know why I have to but..."

"Today's the day?" I finish off for her.

" _Today's the day;_ you give that nephew or niece a big kiss for me, won't you Juggie?"

I sit down and start hoeing into my food. "I'm not going to kiss Betty's guts for you, Ronnie."

"Right," she says quietly as she rummages through the drawer for her keys. "Make sure she's going everything right, won't you Juggie?"

"Of course!" I say trying to hold myself back from rolling my eyes. "Make sure she's taking those vitamins, expel all caffeine from her diet."

"Perfect!" she says nodding at me. "I'll see you in a few days, I'll tell you all about my dad then you can tell me all about yours so I can feel a little better."

Fathers, some absent, some alcoholics and some criminals. "It's a weird word, that one, don't you think?"

"Which one?" she questions.

" _Dad_ ," I explain. "Don't you think this is something that the dad should be doing?"

Ronnie's candy apple red lips purse as she points at me. "Not all kids need dad's, Juggie. You know that."

"Fred was as good a one to me," I mumble, toast falling out of my mouth. "FP protects me in the weirdest ways."

"If Betty demands a dad for that kid, I'll be pulling up my pants under this chiffon skirt," she says, lifting her skirt a little to prove her point. "Meanwhile, you will replace me until I get back, understood?"

"Understood," I conclude. "Have fun in the bright lights of New York," I tell her and I wave.

She grabs Abel up in her arms and rushes over to me, giving me a quick kiss on the cheek. "I'll bring you back something special!"

"Thanks Mom," I say, hugging Abel. They leave the house.

The house almost echoes around me as I rinse my plate, I leave it on the bench as I don't have a controlling Ronnie to tell me otherwise and I realise it has been a long time since I've been at home at this time of the day. The rain continues to bash against the windows and I wish that I could stay here all day, enjoying the space alone. I don't get much time to think about it though as shortly after, I hear a knock on the door.

At first, I look around trying to find a shirt but all I can find is one of Ronnie's tank tops, that won't do so I go to face the door shirtless. "Hold up!" I call out as I run to the door.

I swing open the door and I have Betty standing there, "Surprise?" she says, holding her hands up in the air.

Surprise? Not so much, but it was different to be facing a smiling Betty in my setting rather than hers. "Hey!" I say, "Uh – sorry, I don't usually answer the door like this."

"Don't worry, Jug," she says, pushing past me to get inside. "I've seen you naked one or two times, it's not offending me."

"Right," I say, of course it wasn't, but now I really wish I had made a better effort in trying to find something to wear, maybe Veronica's tank top would have done after all.

She floats through the house as if she was as comfortable here as in her own home, she kicked off her shoes in the lounge room, jacket discarded on the couch and she's already sitting at the bench on a stool. "Can I get a drink?" she says, "God, you don't know how nice it is to have a day off!"

"Tea?" I ask, looking around in every cupboard for a cup, she's made me nervous, I know exactly where the cups are.

"No," she says. "Get me a water, this sickness won't budge – I feel like I'm going to throw up!" she says, rubbing her temples.

"I'll get you a water but I think a hot drink might do you better, V used to always have hot drinks to make her better," I say, watching her with her eyes closed, massaging her temples. She was pale that's for sure.

"You seem to know more about this pregnancy thing so just give me something that works."

I laugh. "Fine," I say, flicking the jug. "Maybe you need to slow down at work?"

"Says the guy who works six days a week, did you get the day off?"

I quickly make her a tea and hand it to her, she smiles at me, all teeth and lips and I feel her fingers brush mine when I pass her the cup. I rub the spot with my free hand and smile back at her, I think she might have blushed, either way, I know I did. "Yeah, Cryss is on her own today but it doesn't matter, she has enough songs there to last the rest of her life without me."

Betty nods and takes a sip of her tea, sighing in relief, I get some satisfaction knowing that I was the one who made it. "Is she good to work with?"

I laugh quietly. "Yeah," I say, running a hand through my hair before leaning on the bench in front of her. "She's great, she's the easiest going person I know."

Betty looks me up and down before settling on my face. "No hat this morning?"

"I forgot it," I say, touching my hair again. "Come to think of it, I'm surprised I answered the door without it on!"

"You must have sensed it was me," she says with a shrug. "That's why it didn't matter."

I exhale loudly and look up at the clock, I haven't even had my morning cigarette yet and I'm starting to feel a little uneasy. "My senses aren't that great, Betts."

"Is Crystal your..." she trails off. "She's your good friend or...?"

I withhold a smirk, she wondered if Crystal was my girlfriend but couldn't even ask me, just like when I asked if she lived with somebody. Parallels at their finest. "No, she's a good friend but nothing more."

"You guys have a real chemistry on the air, it's awesome," she says smiling again. "She sounds like a great girl."

"She's great," I tell her honestly. Visions of Crystal's long hair as she's on top of me flood my mind, the way she pulls on my lips, nails digging into my chest. I shake my head to get her out of my mind. "She's chill and that's what I need in my day to day life."

Betty pushes away her cup. "You go and get washed up, Mister, I'm going to stay here and watch the TV while I wait for you, ok?"

"Ok, Miss," I say teasing her.

"And Juggie, wear a shirt, please!"

"Am I distracting you?" I tease.

Betty stays silent for a second. "Yeah, yeah you are."

In my mind, I don't think she was joking.

* * *

Betty gulps and grips onto my arm. "Shit," she says out loud.

I try and break the ice by saying; "Don't judge a hospital by its facade." But I don't think it's working.

Betty tightens her pony tail then turns to look at me and takes a hold my wrist again, the softness of her hand on my wrist sparks me and I feel like now, my hand weighs so heavy, I can't lift at anymore but I can tell in Betty's darkening eyes and the way she twitches her mouth that she's worried. "I don't know if I can do this!"

"Of course, you can!" I say not so convincingly. "You've had appointments before, this is not as different... I don't think..." Great, cover Jughead.

Betty groans. "Yeah, with the local doctor but not a baby doctor!"

"It's not a baby doctor, Betts, it's an Obstetrician, I think a baby doctor would be classed as either a Paediatrician or Neonatal doctor... not helping?"

"Not helping!"

This time, I take the lead. Someone had to help her out, right? This was exactly what Ronnie wanted me to do so I refuse to let her down. I needed to man up, if Betty had to face this alone, then I will not let her. I will have one up on the prick that left her, I will be here for every ounce of support. I twist my wrist out of her grip and flip it so I'm holding her hand. "Let's go, Betts. We want to make sure this little Betts is healthy, just like you!"

"I'm not healthy, Juggie, I eat way too many sweets!"

"That's the least of your problems at the moment, I'm sure."

"You're not helping, Jughead!"

I just shrug and keep pulling her towards the entrance of the hospital, she feebly follows behind and the childlike pout she's wearing makes me laugh. The doors slide open for us and we follow the directions to the outpatient's department, stopping at the main desk there.

Betty clears her throat and gives the girl at the desk a grin. "Morning," she starts. "Just here for my antenatal appointment."

"Name?" the girl asks.

"Uh, Elizabeth Cooper."

"Just take a seat, the Doctor will be out shortly."

"Thanks," we say in unison, then we take a seat.

This is probably the best time to start small talk. Betty and I used to always talk so easily but it wasn't often that I could see that Betty was feeling on edge. She always knew what to do, her mind was so broad, she had an options for every situation, but now that I'm somewhat trying to fit into her shoes, it was evident that my feet were way to big and I didn't know where to start or what to say.

Most of the magazines in the waiting room made me feel uncomfortable, so I'm sure, she would feel the same. She crosses her legs and the denim tightens across her knees, she starts tapping on her thighs with her nails. "Thanks for coming, Juggie," she says sighing. "I really appreciate it – you're always just there right when I need you."

I want to come up with something witty to say, something funny even, but I just can't. I would be there right to the bitter end, I would be there in the middle of the night. "Don't mention it."

She smirks and bangs her shoulder to mine, "Ok, I won't."

I grin down at the magazine in my lap and flick through some of the pages. "Did you know that by now the baby has formed all its teeth under the gums?"

Betty looks at me curiously then raises an eyebrow. "Don't tell me you know that off the top of your head!"

I nod. "I remember."

Betty laughs. "You have always had the best memory, it must be amazing."

I feel like shaking my head, really, my knack for remembering things was terrible. That was the reason behind not being able to drink a vanilla shake, smell vanilla anything, really. That same tone of pink that Ronnie wears from time to time was the exact one Betty wore every day. The shifting of the breeze during autumn reminded me of days cruising the streets of Riverdale with Betty by my side. "Sometimes," I say instead.

"What else?" she says, leaning against me. "I'm tired."

"If she's a girl, she will develop eggs by next month?" I say lifting my shoulders. "A bit weird but interesting."

"Very weird and very interesting, you should have been a Doctor!"

"Ah!" I start but then we hear a Doctor call out; "Elizabeth Cooper?"

We both shoot up and in a state of nerves, I start walking ahead of Betty, her running behind me. "Slow down, Juggie!"

I stand still mid stride and wait for her to catch up, placing my hand on the small of her back to get her forward. "Sorry," I say. "Got ahead of myself."

She chuckles, "It's ok, someone around here has to."

We walk into a very clinical, white on white room, A Doctors chair and desk with two others next to it, for most, this room would be a welcomed setting, parents coming to find out the most important news of their lives. How many happy tears had been shed on that table, on that hospital bed? How many cheering dads or speechless mothers?

Today was odd, it was different and not so welcoming. The smell of rubbing alcohol made my nose screw and I could see the nerves pulsing through Betty, I could feel them pulsing through myself, I try to rid myself of such selfish feelings but I can't, not with all the plastic and metal in the room.

The Doctor smiles at us and gestures for us to sit down. Stupidly, I sit down first and then Betty rushes over next to me, I lean in to whisper; "Such a white coat, do you think he bleaches it?"

Betty elbows me in the ribs – which I deserve – and then turns to look at the Doctor. "Nervous, huh?" the Doctor asks. "I'm Doctor Smith and I will be your obstetrician," he says, scribbling notes down.

"Yes," Betty says quietly but she continues to smile. "This will be my first real check-up. Just call me Betty."

"Can I get your name?" the Doctor asks me and I'm stunned for a moment before Betty elbows me again.

"Ouch – Uh – Jughead Jones?"

"Jughead?" the Doctor says, stopping his scrawling on the paper.

I just nod. "Unless this is for a legal document?" I say, pulling at the neckline of my shirt. "Then no."

The Doctor shakes his head, "No, it's ok, we just like to write down who's here... and don't worry about the nerves, guys. All mom and dads are nervous when it's the first time."

"Oh!" Betty says, blushing. "Jug's just my – well – friend."

"Just a support person," I add. "We once – uh, oh God. I'm just the supportive type of person."

"The most supportive," Betty continues.

The Doctor holds up his hands, pen between fingers. "It's ok, guys, sorry... Shall we get onto the fun stuff?" he stands up, holding out his hand for Betty to take, he leads her to the hospital bed and she lays down. "May I?" he says, touching Betty's stomach. Betty just nods and then pulls up her shirt to lay just below her breasts, I had never seen her stomach since she's been back, smooth skin and swelling. It was interesting and she looked at me with a blank expression as the Doctor pushed around on her for a little bit. "I'm just going to run through a few quick questions, is that ok?"

"Sure," Betty replies looking at me and I nod, hoping that would give her a little reassurance.

"You would have got your ten week blood tests, is that correct? I think I did see them scanned into your record and they seemed fine. You must do your glucose tests though to exclude gestational diabetes, does your family have a history?" Doctor Smith asks.

Betty just shakes her head and flinches a little when the Doctor pushes down hard near groin, shooting another look at me. "No," she replies.

"Good," Doctor says nodding. "Are you on any medications?"

"No," Betty repeats. "I did stop taking some medication recently after my last appointment."

"Were the blood thinners or anything like that?"

"Antidepressants," Betty says quietly.

I try to keep my gaze as light as possible but this was news to me and I didn't want to seem shocked by it. I keep an encouraging smile on my lips and try to keep it convincing but I can feel Betty looking at me, searching for some sort of response.

"Good," the Doctor says again. "You'll need to do a couple more bloods when you do your glucose test and then your twenty-eight week bloods as well. And if all that comes up fine, you should be good to carry on! Baby seems to be growing well but we better do an ultrasound, ok?"

"I don't like needles," Betty mumbles.

"Have you always had an issue with needles? How do you usually cope?"

"I don't."

Doctor frowns at Betty. "We will have to tackle that when the time comes, the Pathology nurses are very good and will be able to come up with something, does that sound ok?"

Betty looks like she wanted to say no but instead replied with a yes and the Doctor walks away to roll the portable ultrasound machine in. I was still sitting by the Doctor's table but when he turned, Betty looks at me and starts waving her hand in the air to get my attention. "What?" I hiss from the desk.

She gestures for me to go over to her so I stand, hands in pockets, to see what she wants. "Can you sit with me?" she asks gently.

I scoff. "Of course, if you want me to?"

"I want you to. I think I may need you to because this is scaring me a little. I'm a little freaked."

"From one freak to another, Betts, this will all be ok. Nothing to worry about," I say taking the seat next to the bed.

The Doctor comes back, rolling the ultrasound kit along with him. "This should be good."

Betty takes a deep breath and turns to give me a not-so-convincing grin, which in turn I try to give back. The Doctor adds the gel to her stomach and I see her shiver, goose pimples forming on her stomach, her hand reaching out for mine. "I just want to hold this so I don't over think things."

That was all well and good for her, but I was over thinking things too. This was a life changing experience, the forming of life, we would hear a heartbeat, see a baby, she would have to think about raising a baby and then, above that, raising the baby into adulthood, I felt honoured, to be a small part of this.

The Doctor puts the wand to Betty's stomach and I can see her stomach dipping with the pressure, "Ah!" he says, "Here we go."

I didn't know how to describe it, like the galloping of a heard of horses? Like the beating of wings? I'm not sure, but I could hear that heartbeat and as I gasped, I know Betty did too, her jaw dropping, her hand tightening on mine, but mine tightened in hers too. "Woah," was all I could say.

As the Doctor searched around, with his free hand he pointed to the screen, "If you can see there, this is the baby, you can see quite clearly the head," he says pointing at the head, a nose and arms very apparent. "The legs are long," he says running his finger along the screen, "And the fingers, that looks like a thumb near the mouth. The white parts are the bone and spine."

"Wow," I say out loud. "You're having a baby, Betts. A little you!"

Betty smiles weakly and I see tears falling from her eyes, running down the sides and smudging her mascara. I feel for a tissue I have in my pocket and reach up to wipe her eyes. "Thanks," she mumbles.

I just smile back. "Come on, you don't want to ruin your mascara, what if Cheryl turns up on the street and sees you like this!"

She laughs but then the Doctor speaks up. "Baby is great! You're great! Make sure you keep a balanced diet, avoid gestational diabetes, so you will need to go and do your glucose tests and keep with your vitamins, you're taking them, aren't you?"

Betty nods and pulls down her shirt, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed. "Yeah, this guy bought me some."

Doctor gives me a quick grin and a wink. "You've got yourself a good supportive type of person," he says, referring to what I had described myself as. "That's always a bonus!"

We thank the Doctor and Betty almost runs out of the hospital, I see she didn't take my advice of not judging a hospital by its facade. She rushes ahead, splashing in the puddles through the car park and then I manage to catch up, Betty standing outside the passenger's door. "Betts!" I say, searching the pockets of my jacket. "Have you seen the keys?"

She comes over to my side of the car, looking for the keys in her own pockets, "I don't know what I was expecting when I went in there, Juggie."

I just watch her as she lifts the lapels of her coat, digging around in the butt pockets off her jeans, frowning and concentrating. "At least you got it over and done with, the baby's looking great!" I say with a laugh.

She smirks. "Yeah, I know. I – I just, I don't know. I couldn't have done that without you," she says sighing.

"I could say the same," I joke.

She shoves my chest and then points at my breast pocket. "There," she says.

I shake my head. "I can't believe I missed them," I say laughing. "The most obvious pocket -"

I'm cut off. Betty has her head on my chest, her arms wrapped around my neck, her nails digging into the top of my back, clinging on for dear life. Not the rain falling, not the keys in my hands, digging into Betty's sides, not the smell of vanilla and the damp of our clothes could have made this feel more natural. My chin rested on her blonde hair, her breathing steadying with mine. "Thank you, Jughead. For always helping me out."

I bite my lower lip, thinking of all the things I could be saying but making sure I don't. "You know me, Sunlight."

And now I question whether or not pain would be a kinder to me than the message she was sending me with her touch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I beg for comments? Is that acceptable? No? I'll do it anyways.


	7. The taste of Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter in which Jughead tastes home.

_ **Chapter Seven** _

_You could be miles apart, years apart, worlds apart_

_But you could still have a space in your heart that was never quite the same_

_until you're bought together again._

* * *

We stand inside the Coffee Club in silence, Archie looking a little worse for wear, so of course I tease him. "Rough night last night?"

He groans in reply.

Finally, the sun shines through as if it were the middle of summer, everyone chases the limited sun, shorts and tank tops, bare feet hitting the pavements. " _Youths_ ," I grumble.

Archie looks up from his phone and laughs. "How many seniors do you think will turn up today with weather like that?" he says. "Maybe they'll be hitting the river instead. I wish _we_ were."

"I can't think of anything worse..."

"Ah, don't be like that, Jug. We were kids once."

"Not that long ago," I reply. "Sometimes I still feel seventeen."

"They're ready," he says, pointing at our two coffees on the counter. "Couldn't have been quick enough."

"Is that what Ronnie said to you last night?" I mutter but my friend catches that, shoving me with his elbow.

"I was going to give this to you, but now I'm thinking that I deserve two coffees instead."

"Was that also something she said to you last night?" I say, elbowing him back.

He walks out, mouth on my coffee. Jokes on him, he doesn't like it black.

I chase after him to his all black Jeep, very fitting I must say because I'm not sure how those shoulders would fit into anything smaller. "Strap up," he says as I jump into the passenger side of the truck.

I do as I'm told and he balances my coffee cup on the dash of the truck. "I still don't know how you're not driving a stick," I joke.

He sniggers then turns in his seat to reach out to the back seat, then attempts from the other, window side as well. "I'm a dad, Jug. I'm all about practicality and when you've got a screaming three-year-old in the back, you let me know how it goes driving a stick." He keeps reaching back to make a point that he must have free hands when handling a toddler.

"I won't be telling you my ways for a very long time," I say through sips.

He just grunts in reply. "You looking forward to coming back to my neck of the woods? Betty will like having an extra buddy," he says grinning. "It will be like being back at school!"

"Oh yeah," I say weakly. "Great memories at school..."

"Don't be like that, Jug," he says, shoving me with his free hand. "See, I couldn't do that if I was driving a stick, now would I?"

"I'm sure you're still supposed to have both hands on the wheel, though. Legally, that is."

Archie keeps on talking but all I can think about is stepping foot back in the Blue and Gold office with Betty in the same building as me. Shit, how many times do I think back on Betty and me in there, her head bent over a pile of papers or tapping away at the laptop, lip between teeth, hair tied up so tight that she'd get tension headaches. She always had tension headaches, complaining about the throbbing at her temples. We would go back to her mom and dad's house and lay on the crisp, white carpet, her hair splayed out around her like a glowing halo in silence. I used to think that I could follow the literal rhythm of her heart in the dead silence. Sometimes I could even hear it over the tapping of my own keyboard as I wrote, shit, I hadn't written in such a long time and now I'm going to a place where I'm supposed to be helping others write. "Arch," I start. "I don't know if I should really be helping these kids out, I haven't really done any good myself..."

Archie snorts. "Dude, you're the best writer I know -" I cut him off.

"Come on, dude. I'm probably the _only_ writer you know, no offence."

He shrugs. "Probably, but these kids," he says, smile widening as well as his eyes. "They're good, Juggie. You'll see, they just need someone else on their level..."

I couldn't deny that Archie Andrews was a great teacher. He saw the best in every single one of the students, even if they weren't his. He saw the good in everyone. When Archie spoke about the kids, his whole face lit up, he came home talking about certain kids and achievements that made me wish we had someone like him when we were there. The time and effort he invested in each student astounded me.

"I appreciate that you think I'm on the level of sixteen-year old's, Archie," I say sourly.

He shoves me again. "Take it as a compliment, because these kids have something."

"Probably weed and smart mouths," I say smirking.

He looks across at me, quite clearly confused. "What?"

"The thing they have, it's probably weed..." I explain. "Forget it. It was an ill thought out joke."

He laughs at me. "They always are."

We pull up to the Riverdale High car park and already I see young girls trying to soak up the rays of the sun. This one in a million dose of sun wasn't going to last, as much as it felt like summer, the seasonal change told us otherwise. We were heading into spring which was very lucky but spring often held onto the remains of winter here in Riverdale. Students laid on the picnic tables and jocks were throwing around a football, I could almost pinpoint the Blue and Gold writers instantly, but I should know better than to stereotype. Before I could follow Archie into the school I hear her; "Juggie!" Betty calls.

Archie stops and spins on his feet, grabbing me by the shoulder and pushing me forward towards the voice. Betty had her hair down today which was strange. Betty didn't like her hair out, she always said it made her feel hot, but sure enough it was out and showed me just how different she was because I don't think I had ever seen her hair so long, it resembled Polly's. Her bright yellow sun dress suited the scenery, summer seemed to come early in my world. "Heya Betts!" I say, groaning as Archie continues to push me forward. I give him scowl that he just laughs off.

"I knew you'd be coming eventually, the magazine is ready to go but Archie didn't mention..." she says, eyeing him curiously.

"Slipped my mind," he says shrugging. "I forgot."

"Archie doesn't often forget things though," she battles.

I see Archie turning red. He had been caught, he should know better, Betty knows him better than he knows himself. "This one time, you got me," he says smiling. "You're looking good, Betty."

Betty rolls her eyes and punches him lightly on the shoulder. "You tell me that every day, Arch."

He slings his back pack over his shoulder, ready to continue into the halls of the angst-ridden teens. "And I will keep telling you every day!" he says throwing his hand into the air, waving at us.

Betty looks at her watch and then up at me. "I don't have a class until next period, how are you faring?"

I feel like I'm stuck for words as she just looks at me, smiling. Her pink lips are separated and look like they're wanting to say more. The wind shifts and shifts her hair along with it but her arms are exposed and I see that she seems a little cold, but her _eyes;_ her eyes are so warm and inviting and waiting for me to speak. "Are you cold?" I ask.

She eyes my jacket for a moment then looks back up at me, "No," she says, throwing her hand in my direction. "I'll be ok when I get inside."

I don't hesitate in taking my jacket off and draping it over her, she brings my jacket closer against her and I flick the straps of my suspenders against me, trying to at least occupy my hands. "I'm faring ok," I say. "I gotta go up to the Blue and Gold to start sorting out some things and see who I've got to work with."

"It smells like you..." she says quietly, eyeing the wrists of my jacket and then looking at me in the eye.

"Cigarettes, it's probably not good for you to be inhaling all that second-hand nicotine, you know, with your _condition_ ," I say with a wink.

At least she thinks it's funny. "A joke, I get it!" she says. "I was going to say, it smells like a mixture of tobacco and that cheap body spray you're obviously still wearing."

"It's cheap and it smells good, I'll keep wearing it until they stop selling it."

She points at the back entrance of the school. "We should get going, you're going to be amazed at all the kids. They've been working so hard on the magazine, I bet you'll do wonders with it."

"You sound like Archie, so much promise in those young brains!" I knock my head for emphasis.

Betty groans as we walk forward. "If you don't like kids so much then, why do it?"

I feel a blush creeping up on me. I didn't _not_ like kids, hell, I probably did get them a little more than I do adults. Kids do a hell of a lot of things that adults deem irrational but they're the only ones doing things for themselves. I held on tight to the feeling of liberation that you get from writing. "If I can nurture one kid that's keen on reporting and writing, then I'm doing good in the world."

"That's a great reason, Jug. You were always the star of the Blue and Gold."

I don't think so, it was quite clearly her. She shone brighter than anything I would have ever created with words to a paper.

* * *

I know I should have been more invested into what colour scheme they were going to make the Blue and Gold Monthly edition, but I had been tapping on my keyboard all morning.

_You could be miles apart, years apart, worlds apart_

_But you could still have a space in your heart that was never quite the same_

_until you're bought together again._

I met a sixteen-year-old kid, his name was Jackson he listened to vinyl because disc was mainstream. He conspired against a girl he said ruined his life. She wrote poetry when she should have been organising printing that he read over her shoulder. I think that poetry was about him. He didn't get much work done. I don't think I got much work done either.

Betty was knocking at the Blue and Gold door before the end of the day even rolled around, waving through the small window. Jackson had pointed her out; "Hey, there's Miss Cooper," he said. "I think she's hunting you down, Mister Jones."

I insisted they all called me Jughead, they all thought they were cool because they listen to Jughead on radio every day. They all laughed when I told them Miss Cooper always hunts me down.

Betty had insisted it was getting late when I got her to help me out with some layouts for the Blue and Gold, she was having dinner with her mom and there was enough for me. How could I resist? When she was smiling so brightly and she brushed the blonde from her eyes and she held onto my hand, telling me that I was more than welcome.

I step foot into the wide set lounge room of Betty's mom's house.

It had been a long time since I had been here but it felt like I hadn't left at all, photos of Betty and Polly hanging from the wall, such proud grandparents were Hal and Alice Cooper because every turn I made, trying to focus on something, I was met with the toothy grins of Jace and Ellie Blossom, all gaps and gums, both short hair and long, she looked so much like her mom, it was uncanny.

On the walls were subtle changes. The framed teacher's degree of Betty's was placed right next to a photo of the Cooper's, Alice, Polly and Betty wearing matching pink dresses, Hal Cooper grinning so hard, I could almost hear his teeth grinding. There was something very noticeable about this photo, there was someone cut out of it. The only remains was a random, male hand on Betty's shoulder.

I shudder out loud and look around, trying to find a place to put my Doc's but Betty creeps up behind me and groans. "I wish they would get rid of this photo. Mom hired a photographer and everything, there has to be at least a million more photos to choose from," she slams down the frame.

"She's just proud of you," I whisper, picking up the photo. That stray hand seemed to take over the picture, but I know I was right. They were just proud of her and it was a great photo, she looked beautiful to say the least.

She smiles weakly at me, grabbing my hand. "Thanks," she says. "But I don't think my parents feel the same after everything..."

"I call bullshit," I say with a laugh. "Your mom and dad supported Polly, why can't the do the same for you?"

"Supported Polly?" she laughs humourlessly. "Were we living the same life, Juggie?"

We breathed the same air, saw the same things through rose tinted glasses, ran the same fields, explored the same forests, touched the same skin, tasted the same lips but Betty, we never lived the same life. "Parents overreact a lot," I say, still whispering. "But they get over it, and they will, just like last time."

Betty exhales loudly then bangs her fists lightly on my chest. "Now to enter the belly of the beast?"

"Entering said belly of the beast, over," I say, holding up my hand as if talking into a walkie talkie.

She grins. "Oh, come on, I bet you're hungry."

"When am I not hungry?" I ask her.

She smirks. "When you're otherwise occupied."

I keep my jaw from dropping when she walks ahead of me, hips swaying, hair bobbing. I don't know what she meant by that, or if she meant anything at all, but there are a thousand things spinning in my mind based on what she might have meant.

One of my not so many talents is to be able to recognise food from a mile off. For example, I'm pretty sure there is a leg of ham in the oven, potatoes boiling in a pot, I see salad on the table. A setting for two which makes me feel like I shouldn't be here, I don't think I've ever felt like I _should_ be here unless I was up in the safety of Betty's room.

Mama Cooper was fluffing around with the pot of potatoes, clicking her high heels as she rushed from pot to oven, from oven to bowl. "Betty?" she says, not turning around.

Betty continues into the kitchen but I grab both shoulders with my hands and pull her back, Betty jerking towards me. "Shit, Jug!" she hisses.

"I can't, you go on without me!" I whisper in her ear. She slaps my side before elbowing me.

"You're not leaving me behind, Jughead," she hisses again.

"I must, I'm sorry, I'm gutless. I'll see you later," I tease but she reaches up to grip my hands that are plastered to her shoulders.

"It's just my mom," she whines, clinging on and dragging me behind her.

I groan against her and then lean into her ear, "If your mom doesn't know I was going to be here, I will have to kill you."

"Try me," she whispers back. "Mom! We have a visitor."

"Who?" Alice asks, she spins on the tips of her heels and I see on the bench a paper and article of which Alice had obviously written herself.

Alice's eyes widen, her own, almost metallic pink lips separate, she quickly puts the pot down on the bench and takes a step forward, straightening her pencil skirt and white blouse, dangerously close to the food.

I clear my throat and pull down my beanie, I had never liked being under the watch of Betty's parents, it just sort of shows how blinded a sixteen-year-old Jughead was, so many blue eyes gazing at me from every direction.

I lean back on the balls of my feet and raise my eyebrows, feeling every bit like the sixteen-year-old I used to be, feeling like it was five years ago, eighteen-year-old Jughead saying goodbye in this very kitchen. "Uh -" I say a little weakly. "Hey, Missus Cooper. Nice to see you."

"Jug," Alice says with a gasp. "I can't believe it!" I will take that and run with it, I wish I were flood waters, then I would flow out of this place and back to Archie on the sofa. I would rather lie in his arms, chucking popcorn into his mouth then be standing here on trial, and we all know, Alice Cooper is good at running trials.

"Hi," I say quietly, Betty comes up to me, on all tip toes and slings her arm over my shoulders which makes me have to do a somewhat awkward squat just so she can reach.

"Juggie's here for dinner," Betty explains. "He's been helping out with the Blue and Gold and so I invited him over for dinner."

"Nice to see you Jug. It's been a while, how have you been?" Alice says, pulling out an extra plate for the table.

I attempt to stand up straight but it's a little hard when Betty won't let up. "Good," I say, slumping under Betty's arm. "it's been a long time since I've seen you too," I add with a nervous laugh.

Alice forces a smile and raises an eyebrow. "Yes, it has, I think the last time I saw you, you were picking up Archie from the school when I dropped something off to the Blue and Gold and you didn't have a new car then and Betty tells me you still have the same car."

Betty finally lets me out from under her arm but I sort of wish she hadn't, she was my human shield. "Yeah, still the same heap of crap..."

Alice continues to smile. "Right, that's nice, holding on to sentiments. I think I remember that you sat parked up outside for a couple of hours when Betty left in that same car," she says looking up from the pot.

I _had_ sat parked up outside the Cooper's house for hours. If Fred hadn't come out and told me to move, I don't know how many more hours, _days_ , I would have stayed out there for. Five years, maybe. Five years I could have been parked out there for, it wouldn't have made a difference. I remember the world crumbling, I remember appreciating that Mrs Cooper hadn't come out to move me, maybe she felt sorry for me and that's why she didn't move me. Fred had threatened that he and Archie would take off the hand break and roll me back next door. It didn't get to that, I moved on in the end.

"Yeah," I admit, still standing in the middle of the room awkwardly. "Not one of my finer moments, I admit."

Alice just shrugs. "Ah... finer than some people's though, hmmm?"

Betty's lips purse and she look from her mom to the ham on the bench as if trying to search for something amongst the food. I can feel the tension building in the kitchen along with the increasing heat of Alice's cooking. God, why couldn't we had just got take out and crashed on the floor with Archie? or had gone to Pop's?

Did Hal and Alice fight over Betty and the father of the kid, wondering what to do with her? Did they treat her the same as Polly? Making so many mistakes on their behalf on the way? Did they almost lose their daughter as some sort of ultimate price to pay? No matter if they did, Betty was still here, still meeting them for dinner, making small talk with them and pulling me in on it too.

Alice brushes a wave from her eyes with matching pink nails as she walks past me, my setting in her hands, leaving the smell of roses behind in the air. "Come," she says as she brushes back past, tapping my arm on the way to fetch the salad.

I swallow harshly and I look at Betty for some sort of answer to why this was playing out like one of my many dreams. A prim and proper Betty, her smiling mom, a faint glow around their faces only thing missing was Polly and her blonde, curly haired daughter with the brightest blue eyes that was a trait of the Coopers, her red-headed son with the smile that shone as brightly as his father's. This time, my dream is not met with Archie and Ronnie in it, that means that this scene is true.

Betty frowns at me and gestures for me to hurry over, I think I was starting to frustrate her because I am literally a deer in headlights – with my antlers also caught in a fence and my hooves stuck in the mud. I rush over to Betty like I'm about to stumble on the ground, I think she wants to laugh at me.

I sit down quickly next to Betty, banging shoulders in the meantime and Betty kicks me from under the table. "Cool it, Juggie, you don't want this kid's boat being rocked, do you?" she says with a wink.

"I will try and be the calm, rolling waves."

"Good, because at the moment you're feeling a heck of a lot like the crashing waves in the middle of a storm. Relax."

She places a comforting hand on top of mine which I see Alice flicking her attention to before flicking her eyes quickly to the food. My hand weighs heavy if not because of Betty's touch then definitely from Alice's stare. She starts dishing up our plates and I drum my fingers on my thighs a little nervously. "Betty told me about how you took her to her appointment, that's really nice of you."

Betty gives me what I feel is to be an encouraging smile but I just feel my ears burning instead. "It's nothing, honestly," I say, all eyes on me, so in a way to make myself feel less embarrassed, I shove my mouth full of potato.

"It's not _nothing_ , Jughead. You've always been good like that," she replies.

"We've been friends for a long time, mom," Betty says smirking. "If I can't rely on him, then who can I?"

"That's a valid point, Elizabeth," Alice says sighing. "We do appreciate it though, Jughead, Betty needs all the help she can get after..."

"After what that _swine_ did to your _little girl_ ," Betty says, stabbing her ham roughly.

I stab mine a little harshly too, looking at Betty who seemed to retreat into herself. They were fierce over their family, I would not fault Alice Cooper for that. Two ends of the spectrum, they would fight to the death for their girls – all three of them.

My family on the other hand? Dad never worried about me. _'You've always fallen on your feet, Juggie,'_ he would always say with a nervous laugh. When mom could, she would touch base. That was it, a fleeting touch in the form of a phone call or more often, a text message. Even with the tension in the air, you could see it was all over protection. I wonder if maybe Betty thinks I'm fierce over her too. One day I would never let anyone in my family feel that way, wondering who was going to watch out for them, wonder who was going to have their back, who was going to protect them. I only ever wanted protection and it often came in the form of a sixteen-year-old girl, fierce over me.

"Mom... stop..." Betty replies weakly.

Betty is quickly silenced by Alice. "No point dwelling on it though, is there, honey? We wouldn't have enjoyed a lawyer in the family, anyway. Too prying and knows too much."

"Everyone likes a person who doesn't ask questions and doesn't know enough..." I say, looking down at my plate. Betty laughs with a boom.

"A joke, mom," Betty explains.

"Hmmm, you would have thought that I would have been a little more accustomed to your jokes, Jughead," Alice says blandly. "With the amount of time you used to spend around here...At least you have a sense of humour, that's another thing that lawyers lack."

Betty rolls her eyes. "Don't convict every lawyer, mom. They didn't all do me wrong."

"They do everyone wrong, Betty, it's in their blood!" her mother argues back.

I feel like I need to shove more food in my mouth just to escape.

We sit in relative silence for a little longer, Alice commenting here and there on work and Betty commenting on the food. Me, well, I'm just focused on the food.

They both set their knives and forks down so I turn to my drink to occupy myself.

"So, Jughead," Alice starts again. "You still help out with the Blue and Gold, huh?"

I raise my eyebrows. "Yup," I say through a sip of my drink. "Every couple of months I invest three days at the school for their big edit."

My mouth runs dry even though I'm drinking, I realise it's been hours since I've had a cigarette and god, did I need one. I needed a coffee, I think I need a beer or a whiskey, it had been five years since being here and though it's not been too bad, I'm not the worst of the bunch any more, but I could easily go another five. I look up at the clock, maybe I could sneak off to Fred's for a quick one, no one would notice... I think I could still figure my way out of here undetected, it wouldn't be too hard... I'm snapped out of it.

"You've always been great with the Blue and Gold, I didn't realise you would keep it up for so long after I left. Would you ever consider writing? Journalism? You were always good at writing. Betty made sure we knew that," Alice says with a laugh.

Betty looks down at her empty plate and blushes a little. "What?" she says when I look over at her, "You are?"

I shake my head and lean back on my chair, hands behind my head feeling a little more comfortable here at the dining table. "Nah, I've made my career on the radio. I love it, it's a great job."

"You seem comfortable on the air..." Alice says then eyes Betty, lifting her hands in the air. "What?"

"You told me you don't listen to the station?" Betty says, smirking at her mother.

Alice seems a little lost for words but I also try and hold back a smirk, it was so _Alice Cooper_ of her to keep something like that from Betty. "I, ah – well, you don't expect me to sit in the office with no background noise do you, Elizabeth?"

Betty plays mindlessly with her fork. "I just didn't think you'd be the type to listen to Jughead Jones on the air."

"Maybe I prefer to listen to Crystal?" Alice replies.

Betty's face drops a little. "Is she that exciting that she can even pull you to listen to her?"

Alice holds his hands up in truce. "I just like listening to the soft rock on the station, I remember your dad and Freddie were fans of soft rock when we were at high school."

I always knew that my dad went to school with Betty's parents but never did I associate them in the same sentence, different worlds. different paths. "Like father like son, huh?" I say exhaling.

"Not so much," Alice replies.

"We'll be heading off," Betty says which earns her a frown from her mother.

"Already? You have another appointment tomorrow, don't you sweetheart?"

Betty nods to her mom. "I do. I promise to come over and tell you all about it."

"You're almost six months Betty. You need to be taking things seriously, thinking furniture... clothes, you haven't got any of it. Are you going with her, Jughead?"

I feel caught off guard again – still the deer in headlights with the antlers stuck and the muddied hooves. I didn't know if I was going, Betty hadn't said anything but I better go, she needs someone with her. Betty bites her lip as she looks at me and I put my hands in my pocket, feeling for my lighter. "Ah – yeah," I say looking at Betty, nodding in her direction. "Yeah I am."

Alice claps her hands together. "Great!"

"Great?" Betty asks.

" _Great_ ," I say, looking at her as if to tell that we'd be fine.

Betty looks quickly in her handbag then looks back up at me. "Shit. I won't be a moment, I just have to look for something up in the room..."

I just nod but I'm screaming at her to stay down here, or invite me up, not wanting to be stuck in silence with her Mom. We stand, eyes flicking from one another but Alice speaks up first. "You're a huge help to her, Jughead."

I purse my lips together and force a smile. "It's not a big deal, honestly."

"As a parent, you always want what's best for your child, as a grandparent too. You always try and steer them away from what you might think is not the best for them but really, only they know what's best for them..." Alice carries on seriously.

I didn't know what she was trying to say, it seemed foreign and somewhat like a code to me. I feel like she is trying to tell me something, but I knew she would do anything for their girls, even if it was the wrong thing. "I'm sure Betty knows exactly what's right for her, I wouldn't worry..." I say weakly.

"You're good for her, Jughead, always had been, you're a good friend. You were _good_ for her."

I was the best friend for her daughter, I would have to tell Archie that, he would be jealous. I don't think he ever did earn back the trust of Alice Cooper after the tainting of Geraldine Grundy. Alice had always been good to me and that's why I had avoided her for so long and now I was back and she was at it again, making me feel like I should have fought for her daughter.

Betty shouts downstairs; "Juggie, I'm going to be a while, come up?!"

I take one glimpse of her mom and then spin, pointing up the stairs. "I'm needed," I say quickly but I see her eyes widening. "Ah – not _needed_ , well, she wants me – oh god, she doesn't _want_ me." Shit, I was making an idiot out of myself much to the entertainment of Alice Cooper but, just like I was for the two years we were dating, I wanted to make it seem like I was being respectful, even if I smoked out the window of their daughter's room and did some sinful things to her on her bedroom floor...

"It's ok, you go!" Alice says laughing.

"It's just, you know - " I say, slowly taking one step at a time, wishing I could dart up them and slam the door. "I used to have to tell you..."

"You're twenty something now, and she's pregnant, I don't think we have to worry..." Alice says with her trademark manic laugh.

I do run up those stairs, I run up so quickly maybe my feet burned as hot as my face does.

I get to the landing of the stairway and for a brief moment I try and gather where I am, it's like instinct though, I know exactly where I am. I see Betty's door slightly ajar but I slink in through the gap and quickly turn to shut the door, putting my back against it, inhaling deeply.

I had stepped back in time; the smell of vanilla was fainter in here then at her house but the lace and glitter spread throughout the room made me feel like I had just returned to my own childhood room. I felt as comfortable in here as when I go back to mine and Archie's old room. I could just fall into the bed of white and pink, I could let the satin wash over me, I could lay in here forever with the radio playing lightly and Betty next to me. I could be sixteen, seventeen, eighteen all over again. I see Betty hunched over a box of things on the ground, hair hanging down loosely, frown etched so deep into her skin. "What're you looking for?" I ask.

She looks up quickly then throws her hand in the air, waving for me to join her on the ground. "Archie wanted me to bring a photo of us to school to show his class, I thought I had it but I don't and now I'm tired, I bet you Fred has it at his place..."

I sit down next to her and fold my legs, we were knee to knee as I pretend to look through the box too. My beanie slipping as I accidently knocked my head to hers. "Sorry," I say quietly. "I slipped." I point to my hat.

She reaches up to rub my hat against my head. "it's ok, I forgive you." She continues to flick through photos.

I look around the room a little more, intrigued by how much it hadn't changed. Of course, it hadn't, her room was very much a part of Riverdale and we all know how much Riverdale doesn't change. I see the tip of the ladder poking up from the bay window, as if it hadn't moved in five years. It doesn't feel like it's been five years since I've been in here, it still smells the same, feels the same, the same air drifting past. The entwined smell of vanilla lips and cigarette tips. Shit, it felt like us.

I leave Betty to continue flicking through the photos but I lean back on the carpet, hands behind my head, legs crossed, staring at the ceiling – still the layers of pink on pink. "Do you ever wonder Betts..." the words escape my mouth before I can even snatch them back up and stop myself.

She sighs and then puts a few photos down, looking at me; "What it would have been like if I didn't leave? Everyday..."

I don't question it any further, god, didn't she know I wondered what it would have been like every single day of my life. "Who knows what might have happened."

"I know what would have happened..." she says quietly. I see her move the box out of the way in my peripheral vision. Her blonde hair spreading as she lies down next to me.

I couldn't remember the last time I had been this close to Betty, so close I can see the faint freckles on her nose or the dark mascara she wears on each eye lash, the exact way her lower lip curves up to meet the other and just how those very lips can never close properly, a permanent gap showing the smallest number of teeth. She sighs. What did she think would happen if she had stayed? How different would her world be? I would be in it, that was something I was sure about.

She looks over at me and smiles. I smile at her too. "It's better to have done things and them not work out than to have never experienced anything," I reply. "Don't stress about it."

She places a hand on her stomach and rubs. Obviously thinking about what could have been. Her stomach had grown so much since I'd first seen Betty, weirdly, I felt I was a part of it. The excitement, the unknown. Whatever was going to come out of this in the end, boy or girl, short or tall, blonde or dark. Whatever was going to come out of this, I was going to experience it too. "I feel really lucky to be part of this, you know, with you..."

Betty's head rolls to the side to look at me, confused. "What do you mean?"

"I, well, you know, with the baby..."

Betty laughs lightly then grabs my hand. "Oh Juggie," she says sighing. "I'm so lucky to be part of this with _you_."

I suck up my courage, I take it all in – every single little piece of it – I hiss it up through the gap in my teeth. She still had my hand, running over scarred knuckles but I pull my hand out gently and place my hand on the small of her back. I can feel her breath on my lips and she just lays there, smiling and blinking.

It was now or never, if she didn't feel it, the air in this room, my heart beating with hers or the way my hand still seems to perfectly fit in the small of her back with my thumb tracing her hips, she would pull away. Wouldn't she?

I feel my heart racing faster and I can hear it. Does she hear it? She had to; it was drowning us right now. I lick my lips and a chuckle runs through me because she licks hers too. We sit in silence a little more. It wasn't silent at all, really. My heart was _deafening_.

Just watching her watch me was all spring-steps and stolen sighs. Her smell was warm and it didn't matter how much I was drowning in it, I was accepting of this vanilla death. My jaw was so tight I didn't know how I was going to release the feeling. I had stinging in the corner of my jaw like I had just eaten twenty sour worms. I was drowning in vanilla and the deep blue of her eyes and how she's touching me still.

I reach up to the deep-blue and brush a strand of hair out of her eyes, I run the same hand down her face, my thumb feels her jaw as I slide down. She still _feels_ the same and it's exactly like home.

She sighs and closes her eyes to my touch. I see her lips, I don't stop myself from falling into her sigh or moving closer to her lips.

The pink of her lips are so inviting and I put mine to hers, my lips welcomed home in hers and she sighs against me, her hand moving to the edge of my flannel and I suck in when I feel her bare hand against the skin of my stomach. I smooth my tongue over her lip, she smiles against me and I feel her move closer, her swelling stomach to mine,

My hand finds her hair and I pull lightly, keeping her tighter to me and I flinch a little unexpectedly when she bites down on my lip. "Shit, Betts," I groan, my hand finding the skin of her thigh.

She circles her hips when she feels my hands gliding, my hands are brave and strong and not shy and coy like my gentle lips are that dot kisses from the side of her mouth and further along to her neck that has the strong pulse that I lick.

"Jug," she whispers and then she gasps when my teeth scrape her neck. "Fuck, I want you."

"BETTY!" Alice calls right from outside the door. "Come out! Your dad's here!"

"Fuck!" she says, lying on the floor with my hand between her legs. "God dammit!"

I lean back on the ground, rubbing my face and laughing to myself which Betty doesn't find even the slightest bit as funny as I do. "Fuck," I agree.

"It's not funny, Jughead," she says through her teeth, straightening her dress but leaning back to lie in my arm. "Let's stay here for a minute. I need to cool down."

"Ok, cooling down," I say laughing still.

"What do you find so funny?" she asks.

"Nothing works out the way I want it, in the life of Jughead Jones."

Even though I could feel her breath on my lips, feel her fingers dancing over scarred knuckles, as much as it felt like it did five years ago, we laid in silence. Not a noise in the room, not the echoing of Ronnie or the laugh of Archie. Not the questions from Betty's parents, not the howl of the wind or the crashing rapids of Sweet Water River. Nothing could have torn us apart at this point. Nothing felt more natural than it did right now. I wondered what type of person the baby would grow up to be. Would they be like the man I had never met before? Would they be caring like their mom? Laugh like her? Laugh like _him_? Would they do anything to make someone happy, just like Betty? Would they be intelligent? Witty? Just like her? Have a knack for singing in tune and writing for fun? I wondered so many things and I felt, at least the smallest amount, excited to find out who they were going to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wouldn't be me if I said I don't want comments so...


	8. My new life and world

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter in which Jughead falls apart all over again

_**Chapter Eight** _

_Keep on keeping on, even if you think you're going to drown._

* * *

Want: A longing for something you don't have? Or is it more something that you've lost? Is it the feeling you get when you fucked up and you pray for things to go back to the way they were? Because there are days when it's so hard not to feel sorry for myself when I long for things to be as they were, even if we were kids who had seen so many things that we should not have.

 _Felt_ things we should not have.

It almost tasted real.

Her laugh against mine.

It had started with a curious hand, touching. Not just touching. _Feeling_.

A curious tongue, searching. It felt so real, I could feel the colour of her hair in my hands. My fingers tangling, _shit_ , I could feel it. A soft chest, pressed firmly against mine. I could taste it, the vanilla in the air, the vanilla on my lips; finger tips.

And that laugh, _god_ , that laugh. I _felt_ it. Shivering through the pads of my thumbs, against my lips, I could taste it, that laugh.

But it wasn't real, it hadn't been in a long time.

I couldn't feel the colour of her hair in my hands at all.

I stood in a cold shower. It was embarrassing to note that it was a cold shower. Everyone knows what a cold shower means. It means no _self-control_. Self-control was slowly diminishing. I could question what self-control was because I was rapidly running out of it. I couldn't, shouldn't, _wouldn't_ confess that the self-control that I had in my feelings of Betty, well, it was gone. Furthermore, with the seasons, ever changing. No, they had gone further than that, the seasons roll back around; my self-control? I don't think I will ever see it again. I had a good run, I tried my hardest. Good bye.

It was optimistic in saying the least. I had really lead myself to believe that it would be fine, I almost laugh out loud – in this freezing shower – a little crazy. A person that clings on to the memory of a laugh was never going to be fine. A person that had tried to shut out the smell of vanilla would never be fine.

_I was not fine._

"Jughead! We're gonna be late if you keep it up in that shower!" Archie yells.

Keep it up? Hah, he knew it didn't he.

"I'm coming!" I yell, excellent choice of words on my behalf. I shake my head as I turn off the faucets, I wasn't having a great start to the day.

It was so early that I didn't even have Crystal in the radio to start my day. I shake myself out, I'm quick with the towel and I wrap it around me to head out.

The sun kept on, I think the sun was playing with me. Since I had come to the great realisation that I still had feelings for Betty, the sun shone a whole lot more than it had been. I think the sun is being sly, trying to piss me off. The sun was cruel and unforgiving. The sun shone a little more for Betty, I feel. It was barely Six AM and the sun hadn't given up, just like Archie. He's a little piece of the sun, there was no denying.

Archie leans in the hallway as I swing the door open to head out of the bathroom, he tilted his head at me. "Want to come running?"

"Hah!" I say croakily. "When have I ever run apart from running for my life?"

"I get it!" he says, throwing his hands up in truce. "I just think maybe you need a little..."

"Cigarette?" I say, pushing past him to get to my room. "Dude, are you coming to watch me get dressed? I mean, I'm all for a strip show but, let's face it, you're the one with the body..." I say with a laugh.

He continues to follow anyways.

I walk into my room and shut the door, not needing him to come and see _this_ strip show. I know he's still out there because I hear his forehead bang the door. I groan and quickly pull up my jeans, reaching out for the door handle to let him back in. "Jug."

"Your son, you know, I really thought he got his incessant need to follow me into my room from his mother, but I see now it's from you."

"Jug!" Archie says sternly. "Slow down!"

"What?" I say, pulling up my suspenders. I reach for my packet of cigarettes and put one in my mouth before shoving the packet into my back pocket. "It's Six AM, Archie, we don't have to go so early... you know, you could skip leg day for one time to enjoy a coffee with me out back..."

He wasn't listening. "Jughead!" he says, pulling at my hair. I push him away to pull my beanie on.

I look at my best friend, frowning, still in his boxers, he hadn't organised to do leg day and I think I might be the reason why. He just stood there for a solid moment, looking at me – eye to eye – I feel like he wants to reach out. Maybe hug me, even. That would be something new. He was trying to get me to listen to him but how could I when I can barely decipher what I'm saying to myself?

"Archibald," I say, bowing to him.

" _Forsythe_ ," he says, dragging out my name, making me shudder.

"You've got my attention now," I grumble.

"Good! Because you have a bad habit of just going on."

"I have to," I say sighing. "It's all I know how to do."

Archie groans and points at me, prodding my chest in the meantime. "Yeah, you do, and you've always been good at it but..." he struggles to find the right words. "Juggie. You're – you're not ok, dude. And it's making me a little worried."

He thought I wasn't ok? I don't think I'm ok. I had to be though, didn't I? I didn't have a valid excuse to not be ok. I wasn't having a hard time, I didn't fall pregnant to some douchebag that didn't want me. I didn't have to face attempting to raise a baby alone.

All I had was some petty excuse that I love someone and I don't think she loves me back.

"Archie -" I'm cut off.

"Jug, we know you barely sleep, you're not around anymore, god knows where you are!"

"Good thing I'm not a kid then huh?" I say stiffly, wanting to walk straight out of this room and get the hell out.

"I know you're not a kid -" this time I cut him off.

"What does it matter, Archie?"

Archie seems taken aback by my raised voice and I start to feel a little shit inside, he was trying to watch out for me but I don't need babysitting anymore. "You still love her and it's eating you up inside! We don't want a repeat of the last time! Not eating, staying in your room!"

I feel my fists tensing, my temples start throbbing, my jaw feels so tight I can barely speak. "I love her Archie, but why would she love me? I have nothing to offer her except for a ride to her Doctor's appointments."

Archie sniggers, he feels it too, that this conversation is over. "You keep doing this to yourself, Dude. You're the one suffering. And if you think that's all that Betty thinks of you, then you don't know her at all. And if you weren't so damn stubborn then you could have gone with her and you wouldn't have lost her in the first place!"

I shake my head and raise my eyebrows, unsure of what I was hearing out of Archie's mouth. "What, you think she still loves me?" what a joke.

Archie throws up his hands in the air as he walks out. "What do I know?" he says, shutting the door but I still hear him yell out; "YOU CAN WALK TO SCHOOL!"

"GOOD!" I shout back. "I NEED THE EXERCISE ANYWAY!"

I storm out after him, jacket flying, suspenders snapping and a cigarette in between my lips, fingers and behind my ear.

* * *

There were three of them working on the Blue and Gold and I welcomed the silence of these concentrating teens.

The boy, Jackson, I liked him. All of him from the ripped jeans and equally ripped shirt to the ripped Chuck Taylors he wore that wouldn't keep out any rain. I feel I could relate to him, I think his mind was a little scattered at times – probably ripped like his clothing. He barely spoke to the two girls he worked with, one, the blonde, she made him laugh. The other, the dark haired one with the green eyes – well, she made him quiet.

He was the reporter, I found that interesting, though his questions were somewhat probing and a little off the record, he got the answers he wanted so he was effective.

The two girls would sit together, heads almost touching and whispering at times. Jackson? Well, he sat afar just watching, scrawling in a book. When I asked him why he didn't just type, well of course he answered with it being too mainstream. God only knows what is and isn't mainstream anymore.

"I mean," I say, flicking through a hard copy of the Blue and Gold monthly that Brooke had printed, "I'm not much of a basketball follower but you're writing is so good, I might just start watching!"

Brooke looks at me with bright eyes, "Really?"

I laugh as they all look at me, "Well, no, I mean, if I was paid to, I would but I mean it when I say your writing is so good I want to keep reading."

"That's good enough for me," she says grinning, I chuck her the copy and then turn to Jackson.

"I especially like the question, _'if you could have a magical power, would it be to never miss because Darren Hinds has a habit of missing the goal_ ', Jackson, did you think of that yourself?"

Jackson suppresses a small smile and shrugs. "I just call it how it is."

"I'm sure Weatherby will appreciate calling his star athlete how he is," I say smiling back. "The Blue and Gold is nothing if not truthful."

"People do get offended by your questions, Jacks, you do know that, don't you?" Brooke replies with a huff.

"You're just jealous that I get people to talk," he snaps back.

Leah looks from Jackson to Brooke and rolls her eyes, I feel she's used to these two bickering and it reminds me of being back at school myself. "Do you two always have to argue?"

"Brooke is just worried I might do a huge expose on her about how she always ditches fourth period," Jackson keeps on, knowing he's quite talented at pissing off this team of girls.

"Guys," I say, trying to calm the situation.

I'm interrupted by Leah. "You two and your damn investigations, you two have to let it go."

"Guys!" I say clapping my hands together. "I only have one more day left here before your huge print, so focus! Jackson, your interview with the band is great, I love how you've mentioned the background of their hit, the musos will love it and Brooke; your writing on a Taste of Riverdale is also great, you just need to wind up the last paragraph on it. And you," I say to Leah, "You keep drawing because you're going to make millions, I'm not gonna lie and I'll be forever in your debt if you think of a little guy who just likes to help out with the Blue and Gold and give me some cash when you're rolling in it, how does that sound?"

They all smile at me, now I know why Archie appreciates working here, they make you feel like a god.

The day wound down and I heard less and less of the bickering trio. I forced them to head home when they started demanding coffee, I am all for the love of coffee but I wasn't going to be the one who had to help them down from the caffeine high. Sometimes I could barely contain my own, let alone a bunch of misunderstood teens. I started tidying up the room when I hear my phone vibrate next to the last draft copy of the Blue and Gold. I reach out for it and grab my cigarettes next to it; Jellybean.

I hurry to swipe my phone open, almost out of breath from rushing around. "Jelly!" I almost shout. "Shit, what rock have you been under?"

I hear her laugh over the phone. "Not the same one as you, obviously."

I can hear an acoustic guitar in the background, I grin to myself as I pick up my bag with my free hand, putting in over my shoulder. "Has it not occurred to you that I don't get reception under my rock, I communicate through carrier pigeon now and I haven't seen yours my way. P.S," I say, "Please tell me that is not a boy in the background trying to woo you. I would have to beat him up, Big Bro style."

She exhales loudly which makes my phone crackle. "No one's trying to woo me, Jug. Not unless they can play all Satriani's solos, then Juggie, that would be a _god_. Please, you couldn't beat anyone up."

"Not me," I reply. "I could send Archie, though."

"Send him, I have a list of people he could beat up."

I laugh. "I think I'm included on his own list..."

Jellybean laughs. "Yeah right, I'd pay money to see that. Archie wouldn't lay a finger on you. What did you do this time?"

I contemplated making up some excuse. Some _wild_ story. But all I had was the truth. Jellybean knew my history, she knew the love I had seeping into my veins for Betty; Jellybean had ears that I had tainted for a long time and now she's eighteen, she had an idea of love and a slight obsession for romance novels and quite often, I would tell her all my issues and she listened. "He's pissed, Jelly."

"Uggh!" she groans. "Why would you do that, I wanted to come and stay!"

"As if Ronnie and Archie wouldn't let you stay because of me," I say quickly. "For some reason, I feel like you don't want to come and stay with dad."

"Oh no," she says sarcastically. "I really, _really_ do."

I shake my head on the phone. "I'll talk to Archie, this lovers quarrel won't last long," I reassure her. "He's pissed because I won't confess my love for Betty," I say quietly. "As if it's not written all over my face, my laptop, my world."

"It's a tough one, Juggie. I can see why you're not pushing it. You're such a nice guy!" she says, whining, taking the piss out of me.

"Shut up," I mutter. "Stop embarrassing me."

"I haven't seen her in years!" Jelly replies, giggling. "So long!"

"Five years -"

"Not that anyone's counting, eh, Juggie?"

"Stop!" I whine.

"Ok, I'll stop. I'll let you know the details, I'm thinking of coming next weekend, how does that sound? Maybe for a couple of nights. Tell Arch I want to bring him something to finger -" I choke but she says; "Shit, I meant guitar! Fuck, I didn't mean..."

I laugh, shit, I feel like I haven't laughed all day but it was just her to make me laugh. "I won't be telling him that. I hope to see you next week, Betty will want to see you too!"

"I can't wait! Love ya' Juggie!"

"Love you too, JB!"

She disconnects.

For the first time in ages, I feel like I'm lighter, my grin still plastered to my face. My sister would be here, coming to visit, a time for shit talking and jokes galore. And even though I don't want to face Archie or the questioning glare of Ronnie, I feel good.

* * *

I had forgotten that I had walked to work today. I tried to push the feelings of resentment out of my mind but maybe hanging out with all those teenagers got to me because I'm feeling a little spiteful. I hated feeling spiteful towards Archie. I hate to admit that I always felt like I owed him, piece by piece, my life was what he had given me and I don't like it, I never have. I hated that sometimes I was ungrateful.

Sometimes I hated myself a little.

And sometimes a little _more_ than a little.

Some people, some people very, very close to me tried to disguise their annoyance at me as _worry_. Oh, they're just looking out for me, I would think; _'No, Jughead. They just think there's not something right with you'_.

I made my way outside and stood in the space where Archie's car was supposed to be. I read through the message he sent me.

\- _Jug, let me know when you're done, I got Pop's, I'll come get you._

Ah, the truce through food. Nice move, Archibald.

I will not give in.

What did it matter to him anyway? It's not his life, not his love, not his heart. He would probably say something problematic like when I hurt, he does too. We were brothers, we weren't twins. We weren't _conjoined_ twins. We still came from the opposite sides of the Riverdale spectrum, one where the sun shone and blinded people, the other from the middle of winter with the darkening shadows.

I kick my foot where Archie's Jeep should have been – my foot kicking some metaphorical ass at least. I light up my cigarette, it was going to be a long walk.

It was night time, there was no escaping that, but each cold foot step made me a feel a little more alive. Was it strange to feel liberated? Spring dancing on my skin? The relaxing feeling of the cigarette between my teeth? And how tonight, I was not going to eat the truce Archie was hoping to lay, I was on my way to Betty's. I felt like a hot drink.

Was this the feeling Betty had every time she walked these paths? God, we used to walk everywhere, past the cemetery, through the town, to Pop's even though it seemed to be out in the middle of nowhere. You would walk through hell and back as a teenager, the walks never seemed long when you were in good company. I had a lot of good company over the years.

I stub out my cigarette when I arrive at Betty's duplex. I see a car reversing out of her drive way though and a window wind down as it shot past me. "Tag, you're it," Polly calls out at me. "Look after her, you're looking good Jughead!"

She speeds past me and it leaves the space clear between Betty and I, she's grinning at me. "Hey!"

"Hey!" I say, pulling my beanie down then looking down at my wrist to check the time. "It's eight o'clock, I know. But I was wondering if you would ah..." I point to her front door.

Betty looks from me then to the door and her eyes widen. "Oh! Yeah, of course, come in!"

I feel a little silly following in behind her but she leaves the door wide open and chucks a jumper on the sofa, I remain in the hallway, taking off my shoes and dumping my back pack on the ground. I ease into my surroundings, I see a bowl full of soup on the bench and I noticed she was wearing white, fluffy slippers. They were cute and they made her seem short. Or maybe I feel like I have grown a foot when I stepped inside, I didn't think I would feel so... at home, here.

Betty leans over her bowl but looks at me, sipping from the spoon. "So..." she says. "What's earned me the visit then."

Where did I start? I could hardly start from this morning, that would be stupid. "I just need a break from the domestic bliss of the Andrews," I say, drumming my fingers on her counter. "Or maybe they needed a break from me..."

"Funny word, isn't it, ' _break_ '?" Betty says, sighing. "Archie was upset to say the least."

"Huh, funny that – he was the one that made me walk to work," I say, grumbling. I felt like Abel must do when he's mad at his mother for eating the last of his food. "How dare he!" I joke.

Betty laughs. "I understand, they always have their shit together and they make you feel -"

"-like you don't have your shit together?" I add.

She nods. "Yeah!" she looks back down at her bowl. "I told you we'd get better at finishing each other's sentences."

"Well," I start. "We have had a bit more practice recently."

"And we shall keep practising, how does that sound?"

"Perfect."

I watch her eat and it gives me some satisfaction. Was it weird of me to be happy that she was well? Even though tonight's visit was built mainly on silence, I felt like I didn't have to talk and she didn't press for me to tell her about Archie though I do wonder if maybe he had said something to her, if he did, I appreciate her silence. My hat was not capable of engulfing me whole no matter how much I prayed.

At some point, she had made me a drink and insisted that I sit on her couch, the same couch that I had found myself frequenting a little more that was plusher than the expensive European sheets Ronnie had bought me. I sink into it, vanilla was laced into the threads that bound this couch. I would have to change my prayers tonight and beg that maybe this couch would engulf me instead, maybe that was more likely to happen. It smelled like her.

She was in an oversized T-shirt, she had told me that now her clothes don't fit properly any more. I don't know why she would bother making up excuses – comfort was comfort and I was all for it.

She ties her hair up high on her head, Betty never wore much make up, she never had but I she had wiped it all off, bare lashes, bare skin, bare lips. She leans back on the sofa and puts her feet up on the arm of the sofa. "What was Polly up to?" I ask.

Betty scoffs. "Not much," she says, rolling her eyes. "On babysitting duty, and you guessed it!"

"You're the baby?"

"Exactly," she adds with a sigh. "That's why she was so happy to see you, then she didn't feel so bad for leaving. I'm six months, not dying!"

"Thank god for that," I mutter.

She leans her head to the side to look at me. "And what are you up to?" she questions.

I lean my head back on the arm of the sofa as well, but my legs lean over the edge so I kick my feet a little. "Relaxing," I answer coolly. "Hanging out with a friend."

"Hey!" she says, pouting.

I bite my lip when I see her pouting, god, she still did that? "What?"

" _Best_ friend," she corrects me. "Maybe more..."

I swallow the lump in my throat loudly "Ah!" I say, lifting my arm in the air. "Sorry, of course. _Best_ friend. _Or more_."

She nods to herself. "That's better."

The welcomed silence was so inviting, I feel like I could drift off at any moment. I feel like every little thing that Betty lets me in on, her home, her sofa, her face bare, her hair a mess, means I am just a little closer to the old Betty. Riverdale's breeze was relentless tonight and banged her windows, shook her doors. I didn't particularly want to walk out in that chilly weather. "Bets!" I say excitedly, almost forgetting the good news. "JB is coming, next week, I hope."

Betty raises her eyebrows, a wide grin spreading. "Is she?"

"Yeah!" I say. "I completely forgot..."

"Is she going to stay here?" Betty asks, not even hesitating.

I snigger, "No, I couldn't do that to you Betts, that's..."

"Weird?" she says with a questioning glare. "Don't you dare say _weird_ , Jughead Jones."

"I wasn't..." I say, lying.

I couldn't expect her to have Jellybean here, I don't even think Jellybean would want to stay here. She's always stayed with Ronnie, Archie, Abel and me.

"Think about the space, I don't think Jellybean wants to be crashing on Archie's couch!"

"She doesn't..." I trail off weakly. "We top and tail."

"Top and tail?" Betty says laughing, "God, Jug. At least here she'd have a bed!"

I groan in defeat. "Fine," I say, obviously losing. "I will tell her but I don't think she'd agree!"

"She'll agree, I'll make her," she says giving me a wink.

I shake my head. "It's your way or the highway still, I see?"

"I'm glad you still see it."

I lay back in silence again, eyes barely staying open, the soft inhale and exhale of Betty, looking over and seeing the rise and fall of her chest – the rise and fall of her stomach. I wanted to touch it, but I didn't know if that would be the right thing to do. Maybe it would earn me a punch, I wouldn't blame her if she did punch me.

I sit up on the sofa, I decide to ask anyways, she would either say yes or no and no matter the answer, I would probably turn red. "Hey, I know it's a weird question," I start, watching her and her closed eyes, small smile on her face. "But do you think I could – you know – touch your..." I can't even say it. I was an idiot.

Betty's eyes shoot open and her eyebrows knit. "Of course!" she says, waving for me to sit by her.

I almost fall over my feet when I get up to join her. My hands were already out in front of me, I was embarrassed and I was turning red, just like I knew I would. She moves over and I sit down next to her, my knees touching her knees. She quickly grabs my hands and I feel like holding them in my own hands forever but she pushes my hands firmly against her stomach. "Uh," is all I say.

I look down at the cotton covered stomach and then up at the blue of her eyes, white cotton on blue. My hands in her hands, her thumbs brushing my knuckles. She looks at me too though, and I feel something.

It was like a rolling wave, a ripple through her body. I could feel it under my hand, through the tips of my fingers, the skin of my palm was greeted and my breath hitches in my throat, "Wow!" Betty exclaims, looking me dead in the eye. She moves her head closer to mine, "Moving!" is all she says.

I can't find the words to describe what I was thinking, the room seemed static and in a standstill. We were forehead to forehead, I could smell the vanilla chap stick on her lips, feel the soft movements of her nose against mine, losing myself in the deep blue of her Sweet Water River eyes. "Fuck!" I say, "I mean, wow! That's amazing!"

I press down harder under the guidance of Betty but she frowns. "That might be the end of the show."

"I felt that!" I say excitedly. "Me!"

"Well, you're officially the first person he's performed for so feel blessed!"

I just nod as I smile. I did feel blessed, I got to feel the baby for the first time, experience it with Betty. Another round of firsts for us. But I pause as I take my hands from hers. "He?" I question. I do the calculations in my mind and shake my head. "Nah, you didn't find out the sex of the baby without me, did you? Unless your sister learnt that Blossom freaky voodoo thing and tried it out on you."

Betty rolls her eyes at me. "Gut instinct, it's something that only a mother has," she replies with a shrug.

Betty couldn't be having a boy, they were a family of _girly girls_. I take her hands from her lap and hold them in mine, bringing them up to us. "Betty, if you have a boy, I owe _you_ a thousand dollars, but I swear, you're having a girl and then you owe _me_ a thousand dollars, got it?"

She smirks. "You seem so sure of yourself, Jug," she says with a yawn.

It was science, there wasn't much more to it. "Atoms, protons, DNA ladders. Science. I just know the logistics of it," I say shrugging. "And I could do with a thousand dollars."

Betty laughs but stretches high above her then comes back down to rub her eyes. "It's been a long day."

"If there is one thing I learnt from Ronnie, it's that pregnant ladies need their sleep. And if you're Veronica Andrews, you need at least twelve hours."

Betty laughs lightly. "You know I'm not much of a sleeper," she says with a wink causing me to gulp loudly. Shit, why did she always say things like that? "But I don't want to leave you in here alone."

I stand up from the comfort of the couch and stretch myself out too. It was going to be a long, cold walk home so I better get ready for it, I needed to be loose and limber. "Don't worry about it, you need to go to bed," I say, reaching out to brush her eyes like I do to Abel when I try and convince him he needed to go to sleep too.

Betty shakes her head. "Jughead, it's Ten PM, you've been here two hours and I'm not letting you walk home in the dark and you're not letting Archie drive you home so I guess you're staying."

I open and close my mouth, wondering if I should make up some excuse to get going but I couldn't. I was tired too and the sound of sleeping was something I was dreaming of. And I wished I was dreaming because that would mean I would be sleeping.

She doesn't wait for me to answer, she just grabs my hand and starts leading me to the door to a room. We step through the frame and I realise that I hadn't been in here before. "Is this your room?" I ask.

She nods and then pushes me lightly onto a bed – all white linen, all white drawers, desks, candles. Natural wood floors, pot plants. This was serene and not the mass of pink I was used to for Betty Cooper. Her bed was so soft, the linen was plush. I liked it in here.

She turns towards the door. "Hang on," she says, rushing out of the room.

I wait until she returns empty handed. "You're not sleeping in the spare room, are you? 'cause I don't feel so good stealing the bed of a pregnant lady."

She just shakes her head and then walks over to the side of the white cloud we were now referring to as a bed, opening the blanket and slipping inside, all legs and white cotton T-shirt, hair still tied up tightly.

I keep staring at the door of the room, feeling like I was intruding, maybe she just wanted to show me her new and improved Betty room? Maybe she had forgotten I was supposed to be in the next room or maybe, she really wanted to deter me and send me home. "You ok?" she asks.

"I think I'll go next door," I say quickly, pointing at the door. "I can find my way to the next room..."

Betty slaps her hand on the bed next to her, "Come and lie down, Jug, for goodness sakes."

I almost leap when I hear her slapping and I quickly scramble up the white linen to lay next to her. We both stare at the ceiling with our hands folded on our stomachs. "Thanks for letting me stay," I say weakly. "I don't think I would have made the walk home, there might be a new murderer on the loose."

"Gees, that makes me feel a hell of a lot safer," Betty teases, elbowing me.

"Sorry, sometimes I -"

"Speak before you think? I preferred it when you wrote before you spoke."

I laugh. "I haven't heard that saying in a long time..." I reply.

"That's because I'm the only one that says it," she adds quietly. She sighs again. "Thanks for making me feel like I'm normal, Juggie."

"You are normal," I tell her. "I don't know why you don't think you're not."

"It's somewhere between the single parent thing and being a Cooper."

"Ah, but Betts," I say cheerfully. "Those are my two favourite things!"

Betty groans. "You and your damn jokes, Jug, they'll be the death of me."

"Better to be a single parent than the parent that never wanted you..." I say quietly. "I would still want that baby no matter what the circumstances," I say before I can take it back.

I feel the air shift and my face turn red for the umpteenth time tonight. Betty's head leans in my direction, I can feel her eyes on me. "Jug, can you hold me?"

I look at her too, the deep. The faint pink of her lips, bare and not glossy but that vanilla, I can still smell it, stronger than ever. She moves in closer to me, her forehead on my chest, my chin resting on her head. Her steady breathing directed towards my heart and the tiniest trace of her lips on my collarbone. She tilts her head up to brush her lips on mine but I ease into her kiss, I trace patterns on her satin skin but I find it in me to stop and place a kiss on her forehead and each temple. She brightens the room with her soft, sleepy smile.

In this moment in time, I don't focus on her body on mine or how maybe, stupidly, our hearts felt like they were beating as one. I don't think back to the way her body rolled, curving on top of my hips or how my fingers would dig in so hard on her thighs. All I can think about is the girl who gave a boy the world, took the sun from the sky and the stars from the night and palmed them off as her being. The girl who just needed that boy to be there even if all he could offer was his heart, bloodied and dripping in his hands.

"Good night, Sunlight," I murmur, falling both asleep and somewhat apart simultaneously.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Later on today, I shall have all chapters up on here including my brand new chapter 17


	9. Confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter in which Jellybean Jones returns.

_ **Chapter Nine** _

_Oh, how we seem to fit so seamlessly,_

_Like it had we had always moved in unison._

_When in reality, I'm a jagged piece of the puzzle_

_and you're the entire scene._

* * *

I think I might be punishing myself.

It felt like my face smacked flush with the cold concrete, like my spit was escaping from the impact; teeth chattering with the force. The reality was that I was wrapped in soft skin, soft sighs, soft thighs...

Three nights is what it took for Riverdale's entire being to change. The sun shone a little more, people in the street seemed to be a lot friendlier, coffee date had come to a halt. I had never had so many females blowing up my phone; Ronnie was persistent. She was going to hunt me down, pull my ears and drag me to the Coffee Club. She was going to force that scalding hot coffee down my throat – do _anything_ for things to go back to normal.

Three mornings I woke up, a panic running through my body like I was extremely late for something or I had dreamed something horrible. My body jolts and I quickly stiffen, trying to inhale – gasping loudly. Three mornings I woke up with Betty in my arms, I think with a tear stained face, I don't know this for sure. I don't look at her properly.

Three mornings I woke up, punishing myself. My face in her hair like it was cold concrete, it was a hard hit. Vanilla smacking me in the face, the impact was so strong. God, I hate punishing myself.

She looks at me, she's not happy, her hands are on her hips and she's scowling. I could never look into her eyes when she was mad. She made me want to confess every sin. She made me want to confess for things that I never committed. "It's Monday, Jughead."

She's standing with me in the Blue and Gold and I try to keep my hands busy so I don't have to look at her, but I can feel her looking at me, eyes burning my skin, heavy sighs reaching straight for me, locking me up. "I know," I say, pointing to the calendar by the door but still not looking at her. "I can see the date."

She groans and I quickly see her shaking her head. "It's Monday which means you better go home and sort yourself out, you're back at work tomorrow."

"Hah!" I say, tapping my head. "And here I was thinking that I had moved into your house..."

She rolls her eyes and moves across the room to where I was standing. She places a hand on my shoulder and forces me to look at her, "Juggie," she says with a soft smile "It's been great having you as my roomie, but I don't want you to keep avoiding Arch and V!"

"I'm not..." I lie to her. She reads straight through me and laughs.

" _Sure_. I've been texting Archie all weekend and he's worried sick about you. And he misses the coffee date!" she starts moving closer to me and grabs the sides of my shirt, pulling me closer to her. She closes the gap between us as much as she can but her stomach has become a very amusing barrier.

I missed coffee date too. I missed Archie and I missed Ronnie but they would probably think I've got a screw loose, especially after this weekend. They were all for self-preservation and unfortunately sleeping platonically with the love of your life did not fall under that umbrella. Ronnie would kill me, that's for sure. Punishing myself like this was not her idea of ' _healing_ ' and god, did she think that I needed healing, that was for sure.

I smile back at Betty and kiss her quickly on the lips before stepping back. "Tell Archie when he has lunch with you today that I will be happy to rebuild our bromance over many coffees..."

Betty squeals in delight and claps her hands before spinning on her heels to head out the door. "See you later, then?"

"See you later, Sunlight," I say sighing, watching her stroll out the door, grin so big, it lit up the room as she strolls out.

Jackson strolls in in the same fashion as Betty strolled out and he looks back at her, bemused by Betty's happiness. "She looks happy," he says pointing at her, he walks up closer to the desk I as working on with the brand-new issue of the Blue and Gold limited monthly edition. "Are you two..." he says, pointing back and forth between the door and myself.

I feel myself turning red but I remind myself that this is just some kid who likes to interrogate people. "Ah, dude, I don't think you should be talking about your teacher like that."

He looks a little embarrassed himself and then looks down at his feet, kicking the air. "Right, sorry Mister Jones."

The day went on with Brooke and Leah hunched over the last edit and Jackson cooperating with them. This must be what it feels like, to have pride in something that you had a hand in. I had helped out kids in the Blue and Gold for three years but nothing made me feel like this, like I was drip feeding a little of me into something bigger than myself, something that I would only get a little credit for but the looks on their faces made it all worth it. I had helped in some minuet way but felt like the _biggest_ way with these kids.

I knew she was coming but I felt like I hadn't seen Crystal in an eternity. I saw her mass of hair before anything else and she started applauding when she stepped foot in the Blue and Gold office, watching me tidy up. " _Hell_ , I mean, I know everyone has some sort of order in their lives but I never thought I'd see you, Jughead, trying to create order in the form of tidying!"

I scrunch up a mess of papers that Jackson has left behind on the counter and chuck it at her. "Just when I thought I had missed you a little and then you go on and remind me why I like to work alone."

"That won't happen, Jug," she says with a laugh. "You couldn't control all of those people calling in on the lines. Your friend Veronica? She's called in five times while you've been gone, she has an opinion on everything," Crystal says, throwing her hands in the air. "I don't know how you live with it."

Her dark skin seems a little darker than the last time I saw her, caramel on caramel, all of that welcomed sun. I smile easily at her. "Welcome to my escape from you," I say winking at her. "This is the place you begged me to come to. It's humble, but I spent a lot of time in here."

She raises and eyebrow as she starts fingering the pages discarded on the benches, picking up one of Leah's drawings of the River Vixens she had drafted. "This is good!" she says. "I would pay money for something like this."

"Right?" I say. "I would too!"

"So, this is the dark dungeon Jughead Jones started writing in? Seems cool, when you're rich from writing, I can tell people this is where it all started..."

"The great murder mystery of Jason Blossom was investigated in here," I tell her. I point to the corner of office where there stood a huge cork board and chair. "That's where Betts used to put her murder board."

"Seems dark and brooding," she says, faking a shudder. "Not really the type of thing sixteen-year olds would do..."

"Ah, while kids like Ronnie used to sneak into clubs -"

"And we hippy kids where trying to steal weed from Gypsy's..."

I snigger, "Ok... well, we Riverdale natives would try and pin murders on our parents," I say which makes Crystal stare at me with her mouth open. "We didn't have much trust in our parents," I stare back.

"Dark, brooding and fucking weird!" Crystal exclaims.

I hold up my hands and shrug. "It's a small town; small minds, Cryss."

She walks over to a chair, a mess of fabric from her dress following behind her. "Let's hope that that baby has a little more trust in you and Betty," Cryss starts. "By the way, I want to meet this untouchable Betty Cooper."

"I'm sure the baby will have a little more trust in their mom. Betty has to be the most trustworthy person in the world," I conclude.

Cryss stares up at me under her lashes. "And you too, though. You're pretty much the dad now..."

I choke. "Don't say that."

"What?" Cryss says, trying to show innocence but it wasn't working. "You can't tell me that you've stayed neutral with her. You smell of her..."

I feel a little uncomfortable and step from foot to foot, kicking at the floor in the same fashion the sixteen-year-old Jackson did. I felt a little bit of guilt. I felt a hell of a lot like shit. "Cryss, she just really likes vanilla..."

"Jughead!" she says, tugging at my hand before letting it go. "I'm not the kind to stand in the way of true love, fuck, I want to push you in it since you're so damn afraid of it. I don't even know how you got her in the first place, you must have a hell of a lot more guts back then," she says rolling her eyes.

I rub the back of my neck. "Gee, thanks. You don't hold, back do you?"

"She's the one having the baby, you're not the baby," she says laughing. "Get it together, man."

Before I can reply I can hear the familiar clicking of heels coming down the corridor. Stupidly, I feel like telling Crystal to hide under the table, but I had nothing to hide, did I? "Jug?" I hear Betty call.

Crystal's mouth drops open and a smile creeps onto her face, causing me to blush. "That's her," she mouths at me.

I groan but decide to speak. "Come in, Betts."

Betty walks in, all bright and shining before standing in the door and tightening her ponytail. She looks at me questioningly when she sees Crystal and I see the deep meet Crystal's eyes. Cryss quickly stands up and waves. "Hey," she says gently. "I'm Crystal."

I can almost see the thoughts ticking through Betty's mind, her own smile faltering just a little before picking up again. "Hey, Crystal," she says, waving back. "I'm -"

"Betty Cooper," Crystal says with a laugh. "The famous."

Betty scowls at me. "The famous?"

"The Juliet to Jughead's Romeo, yeah, the _famous_."

My ears turn hot and I decide to take a cigarette out of the packet on the bench, anything to make me feel a little normal. "It's just an old joke," I mumble to Crystal. "She's not really called Juliet."

"Because if I was, I'd be a fourteen-year-old angst-ridden teen," Betty says, biting her lip with a smirk. "Who causes a lot of deaths."

"Oh, ok, I see you have the same humour as this one," Cryss says, throwing her thumb over her shoulder at me. "A little morbid..."

Betty laughs at Crystal lightly and I ease into the scene unfolding in front of me. At least they get a long and it's not too weird between us though I'm sure I will never hear the end of it once Cryss leaves and Betty kills me for telling Crystal all about her. I will let them joke a little more.

Betty walks deeper into the room, coming closer to Cryss and I. "You work at the station too, Crystal?"

"Yeah," Crystal replies enthusiastically. "I'm the brains of the show and Jughead is essentially the selector of the songs."

"I call bullshit," I argue. "I'm the brains _and_ the selector of the songs!"

"If you let Jug be the brains then it would be a station full of conspiracy theories," adds Betty, "so I don't blame you for trying to be the brains."

They both laugh at my expense but I appreciate it. They continue chatting as I carry on cleaning and tidying. I felt like I couldn't look either of them in the eye. Could Betty tell that Crystal was often the only thing to distract me of her? Did Crystal finally see everything that I had told her about Betty? Could she see why I loved her so much? Could Betty see in Crystal's eyes the way I had touched Crystal? Held on to her body, teeth dragging along her skin? God, I really hope she couldn't.

"Hey, Jug!" Cryss says loudly across the room. "I'm going to head off but I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?"

"Yeah," I reply. "See you tomorrow."

"And bring that little sister of yours, candy floss?"

"Jellybean," Betty and I both reply in unison.

Crystal shakes her head, grinning. "Right, _Jellybean_. Nice to meet you, Betty Cooper!"

Betty waves back at Crystal, "You too, Crystal."

Crystal walks out of the room but spins to say; "Call me Cryss, any love of Jug's is a love of mine."

I groan and slap my hand to my face, cursing Crystal for her big mouth. "Crystal is..."

"Funny," Betty says. "She's funny and she's beautiful. But I think you might know that..."

"Is that a trace of envy?" I say, trying to come across like I was teasing but praying that she'll answer me honestly.

Betty shrugs but bites her lip as she looks me in the eye and then pats her stomach. "Maybe just a little. Sometimes I wish I had dark hair like that."

"Sunlight," I say quietly. "You could have hair as dark as night, you'd still be more beautiful than all that graces the earth."

She just looks at me, hands splayed on her stomach, smiling. "Stop calling me that."

"But you're my Sunlight..."

She chucks a ball of paper at my head.

* * *

What little tension we held onto was diminished when we looked at each other. We didn't even speak, maybe the coffee spoke for us but he held out his olive branch in the form of a latte. "Is this the point in which we bro hug?" I ask Archie.

My red headed best friend looks at me shyly and just nods. "I could do with one of your bro hugs that feel like I'm hugging a bag of bones," he says with a shrug.

"Just as well I'm a bag of bones then, huh? And don't tell me you love me, either."

"Just as well you told me that because I actually hate you," Archie jokes. I don't even get a chance to say something else cheesy when Archie pulls me in for a hug. "Jug, I hate fighting! We fought for so long when we were kids, we can't keep fighting!"

I shake my hands and pretend to look at him with disgust. "You better stop with all the sappy shit because you're gushing all over me."

He elbows me and kicks the door of the Coffee Club open with his boot, holding open the door as we walk out. "Look," he says, nodding at me. "I'm even coming out here with you so you can have a cigarette and I'm not bitching about it."

"Oh, the sacrifices, it's very noble of you."

Archie laughs and watches me light the tip of my cigarette, the crackling sound of burning. "You've been staying with Betty, huh?"

I inhale deeply and pause for a moment, thinking of the words to say. I decide to try the truth. "Yeah," I reply quietly. "I have. Or maybe I've been staying with FP?"

Archie takes a deep drink from his cup and puts his spare hand in his pocket. "I know you don't want to talk about it -"

"But we will anyways," I say sighing. "Obviously."

He nods. "I know you love her still – which is cool by me," he adds quickly.

I laugh and shove my friend. "Perfect, that's great to know!" I say sarcastically. "Thank you for the validation."

"But maybe you guys should try and figure out exactly what you both want? I just don't want you hurting but Betty just talks about you all lunchtime in the staff room," Archie says with a shrug. "And she hasn't kicked you out of her home yet!"

"Actually," I correct. "She told me today I have to go home to patch things up with you and get mom to stop worrying about me." My mom being Veronica Andrews.

"Ronnie has been talking shit about you since the day you left. She's worried sick and doesn't know if you've been fed."

As much as I complained about the controlling antics of Veronica, my heart swelled knowing that she worried about me. She always looked after me, we went through a few things together. Betty left us both, Ronnie needed help around the house a lot when she had Abel and Archie was always so busy trying to provide for his little family, sometimes I was the only one there with her. When she got cabin fever from not interacting with adults, I was there. Even if I was not much better than Abel.

"Tell her I've been fed," I tell him. "Tell her I'll be home later tonight after I pick up JB."

Archie nods. "Ok, we'll be ready for you." More silence from my friend. "I honestly think that Betty wants to be more than just your friend."

I feel a slight panic echoing through me. Archie didn't know that we had kissed, touched each other and held each other, I had tasted her lips and skin. I try to remain cool and I shake my head. "You're worse than Ronnie and Kev put together," I whine.

"What is it that you're scared of, Jug? That she'll leave you again?"

"You don't know what it's like to lose the sun and then get it back again. You wouldn't want to lose it for a second time either," I mutter. This was truth. I was punishing myself when sometimes I felt I should be preparing for the great escape again.

Archie frowns at me, reaching out for my shoulder. "What makes you think you'll lose her?"

"What do I have to offer her, Arch? I have a heap of shit car that barely starts anymore but I can't let it go. I live with you guys. She's having a baby and there's no way I could look after a baby. Look at my own dad..." more truths.

"Ah!" Archie says, clapping my shoulder before clicking his fingers and pointing at me. "So, you have thought about it!"

"What?" I say quickly, my heart beating harder, shit, he knew it. "Being a dad?"

"Yes!"

My mouth opens and closes but I'm coming up short. I couldn't be a dad, not me. My own father was shit. I had a lot of love to give, I felt like maybe I knew this baby, I heard its first heartbeat, I was there at the scan. I felt the baby move under my touch. I knew this baby but Betty, she needed more than me. The baby would have a world full of love and that was all I could give. "I-I, I dunno."

Archie grips onto me tighter and shakes me more. "You would be the best dad! You're an amazing uncle!"

"Don't say that!" I hiss, chucking my cigarette on the ground. "Who even knows if Betty wants me around."

"And what? If she does, then what?"

I sigh and take my beanie of quickly to run my hand through my hair then I put it back on. "Then to be honest Archie, I would be whatever she wanted me to be for that kid. Because I think I might already love it."

Archie just grins. "That's my boy."

"Between you and Crystal, I think you guys think I was born to be a father."

Archie holds his cup to his lips, grinning against it. "It's not easy being a dad, willing to sacrifice everything for you child, doing anything for them. But you're already the type to do anything for who you love."

"That's deep, Bro," I say. I become serious. "I'm just fierce over the people I love, it's nothing great."

"You're right, Jug. It's the greatest."

Maybe Alice and Hal Cooper weren't so weird. Maybe they were the normal ones for being so fierce.

* * *

The day couldn't have moved any slower, if it did, I would question time itself. Time hadn't moved so slowly. Not in five years.

The cold snapped at us as we stood at the bus stop. The bus was already ten minutes late which Betty had tried to say was normal but I didn't want it to be normal, I wanted it to be on time.

Betty shivered next to me so instinctively, I wrap my arms around her, her breathing steadying as she warmed up in me. It didn't matter that the founding fathers had chosen a town with the most bizarre seasonal change, it doesn't mean anything right now. I was warm enough for the three of us.

We had travelled on the bus together, standing in this very spot. It was, surprisingly enough, five years ago. I had thought over a plan in my mind, we would skip town. We would make it to those big, bright lights of New York. Live the life Ronnie had told me so many times I would love. We didn't make it. We had barely made it to the next town but shit, we loved it. We loved freedom so much. But we were never invincible. I wonder if Betty remembers it as clearly as I do. It was a similar scene and she had been in my arms in this exact same way five years ago.

"Hey," I ask quietly. "Do you remember when we skipped town that day?" I look down in my arms but I can't see her face but I feel her laugh against my body.

"Yeah!" she says excitedly. "We stayed in that horrible back packers that you loved!"

"It wasn't horrible," I say, feeling a little embarrassed.

"It was dirty and we didn't have a blanket."

"I remember you saying we didn't need one..."

She pauses. "We didn't."

With my arms wrapped around her, I could feel her stomach. The skin was tight and it seemed so hard, time in Riverdale wasn't the fastest but it seemed to be going to quickly with the baby approaching. The baby didn't run on Riverdale time like the bus seems to be. Baby ran on its own time, rapidly approaching. I can hear the bus breaks coming towards us. "Yay!" I say, grinning against Betty's hair. "She's here!"

It was an eternity between the bus pulling up and seeing my sister. I heard her squeal loudly when she got to the door and saw us. She was pointing and clapping and it made me sort of miss being young again. "Seventeen and excitable, don't you miss it?" I whisper to Betty.

"You? Excitable?"

I just shrug but I let go of Betty and start my run to my sister. "Juggie!" she screams in my ear as we crash together.

I felt like I had come home. My sister was in my arms, feeling like a little bit of my mom was here too – it was in JB's eyes, it was in her smell. I missed my mom so much. I had missed JB too.

I feel JB take a big sigh and pulled me in tighter. "I missed you Jug!"

"I missed you too, Jelly. Why can't you move home?"

Riverdale hadn't been Jelly's home in a long time. She had moved away, tasted the big bad world under the watch of my grandparents. All these people in my life, moving forward, trying new things. Leaving me here.

I watch Betty from over Jelly's shoulders and she's grinning at the two of us, before I can register, Jelly pushes me away and punches me sharp in the stomach. "If I move home, then I'd have to move in with you and you're as bad as dad."

I slap my hand to my mouth and look at her with mock horror. "I'm so offended by that!"

Jellybean just grins at me then eyes me, shooting her eyes in the direction of Betty before mouthing; _'she looks good'_. She then turns to look at Betty, holding out her arms. "Hey Betty!"

Betty takes Jelly in her arms and then they hug, "I can't believe how much you've grown!" she says. "It seems like last time I saw you, you were just a little kid!"

"It's been a long time," Jelly says. "You've grown, you know, in the gut. You were my age when I last saw you!"

I groan at my sister and shake my head. "Still no filter, huh?"

"The longest time," Betty adds ignoring my comment and looking from JB to me with surprise. "Your sister is a big girl, shit, how long has it been?"

"Five years," JB and I say in unison.

"Not that anyone's been counting or anything," JB says, rolling her eyes and pointing at me.

"You still have that annoying trait where you embarrass me all the damn time, Jelly belly."

"Hah!" my sister replies, shoving me. "And you deserve it because you still call me that stupid name."

Betty starts laughing and shaking her head. "You two still fight like you did when you were younger."

Jellybean looks at the bags she has discarded on the ground and places her boot on the hard case of a guitar. "A little something, something for Archie right here," she says pointing down at the case. I reach out to pick it up. "Don't touch what you can't afford."

I stick my arm up in the air at the bus. "You got any space for this one," I call out, "Take her home!"

Jellybean throws her arm over my shoulder, tiptoeing to reach me. "But bro," she says, guitar in hand. "I am home."

Betty picks up another one of JB's bags, she had packed for a month but JB rushes with my neck still hooked under her elbow, dumping the guitar, and drags me to where Betty is with her bag. "I'll take that," she says, snatching it from Betty's hands and then smacking it to my chest. She then takes Betty under her other arm. "We're the perfect little family."

And god, at this moment, did it feel like we were the perfect family, after all these years, did I feel invincible, _untouchable_. Did I feel loved.

* * *

My sister was back in Riverdale, sitting with me in the same way she did as when we grew up. Her knees pulled up to her chest, her arms tangled behind her knees as we sat at the table. When she speaks, her arms moved so quickly through the air, her hair flies too.

Her hair was long and brown, more a dark chocolate than just normal brown. It was like mom's, long and flowing, taking me back to the days when mom was around and dad would pull her to dance with him in the kitchen. My mom has always been a little behind in the world, she'd wear flared denims and fly eyed glasses. Jelly has a little bit of that in her too. Jelly's hair looked so much like mom's that if she hadn't shaved the other side, I would have thought it were her. She even spoke like mom, a little rough around the edges, but in her mind, I know, she would make us all seem like a lit match rather than the mass of fire and fury that she is.

We shared a pizza. Barely. Jelly and I devoured a whole pizza and Betty picked around at a piece she had been sitting on all evening, talking with us and laughing.

I found it hard to contain my grin, contain my excitement. I hadn't felt so content in a long time, so grounded. Like I finally knew what I was doing and what I was supposed to feel. Jellybean seems a little offended as she watches Betty push her slice of pizza around. "Are you ok?"

Betty sighs and forces a smile. "Yeah," she says weakly. "I don't know if your brother has told you but morning sickness is not limited to the morning."

JB raises and eyebrow and takes a sip of her cola through a straw. "My brother didn't mention the morning sickness but he mentioned the scans, the vitamins, the way your hair is still the same shade of blonde and how you devoured not one, but two shakes from Pop's. So, he is very informative."

I widen my eyes at my sister and try to tell her through my glare that I was not appreciative of her openness with Betty. "I just like to tell people how it is," I say shrugging. But I know Betty knows me, and she's not buying it and I don't think she ever will.

Betty smiles at me gently and bites her lip before reaching out to pat my hand. "Oh Juggie, you care about me."

"Well, duh," I try and say jokingly but at the same time, I hope she doesn't think it's a joke. "Someone around here has to."

I think JB senses that I was drowning and in only a way a sibling can, she attempts to save me. "No doubt Archie will have his big bro act on lock," she says, crossing her arms to form an X in front of her. "Archie to the rescue!"

"I'll have you know your brother has been the biggest help," Betty says grinning. "And I appreciate it."

"Please don't tell me as a way to repay him, you're going to name your son Jughead," JB says, holding her hands up as if in prayer.

"This isn't the best time to tell you then that if Bets has a girl, her name is going to be Juggie, then?" I tease.

"Lord, save us from these freaks!" Jellybean says laughing. "How did you two even live apart?"

The room falls into silence. The type where you can hear only the heartbeats but possibly the fluttering of eyelashes and the pulsing of veins. "I don't know," Betty says slowly. "I wonder the same thing."

I gulp loudly. I don't intend on making it so obvious but it was hard to contain. It's always that one comments that puts things into perspective and, well, my perspective had a huge five-year hole gaping in it. "It doesn't matter," I say shrugging. "We've made up for it."

"Gross," Jellybean says, her face screwing up. She pokes her tongue out in mock disgust, "I don't want to know about how you've made up."

Betty's face bursts into a grin and she pokes my sister's shoulder. "Ok, Jellybean. What exactly has your brother been telling you," she says, giving me a wink.

"Nothing!" I say loudly, now obviously glaring at my sister. "I haven't told her anything – you tell her JB!"

JB knows she's stirring me now and pokes her tongue out again. "Nothing, I'm just messing with you!"

Betty huffs and leans back in her chair, rubbing her stomach. "It's getting late kiddo, you better head off to bed."

"And Jughead had convinced me you'd be more fun than staying with Archie," my sister replies, stretching out her arms and yawning. "But in saying that, I do have a date with Archie Andrews tomorrow so I better get my beauty sleep."

"Sleep tight, beauty," I tell my sister. "Or is it beast?"

Jellybean spins around on her heels and throws me up the finger. "Shut up."

"You're all class, Jellybean Jones, just like your father."

We watch her walk away to the spare room.

Betty starts packing away the boxes from the pizza that my sister and I devoured like we had never been fed and she starts laughing to herself. "What?" I ask.

She pauses as she rinses the glasses we had used. "I just forgot how good it is to come home. Do you think she feels it too?"

I think about my sister and the new life she had created when her and Mom left. How happy they always seemed on the phone, to be released from the shackles dad had created. I still wonder how that would feel even after all these years. "I think she might enjoy it, but saying that, she hasn't seen dad yet."

Betty frowns and looks down in the sink, cups still in hand. "My life has been a series of weird dad's -" I cut her off.

"You're telling me," I mutter. "Me too."

"My dad, your dad. The baby's dad..."

She absent-mindedly starts rubbing her stomach, she was thinking about the baby's dad and I wanted to call out, tell her to forget him. She didn't need him. "You shouldn't waste your time thinking about him," I say. "He's just a smudge of grey in your world, Betts."

She laughs weakly. "You've always made my life seem like so much more than it actually is."

"You don't realise how much your life is worth, Sunlight."

She smiles brightly; like rustling trees and soft silk. "Why do you keep calling me Sunlight?"

"Because you're like warm and cinnamon and orange into yellows and happiness – you're like the sun."

"You think way too much of me, Jughead," she says sternly. "If I was even half the person you think I am, I wouldn't have done the things I've done."

I can see tears forming in the corners of her eyes and I stand up to walk over to the sink where she was. I wish she could see what I see. I wish I could see the things she sees in _me_. She insists I was always the best person in her life, but I didn't chase after her, I always said I loved her so much but I didn't pursue it. I let her go and I have no reasons why. "We all have flaws. We don't always try and fix them. Sometimes they're just so ingrained in us, we can't let go. Sometimes you embrace those flaws."

"I've done so many things I regret Jughead," she says, turning to look at me.

She grabbed onto my arms, pulling me closer. I hadn't felt her nails on my skin in so long but I see them, digging, turning my skin red under the pressure. And her breathing, the rise and fall of her chest was approaching me. Her chest against mine. I feel the softness of her on me. She was looking up at me – the deep – I was losing myself in the deep that was laced with tears, one fell and landed loudly on my hand as she clung onto me. Her red lips were being torn between her teeth, I could see the skin on her lower lip ripping and she kept on digging with those nails, into my skin. Her harsh touch.

But it was the way she was staring up at me, she was searching for answers, I could tell. Her stomach was pressed firmly to mine and we stood, staring at each other, waiting for the other to speak. I couldn't speak through the noise, it was so noisy in my mind I couldn't keep up.

But she kept moving closer, I don't know how much closer I could handle. Not when her lips were swollen and I felt like she had been holding onto my heart, reaching in, static noise, I couldn't keep up, not with the static noise, I think she's holding onto my heart. Like a vice.

"Please tell me you don't regret them," I say, my voice cracking, I take a deep breath. "Please, so I don't feel like I missed a huge fucking chance."

She inhales deeply, another heavy tear, this time on my wrist. "Jughead..."

I shake my head, feeling the nails in my skin. "Tell me, Betty, tell me that you don't regret everything and everything happened the way it was supposed to and that even though Alex left you. You're still happy."

The skin on her lips is redder than before, I wonder if she's drawn blood. She opens her mouth slightly, words forming but not coming out. "I can't," she mutters. "I can't tell you that."

"Lie, please," I insist. "Lie to me Betty."

"I can't. Not to you. Because all of this," she says, releasing my wrists, banging me lightly on the chest. "It should have been you."

That was it. The great colliding of the worlds. Five years of wondering and it all came down to this.

It was her fingertips along my neck, my hands, gripping on like I had never felt anything until now. It was finger tips on satin, finger tips on lace. Her hands, reaching up along my neck, her nails along my skin. I leant down, my breathing so rapid, I thought I was going to fall. But I clung on, because she did too.

I looked at her lips just as I licked mine. God, those red lips. I couldn't lean down fast enough, just to get a taste...

My hands travel so quickly that I felt like a man starved, my hand started at the edge of her silk shirt, I played with the edges only briefly before running my hand along her hip bone and pushing up on her soft skin, she bit her lip as she crashed her mouth onto mine, our teeth clicking together. She bit down on my lip and pulled, her smile playing against mine.

She closes her eyes and holds on around my neck, nails dancing on me down my covered back. Her shirt is feather light in my fingers and flies off across the room. I need to taste her. I taste the sour-sweet taste of her perfume, I taste her skin. I taste her collarbone and behind her ear.

I'm possessive. I feel in charge. I feel her hips bucking against mine, my jeans tightening around me and making me groan into her mouth. I try to control myself but I'm finding it hard because I push against her, her ass hitting the bench as I make friction between my denim and her soft track pants. Everything is burning between us. My lips are slipping against the wet on her neck I have caused but she grips onto my neck tighter and pulls me down harder onto her lace covered breasts, my teeth catching in the tiny gaps.

"Jug," Betty whispers and she scratches my neck. "I need you -"

"Oh, my fucking god," Jellybean says behind us. I hear a round of applause.

"Fuck!" I hiss.

Second time unlucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you read this. I love you. That is all.


	10. Five Years

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter in which it is the worst day ever.

_ **Chapter Ten** _

_The day that felt like death_

* * *

_ **9:17am, Saturday (Right now)** _

The world didn't fall, it didn't come to a standstill. Time didn't freeze, Riverdale didn't crumble to the ground. My world was spinning so quickly, I feel my insides turning out on me. I feel my insides travelling up and up and...

I find the bucket.

The strong smell of dad's cheap coffee floats through the room – _his_ room – and I realise I can barely feel my mouth. It tastes and feels like tar, all thick and layered. I must have smoked a million cigarettes to numb my mouth to this extent. I can smell whiskey, in the bucket, all over the bed – in the sheets, in the threads of the pillow.

I think I _am_ whiskey.

I can't even lift my _head_ , I can't open my _eyes_. Dad doesn't own any curtains, that is apparent because the unforgiving sun is streaming in. It was a terrible night full of alcohol and probably a whole lot of things I will never, ever want to be reminded of ever again. Skull crushing, swearing, drink spilling, singing loudly – singing and crying mingled together where I don't know the difference between the sound of my crying and singing; that sort of night.

I sit up – I'm not wearing a shirt or pants apparently – I don't know at which point I lost these clothes. But the world didn't fall, it didn't come to a standstill and as I try and find my feet, the world slips from underneath them and I find myself falling over on the floor of my dad's room instead. "Fuck," I mumble, holding my head as if maybe that would let up the pounding. Clutching on to my skull, I try and push out the pain.

Said pounding is returned on the door. "Juggie! Get up!" Dad says, kicking in the door and I watch it swing towards me as I'm on the ground.

"Fuck, Dad!" I hiss, shielding myself from him. "Get that cheap coffee away from me."

Dad chuckles and prods me with his foot. "Talking of cheap, you're a cheap drunk. Which is a good thing; you take after your mom." The steam from the coffee floats in the air and it does become a little bit more inviting.

I keep holding my head. "I don't know how you do this everyday..." I still try and push the pain out of my skull – it's not letting up.

Dad frowns at me. "You get used to it kid. Anyways, when you get your dignity back, you gotta come out here."

"Why?" I whine. "I can't walk, I can't keep my head up. My guts is in that bucket," I say throwing my hand in the direction of the bucket.

"Hah, so it is," dad says, eyeing it. "Hair of the dog, son, I should have chucked a splash in this cheap coffee you're too fancy for."

"Thank Jesus you didn't, my lungs are already caving in on themselves," I groan; my attention would be better spent on clutching my chest.

"Get up, Juggie. You need to get up, you've got a visitor."

"Who? it's not Cryss is it? tell me she made it home..."

"Barely, I got JB to drive her."

I cough – wheezing – looking at my dad through the slits that were now my barely functioning eyes. "I didn't even know she could drive!"

Dad just shrugs, holding out his hand for me to grab. "I don't think Jelly did either. You're going to want pants for this one," he says while hauling me up.

"Shit," I say, stumbling up to dad. I had a visitor, I couldn't face anyone in this state. I don't want pants on either; I want to curl up in a ball. "Who is it again?"

"A furious Allie Cooper, come to kick your ass."

The world doesn't come to a stand still, in fact, it starts spinning faster, faster. It's spinning in rewind.

* * *

_**6:05am, Friday** _

"Get up! Get up, Jug! Get up!"

I'm shocked awake by Ronnie's yelling, a pot being bashed up against the door, I can hear it; Abel's new welcome home greeting.

I force my eyes open and I realise I was asleep with my face flush against the pillow, I died a little last night and I couldn't even get my pants or shoes off. I stumbled home at a time that I don't even want to think of. Jellybean's look of her shock stands staunch in my mind and Betty's deep blue as we spoke to each other on the sofa until she fell asleep. I remember barely touching her lips on mine, her nails loosening on my skin.

I groan as I turn on my bed, surprised that Ronnie hasn't bombarded her way into the room yet, somewhat still respecting of my privacy I see.

Yup, that feeling is short lived because I hear my door click open. "Uncle Jug!"

Abel flies across the room, all long legs and dark hair like his mom. His smile brightens things a little, I don't groan when he smacks his head on my lip but I taste blood. "Hey Buddy," I say, hugging him tighter. "I missed you!"

Ronnie flies in with the same urgency as her son, dark eyes and a darker presence. "Where have you been, Jug? Of course, you miss him, he misses you too, you've been MIA."

I roll my eyes that is shielded by Abel and his need to bang me on the head. "We miss you!" Abel says.

I feel the guilt creeping up on me. These guys were my family – my world – but now I feel like I'm blowing them off trying to piece together a new make shift family. "Ronnie, I'm sorry I haven't been around but -"

Ronnie's hug held more in it than she cared to voice which was very, _very_ strange, because she voiced a lot. "You just don't have to be a stranger, Jug. A text would be nice, or you know, coming home every now and then."

Even though I feel some shame, I still feel a little mad. Why did Archie and V always insist on babying me? I was a big boy, I was an adult. I can do what I want. Thinking this makes me feel like I'm just trying to convince myself I no longer need babying. "Ronnie, I'm sorry," I say, trying to keep my voice as steady as possible. "But things have been really tricky and -" she cuts me off again.

"Jughead! I'm all for Betty and you, truly, I ship it -" this time I cut her off.

"Then what?" I ask. "I'm not a mind reader, I'm not getting all your riddles, Veronica."

"I don't want you to end up that husk of a person again if it doesn't work out!"

It was like a slap to the face. My face was coming up so hot, I felt like I could feel the sting of her hand on my cheek, feel the blood rushing to that spot. But her hands were at her sides and coming up clean. A metaphorical slap, ironically, it hurt even more. "You don't need to worry about me," I whisper. Was I shaking? I feel like I am, I _see_ my hands shaking. I see a tear leave Ronnie's eye. She didn't cry for anyone, she especially didn't cry about _me_. "Don't cry," I mumble.

"Archie hurt too, when she left. We all did. We all had each other to lean on. I just – I don't know, I've never seen someone _hurt_ the way you did. Not even my mom when dad got taken away, hell, I didn't even feel the way you did."

"You don't want to see me not eating? Rolled up on the floor at Fred's house? You don't want me bunking in the room with you and Archie?" I say, forcing a laugh. "Do you remember how many times I'd come and squeeze in next to you guys?"

Ronnie wipes her eyes and laughs too, "It's _not_ funny. Your greatest attribute is your ability to feel, Juggie. And it hurts you along the way."

"I don't want to end up like that either, Ronnie. I really don't."

"She told me, about the kiss..."

"We didn't do anything," I say irritably. "Jellybean made sure of that."

"You two are feeding off each other, that's more than just a _kiss_ , Jughead Jones."

I run through a few things I could say to Veronica. That Betty admitted that maybe, in an alternate world, things would have been better than this. "It's really fucking hard and you're not making it any easier. None of you are!"

"Mind your mouth, Jug!" Ronnie says, raising an eyebrow. "How many times do I have to remind you."

Abel shoots around the room, sticky hands on everything but I let him go, I missed him so much I wouldn't have cared if he had spilt a litre of maple syrup on my things. It would have been a welcomed distraction. "I just..."

"But you love her," she says shrugging. "I get that."

I honestly don't think she got it at all. Five years I was in pause mode. Sweet Water River kept flowing, Ronnie kept nagging, and me, well, I tried weakly to carry on but I was forever on pause and now it's in fast forward and I didn't have the energy to keep up.

* * *

_ **7:15AM, Friday** _

I smack the dashboard. Nothing. I smack it again, maybe more and more and more, maybe it will work. It's a car, maybe I should be smacking the engine. Ironically, Betty should be here. She's always been good with a motor. I think about calling her but I don't want to give Ronnie the satisfaction. I can see her waving at me through the kitchen window, her keys in the air. I don't want to drive the Jeep. it was too bright red for me, when I was feeling grey. I snigger to myself. It was so _Archie and Ronnie_ to have matching cars.

She keeps shaking the keys as if I was going to jump out of the car and get them. I didn't want to, I didn't want to step foot back in the house. I don't want to be reminded that my never-ending feelings for a person is one of my greater attributes, I don't need to know that Archie and V would do anything to fiercely protect me. I don't want to know that I am the sort of person who needs protecting. I don't _need_ to know.

The car was trying to tell me something: face the facts. I didn't want to face the facts. Betty and I were becoming increasingly closer, or was it just that we had never parted? I felt like the sun shone a little more, I feel like every touch just reminds me of everything I missed out on; how I didn't chase after her. Every touch feels a little bit like punishment for everything that I _didn't_ do. Face the facts, I held on to so much guilt, it was spilling out of me.

I kick my leg out and smack it on the accelerator. Now I feel bad treating the car like this, the car has been nothing if not loyal to me and I can't stand it. "Shit!" I say out loud, trying to rev it. "Don't be like this to me!"

I look at the clock on the dashboard. I was going to be late. I need to think of what to do, I only have one option – Archie had JB and they had gone to some music meet up, so they couldn't come and get me. I could ask Ronnie but to sit in that perfect piece of metal ass was going to be the death of me. I grab my phone out of my pocket, roll down the window and take out a cigarette. I light it up as my phone rings Crystal's number.

"Yellow?" Crystal starts then I hear her sigh. "Don't tell me you're not turning up, it's alternative day and you know I can't stand that shit."

"I'm running late, I'm going to have to ask Fred or someone to pick me up."

"Jug!"

" _Cryss_!" I almost yell. "I've had the worst morning ever, let it go! My cars dying!"

She hisses on the other end and sighs out loud, making my phone crackle. "Maybe you should get a new car, but I'll see you soon."

Would she though? I don't know if she will. I think about going around the back of the house and sneaking back in, building me a fortress of solitude.

* * *

_**8:22AM, Friday** _

"You didn't have to come and get me," I say, looking down at my feet. I couldn't even look at Fred. "I should have just walked."

Fred eyes me, shaking his head and he drums his fingers on the steering wheel. "Yeah? I haven't heard from you in over a month, Jug. I wasn't going to bail on you if you need a ride."

"It's been the morning from hell. I don't know how you did it, all that hounding from Archie and I, how did you cope?"

"Ronnie giving you a hard time? Her mom was the same. Just a constant nagging in the back of your mind, huh?"

"Huh," I agree, nodding. "And she's not even my wife."

"You could nag at Archie all day, he's oblivious to it all – That's why they're a good match," Fred replies, laughing. "You didn't want to take the red beast?"

We both look up into the house and Ronnie is still standing there, one hand on her hip, the other still shaking the keys. "She's been there all morning shaking those damn keys."

"Maybe you need an upgrade, kid."

I look at Fred like he's crazy, "Give up the car? Hell no."

"That car's done you good, but maybe you just need to let go a little."

I laugh humourlessly. "Not the first time I've heard that today, you know."

"I don't like seeing my kids being down and out, you know that, right?"

I nod and I feel like I'm sixteen again, staring at my boots, an overprotective Fred Andrews with his hand on my shoulder, the same one that had kept me grounded for so long. "You still think of me as one of your kids?"

"Juggie. Don't be stupid" He says, turning the ignition. "You _are_ my kid. And my kid is torn between love and not wanting to be hurt, I see it."

"Betty doesn't hurt me, Fred," I say trying to think of the words I needed to say.

"Betty wouldn't hurt a fly. But Betty has come back and popped your little bubble and you've always been that kid who lives in the bubble."

"My bubble that consists of cigarettes, coffee and the Andrew clan you mean?"

"That little bubble is growing and it's hard to contain you and Betty _and_ the baby."

"Ah," I say, "My little bubble with the girl and the baby."

"You love that kid already, don't you?"

I could tell he was trying to respect my being, he always did. He never let me feel different, always trying to make me just another one of his kids. Maybe it was some glimpse into my future, living with Fred for all those years. Trying to condition me; maybe I was going to be like him and welcome a few strays into my life. And right now, he was focusing so hard on the road, eyes never leaving it – eyes so far away from me.

I had thought about it a million times over; would I be able to be a dad to the baby? He was right, I loved it. I loved anything that Betty loved. I loved _Betty_. But could I grow into some role model for a kid, raise a kid to be a little bit of me? I think I wanted to. "Yeah," I tell him honestly. "I think I do."

"Ah Jug, if there's one thing I know, it's that you love hard. And if that isn't enough for Betty then I don't know what is, kid," he says, reaching over to grab my shoulder and giving it a squeeze. "And if my son and Ronnie think that it's going to be the end of you, let it be."

I laugh and smile to myself. "Yeah, it's just like you to give me the pep talk of a life time."

"I didn't go through a life of trying to build things if not to at least get a little insight into the world, I'm here to guide you."

He keeps talking, reminding me a little more and more of why I loved this man. Don't get me wrong, I loved my own dad. I didn't fight until the very end and keep fighting for nothing, but this man, he taught me things.

He talks about how Betty still pops over to see him when she goes to her parents and how she will be the best mom possible because so is Polly. I didn't doubt it, but I think he's trying to tell me I could be the best dad possible and it continues to scare me.

We pull up to the station, I look at the clock. "Shit," I say rubbing my temples. "It's after eight already."

"Have as good day, Jug. I'm just a call away."

* * *

_ **10:10AM, Friday** _

"Good morning, Riverdale!" I try and say enthusiastically but I know it comes up short. I can feel the heat rising in my face and I feel shit. I feel worse than shit. I feel _really_ shit. Crystal's glare won't let up and she hasn't stopped glaring at me since I walked in. "Sorry for the late entry, it's been one of those days! Here's a song to start off!" I switch off.

_Aorta,_

_tied to the artery with acute artistry_

_for your love, for your lover to find._

We had sat in silence for a long time before Crystal had decided to speak. I hadn't decided to speak either, I felt like if I did, then I would be jinxed. I just wanted a few moments of silence but Crystal was trying to punish me, I could tell.

"One of those days, huh?" Crystal hisses from her side of the room. "One of those day's is when you have to try and entertain the entire town on your own because the guy you share a job with can never turn up on time!"

I glare back at her, trying to match her face but I can't. She doesn't have the faintest idea of what shit a day my day was quickly becoming. "Don't even start," I say, rubbing my face. "You've never had an issue before."

"Yeah, once or twice, I can handle. But every fucking day is starting to drag on."

"Sounds like you're having a shit one, too," I try and start a bit of humour but it's cut off.

"It's not a joke, Jughead!"

"God!" I say, pushing papers away from me that fly through the air. "Can't I catch a break!"

I see her head shake a little and I can tell she wasn't expecting me to raise my voice like that but I was sick of being pushed around today. I had had enough. I need a drink, I had missed out on about six cigarettes this morning and not to mention, three coffees. I was not in the mood.

She pouts her lips and her eyes turn to slits. "Jug..." she says slowly but I hold up my hand to silence her.

"My sister walked in on me and Betty, I went home and Ronnie has been bugging me ever since, everyone thinks I'm gonna lose my shit if anything happens between Betty and I _and_ I think I want to be the dad to her baby and I don't know how to face it and _fuck_!' I groan, holding my face even tighter. "My life wasn't supposed to be so fucking complicated but to top things off, my car has shit itself and now I'm relying on Archie's dad to be my taxi!"

The silence is so loud right now. The song keeps playing and I can't keep up with the bassline though I'm trying so hard to block it out.

_I could,_

_call all your demons aside,_

_soak them in chamomile_

_For your love, for your lover to find..._

Crystal just watches me, frowning but slowly starting to release, she leans back in her chair. "You're right," she says, "That _is_ a shit day."

"Yeah," I agree. "Really shit."

She drums her fingers on the desk and then slowly reaches out for the papers I had shoved her way, making me feel even worse. "It sounds to me that you're attracting bad energy -"

I snigger. "Bad energy? This is more than energy. This is pure Devil's work."

"The Devil, bad energy, it's all the same." She swishes her hair to over her shoulder and starts playing with it. "I think you need to ignore what everyone's saying and just go for it. Go and confess your love for Betty Cooper."

Maybe Cryss was right, maybe I just needed to get it over and done with and ignore this limbo I was in. If I didn't do it now, then I might not ever do it and then I'd be living in my world of regrets forever. "I don't know," I tell Cryss. "I want to but..."

"But what? Keep attracting that broken-down car and bad karma from Veronica?"

"But what if she doesn't really want me back -"

"Don't kid yourself, Jughead. She must have wanted you back or she wouldn't be with you all the time. And if what's the worst she can say?" Cryss asks, smiling gently at me.

"No?"

"Exactly! No means you two are good friends... that would be enough for you too, wouldn't it?"

"When people like us go through the things we've been through..." I trail off. "Yeah, I guess so."

"Then it's settled. I will hold down the fort while you go and confess your love for her," she replies, folding her arms.

"You'd do that for me?" I ask.

"I'd do that for you ten times over, Jug."

I look up at the clock. "But it's twelve o'clock, my sister will be here at any moment."

Cryss chuckles. "Perfect time for me to meet candy floss then, huh?" she says winking at me.

"She'll kick you if you call her that, I'm not joking."

"Maybe I'll learn the hard way, but you have to go! I'll hold down the fort here."

I pick my bag and run to her side of the room and give her a quick kiss on the cheek. "If this all works out, I owe you big time."

"You just name the kid after me and I'll call it even," she says laughing, chucking her car keys to me.

"I'll think about it."

* * *

_ **1PM, Friday** _

It was like falling off a bike, knees hitting the ground, palms scratching on concrete. It was like falling off a bike and I was still making the motions, feet still peddling on nothing, hands still gripping onto non-existent handle bars. I think somewhere, it felt like I had hit my head. Not skin scraping – more like full on skull crushing.

I looked at him, he was tall but not taller than me, I notice that, it was so clear to me. He had dark hair that was cropped short. He wore a striped white and black shirt like some sort of prisoner, I liked that. He stood so straight, his hands flew in the air so animatedly, it was like he was telling a story – I notice his eyes are brown, he has a sharp jaw line. He was a good-looking guy, there was no denying it.

I step through Betty's hallway and into the kitchen, she hadn't noticed that I had walked in and I wonder at what point did I become welcome to just stroll through. Betty's face tells me that she's somewhat relieved to see me but I wonder if she's expressed that to the guy in front of her or if maybe she's just relieved to have someone to show him off to. I try to stop thinking that. I attempt to stop thinking all together.

"Jug!" she says, clapping her hands before stepping forward. "This is Alex..."

It was him, the absent idiot that had clouded Betty's world. In here, in the same room as me – touching the things that I had touched – in the tiny world that Betty had created that is her home. I can feel the air thicken – so much so that I find it harder to breathe in this tainted air. She had let him through the door. I can see him my line of vision.

I clear my throat, trying to pick up my jaw from the ground but it was proving so hard. He was here, in our presence. His body in her home, his hands near her body. His smile directed at me that made me hate lawyers just a little more than Alice does. Who was I kidding? I hate them more than ever to be truthful. Betty stares at me and tilts her head, eyes growing. I speak. "Hi, Alex." It poisons me to say his name, I can taste the sour on my tongue – I can feel his name stuck in my throat.

He also steps forward, I notice his body language and he has put himself in front of Betty, pushing through to get to me. Hand extended and grin plastered on his face. "Nice to meet you, sorry, what was your name again?"

I watch Betty's face tense and she inhales, holding it in. I know she's wondering what I'm about to say or if maybe I would say anything at all. I grip on tighter to my backpack but drop it on the ground, just a little something to show that I am welcome here. "Jughead," I tell him. "Jughead Jones the Third," I reply trying not to sound panicked; I always say stupid things when I'm panicked.

"The Third, huh?" he says, laughing as if it were some sort of joke. "Fancy for a radio host."

I hold back a snigger, he had heard about me to know where I worked, that was interesting enough. "What you see is what you get," I mutter. "Which is more than often the case."

My small stab gave me little satisfaction because he was obviously a dick and he looked like one too. I see him for all he is with him just standing there in front of me.

Ronnie had made me swear I wouldn't stress Betty out and I didn't know what she meant until now. I could see her jaw twitching and her frown deepening and the frequency in which she rubs her belly is speeding up and up and up...

"Alex's just here because..." she starts but she doesn't finish because she doesn't know. She looks at him for answers which he ignores by grinning at me for the last few seconds. She looks over his shoulder at me, I think she's wondering where my answers were but I don't have any. I try not to meet her eyes. I feel stupid for thinking that maybe I would see betrayal in them, I shouldn't feel that way. I shouldn't feel a lot of things I'm feeling right now.

"Just come to see how you are, how you're doing," he explains turning from Betty to me. He shifts the air again with his looking at me. I want to shift it back, but he's made his presence so apparent, it was starting to take over.

I snigger. "Just checking up on things, are you?"

"I didn't want things to be ugly between Betty and I and we have a lot of things to talk about," he says, a smirk playing on his lips as he continues to rock back and forth on the balls of his feet, he could tell I was getting pissed with his friendly act. "I'm sure she's told you a lot of things."

I do try and look Betty in the eye, surely, she can't be falling for this, could she? Betty was so smart, the voice of reason but this, this was all an act and she seemed to be going around with it. "I'm sure Betty will update you on everything you weren't around for," I say stiffly. "You've missed a lot."

Alex glares at me. "Betty will inform me on everything I'm entitled to."

Betty steps in front of him this time, placing a hand on his chest, his smug smile still playing on his face but she turns to me. "We have a lot to work through, Juggie."

"We sure do, I'm not proud of it, but I'm glad to be working towards a common goal," Alex says, folding his hands in his lap.

What a bizarre thing to say, _'a common goal'_ , who even speaks like that? To the person they had apparently had a relationship with, shared personal things with? Having a baby with? I shake my head and laugh to myself humourlessly, kicking my bag next to me. "You two have fun working towards that common goal," I say, reaching down to pick up my bag then standing up again.

Betty's look was so loud it was echoing in the space around me, through my mind. It almost pulsed through me. I wonder if she's trying to communicate to me, but regardless of whether she was or not, it meant nothing if not voiced. I clear my throat again, looking for something to do.

Alex nods. "We will."

I walk out, not bothering to hide the fact that I was dragging my chain or slamming the door. It's loud behind me, just like my mind right now. I jump into Crystal's car, slamming my fist on her dash too. Bad idea, I couldn't afford to fix yet another car but I feel like driving away and never coming back. Today had been too hard and just too much. I put my head in my hands, inhaling deeply, wondering if it would be wrong of me to light up here in Crystal's car. "Jug," I hear muffled through the window. "Open up!"

It makes me want to shift this car in reverse. I shake my head at her through the window but she glares at me. "He's in the bathroom, come on!" she shouts through the glass.

I sigh and wind down the window, pulling my beanie down on my head. "Quick," I mutter. "I have to get back to work."

She moves closer to the car, a hand flying through the window to grab my face. "I didn't know he was going to turn up," she groans, forcing me to look at her. "I'm sorry."

"You don't need to apologise," I say, not meeting her eyes. "It's your life."

She groans and grabs onto her head. "I don't know Jug, I didn't think this would happen or that he'd come back or that he'd want anything to do with this! and it's not just my life it's the baby's as well..."

I put the key in the ignition, turning it. "You just let me know how it all works out and what he promises as part of your happy family."

"Jughead, don't you dare," she says, holding onto the door. "You can't think I know what to do in this situation, can you?"

"I know you deserve more than an idiot that can pick and choose when he wants to be with you, a person who up until today didn't want to be a dad. You can choose who you love back, Betty. You can choose all these things – you deserve someone who doesn't choose you as second best!"

She let's go of the window, tears falling from her eyes, landing on the door of Crystal's car. "Just like how you chose not to follow me in the first place?"

"Don't say that..." I say weakly, my grip tightening on the steering wheel.

She takes a step back as she wipes the corner of her eye. "You know, I really thought we could just ignore the last five years but here we are," she says with a snigger. She runs her hands through her hair, tightening her own grip in her locks. "It was unrealistic that we could just move on when the last five years were staring us in the face."

"Right," I reply stupidly. How could I tell her that I was just trying to give her a shot? Make that bright future without me? Was that even a valid excuse anymore? I don't know.

"No, you don't have the right to say anything right now. Tell me, Jughead. Tell me why you didn't follow me! Why you left me for all those years when you had promised we wouldn't let anything come between us? Tell me! I see you're mad, but I'm mad too! I was so mad at you for five years."

"Stop saying _five years_ ," I mumble, still not looking at her.

"Five years!" she snaps again; I feel it was childish. I feel we're both so much younger, all over again. Seventeen and drowning-deep.

"Betty," I sigh, biting my tongue at the same time. She was shaking; she was shaking just as much as I was. My mouth was moving but nothing was coming out – my tongue dried, my mind racing. "I didn't want to drag you down anymore. You had followed me through so much, maybe I was just too many negatives. I just wanted you to be free."

She scoffs. She doesn't believe anything I'm coming up with. "Free? I wasn't free without any answers, Jughead. I stood by you; I stood by your _dad_ – I stood by you and that stupid _Southside_ and still! Still, you didn't even bother explaining anything to me!" tears are streaming now, at first I could count them but then they rapidly started falling and I couldn't keep up. "The worst part is that you don't really have an excuse. You were scared, that's it!"

I don't meet her eyes anymore. I don't do anything. I flick the ignition. "You're right, I was scared," I mumble.

"And even though my excuse right now is a whole lot more real than yours, you don't even bother to give me a chance!"

The silence is deafening but she quickly wipes her tears and inhales deeply trying to centre herself again.

"See you later, Sunlight," I mumble again, revving the car.

Could she feel it too? The way my fists are tightening around the steering wheel, like how it feels there's a noose around my neck? My teeth are grinding in such a way I feel they will turn to powder on my tongue. Like how I want to punch something just to feel a little normal. Was this normal? _Was it?_

The last five years haunt me again and finally we had spoken about the one thing we had silently agreed that we would never speak about. She turns to walk away, all storm clouds, wind and a hell of a lot of rain. Sunlight was gone. The clouds were rolling in, just like that idiot into town.

Like the last five years ticked over into now.

* * *

_ **2PM, Friday** _

"Good afternoon Riverdale, it's turned hideous out there so rug up! Looks like a storm is coming, now for a little bit of Creedence Clearwater Revival!" Cryss says.

A storm was coming but I felt I left it in the drive way of Betty's duplex. Bad Moon Rising keeps playing and I sit in a chair opposite to where my sister has made her new home at my desk. She was all sympathetic eyes, patting my leg. "If it makes you feel better, I had a great day with Archie," she says, trying to add a little humour that just didn't fit.

"Ah, Jellybean, I don't think that's helping your brother at all..." Cryss says sticking up for me.

Jellybean stares at Crystal with her mouth open. "Ok, Vanessa Hudgens, you tell me what will make him feel better."

"Vanessa Hudgens?" I manage to ask, though my voice seems quiet. "Why Vanessa Hudgens?"

"She looks like her," Jellybean replies shrugging. "Looks all innocent, smells all innocent," my sister sniffs the air. "Isn't so innocent."

"You like investigating things too, like your brother? Weird," Cryss states.

"Guys, I can't have you two fighting too," I mumble. "I can't get my head around all this..."

"White noise?" Jellybean says with a sigh, continuing her patting me like a cat.

"How'd you know?"

"You always say that."

Crystal sighs and she sits up from her chair, walking over to my side and sitting on my desk. "Ok, a spanner has been thrown in the works but you don't really think that Betty would go back to him, do you?"

I didn't know what I believed, he was there with her. It's probably all that she ever wanted and his smug look just dripped everything he could give her, I didn't have a chance at giving her the things he could. "He's rich -"

"You think she's about money?" Crystal says, laughing as if I was stupid. "She's come all the way back to Riverdale and she's used your arms as warmth, you told me that yourself."

"I don't know," I say, rubbing my temples. "I just don't know!"

"He left her, Juggie," Jellybean adds. "She's not stupid. Maybe they're coming to some sort of agreement, you don't know what's going on, he is the father after all..."

"Thanks for the support, you two. But I think it's all heading down a path and I'm not going to be joining."

Crystal prods me with her foot. "You need a distraction," she says, menace written all over her body from her legs to the tips of her fingers and all over her face. "You need a distraction and we're going to get you that distraction."

"We are?" Jellybean asks, "What is it?"

Cryss looks from Jellybean to me and lifts her hands in the air. "The only distraction there is, of course!"

"What's that?" I grumble. "A cold shower?"

"Booze," Cryss says simply. "Booze. And lots of it."

Jellybean's face brightens. "I never thought I'd ever say this, but finally a reason to go and see dad."

I don't have the energy to fight it, I feel like I agree. "Into the loving embrace of our dear father."

Maybe drowning my sorrows would be great.

Crystal walks up to me and reaches down to take my hand in hers. And it sickens me to think that this was the only thing right in my world at the moment.

* * *

_ **1AM, Saturday** _

"Don't worry about your brother," dad says.

"Someone has to, you're not."

"I am, he just needs this."

"You're not even drunk yet you're letting him get written off."

"Jellybean, your brother _needs_ this."

Jellybean groans. "Dad, he can barely walk."

"He doesn't need to walk, he's not going anywhere."

"He needs to go – to bed!"

"He's ok, he'll be alright..."

I can hear them talking around me, bottles scattering under me. I hunt for the packet of cigarettes. I find them. Pull one out and go to light it. "Fuck," I mutter. "I lit the wrong end."

Dad comes over to me, I see him looming. Reaching for my cigarette, I feel like I need to defend it. He always steals them. He takes it out of my mouth and chucks it on the ground. "Shit son," he says replacing it with another one. "Pull yourself together."

Dad lights my cigarette and I ease into his couch, a bottle of whiskey is still half full so I keep going, I feel it spill down my front which makes Jelly just frown. "I'm trying." I swallow. "And I'm not crying."

Dad laughs. "No one said you're crying -" Dad's cut off.

"He _was_ crying; it was hilarious and haunting at the same time."

"What made him this way?" dad asks. "He wouldn't tell me when you guys first turned up. He's gone mute."

"I wish he was mute when he was crying-slash-singing November Rain. It was Betty," I hear my sister say as if saying Betty's name was as easy as breathing. "The prick of a dad turned up when Jug was there."

"And?" dad asks.

"And Juggie loves her."

Dad laughs, "Of course he does. Now he's drowning his sorrows."

"Under the advice of that girl he works with, yeah."

"At least it works," dad replies with a shrug.

I can hear them talking around me as if I'm not here. But I _am_ here. I was more here now than I was before. Maybe this whiskey made things a little clearer for me; a little more real. "It's working," I tell them. "The whiskey."

"Ok, son," dad says gently, patting me the same way Jellybean had been all day. "Maybe you need a little Jack?"

"It's not ok, dad." I say, I take a swig of the whiskey. "I love her, you know?" I take Jack Daniels from his hand.

"We know, Jughead," Jellybean says, stealing Jack.

I point in her direction, ash falling. "No, no point in you guys knowing when she doesn't. Did you know that the sun seems a little brighter when she's around?"

I see Jellybean roll her eyes but it's true. "Ok, Romeo."

"I'm serious. All that white noise and mess is gone when she's around, did you know that? She smells like summer time and chlorine and vanilla."

"It sounds like she smells amazing," JB adds rolling her eyes. I see dad keep a laugh in. "Simply majestic..."

Dad looks at me. "Well, for a beer boy, you gave those spirits a good home, Jug."

"You have clearly underestimated him, dad," JB replies.

I feel my eyes dropping and my heart is beating so fast I could barely keep up. The whiskey bottle was so heavy, I can't lift it anymore. "He doesn't have too much longer to go, JB," dad says.

"Don't you think this is just masking the underlying drama and tomorrow he's just going to feel worse?" she asks our dad.

I hear dad speak; "Yeah, tomorrow's going to be real shitty for him, it's a fact."

"Then why did you let him get written off like this?"

"So, he at least can forget about it for a little while."

* * *

_ **9:23, Saturday (Right now)** _

It was like she was an angel sent from God with her tan heels, metallic pink lips and that Betty Cooper shade of blonde. She looked down at me like maybe she was God. She had a satisfied smirk on her face that god would wear. She was superior to the inferior likes of me.

"Ah, you gonna say something to my son, Allie? Or you gonna keep standing there staring at him?" Dad says holding out a coffee to Alice which she eyes first and then slowly takes it from him.

"Thanks, _Forsythe_ ," she says making dad shudder.

"You always did make me feel a little weird, Alice," he replies. "You still moan my name good, though."

She whacks dad's hand away from her as he reaches to get her coffee cup and then turns to eye me. "I see you've had a rough night."

Rough night wasn't even the start of it. In comparison to the day, it was pretty easy. "Hmm," I just say, taking a sip of the coffee dad had made me which wasn't anywhere near sweet enough.

I get up off the couch and fumble around for the cigarettes in my pocket. Usually I would try and hide my addiction from Alice Cooper but she was in my dad's house and she's watching me with no shirt on and I smell like I'm a brewery, I'm in no state for keeping up appearances. I walk over to the door of the trailer and swing it open, letting the cool air of Riverdale hit me, letting the icy cold from the river banks bring me to life a little. I light my cigarette and inhale deeply. I'm distracted when Alice pokes me with a sharp, metallic nail. "We both know our Betty had a visitor yesterday."

I laugh humourlessly. "A visitor?" I ask, flicking the ash. "A visitor is a welcomed guest."

"He's not welcome," Alice says harshly. "He's not."

"Look, Missus Cooper, I'm the wrong person to be saying this to -"

"Jughead," she says softly. "I know my daughter and I know that this Alex turning up is just confusing her," she looks down at her hands. "I know I haven't always been the easiest to get along with but his being here is just making things worse and -"

"What do I have to do with this?" I ask, voice crackling a bit.

She exhales and stares at the burning cigarette in my hand. "If there is one thing I have learnt in my life, it is that happiness should not be put second. And I don't want my daughter missing out on happiness just because of a few bad choices."

"And her happiness is found where, exactly?" I ask, trying to keep myself from shaking my head at Betty's mom.

"It's in you," she says, poking me again. "And I will stop at nothing for my daughter's happiness."

I just nod. "I know, you're fierce over family."

"And I don't think this guy's intentions are all good, they weren't before, so why should we assume that they are now?"

I run a hand over my face, rubbing my eyes, feeling the cold sting me. "I'm all for an investigation, you know that, but this is our life and I don't think I can tamper with it anymore."

Dad clears his throat behind us and we both turn around to face him. "I think that's enough for today, Allie," dad says gruffly.

She just nods and then turns back to look at me. "I've always liked you, Jughead. You've always been there just when Betty needed you and I think you could say the same about her."

"He loves her, you know that, right Allie?"

She smiles gently at dad and places a hand on his chest, patting him. "I know, FP," she turns to look at me. "But Betty is at home worried out of her mind because she's scared she's going to lose you, Jughead."

I keep sitting out on the step of the trailer and Alice Cooper drove away. I see the dust shift underneath her car and the car become smaller and smaller as it travelled. I feel dad's eyes on the back of my head and I hear Jellybean sleeping behind me. I wonder how much fight I have left in me, how much more fist swinging and holding on I could do. I want to feel like I could keep going, keep fighting. I feel like maybe Alice has just given me a little more to fight for but I don't know. All I know is that things hadn't come right in the last five years and I fear, it might be another five until things might just start working a little normally for me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ten chapters down, seven more to go until I'm fully up to date on Ao3! Yay me!


	11. Begging for Sunlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter in which Jughead rights his wrongs.

_ **Chapter Eleven** _

_Sunlight shines again,_

_like summer on my skin_

_like sun rise after a stormy night._

* * *

"You need to tell her you're sorry."

JB looked me dead in the eye as she spoke to me. And she was _speaking_ to me, she wasn't walking on eggshells. She was looking at me and _telling_ me. It was a command – she always so commanding.

Archie looked worried. He always wore his look of worry when he looked at me but I know it wasn't that he was worried about me. He was more worried about my running – or more specifically – my running from Betty. Who was I kidding? Archie had a loyalty to me but his loyalty to Betty was always so unwavering, unshakeable. They had lived next door to each other their entire lives, it was natural. All I had growing up was my loyalty to my trailer and the nights spent listening to dad sing loudly from outside, mom rolling her eyes as she rocked a young Jellybean in her arms. I remember it so clearly.

I think I could feel a sweat bead forming on the top of my brow but it wasn't hot. I laid on the sofa with Alice on my mind and her tan heels, tapping on the step of the trailer, her eyes begging me, her being fierce over her daughter. I hear JB groan as she picked away at a guitar, I had never known my sister to be up at this time of the morning, but maybe Riverdale changed a little bit in her, even if it doesn't change in itself.

One day was all it took for Riverdale to entrap me again. The breeze shifting, the chill picking up again. My breath moved in an obvious way as I stepped out into the cold today, I've been letting Riverdale call to me, just to _feel_ _something_ again.

I felt something. I felt guilt; I dripped guilt. I love Betty so much, that was something that would never change but like usual, I ran. Sometimes you do things that are so irrational because that's all you know. All I know is that Betty ruled my mind, she was gripping onto my soul. And I left. Because that's all I've ever known.

I sit up quickly on the sofa, Ronnie's eyes never leave me and they're all crowded around me waiting. I wonder if they resent the five years I made them wait. The last five years simply hang over me waiting to drop. Archie's growing sick of his waiting on me, I can see it in the way he's turning his car keys in his hands, the way that JB's picking is becoming faster and faster... "Come on dude," he starts. "I can't stand this."

Ronnie raises an eyebrow at me. "Are we just going to sit here? Or are we going to do something?" she asks me. "Talk to me."

"I freaked," I admit. "I freaked and I ran and I shouldn't..." I say weakly.

They all sigh – waiting on my every word. What do I do? Do I go and apologise for not even giving Betty a chance? Do I crawl to her, on hands and knees, and beg her to forgive me? That's what I feel like doing, I need to tell her, admit to her that I love her. Because I haven't had the energy or the guts.

JB stops her guitar and rolls her eyes. "You need to go up to her and say; 'Betts, I love you and I'm sorry for being a punk ass idiot and overreacting yesterday, PS, I do love you and I've not had the balls to tell you, let's raise a baby!'"

Archie bites his lip to stop himself laughing but shrugs; "I mean, yeah, that would work..."

I smile to myself. JB's presence was light-hearted and fun but knowing she was leaving was making me sad and panicked, I didn't want her to go. "Can you stay, please?" I beg my sister.

"And sleep where?" she asks flicking her eyes to Ronnie. "You got me a spare room too?" she asks.

"Sure," Ronnie says sarcastically. "Ask your mom and dad to move in too while you're at it."

"You don't want FP and Gladys in the same house, V," JB adds with a wink. "Not unless you want World War three around here..."

"We already have it, Jellybean," Archie says, pointing at his son who had pulled out a huge pile of sheet music.

"Call it four, then," JB replies.

Veronica moves from next to Archie to sit down next to me, her heels clicking on the wood as she sat down, she throws her arm around my shoulder. "Juggie," she starts.

"Mm…" I reply, reaching up to move my beanie.

"I know you had a bad day yesterday -"

"Understatement of the year," I mumble but it doesn't go unnoticed, she whacks my leg with her other hand. "The award goes to me this year, for sure."

"Everyone has bad days -" Veronica's cut off by JB.

"But yours was terrible, we know."

"Shut it, Jellybean!" Archie snaps.

JB whimpers like an injured puppy.

"Don't listen to your sister," Ronnie says with a smile. "She's winding you up."

"She's been doing this her whole life, I'm used to it," I reply shrugging. "You're no true Jones unless you rub someone up the wrong way..."

Ronnie exhales loudly and grips onto my shoulder harder. "You had a bad day, shit things happened, but it's not an excuse to not hear B out. Alex is the baby's dad and regardless of what's happened between him and Betty, Betty's a smart girl and she's thinking of the baby. And now, you have to be smart and think about what's happening between you and Betty. Before it's too late."

They all smile at me with sympathetic eyes and most probably, sorrier thoughts. I feel like shit that I didn't stop to be there for Betty, I didn't quit the running. I didn't want to be locked up in that small space with Alex but now I know she didn't want to either, I felt like I was drowning in her house, but she did too and I just left. Left her to drown.

I left.

I groan to myself and throw my head back. "Fuck!" I whine. "Why weren't you guys there to stop me!" I say rubbing my eyes. "You should have tied me to a bed, moved mountains to stop me!"

"You ditched me before I even had the chance to babysit you and you left me at the station with Vanessa Hudgens! Because if you had just waited thirty more minutes, you wouldn't be here snuggled up between Veronica and Archie feeling sorry for yourself, trust me!" JB says, throwing her hands in the air.

Ronnie laughs and shakes her head. "If you had just let me drive you to work I would have been there to take you to Betty's and I wouldn't have let you jump to every conclusion except for the right one."

"Guys, this isn't helping me!" I groan. "Tell me what to do – give me a step by step plan. I need to fix this. I need rules written out, I need someone to take over my brain."

"Tell her, bro," Archie says quietly, looking down at his feet. "Just tell her, simple and plain. Tell her you love her, say you're sorry for leaving yesterday. You guys need to just talk it out because I don't think you have even attempted to address any of the problems."

"Said problems need addressing," my sister adds.

I had gone to Betty's house to tell her how much I loved her yet I was met in her driveway with tears in her eyes and so much confusion, I don't think either of us knew what to do but what she was doing was giving him the benefit of the doubt – selfishly I'm thinking it will be without any benefit for her. They were right. I needed to right the wrongs, I needed to confess my love for Betty Cooper and I didn't care if I had to share part of a life with Alex, I needed to do something right for once. I needed to stare the last five years in the face. I needed to apologise for so many things, I can't even count them all on my fingers. But I needed to tell her I was sorry for leaving her in the rain on her drive way. This time, I left and she begged _me_ to stay.

Ronnie turns around to look at me, brown on blue. Her lips pursed. "You need to tell her this, Jughead. Before it's too late and it's just a repeat of what you've already been through all over again."

"And what if it's too late," I say throwing my head back. "God, I'm so stupid!"

"It's only going to be late if you keep lying here whining at us," JB snaps.

I chuck a pillow at her. "First bus back to Toledo, I swear to god!"

Archie looks down at the watch on his wrist. "JB has a point, we've been sitting in here talking about Betty for like an hour now..."

"You two cut it out, we're trying to help Jughead," Ronnie scolds them. "But seriously, if you don't tell her, you're going to regret it."

"I have so many regrets already," I say with a sigh. "I can't even count on my hands how many I have."

"Well you don't want any more than that, do you, Juggie?" Archie adds. "I know I don't want you to."

"It's always been you and Betty," Ronnie says, shaking me more. "Betty and Jughead forever!"

Archie laughs, "No, you're right, it always has been. Even when we were kids. Dad would yell out to me to get inside and these two would still be sitting out on the road talking."

I laugh at the memories. Archie and I riding our bikes around, passing Betty from handle bar to handle bar every time we'd get too tired of doubling her.

"Talking, huh?" Ronnie says winking back at me.

"We haven't done so much recently," I say, trying not to sound as sad as I felt.

Ronnie reaches out to pat my leg. "And maybe you should because this is a world of what could have been and you deserve better that.

* * *

We sat down the road from the old Drive In site on the bonnet of Archie's Jeep. We knew he'd kill us if he knew we were sitting on it, but we didn't care. He always says denim can scratch a good paint job.

I lit up a cigarette in inhaled loudly, exhaling the smoke and watching the paper burn as JB kicked her flats off and brought her knees up to her chin. "I'm gonna miss it here, kid. You know that, right?" she asks me.

I turn to look at my sister whose eyes were so much like our mom's and I knocked my shoulder to hers. "Yeah, I know, the great calling of Riverdale is getting through to you – my plan is working," I laugh.

She laughs too and her smile grows. "I'm glad to hear you laugh, I mean, it's a weird one but it's still good to hear you laughing because I don't think I've heard you laughing in almost the entire time I've been here. But now, I can go home and tell mom that you're ok. If you can laugh, then you can breathe and if you can breathe, you're ok."

I wonder if things would have been different if JB wasn't here during this time. Would I have been able to face Ronnie and Archie and all their married advice? Would any of this actually have happened? Or would the whole past four days have panned out differently? Would Cryss have encouraged my melt-down of drinking? Would I have spoken to Alice Cooper with a thumping head ache and an aching soul? I don't know. All I know is that my sister has made things a little brighter and created a lighter load. I'm grateful for it. "Tell mom I'm fine," I tell her. "And don't tell mom about my drinking."

JB zips her mouth and pretends to lock it and throw away the key. "I won't tell mom that you turned into FP Junior for a day – I don't tell mom much anyways," she replies shrugging. She remains quiet before turning to look at me. "You're going to go and see Betty, right?" she asks.

I think about it. I didn't want to, for the next few hours I just wanted to be outside, on our old stomping grounds hanging with JB, but I think about it, even though my mind was made up and my two sisters and brother had made sure of it. "Yeah, I will, after I take you to the bus but I'm gonna go. I've got knee pads so when I turn up on my hands and knees it won't be so bad."

JB chuckles. "Yeah, good, or I would have had to kick your ass but you're taller than me so it isn't so easy."

"I'll make sure to wear platform boots so it's even harder."

She rolls her eyes. "Piss off," she grumbles. "I don't think I want to go back to Toledo..."

I had been so caught up in my little downward spiralling world, I didn't even get a proper chance to ask my sister about Toledo. Was it good? Was it _great_? Was it terrible being the superstar of her school? Was mom still a good cook? Did our grandparents spoil her to be the Queen she always thought she was; no wonder she loved staying with Ronnie, they were both the rulers around here. "How's your last year of school going?" I ask.

JB smiles at me and nods. "Yeah, I love it. I'm always so busy with music and working at the coffee shop, you should feel honoured that I took the time off to roll up in Riverdale with you."

"I'm honoured," I say clutching at my heart. "It's truly the highlight of my life."

She sniggers. "Don't lie, that would be Betty."

"Don't carry my load, JB, you shouldn't be worrying about your big bro's love life," I tease.

"I'm worried because I don't want you to make mistakes, Juggie," she says slapping my leg. "They say diamonds are forever but that isn't true!" she says with a grin. "Love is!"

I roll my eyes. "You been reading those love novels mom likes, haven't you?"

She laughs and slaps me again. "Ah – only sometimes," she replies. "Mind you, this is the closest to love I'm getting at the moment, so I'm running with it."

"What?" I ask. "No guys serenading you down the street these days?"

"Or girl?" she suggests.

"Or girl," I agree. "That does sound boring..."

"At least I'm not trying to think of ways to apologise to the love of my life for being a complete dickhead," she adds. It stings me. "But I'm sure it will all work out."

"Like a bullet to the brain," I mumble. "I completely fucked up."

JB sighs and reaches for my packet of cigarettes, offering me one. "They say love makes you do crazy things. You were in fight or flight mode, it's understandable."

"You say that _they_ say a lot of things," I laugh. "You have a list of those sayings or what?"

"I'm full of common knowledge."

"You're right," I say sighing. "I was in fight or flight and I flew – right out of there."

"I'm sure it was hard for you, but it must have been hard to get her back in the first place. You never stopped loving her, Jug, and you're scared of it."

I take a deep breath. "I do, I still love her and I haven't stopped. It's like my body – or further than that – my soul, it's still drawn to her. I know how stupid that sounds," I say with a laugh. "But that's not even the craziest part of the whole thing. I thought I wouldn't see her again and then here she is, walking through Riverdale, shakes at Pop's and coffees at the Coffee Club..."

JB nods and leans her head onto my shoulder. "I think the main thing is that you acknowledge the last five years and then focus on the next five, how does that sound?"

It was like the most logical thing to do, like music to my ears, like finally that step by step plan had been set out for me all by JB. "You know you're clever, don't you?"

"Naturally, yes," she replies.

I roll my eyes. "Now to work on my speech."

* * *

JB had gone and it left a dim light on in my mind and a dim fluttering in my heart. JB had gone so quickly, I wondered that if one day she'd come back to Riverdale to experience the life she was missing out on, which of course was not much.

The drive back to town from the bus depot wasn't a long one and I know Archie was waiting for me to come home. Ronnie had asked what time I'd be back, I didn't give her one. I think Archie was hoping I'd drop in to see Betty which honestly was one of my intentions. But I was good at procrastinating and I was doing a good job of it. I laugh to myself. Maybe I would be better at this job that at my actual job.

I bypass Pop's and I don't even make it to Betty's side of town, I was avoiding that entire radius which was stupid and irrational but I feel like I need more time.

I almost slam the door of the trailer – it's not my intention, it's just cheap and misused. I scare dad awake and he almost falls off the sofa before looking at me and taking a breath of relief. "Shit son, you frightened me."

"You didn't come and say goodbye to JB," I tell him bluntly. "I wasn't expecting you to but it still sucks."

Dad grumbles something inaudibly. I'm glad I don't hear what he says though because it would have just pissed me off even more. "See her go, remind me of your mom when she left? No thanks."

I just shrug and walk back out of the trailer, feeling dad follow behind me. "Valid point," I tell him. "It sucks when they leave."

I can hear dad clicking two bottles of beer together and kicking the door with his boot to follow me out before placing one in front of me on the table and pushing me his cigarettes across the table towards me. "I owe you."

I snigger and push them back before reaching back into my jacket pocket and getting out my own. "You don't owe me, dad."

And true to my father he just lifts his shoulders and then reaches out for his cigarettes again. "Fine," he says. "What are you up to?"

I inhale deeply and take a sip of my beer, putting it down gently to look at my dad in the eye. "I need a break."

"From what?"

"So many questions," I groan. "From life," I say dramatically. "Not true, just trying to figure out how to sort my shit out, JB told me I have a lot to sort out because I'm good at overreacting."

"Hah!" Dad says, raising an eyebrow. "Not that she sounds like your mother or anything."

"You're telling me," I mutter.

"I'm asking the real questions here. What was Alice Cooper doing in my trailer?"

"Because I am the mother of all fuck ups," I say, rubbing my hands over my face. "What does it matter to you?"

Dad laughs humourlessly, leaning back smugly in his chair. But the feeling I have from stalling is giving me an anxiety that travels from the top of my head to the tightening in my fists. "I don't have Alice Cooper turning up on my door step asking to see you and I don't often have my son turning up here every other week just for a little catch up. And I don't want to be the dad that could have helped his kid but didn't, anymore, so it sort of does matter to me."

He was so calm and so cool. Once upon a time, I used to be like that too. Nothing fazed me. But now, conflicting strings that were our individual paths had become intertwined and I was struggling with it. "I'm sorry," I reply quietly.

"You're torn, son. But no one can get you out of this one. Stop running. Take it from me, I should have fought harder, I shouldn't have let life tear me."

He flexes his hand, watching the skin over his knuckles turn white as he tightens his skin. He never looked at me in the eye when he spoke about mom or JB, but in truth, I couldn't be sure of that because I didn't like to look him in the eye either.

"I don't want life to tear me, dad. But I think I'm more scared of the commitment."

Dad shakes his head; "You've been committed to Betty before, it can't be that hard to get back in it."

"Not Betty, Dad," I tell him truthfully. "The baby."

Dad pauses for a moment, letting the door of the trailer bang loudly against its frame. Finally, I had said it. "Jug..."

"To be honest dad, no offence, I hung onto your every word. Can I have a kid and have them hang on to everything I say and what if I don't provide? Can I have love for someone else? For a kid? For _someone_ _else's_ kid?" I hold on tightly to my head, ash falling all over me.

Dad remains quiet, his silence is scaring me. I didn't like offending him but I was trying to speak, man to man, father to son. "Jug, she could have turned up twenty years from now with three grown kids and two dogs and you would still want her."

I laugh, leaning into my dad's shoulder. "You're right. Now I just need to find out with the lawyer has to offer that I don't."

"A brain, obviously, son. Because if you can't see that this is just a mountain you have to climb, then you don't own one."

* * *

I turned off the ignition of Archie's Jeep and parked it outside of Betty's parents' house. I should have been used to parking out here – when Fred got me the hatch when we were only seventeen, I would park out here every day, leaning on it as if it were a Mustang and I felt like a long-limbed God as Betty would rush out the front door to me, wrapping her arms and legs around my waist, making things seem so much better, even with the Leathers in the backseat of my car.

Now I'm leaning on Archie's black on black leather interior filled car, stubbing out a cigarette on the pathway.

I felt like even the flowing rapids of Sweet Water River didn't calm me enough to know what to say. I could think of twenty different conversations I had held in my head as I drove to the trailer park after dropping JB off at the bus depot but none of them make sense now that I'm trying to figure out exactly what to say. I didn't even have the guts to text Betty herself; I begged Veronica over the phone for her to text Betty to make sure she was here. She had been here the past two days, apparently, she didn't want to sleep alone.

I move around the side of the house like I hadn't had five years of _not_ doing this. I could move around this place with hands tied and blindfolded. I could follow the smell of vanilla or follow the vibrations of movement from within and I would know exactly where I was going.

I stood at the bottom of the ladder leading up to Betty's room, wondering what I would find when I got to the top. It was always somewhat of a lucky dip when I stood here. Seven years ago, I would have found a young Betty hunched over various writings, investigations. She'd be smiling at me, we'd kiss, her hands would travel up my neck to bring me closer, at times, my hands would grow a mind of their own and would travel higher too. I could have found her, hair splayed on the ground listening to pop songs on her stereo, telling me everything and anything that she thought I'd listen to, or even things she knew I _wouldn't_ listen to.

Five years ago, I would climb up here, counting down the days – knowing we were on borrowed time. Sometimes it would be rough, scratching down my chest, slapping of skin on skin just to make us feel like we had a little control in this world we had created that lacked all control. Sometimes it was a little anger because I was late to meet her up here. I was never late though, I had just been standing down here not wanting to face my reality.

And now, I should be rushing up that ladder, finding out what was wrong and how I could fix it and I didn't care if she was currently a thousand shards of glass and all I had were my uncovered fingers and I needed to pick up every single piece and try and fix it. I would sit here with bloodied hands and shards of glass in my fingers if it means I've fixed something.

I take a couple of feeble steps, it sounds stupid but climbing up here is like riding a bike – you never forget how to do it. Before I knew it, I was face to face with Betty's window, knowing the exact way in how to jimmy it to open it up.

Her room was dimly lit by a candle that was burning in the corner. It was vanilla scented and I have a feeling that Alice had come in and lit it for her, maybe as some form of comfort.

"Betts?" I ask quietly, walking across the room towards her bed. "Betts, I can barely see in this candle light."

I hear a gasp and then I see Betty rolling over in her bed, sitting up. She was pale and whatever make up she may have had had run down her face and stained the white t-shirt she was wearing, I don't know how long she had been wearing that same shirt and something tells me she might not have showered since the last time I saw her.

"Jughead?" she asks quickly. "How did you get up here?"

I smirk to myself and point to the window. "I came up..." I say slowly, I clear my throat. "Like I'm sixteen all over again."

Betty's eyes grow wide and she smiles but she bites her lip and I can see her eyes starting to well. She was crying. "Juggie..."

I quickly move across the room to her bed and sit down on the edge. "Don't talk, Sunlight, it's ok..." I say, struggling to find the right words, they were floating in and out, cutting into my mind and then vanishing again. "Shit, Betty, I'm so sorry I left you like that," I say feeling the words getting stuck in my throat.

She shakes her head, faster and faster, nails digging into her palms, I can see it so I grab them, loosening her fists with my own hands before smoothing her palms out. "I'm sorry too," she says still shaking. "I should have told you he was coming but I didn't know what to say, I'm sorry."

She was still shaking her head and I let go of her hands to gently take hold of her head. "Don't shake so much, it'll spill out," I smooth my thumbs over her cheekbones, anything just to feel her, to have her here with me. "I'm so sorry Betty, I know we can't just forget the last five years, you were right, you're always so damn right."

She laughs weakly and sniffs, wiping her nose with her sleeve. "I should have never – I should have never even let him in the house."

My mind flickers, what could he have done? Did he hurt her? "What happened, Betts?"

She seems like she's convulsing as the sob wracks through her body, I hold on tighter to her, running my thumb across her cheek bones, trying to feebly stop a waterfall. "He didn't want back in, Jughead, and I'm glad for it," she says trying to look me in the eye which I couldn't do in return. "Please, believe me Jug."

I meet her eyes which was a tough feat because the tears are steadily falling and the violent rise and fall of her chest moves her and her eyelashes are thick and unable to be looked through but I try because I know I have to. If I don't believe her now, I never would. I needed to believe her and I needed to fix her. "I believe you." And I do, but the panic is echoing through me, wondering what he did.

"Do you promise?"

"I promise," I tell her, wiping her eyes again. I let go of her face and sit there, knee to knee, eye to eye.

She nods. "He didn't want back in and I'm relieved but he – he..." she couldn't finish.

I tilt her chin with my finger. "What happened?"

She takes a deep breath. "He still doesn't want to have anything to do with the baby."

This time, I feel the jerks wracking through my own body, I feel like punching the air, like kicking. Screaming. But I don't because she sobs loudly again, throwing her head onto my chest. "Don't Betty," I say weakly. "We'll be ok, he's done you a favour, remember?"

She nods against me, hair falling into my mouth. "He's done me a favour, but that doesn't fix anything."

I stroke her hair, staring at the mirror across the room failing my search of the right words to say, "It will be fixed, I promise."

"I'm sorry that we lost the last five years," she says sniffing, wiping her eyes with the corner of her shirt.

"And I'm sorry that I tried to ignore them," I tell her. "I'm sorry that I never gave you an excuse – I'm sorry that I didn't chase after you."

I don't know how loud I'm speaking. I feel the words are so loud in my ears but are soft from my lips. Betty looks at me with her deep, I feel she's searching me. I feel she's trying to read the last five years from my eyes. "I'm sorry we never spoke about it," she tells me. "Because it's a part of who we are now, and it's defining us."

"I don't want to be defined by five years of mistakes, Sunlight," I say, taking her hands in mine again. I bring them up to my lips and kiss gently.

"You made your mistakes, Jughead. But I did too."

I touch her stomach. "It's not a mistake. He's done you a favour, remember?" I say with a sigh. "You told me that, the day I saw you again."

She looks up at me, the blue of her eyes seeming so deep, I got lost twenty times over in this moment. She bites her lip so hard, I see blood again, just like the last time I was this close. "He's done me a favour but he can't rewind time."

I want to stub out time on the pathway with my cigarettes, turn it back; time-turner. But I hear it with my ears, I feel it in my heart. I can feel it in the way she's gripping my hands so tight, I know that in _this_ time, I can't ever let go. This was the start of my ending that may or may not be happy but for the first time in forever, or more like, five years, I knew that she did love me too. "I've known you my whole life and I still choke on the words," I say quickly, my face turning red. "And that's my entire _being_ , words, _speaking_ words, words on _paper_. And I still can't do it, tell you how much I love you," I tell her weakly.

"It wasn't you that I was starting a family with and it wasn't him that I loved. And I never told you this, but Jug, now, I think I love you more than before, and I want you."

Her eyes don't leave mine, she was searching for something; I think I am too. I feel an entire life time has passed but we don't move. Five years' worth of looking at each other we missed out on but I needed to catch up on it. Before I know it, her hands let go of mine and her hands dig into my thigh as she pushes up, her lips finding mine.

And even though we were robbed, all those nights ago of a kiss and freedom, I feel like this was the time, the moment, that I was to feel her lips on mine and her fingers leaning on me, my hands find the back of her thighs as I push her, trying to get her closer to me. I had tasted vanilla on her lips before and I had tasted it in the air that moved around her but god, I hadn't tasted it so strongly in a long time as her teeth grazed my lip and pulled. My fingers dug into the flesh and I feel her moan against me, making me weak. Her firm stomach flush against mine, I feel her on me, I feel that she is with me, sharing my space, part of my world.

She pushes me down hard, forcing me to let go a little of my grip but she lifts one leg to sling over my hips, hands resting on my chest and her lips close to my neck.

I don't press, I just relax into Betty Cooper at my side, "I'm sorry I left, I'm sorry I did this," I murmur against her.

I turn to my side to look at her again, she smiles gently and says; "Please, stop apologising." I reach across and put my hand tenderly on her stomach, feeling her under my touch.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

"Stop," she laughs lightly.

I keep looking at her, frowning, making motions on the skin of her stomach. "Just let me say it..."

"Jughead," she says against me, "I know – I know it's all too much, but, are you ok with this?"

I try searching for the right words, how could I perfectly explain how I felt, that I had walked the ends of the earth that shards of her in me, digging in so deep, they were part of me? "I'm ok with anything that comes with you," I say quietly.

"I'm used, I'm a little crazy, I'm _pregnant_ ," she replies a little louder, still staring blankly at my chest.

"Betty, I want anything with you. You could have turned up twenty years from now with three grown kids and two dogs and I would still want you."

"Do you mean it?" she murmurs.

"I mean it every time, Sunlight."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Show me some love? Please?


	12. Sunny-Side-Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter in which Jughead finds out about his Sunny-Side-Up

_ **Chapter Twelve** _

_Welcome to my heart,_

_Summer sun._

* * *

It had been a long, torn, two days of silence. Mostly it was just soft words, I didn't want to step on her toes or say something out of line. I truly wish that she had taken note on how delicately I choose my words. I put a lot of thought into exactly what I would say, I know that Alice noticed, it was written all over her obviously huge grin she wore when I walked down her stairway with Betty's arm joined to mine. Sometimes, the careful consideration in each word I spoke would delay my responses so each response had a reaction like whip lash. Sometimes my words tasted like poison in my mouth, especially when I had to speak about _him_.

She didn't want to go home – it made me question exactly what was home to her. She had so many choices, her home, her mom's home. The home she had proudly made in my arms. This was a normal occurrence to those raised in a home. Sometimes I would think about what was home for me; I didn't have dwellings, growing up. Home was the feeling I shared when we ate pizza on the floor of Fred's loungeroom, the feeling I had watching the big screen. The feeling of the great return when I was sixteen putting my lips to Betty's.

It had been a long two days of commuting, Ronnie and Archie didn't hound me, not after I had told them that Alex had turned up but nothing had changed. Nothing had changed, selfishness pulsed through him, love was obviously non-existent. Betty had changed, she was growing, her love ever-changing, but this didn't matter to him. But it matters so much to me. Archie felt it was a disgusting cycle that just turned around and around, from Polly to Betty, from Hal to Alex, as if giving up their children would make them better contributing members of society but it all honesty and bluntness – it just fucked them up. But it seemed so easy for Alex to just give up.

I had commuted from Betty's mom's to work for two days, on one hand I had Crystal who spoke her mind so freely and then I had a level of silence from Betty that was haunting. And then, after two days, Betty came out a little brighter with her hair a little tighter and her smile a little more convincing.

It had started with a faint pattering of feet outside my room. The door swung open and very few words were spoken, but at some point, it was a laugh against lips and shaking hands. My fingers grew bolder, they knew the path, they hadn't forgotten.

She was in my world, she was in my room; my sanctuary. She had found the way here without any directions. She had come here without any true meaning, I could tell, because the chat was minimal and her eyes flicked around a lot, trying to see everything. The two days had become everything to us, we were the only two people in Riverdale. I think maybe we were the only two people in the _world_. When I had left her, I told her I'd see her tomorrow. That tomorrow had leaked into today, but I didn't mean five o'clock in the morning, but maybe that's what she meant.

At some point in the minimal conversation, she had sat down on my bed and I stood, leaning against her, my knees between her thighs and she was so strong, pulling me down onto the bed with me trying to avoid the bump in between us. My hands finding her hips to rest on instead.

Her hands went to touch my face but I caught them instead, bringing them to my lips, kissing each fingertip which she likes and turns red because of. "Your smile is so sweet," I tell her. "I missed it."

She turns redder from my comments and shakes her head. "I'm not sweet, I'm tougher than I look."

"Ah," I tease, "Tough Betty."

She scowls. "Don't say that."

She touches me gently, my chest, my neck, and I caress her too, feebly, shakily, feeling like we were sixteen all over again and I know she does too because her breathing is unsteady and infrequent, almost gasping with every movement over the swells of her body. "Is this ok?" I ask.

"Yeah," she says kissing my neck, "It's ok."

My hands slide up her spine, making her move against me and undoing the clasps of her bra. I can hear my heart pounding in my ears but I choose to ignore it, wondering if it will ever slow down. My lips latch on to hers as I throw her bra on the floor, forgetting that with the rest of the clothes. I could feel her tongue edging in deeper then running across my lower lip. My hands growing bolder, grabbing on to as much flesh as I could fit in my palms.

I release her lips, following a trail down the arch of her neck, across her collarbone. I lean back and I look at her, like an angel on my bed. Like a goddess.

She was completely undressed with the exception of the lace between her thighs and I still have the shackles that are my jeans on that I had thrown on when I heard someone knocking on my window. She was all smooth skin, long legs. She curves, she dips, she swells in places she hadn't before. At first, she smiles at me, lower lip between her teeth before her eyes darken. "Is this weird?" she asks me.

"Have we ever not been weird?" I reply.

She grips onto my wrist to pull me back down, my hand growing bolder and travelling in between us. I grip onto the lace separating us, pulling them down her legs as I dotted kisses down her thighs, finger pads on her legs, white lace being discarded too.

I'm one step ahead in my mind, but she's quicker. Were lips to lips, stomach to swollen stomach, chest to swelling chest. My fingers digging into the soft skin of her ass as her tongue laps on my neck, teeth scraping at my skin. Love is livid. Love is wild and biting onto me.

We were breathless and hurried hands as Betty was quick, reaching down between us and grabbing my length. She sucks in dry, warm air through her teeth as she rubs me against her, slipping me deeper and deeper as I groan and my head rolls back. I feel her frustration in the way she bites my lip and groans in my ear, "Now Jughead," she hisses.

The tip slips out and she sucks in air again which just makes me do it again and again to hear her whimper, she almost begs me.

 _Almost_.

Sunlight can't wait, so I do it one more time just to irritate her – she reads through me though because she can tell I can't wait any longer. She smirks at me through the morning sun.

"Right now, Sunlight," I tell her as I push in so deep into her, I lose my breath and I feel it in the back of my throat. Sunlight was moaning, Sunlight was sighing, Sunlight was blinding.

It was all desperation after that. Like we can't get any closer, like I can't breathe any deeper, like she can't hold on any tighter. It had been five years since I was in Betty, since she was around me, pulling me deeper, pulling my neck closer, dragging my teeth along her collarbone. Her perfume was stinging my nose and I felt seventeen, long shaky legs and shaky hands, wet slick along her skin, the taste of vanilla sour on my tongue. I kiss between her breasts, I suck in her flesh and held it in my teeth, my nails digging into her like they were a part of her hips. My thrusts harder, harsher, quicker – deeper.

It had always started slow, tender, dotted kisses. And now it was turning into the fury it always was with the desperation. Some things _never change_. I grit my teeth, I feel her warm scratches on my back cooling in the air, finger marks, stifled whimpers, my skin slapping on her skin.

She's moving against me, her hips knocking against my hip bones she moves a hand from my shoulder to put it between us, she was touching herself, hand moving just as quick as I was. "Shit, Jughead," she says in prayer.

I'm deeper and slower than before and her eyes roll in the morning sun, hair messed around her like a halo. Her nails keep inflicting their damage on me. I murmur; "More."

It's hurting, but it's hurting so good. My mind is racing and I can hear a sharp ringing in my ears but I don't dare ask her to stop. "Do you like that?" she asks.

God, I love it and I feel I won't be happy until I'm split in half, until she's part of me, until I'm so lost in her that she's moving as one with my body, pumping with my blood, she's in me and I'm in her.

I flip her over to her side and I pump myself a little more with my hand before slipping in slowly and painfully – life ending type of slowly where her ass slaps my hips as she grinds into me, sucking me in. I move slowly and she reaches back to grab my thigh and pull me closer. Now we were moving as one, one body – one warm-hot skin tearing body.

It wasn't just sex with Betty, it never had been. It was molten lava. It was fluid. It was a drop of blood in a pool of water reaching out and spreading and changing colour and consistency. The taste was nothing I could have ever forgotten, five years or fifty. No one moves the way we do. No one had hearts that beat as one the way ours do. It was untouchable and deeper than Sweet Water River itself.

I kiss-taste the side of Betty's neck, I taste it like I've tasted in the last million times. She moans and she brings me closer, moving her ass against me harder. "I'm so close," she begs me. I pull back just to edge in again so tightly.

I'm quicker again, I thrust harder and she pushes twice as hard, her fingers tangles in the sheets, her head buries into my pillow. I come and the sunlight blinds my eyes through the curtains, I feel sunlight unravelling around me, pulsing on me because shit, I'm pulsing in her. "Shit, I love you," I say with it catching in my throat.

I move slowly back up her and she grips onto my hair, making me shiver. I take her lips back in my mouth, I feel her tongue edge in and my rough hands – trying to be gentler – but failing. My hand keeps on its journey between us, where the lace used to lie. Her eyes squeeze shut and her grip tightens on my shoulder blades, hand creeping further. She inhales sharply and let's go in my ear, moaning my name.

* * *

I could hear muffled talking through the house, echoing and I'm not sure at which point Betty had left the room. Crystal was just about to make her six AM appearance so I flick on the radio to start my day.

" _Good morning Riverdale! To start your day, head down to Pop's for the best coffee in town!"_ she was always such a convincing liar. I know that the best coffee in town is at the Coffee Club.

The voices come up the hallway so I rush out of bed to grab my jeans; "Ronnie!" I yell, "Don't come in here, I've just got out of bed."

The voices grow louder and I shake my head, looking around for a discarded shirt, fuck, this is why I get sick of living here, the blatant disregard gets on my nerves, but I don't have time to think of all the things that annoy me because I watch the door handle turn and my door swing open, "Fucks sakes," I groan but I'm meet with Betty's eyes scanning my room.

"Jug," she says exhaling, "You're still so damn messy?"

I relax a little and forget looking for the discarded shirt. But I cock an eyebrow as I look at Betty in her work clothes, hair done and make up immaculate. It doesn't make sense, she had left without her jacket and her hand bag was still in the corner next to my desk. Ronnie has this smug expression on her face like she might have just done me a favour bringing Betty into my room, not knowing what had happened just an hour ago, but she hasn't, because regardless of what Betty has _been_ and _is_ to me at this point, I didn't want her to bare sacrifice to the dungeon that is my room is this bright daylight. "Ah, I haven't changed," I say sheepishly. "It's disgusting, I know."

"I wouldn't say _disgusting_ ," Ronnie says, moving her hands around my room. "Just a complete mess."

"Sounds completely different to me," I say sarcastically but Betty moves through my room freely as if it were hers, touching things, pulling on cords, chucking her own jacket on my unmade bed.

Ronnie just shrugs, "Going to go feed my child, do you need to do yours?" she asks Betty.

Bets blushes a bit and sits down on my bed, kicking off her boots. "I'll eat later," she explains.

Ronnie approves of this answer and turns to walk out of my room. "Ok," she says but as Betty checks her phone, Veronica eyes me, giving me a wink and thumbs up.

I glare at Betty who wears a similar smug expression to Veronica's and throw my hands up in the air. "Did you leave and pretend to come back?"

Betty laughs and falls back on the bed, legs kicking in the air. "It's wired in me, pretending that I'm not sleeping with you. Sneaking around, it's exciting, isn't it?"

"You don't need to sneak around, we're not seventeen pretending we're not having sex. And besides, we didn't sleep together," I say rolling my eyes. "To me we made love."

"Passionate love?" she teases.

I nod and open my laptop, turning it on and grabbing out a cigarette. "Tender, passionate love, earth shaking, life shattering," I say, my cigarette moving in my mouth with my words. "You got work today, Sunlight?" I ask.

Betty nods and throws a pillow at me. "Yes," she groans. "I'll jump on with Archie," she tells me. "But then I have to ask you something."

I start tapping away on my keyboard. "Ask away."

She sits up quickly and I turn to look at her, "Well..."

"You're nervous, come on, get it out, girl," I tease.

"I haven't had my twenty-week scan in which we find out what the baby is – I know I'm over twenty weeks, obviously – and I was wondering..."

Hah, it had been a long time since we'd spoken about what we thought the baby would be. "You were wondering what I thought the baby is?"

"No!" she says defensively. "I was going to ask if you wanted to come with me next week?"

I don't hesitate at all. "Of course, I do," I tell her. "Anything to keep you away from the Blossoms and their voodoo thing. Do you think that grandma is still alive? Not appropriate? Ok..."

Betty sighs and throws another pillow at me, this time hitting the screen of my laptop. "Sorry," she says, covering her mouth. "But it's not a joke, Juggie."

I nod and put up my hands in truce. "Sorry, you're right. They're not a joke, they're scary. Bone shatteringly scary."

"So that's a yes?"

"It's absolutely, positively, one hundred percent yes," I tell her.

"Good." She remains silent for a while, I start a couple of lines on the laptop. "This feels good."

"What?" I ask, spinning in my desk chair to face her, I take the cigarette out of my mouth and hold it. "The sex?"

"You know, back in the day, you wouldn't have said anything so obnoxious."

"I just assumed..." I say, a little embarrassed. "They do say that assuming is the mother of all fuck ups, so I'm sorry."

"I meant the _normality_..."

I pause, looking at Betty with her laying on my bed, me sat up on my desk, laptop on and no shirt. It was as if we had travelled five years back where our demons were in the form of school work and our saving graces were the comforting silences between us. "It's like coming home, right now."

"I like it," she says, staring at the ceiling. "I like having you and I like being here with V and Archie. I more than like it I -"

"Love it?"

"Love it," she agrees. "I love just waking up and -"

"Talking to me? Because I love talking to you," I say quietly.

"Here's to a world of normality," she says, waving her arms above her. "Here's to the normal world."

"But -" I start before being cut off by her.

"But we've never been normal? This is our normal, Jug."

She rolls over on to her side, pointing at my laptop. "You get to writing, Jug. Your baby and I need to live off your writing money."

Her stare was so sure, but I wonder if I misheard her. My mind raced with what she meant, could there be an underlying message? Did she really say what I think she said? "Betts-"

"Betty, we better go! Weatherby will get the shits with us and he's already pissed at me about the budget being blown!" Archie yells from outside the door.

Betty rolls her eyes. "Coming Archie," she says, slowly getting off the bed. "As soon as I can get myself off the bed."

Archie comes rushing it, glaring at me and holding out his hands to Betty. "How far along are you?" he asks.

"Twenty-six weeks," she says, slightly out of breath. "But I feel a million."

Archie claps me on the back and the rushes out of the room again; "Come on, let's go!"

"You still like being here with Archie?" I ask, winking at Betty.

She walks over to the desk and leans down to kiss me on the lips. I taste it, vanilla, it's permanent taste in my mouth. "Oh ha-ha," she says sarcastically. "Of course, I do."

I sit in silence for a while, watching her pick up her bag and then she sits down again, picking up her shoes. I walk over to where she's sitting at take the boots off her, unzipping them to help her put them on. "Here," I say.

She sighs and then lifts a foot. "I'm pregnant, not a cripple."

"It doesn't matter, better I do it than feel the wrath of V and Archie all day."

"Thanks," she says standing up. "Will I see you later?"

"Here or at yours?" I ask.

"Wherever you want?"

"I'll be where you want me to be," I say, grabbing her hand and kissing it.

"And I want you to be where I am," she says, pouting a little.

"Let's meet here to start off with," I tell her. "And we'll go out for dinner or something."

She walks out of the room, vanilla laced in the air. I feel the dark expel from my room, stupidly, I feel it's expelled out of my life. What little dark is left is the dark in my mind but it was being forced out, I could almost hear the lock of the dark door being turned. It was a domestic bliss, it was part of me. Maybe I would get that domestic bliss, maybe I was creating my own. I don't know. All I know is that I feel the rapids of Sweet Water River rushing through me, I feel it wrapping me up. I feel like I've grown ten feet tall. I _feel_ again.

* * *

"Your love story is sickening and making me vomit but I'm a junky and I can't get enough," Crystal says with a look of disgust. "Give me another hit, I feel like I love Betty Cooper too now."

I laugh and shake my head, leaning back onto my free palm out the back of the station. "I know. It's gross and sickly sweet and it's my new life."

"Is this how it felt back then, you know, six years ago?"

" _Five_ ," I correct her. "I don't know, to be honest. I think I blanked out most of that time. It's nothing but memories I'm not sure are actually mine. Like maybe they were dreams."

She flicks the ask of her own cigarette on the ground. "I hate to say it, Jug, but I'm so damn freaking happy for you."

"I hate to say it but I think I'm on that stupid ninth cloud," I say, flicking my own ash. "It's like I can finally see again."

Crystal sways her hair from one shoulder to another then starts picking at the hem of her skirt. "So, my buddy's going to be a daddy?" she says, reaching out to grab my face between her fingers. "That's so cute!"

I lightly flick her hand away and knock my shoulder to hers. "I don't know, I mean, she's told me she wants me to come to the scan where they say what the baby is going to be this week."

"A little Juggie or a little Betty – nice!"

I sigh and rub my face. "I know, I really want to find out, but I don't know if that's the right thing to feel, do you know what I mean?"

"No idea."

"I mean, is it appropriate to be excited about these things? To be finding out what her baby is going to be -"

"First things first, it's not her baby. It's your guys baby. Both of yours. She's with you, the dad doesn't want the baby to even exist and you're going to be raising that kid. Raising it really good, hopefully not to be brooding and moody like you."

Crystal was right, I was going to be there for that baby, I was going to be there for Betty and the baby. Fuck. "Shit," I say loudly. "I'm going to be a dad!"

"You're going to be a dad!" Crystal exclaims, grinning at me. She chucks her smoke out on the ground and then grabs both my hands roughly. "You're going to be a dad!"

"I don't want to say it out loud again in case I jinx things but fuck, Cryss! I'm going to be a fucking dad and I don't even know the basics about living!"

"Yes, you do!" she says, still gripping onto my hands.

"I know how to breathe, blink, eat. That's about it, I don't know anything else!"

"Well, you have the essentials on lock so that's ok, isn't it?"

I nod. "I guess so."

"So that's your first step of being a dad, congrats," she teases.

Selfishly I had not really thought past myself and Betty. We had been on this long roller coaster where the seatbelts had fallen off and the rails were deteriorating and I don't think anyone was actually functioning this roller coaster but there were so many more layers to this story and I feel like we had missed out many important factors. Could I be a dad? Betty had mentioned it from time to time but I had never questioned it. But deeper and further than that, would that baby be accepting of me? With me trying to raise and love it as my own. "Do you think the baby will like me?"

Crystal laughs as if I was joking and now I wish I was because I feel stupid. "Babies are easily adaptable, and if they don't know any better, then as far as they're concerned, you will be their dad."

I nod, "That makes sense."

"Your brain is so high functioning, it's probably overlooked the fact that once that baby comes out, you'd be the first thing they'd see. And I've seen you with Abel, you're the world's best uncle."

"Ronnie seems to think I'm a little too honest with the kid and I say inappropriate things."

"Well, you'll be the complete opposite with your own kid because you'll wrapping it in cotton wool for the rest of it's poor, protected life."

I pat my hat, "Maybe I could wrap it in this, it's been my protection for a long time," I add with a laugh.

"Just wash it for starters, add that to your Dads for Dummies book."

* * *

I stood outside the school, leaning on my car earning scowls from the school kids around me as I inhaled deeply, taking a sip of my coffee before exhaling. Betty's steps became faster as she saw me and she waved out. "Jug!"

I nod at her and open the car door to my heap of shit, papers falling out on the ground. "Heya, Betts," I say, standing on the cigarette before taking her hand, pulling her closer.

She eyed the cigarette on the ground before looking at me with disapproval. "You shouldn't smoke so much."

"Hmmm," I reply.

She gets into the car, chucking her handbag in the backseat and then waits for me to get in. "I feel a lecture coming on..."

She slaps me lightly on the hand as I grip onto the steering wheel. "You should cut down, it's not good for you."

"Thanks for the health talk, _Archie_ , but I'm ok," I say teasing her, she slaps me again.

"Archie is right, at least he's healthy."

"Am I not healthy?" I ask her, reversing.

"Not with the amount that you smoke."

She didn't realise that sometimes, cigarettes were my only outlet; my silence, my relaxation. My steady thing that kept my mind in check or often, making me think a little too much. "Don't worry about me, Betts." I tell her gently. "We need to be more focused on you and your baby."

Betty looks down in her hands, twisting her phone through her fingers, tapping her thumbs on the screen. "I know – I know that you heard me yesterday morning," she says so quietly, I almost don't hear her. " _Your baby._ "

I change gears, waiting for her to carry on but she doesn't. "Heard what?"

She draws in a breath, and then snaps her head to the side, watching my face as I focus on the road. "When I said _your_ baby."

I laugh a little manically, keeping my hand tightly on the gear stick. "We're having this conversation here? In my heap of shit?" I ask her. "Shouldn't this be something better discussed at home over a pot of tea?"

She groans. "We could be having this conversation in a cupboard, it wouldn't matter."

"I know things have been tough for you Betty," I say, quickly taking a glance at her. "You don't need to label anything."

"It's so _you_ to think I'm labelling you," she says, shaking her head, thumbs rapidly tapping on the screen of her phone that she's not even looking at. "I'm not labelling anything."

"What are we calling this then?" I ask her. "Without labelling things."

"I'm calling it that I love you. Isn't that enough?"

"That's enough for me," I reply weakly. "That's more than enough. I am sated."

"Besides," she says, putting her hand on mine as I change gears again. "Isn't that what... you know, people who have been through what we've been through, do?"

I turn my head, falling into the deep of her eyes, smiling. "What we've been through is exactly what we've been through so we can get to this point. Call it fate, call her destiny. Call it that the worlds have aligned."

"This is a good point." She asks me; "You're happy?"

"The worlds have aligned, Betts. And you were the gravitational pull."

Just as I was starting to think that fate had been doing me at least a little good and I was in fact, accepting of fates presence, we pulled up in the car park. Betty still had some anxiety towards this place that I have now dubbed a safe haven. She needed to be checked up on and no amount of avoiding that was going to tell us whether or not she was meeting some crucial milestones. Veronica was all about milestones, recording every one, eating all the required nutrients that ended up falling short because no matter how many hours she spent making a birthing plan, it went down the drain with the blood she lost in that dramatic entrance that was Abel. Archie lost a lot of blood too in his face, turning grey when he saw his wife in distress. I don't tell Betty any of this, she would run right out of here.

The walk up to the Outpatient's Department seemed so long when I was trying to drag her to her appointment. "Your name?" the lady at the reception asked Betty.

"Elizabeth Cooper," she replied and we sat down.

Betty didn't even have the energy to at least pretend that she was reading, I did the reading instead and Betty just sat down, rubbing her belly. "I hate this place," she tells me. "It reminds me of those times it was just Polly and I sitting in here and mom and dad were too busy fighting."

I put down the magazine and look at Betty. "You have to love it, you're going to be seeing a hell of a lot more of this place. Consider this your second home."

"That makes it worse," she says rubbing her face. "That's why I've been avoiding it."

"How many appointments have you had since the last time we came together?"

She frowns. "Only one, I didn't even find out the sex of the baby last time because mom was there and I didn't want her to know."

"Why?"

"Because I wanted you to know."

I laugh and pick up the magazine. "Poor excuse, Betts, really. Why didn't you want to find out?"

"it's true!" she laughs. "But I also didn't want to know because it would make things more real, you know?"

I nod. "I know, it must be scary."

She agrees with me; "It's so scary, I feel like... I don't know. Like my life won't ever be the same..."

I put down the magazine again then reach over to grab her hands, bringing her hands up to kiss them and she blushes. "It won't ever be the same," I see her glaring at me. "I always tell you the truth, you know that."

"Your honesty makes me want to run away, do you know that?"

I shrug and put my arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to kiss her forehead. "You're scared of your life changing?" I ask her, feeling her ease into my hold. "You moved away, you created a world, you can't be the scared one... In fact, I should be the scared one; I don't have much experience with kids."

"You probably have more than me," she replies. "You're amazing with Abel."

"Abel is my buddy, that's why. We have a mutual understanding."

"What if the baby loves you more than me?" she moans, a small smile playing on her lips. "And then I'm the outcast."

"We'd be a family of outcasts," I say shrugging. "No more to it than that."

"You don't mind being an outcast?" she asks me, raising an eyebrow.

"This is hardly Aquemini," I say with a shrug. "But I will be your Big Boi to your Andre 3000..."

She looks at me with a lopsided smile and furrowed eyebrows. "What?"

"Ah," I say laughing, running my tongue over my teeth. "A music reference, it's the radio host in me."

She still doesn't get it and she shakes her head. "Music references aside, I'm just excited to be having a family."

"I like that," she says, meeting my eyes. "A family."

Family, such a strange word, a strange feeling. I've always referred to my family as a small selection of people. There was my blood and then my world, Archie, Abel and Ronnie with people being added sporadically, Kevin, Joaquin. But now, it this world I have recently built, I would have my own family. Betty, the baby and me. "I like it too. How long have I wanted a family...?"

"You have one," she replies.

"But this one – this one here," I say touching her stomach, fingers walking across. "Will soon be one part to my new family."

"Elizabeth Cooper?" a female Doctor calls out.

Again, just like the last time, she was plastered to the chair, hands tightening on the arm rests so I stand up and reach out for her hand, "Come on, Juliet."

She just nods and grabs my hand with me hauling her up but I push on her back as some weak attempt of encouragement.

We walk into the same room as the last time, all rubbing alcohol and blaring white with the exception of florally perfume lacing the room and making my nose burn. We sit down on our allocated chairs and I look around, feeling a little out of place, I run my thumbs down my suspenders and flick them against my chest.

The Doctor smiles brightly at us both. "So, twenty-seven weeks, you're looking well -" she looks down at the paper in front of her, searching for a name. "-Elizabeth."

Betty forces a smile. "Thanks, just call me Betty."

"You're welcome, sorry, I'm Doctor Adams and I'm hoping to be the Doctor on when you have your -" she looks down at the paper again. "Baby? Oh! You haven't had your gender scan yet!"

Betty and I look at each other, "Yeah, I didn't have it last time."

"You guys aren't wanting to?" The Doctor asks.

Again, Betty looks at me, I think she was looking for me to say something but I let her go, I wasn't going to be the one to make decisions. "I don't know," Betty answers. "I haven't really thought of it."

"What about you...? What's your name, I'm sorry," The Doctor asks me.

"Uh – Jughead," I reply. "Unless for legal reasons."

"Ok, Jughead unless for legal reasons, did you want to see? You're dad, right?" Doctor asks, scribbling on the paper in front of her.

I open and close my mouth, it felt so dry and my ears start burning. My hand tightens on my own arm rest and I look over at Betty, a worried expression etched on my face. "I uh..."

"He is," Betty pipes up, making my grip tighten. "What do you say, _dad_?" she adds, emphasising the word _'dad'_.

My time was running in slow motion again and the heat was picking up, the Doctor looking at me expectantly, Betty's head tilting, smiling and waiting for me to answer, the word _dad_ repeating itself, over and over again. Waiting on me, waiting for time to pick up. I look at Betty, asking her what I should say with my eyes but she doesn't click on. "I don't know," I say, clearing my throat. "I – uh – I don't know, what do you reckon, Betty?" I ask her.

Part of me wanted to know what the baby was but a huge part of me knew that Betty should make the decision. I went from just a guy with a day job who bunks in their friend's spare room to a guy who was making decisions based around a child. I didn't have even an inkling of what my answer should be. I could barely decide what suspenders to wear each day.

"Let's just get through the appointment, regardless we will be doing a scan that will tell us but I can keep my lips sealed if need be," Doctor says with a comforting smile. "Lift your sleeve, Betty, so we can take your blood pressure."

Betty rolls up the long sleeve of her dress and waits for the Doctor to attach the band around her bicep. Doctor Adam's tests out the blood pressure reader manually with the pump before setting up the automatic system by punching around on a few buttons. Betty looks curiously at the machine before mouthing to me; _"can you read this?"_

I just shake my head. "Ok," the Doctor starts again as the band starts tightening. "Everything looks good so that's great. I'm sorry though, Betty, we will have to do an internal exam and see how things are there considering you only have roughly thirteen weeks to go! Then we can do an ultrasound."

I gulp loudly, thirteen weeks? "That's only three-ish months!" I say out loud.

Betty looks at me weakly as Doctor Adams goes to the bed, prepping a few things. "An internal," she says sighing. "I hate those."

I didn't know what to say or what I could consider comforting words in this situation but I pat her leg feebly and try and at least fake a smile. "It will all be worth it," I say stupidly.

Betty nods and then Doctor waves at her to go over to the bed, "I'll draw the curtain so you can get ready, I'll make sure it's quick."

Doctor Adams goes behind the curtain and the room falls silent bar the clanging of equipment in what must be a sterile dish. Doctor Adams opens the curtain and closes it behind her before smiling at me and throwing her thumb over her shoulder; "Everything in there is fine, dad," she says.

"Just call me Jughead," I say, trying to match her smile but she shrugs.

"That your real name or a nickname?" she asks me.

I reply; "Sort of both."

Betty calls out; "I'm ready now."

Doctor waves me to go back over to the bed to Betty and I stand up quickly, almost falling over my feet. I rush over to the bed and already Doctor Adams is adding the sticky gel to Betty's ever-growing stomach.

Betty grins at me and grabs my hand. "Have you decided?" she asks.

I think about it a little more. If Betty wasn't going to decide, then I will. "I think we should find out."

Betty raises an eyebrow, "Oh yeah?" she asks, teasing me. "You want to know if you're having a little boy or girl."

"Hells yeah," I reply. "It's not every day you find out what your baby is going to be!"

The Doctor turns on the screen, moving the wand roughly against Betty, "Now that you're bigger, I have to manipulate the transducer more to get a good shot," she explains. "I'm sorry if I'm a bit heavy handed... I don't do this too often."

I watch the screen, this time, baby seems much more apparent to me, a little clearer. I can make a lot more things in front of me, "Do you think, I could figure out what the baby is without you telling me?" I ask.

Doctor nods. "Oh yeah," she says. "So, if you really, really don't want to know, you should look away."

Well of course with that comment, I wanted to stare at that screen until it unearthed everything but Betty's eyes grow and she seems a little more interested in the screen too. "Do you want to find out?"

She looks at me, keeping her shirt high up above her stomach and just below her breasts. "You made the call, Jughead Jones. So, let's do it before you tap out."

My heart starts again and I wonder what it would be like if we knew what the baby was. Would it change everything? Would it make it more real? A part of me is so eager to find out, I can hear my mind screaming at me to tell Betty we should do it. I take the plunge, I inhale and blurt out; "Let's do it!"

"You guys are the King and Queen of reluctant," Doctor Adams laughs. "But let's see what we have here, lucky we have the big sonography machine today or I'd have to give you a referral to the Medical Imaging Department so you've made a good choice."

Betty just grins at me, shaking her head at Doctor Adam's. "Good choice huh?"

I keep my lips together as I smile back at her, my world spinning a little but in the best possible way. "Is it weird if I say I'm excited?" I ask her, rubbing her hand and bringing it to my lips gently.

Betty bites her lip and looks at me in the eye. "Is it weird to say that I'm excited because you're excited?"

Doctor Adams laughs as she starts her pushing into Betty. The suspense was killing me, my chest was tightening my my cheeks were burning from smiling so much as what I believe is my face's way of a coping mechanism. I move my hat just to kill time but it seems with every movement of the wand, it took a lifetime. "Now," she starts. "Can anyone see anything between the legs?" she says pointing at the screen.

I squint to try and find something but I couldn't. I couldn't particularly pick out anything obviously apart from limbs and a head. "No?" I ask.

"You see those three white dots there?" the Doctor replies, pointing between the baby's legs. "That's your tell-tale sign."

"Of what!?" Betty blurts out, flicking her head between the screen and looking at me. "Tell us!"

Doctor Adams just taps on her clipboard. "Congratulations mom and dad, you're welcoming a healthy baby girl!"

It was like she was calling out to me from the other side of a tunnel, or speaking to me from underwater. The word _girl_ echoed through the room but I felt she was saying it through a cup-phone and the string wasn't tight enough.

Betty's smile lit up the room – she lit up my world that was in this very room. Me, Betty and a baby girl. Would she be pretty in pink? Have light blonde hair and eyes deeper and bluer than the river? Would she be one with the calling of Riverdale, be captain of the Cheer Team? Be book smart? Have light pink lips and a smile like the summer sun like her mom? Now we were so much closer to finding out, we would be showing a baby girl all of the world.

I was looking at Betty with a grin that rivalled hers. "A girl," I manage to speak.

Betty laughs and clutches on to my hand as the Doctor kept scanning. "You look happy," she tells me as she brings my hand to her lips.

I lean down and kiss her forehead, I look at the screen where our girl was. I smile at her tummy. She smiles at me. "A girl, Betty, that's amazing. More than amazing," I laugh. "World changing, earth shaking... A little girl!"

"I'm glad you're excited! I am too!"

"I'm so excited, Sunlight," I sigh. "Our little Sunny-Side-Up girl. Just like you."

Betty groans and rolls her eyes. "You and your damn sunlight, Jug."

I just keep grinning. "My little Summerchild."

Doctor Adams cleaned Betty up and we booked in for the next appointment, much to the dismay of Betty and a lot of persuading on my behalf. We walked out of the hospital, hand in hand, grin on grin. I felt I was on top of the world, even if a very small one. Even if it only belonged to me, the smallest world in history.

We walk towards my car, keys spinning around my finger. "A girl, Betty..." I almost whisper. "A Summerbaby..."

Betty laughs and shakes her head, linking her arm in mine. "Just-heading-into-winter baby, you mean."

"How can you say that," I pretend to be shocked. "You're the sun, you're having a baby girl..."

"God, I hope she can put up with your quips," she says rolling her eyes.

I just shrug. "You do," I tell her. "She won't know any different." We hop into my car and as always, I have to give it a couple of good revs before anything actually happens. Betty starts laughing at my shit box and I feel somewhat offended. "Stop laughing at my car," I grumble. "it's sensitive."

"I think you're the sensitive one," she teases. "That went really good, do you reckon?"

"Of course, I do," I say stiffly, trying to rev the car some more. "I would have more to say about it if I could get this stupid car going," I say, hitting the dash.

"It's ok, I don't have to be anywhere, we only have dinner with V," she says, looking at her watch.

Fuck, she was going to kill us. "Maybe if we pick up a bottle of Pinot, she might ease up," I say, finally getting the car going. "I can't fit a kid in here anyways, Fred was right, I need to let go a little."

Betty raises and eyebrow, "Yeah? You'd give up your car for the baby? I don't believe it. No, I actually don't believe it, I need to see it to believe it."

"Don't worry," I say, "Our bouncing baby girl can inherit this piece of junk, it will be a coming of age."

Betty smirks. "Let's get this dinner over and done with, if V hasn't killed us then we'll talk about living arrangements."

"Living arrangements?" I question, "I thought we were talking about cars."

"Now that we have officially no labelled anything, maybe it's worth talking about that instead."

We drive away from the hospital with the sun setting on Betty's skin and her hand on mine replacing the warmth from the diminishing sun. Off to a dinner with our best friends, the family that had protected me for so long and only now do I understand the fierceness they had over me, and my own fierceness was over the sole contents in this small, beat up car, finally I feel like I have a home with Sunlight next to me and Summer growing in her.


	13. Unanswered questions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter in which Jughead battles questions he does not want to answer.

_ **Chapter Thirteen** _

_We don't talk about things_

_that we're trying to forget._

* * *

The sickness took hold, turning her pale, eating at her throat. She withered a little, losing her voice, gaining heat on her forehead, rasping words. She coughed.

It was just a flu, she told me. She already went through a bag of lemons, two jars of honey. She laid up in the bed I was afraid to call _ours_. Netflix and chill had turned into Netflix and a hell of a lot of sleep, wiping her brow of sweat that adorned her.

"I'm dying," she murmurs against me. "I'm seriously dying."

I wander around her house, picking up discarded clothes, feeling a little more accepted in this home of Betty's with every step I take. I feel foreign within myself, within my being. Dad had been blowing up my phone, asking me if everything was ok but I ignore the messages, not wanting to have retell the tale of how Betty and I were together and how I was going to be a dad, trying to get my dad to _get_ me was somewhat like hell and I know he'd be saying ' _I told you so'._ I don't need him to tell me so. I don't need him giving me parenting advice. I don't need him to tell me about how he doesn't know anything about parenting at all.

I roll out of the bed that was now ours and search immediately for the cigarettes on the bedside table. Said bedside table tells me exactly how Betty and I were different. It was all natural wood and matching and well, in my room, nothing matches.

She had dedicated a drawer in her chest set that was all for me. It was occupied by three shirts, three pairs of underwear, three pairs of socks, two pairs of jeans. That was all that was in it for me but it solidified the fact that I was now in between two homes; as was the way through most of my life.

"You're not dying," I tell her. "You'll be fine if you just go to a Doctor."

She groans, "I hate them," she mumbles, "I don't want to go."

"Well, I'm not forcing you but there is only so much that drug stores can provide without a prescription."

"You're always so damn logical."

"You die in peace," I reply. "I'm going out for a smoke."

Betty doesn't own a radio in which I can tune into Crystal. I have to keep checking my phone to make sure I was on time, so I go into the kitchen and flick the jug. I pull out two cups, one for my extra strong coffee and one for her lemon and honey. I bang the cups a little too loud with the teaspoon as I stir and I can hear Betty yelling out; "Quieten down!"

I snigger to myself, and she used to complain about my moaning when I was sick, she was ten times worse and using our baby as an excuse. I look at my phone, it was six-twenty-six and I had less than fifteen minutes to get to Crystal – it wasn't going to happen. I go back into the room, place the lemon and honey on the matching bedside table that was on Betty's side, I eye the bed before walking out; yes, we have sides now.

I step out on onto the patio area that had just a little more _me_ on it with every extra day I'm here. My boots sat in the corner, I now owned an ashtray and my lighter was a permanent fixture out here. I reach for it, lighting up.

I don't remember feeling so much a part of Riverdale. The breeze shifted around me and spoke to me in a way I had never felt before. I wondered if maybe, if I stepped into the cold river, the water would part and I would become somewhat of a God around here, I know I felt one. I hadn't felt a God in so long but maybe I was now. Not this many things had gone my way ever in my life, but every piece of the puzzle was fitting regardless of which way I turned them.

The smoke was both relaxing and giving me a clear insight. Betty was right, sometimes I could barely function without my morning coffee and cigarette and as much as I wanted to sit out here, feeling a God, I know I have to go inside and get washed up, ready to start my day.

I walk back in, chucking my cigarettes on the counter as if I owned the counter, grabbing my jeans off the sofa like I discard them there every single day of my life. Walking through this place as if I pay the rent – as if it were my _home_.

I go to the cupboard and pull out a fluffy, white towel that smells strongly of vanilla and walk back into the bedroom, searching my allocated drawer for my underwear. "You ok?" I ask.

My question is answered merely with a groan so I accept it and carry on back out of the room and down the hall to Betty's bathroom.

I turn on the faucet, flicking it on hot – her shower had a weird setting in which I needed to turn the hot water as far as it could go just to get it to run hot, the cold water? Well, I need only turn it slightly to make it Arctic.

I strip off, hat on the floor, towel hanging on the door and I submerge myself under the water, letting it engulf me. I hear the door click and I open the shower door to see Betty standing there, stomach exposed, only her underwear and a cropped bra on. "No wonder you're sick," I tell her, reaching for my toothbrush. "You don't wear anything."

She lets her hair out of the tight ponytail and runs her fingers through, shaking her hair out. "It's too hot," she mumbles. "If I wear any more than this I will sweat to death."

"So much death," I say through brushes. "And you say _I'm_ morbid."

She smiles weakly and walks up to the shower door, a total disregard to me being indecent but I don't hide, it was slowly becoming normal again. "I need to get ready to go to work."

I open the door again to get a good look at her. "You're not going anywhere, you'll spread your death throughout the school. Mind you, the kids will appreciate it if they get a couple of days off school thanks to Miss Cooper."

She doesn't find this funny and she hands me her own toothbrush for me to put toothpaste on. "I can't not go, I have six months of leave coming up and I need to be paid so that I don't have to ask my dad for money."

I pause as I hand her back my toothbrush to put away. "We'll be fine," I tell her weakly. "I have money from the radio."

"I can't expect you to give me money, Juggie."

I shut the door a little harshly. I regret it instantly but she didn't think she was going to be paying for everything, did she? Money had always been a touchy subject for me. I hated people giving me handouts, assuming I couldn't pay my way but if this was going to be a thing, I was going to contribute. "You said it yourself," I say, opening the door again more gently this time. "It's you and I and this baby, she's ours. So, I will be paying."

Betty sees this is a losing battle because she just starts brushing instead. "Fine," she says, pausing. "But no use in having a baby in different houses."

She had been pressing on this different house thing for a while now, first it was small comments here and there but now, it was full blown, _let's-move-you-in_ talk and I would not be Jughead Jones if it didn't scare me a little. I've been known to run. I've been known to do five years worth of running and it still didn't change me. I couldn't use Ronnie and Archie as an excuse, they would party in the name of my moving but I was scared.

I was scared that this home wouldn't be mine for long, just like most homes tended to end up in my world.

"I know," I reply, opening the door again. This time, she steps in, all small space and a hell of a lot of stomach as we move to try and accommodate each other, "I need to sort that out."

"You know I want you to move in, Juggie. I'm telling you, because I know that sometimes you need to hear it."

It was a sharp jab at my weakness, my never-ending need for confirmation. It was a necessary evil, it's not often that people tell me what I need to hear but Betty had learned that early on, when we were sixteen years old and needing love but no one ever told me that they loved me. It was hard to try and hear the truth in your mom's words when it was over the phone. "I know," I reply again, just as I had been all morning.

"But do you?" she asks, reaching for the shampoo.

I hand her the shampoo and then step out of the shower, immediately searching for my hat because this morning, I needed a little comfort. "Do you want me to tell Arch you won't be in today?"

"No!" she calls from the shower. "I'll go in, even if for half the day."

"Your funeral," I tell her. "Don't die on the kids, ok?"

"Uggh, and you say I'm morbid?"

I quickly get dressed and open the door of the shower yet again to kiss Betty. "Have a good day, Ok?"

"See you tonight?" she asks.

"See you for coffee date?"

"Oh, I'm invited, am I?"

I shrug and open the bathroom door. "I'll ask Archie, sees if he wants a tag along."

* * *

I told Crystal to leave early and I tidied up the studio. It had been long day without peace. The quiet did me a world of good, even if left alone with my thoughts, echoing through my mind, through the room.

The car had given me a lot of grief, I wonder if I will ever _not_ experience at least some form of grief at any point in my life, I wonder if hitting the dashboard will ever make the car work. If it wasn't Archie or V, if it wasn't my dad or my battle for love with Betty, then it was the car, weakening me. I hated to think it – I hated to say it out loud – I did need an upgrade. Maybe I would purchase some sickeningly appropriate car that fitted in a band of kids, a smiling Betty in the passenger's seat and me, scowling in the rear-view mirror at said band of kids, just me being a dad.

I pulled up into the car park of the Coffee Club behind the shining, sleek Jeep that belonged to Archie. I stub out the cigarette near his wheel and take a look inside – Betty's cardigan and handbag sitting in the chair where she had obviously been sitting. My heart takes a leap at just seeing her stuff. Here, in Riverdale with _me_.

The weather had let go to whatever trace of Fall it was holding, a foreshadowing of the good things to come. The breeze that was often shifted through the town from Sweet Water River had lifted, the chains unlocked. Now it was just the hint of what used to blow around me all those years ago that clung on. The days where the sun was a little harsh and unforgiving, kissing the legs of Betty Cooper as we laid in her backyard trying to avoid the stories of Archie in which he would tell us how hard it was to choose between his love of music and the love of his game football. Where Ronnie's heels would sink so deep into the grass yard of the Coopers, hands on hips, pearls around her neck, trying to deny her feelings for Archie when I had clung on to the secret for so long.

I remember way back when – when my life seemed so hard and challenging – Ronnie had fallen into my arms, her waterproof mascara proving just how waterproof it was and stupidly thinking to myself that Covergirl had a great advertisement in Veronica Lodge. Archie had chased Val to the hills and back, a musical connection was often his excuse. My best friend was naive at the best of times and Veronica had fallen sacrifice to that musical genius he had in his head. We were sixteen and so young in more than age. No wonder Ronnie always wanted to protect me, in that time in our lives, I think I was the only one who protected her, not that anyone would know that.

Who would have thought that eight years down the track, a few mental break downs and nights staying up late, hacking into the stash of whiskey my dad practically had on tap, we would be here, Coffee Club together, thinking of the Plain-Jane things that were kids and growing up, full time jobs and living arrangements, what type of car would be better suited to a family. Fuck, how much does a life change in the short span of eight years.

I walk into the Coffee Club instantly drawing my eyes to a table of three with a setting for four. As soon as Betty spots me with a wide grin and widening eyes, she waves out to me.

I saunter over, "Hey guys," I say, taking a seat and taking a sip of the fourth coffee on the table. "Weak and sweet, just like I like them," I say winking at Archie.

Ronnie shakes her head. "You never cease to amaze me, Jughead."

I pull Betty's muffin from her and take a chunk out. "I live to amaze."

"So, daddy, huh?" Archie says grinning manically at me. "Nice."

Betty gives Archie a look to tell him to shut up but then turns to look at me. "How was your day?" she asks.

"Crystal bought a puppy. He shits all over the place and she hates it. We also got a stash of new alternative records – which she also hates."

"Sounds enthralling," Ronnie says sarcastically.

"Oh?" I say raising an eyebrow at her. "And your day was better, huh?"

"Went to yoga to release my inner frustrations and then went to help Fred with the books – which reminds me, family dinner next week. We all have to go, he's cooking up a storm."

Archie groans and puts his head in his hands, taking a long-deserved sip from his coffee cup. "Really? Please tell me he hasn't promised the tuna bake -"

"Or the chocolate cake," I add. "Because they're both terrible."

"I'll have you know, he has promised both," Ronnie says matter-of-factly. "And we will go and enjoy it."

"I'll pop in at some point," Betty says. "It'll be fun."

"Pop in?" I ask her, raising my eyebrows, "Betts, you're invited."

"What part of family dinner don't you understand, B?" Ronnie adds.

Betty smiles down at her coffee cup and looks up at Veronica with lidded eyes. "I just – you know – thought he might have meant the kids."

"The kids," I say, "You were one of them too."

"You're dating my brother," Archie says gripping his lip between his teeth. "You're part of the family. You're like a sister to me."

"Sounds a little incestuous, don't you think?" I say smirking.

"Hey," Ronnie snaps. "We're not the Blossoms."

"But I am..." Betty replies.

We all groan in unison. "Will you ever let that go, V?" Archie says laughing, "And don't say that, Betty..."

"Over my cold, dead, body!" Ronnie replies. "Anyways," she continues, "We need to talk baby showers!"

Betty groans. "V, I don't need a baby shower," she says weakly, we all know she's fighting a losing battle – Veronica never took no for an answer.

"It's going to happen, I'll tell mom -" I cut Ronnie off.

"Some sick re-enactment of Polly's, that'll go down nicely," I say with a mouthful of muffin, Ronnie kicks me.

"Stop annoying me," Ronnie whines. "Maybe you two could help?" she asks Archie and I.

"I'm down," Archie says. "But isn't it bad luck for the dad be helping out?"

"That's not an old wives tale, Arch," Betty replies. "I think you might have made that up."

We all laugh at Archie and he shakes his head. "Whatever," he mumbles, smiling.

"I don't need a baby shower, guys. I need to start buying things for the baby anyways and I don't need handouts," Betty says.

Ronnie turns her head to me when she doesn't get the answer she was looking for. "Right, Juggie? We will organise something, just the inner circle."

"God, I feel like I've heard this before," I say glaring at her. "Once or twice or a million times."

Ronnie sighs and looks at her husband for back up. "Looks like it's just me and you, babe," she says to him.

Archie turns his gaze to me. "Come on, it'll be fun!"

I give in, all this nagging and my pushing back was going to be the death of me, even if I knew Betty wouldn't want all this fuss made about her, but Betty doesn't argue and I wonder if maybe she'd like a little positivity. "I don't mind doubling over my bucket list for you, Betts," I say to Betty, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek.

Ronnie starts clapping her hands and Archie seems happy with my response, probably more so for the fact he won't be the only one bossed around during preparations. "That settles it then!" she says excitedly. "We are organising a baby shower!"

"I hate to say it, I think I will be the one with the most experience..." I say quietly. "Having already helped with one before."

Ronnie then turns back to her husband. "No ruining this one, ok?"

Archie turns red. "I promise. We are invited though, right?"

Ronnie looks from Betty to me and back to Archie. "We'll see, I only needed a bit of muscle."

"What's going to be involved with this baby shower?" Betty asks. "If you need muscle?"

Ronnie shakes her head, grinning. "You'll see."

* * *

I feel the breath smacked out of me, at some point my jacket has been ripped off, my flannel ripped off, she didn't even hesitate in ripping her dress off, a pool of varying fabrics on the ground.

We don't make it to the room, we don't even make it to the sofa, the glass of water is spilling off the bench, rolling and smash into the sink. We ignore it, the sound is loud and clashing with the sound of Betty's teeth clicking against mine.

I grab onto her thighs, running up them, higher and higher, my nails digging into the smooth flesh, lifting her. She arches closer, her breasts spilling onto my chest, smashing against me, making them distorted and misshaped. My mouth dives to the flesh, tongue lapping, lip licking, flesh on my tongue. The sourness of vanilla in my mouth.

"Jug," she says loudly. No whispers, no tender moments. She pulls my head down closer to her, forcing more of her flesh into my mouth.

My hands keep smoothing over her, running in between her. The hold she has on my head tightens, pulling at my hair. My jeans are a great, unwanted barrier between us but I keep moving attempting, begging for friction between us and the denim.

It's ease of fluidity, the denim fell off, my fingers ran in between her body and the lace, flicking it against her, making her flinch – she inhaled sharply at the exact time I did, my head falls back.

We move against each other like the rolling of waves on the sand. Like I can't catch enough breath, like she can't dig her nails into my shoulders any deeper. It is skin on skin, slapping of thighs.

A bead of sweat falls from me and lands, travelling down her body, over the swell of her breasts, between the crevice, my mouth follows the same path, lapping.

The slapping gets louder, her gasps, stronger. "I love you," I say leaning into her ear.

"I love you too," she says against my neck.

At some point we finish, her smirk playing on her face, pulling her dress back over her. "Thanks," she says, "What do you want for dinner?"

I lay back on the sofa, socks and underwear on and not much else but I throw my head back, reaching up to rub my face. "Sleep?"

"Sleep?" she says shocked. "I don't know about you but I'm starving!"

She stands in front of me, rubbing her belly but smiling. Looking all angel and not the vixen that I had just encountered. "It's only five o'clock," I tell her. "Ask me again in an hour."

She nods approvingly and then kicks my foot softly with hers. "I know this is going to sound really cheesy -"

"Just as well I like cheese," I tell her but she laughs at me shaking her head. "What? Dumb joke?"

"Terrible," she says with a sigh. "I know this sounds cheesy but... I forgot how good it was, with you."

I feel a smirk forming on my own lips but I try and hold it back, I fold my arms instead, trying to cover my bare chest. "I never forgot how good it was with you."

Betty falls onto the sofa next to me, resting her head on my shoulder. "I wish we had run away that day when we skipped town. I really wish we had stayed."

I hold onto her, smelling her hair, feeling the thin skin on her hands. "The love tale of Jughead and Betty," I tease.

"Veronica was right, it was perfect."

"Perfectly imperfect," I correct her. "We're not perfect."

"This feels a heck of a lot like perfection," Betty murmurs. "To me anyway."

I think about it, this was as perfect as it would get for me. My perfect little bubble that Fred was right about, I did live in a bubble. "To me too."

She lets out a moan and looks up at me. "While we're sitting here trying to get over what just happened, I should really be thinking about baby things."

"Like what?" I ask. "What type of stuff?"

"I only have a few weeks left to organise a crib, stroller, highchair, car seat... the list could go on!"

I nod, not really having thought about any of these things. "You're right, I bet V has some things left over from Abel though, we could ask her."

"But what if she's thinking of having another baby and she needs those things all in storage," she questions.

I look down into Betty's blue eyes, concern etched into them. "This is Veronica we're talking about. If you don't think she'd love the excuse to buy all brand-new things probably custom made, you're wrong."

"Right," she says sighing. "I will remember that."

My phone vibrates on the counter and pulls me out of Betty's eyes. It was Crystal.

_\- 80's hair rock, you in?_

I laugh and quickly type back a _'yes_ ' that Betty eyes suspiciously. "What?" I ask her.

She purses her lips as she reaches up to tighten her ponytail. "She messages you a lot," she tells me.

I nod as I hear the phone vibrate again. "Yeah," I reply. "We spend all day together and she won't leave me alone."

"You never did tell me about Crystal..."

Her gaze was piercing and she keeps running her tongue over her teeth as she stands before me, dress loose over her body but I see tense rising up her neck. I think about what I should say, if I should explain what Crystal was to me before Betty entered the chill of Riverdale. "She moved here three years ago from California, she still doesn't know many people..."

Betty nods. "Ok," she says.

But I can feel that it's not ok and I don't push for it to be.

* * *

Cryss's laugh is loud and booming over the sound of Guns'N'Roses on the radio. If at any point I thought Archie was the only person I knew who had the worst timing, it was definitely now. He had dragged Betty here and now he has his shoes kicked off and his feet on my table and Betty had her eyes on me. Crystal keeps laughing at the letters sent to the station and I listen with a tense jaw and pounding temples. "Dear Jug and Cryss," she starts then she looks at me. "Come on, Jug!" she calls.

I rip my eyes away from Archie's feet and feebly say; "That's us."

"That's us!" she carries on. " _My mom and dad are having another baby after seventeen years; do you think I will still be the favourite?_ " she laughs. "See guys, this is the shit we have to put up with every day!"

She places her arm on my shoulder.

I don't know why I get up to move away, Cryss was like this every day but today, it was like every movement was more exaggerated as Betty watches her. Betty forces a smile and her eyes turn brighter but I can feel that she's not buying Cryss at all.

Archie on the other hand, well, he laughs at all the right moments and slaps his hand on his thigh. "Read that one out tomorrow, please!" he begs. "I want to hear your guys answers..."

Cryss wipes away humour made tears from her eyes and shakes her head. "See, every day we get stuff like this and it makes me wonder why the hell I'm working at the station."

"Why are you working at the station?" Betty asks loudly over laughing.

Silence falls and Cryss keeps up with her manic smile, looking at Betty. "I worked at a station where I'm from since I left school, I was supposed to be there to man the mics and ended up on the air," she explains.

"Oh yeah?" Betty says nodding. "How did you end up in Riverdale? Not really a place for outsiders..."

Archie clears his throat and shoots me a look, he could feel it too. "What she means is, there's not a real reason for people to come here if they're not from here..."

Cryss exhales loudly and runs a hand through her extra-long hair, getting caught in knots. "I guess not," she says.

"We did have an outsider about seven or eight years ago, right, Arch?" I say with a wink.

He hates me for it, that's why he chucks his shoe at me. "Why do you have to bring that up, bro?"

I smirk and suck in air through my teeth, hoping it would deter Betty.

It doesn't.

"So?" Betty asks Crystal, flicking through Van Halen albums on the desk. "Did you just see the job?"

Cryss looks at me and then back to Betty. "I ended up here after a bad break up," she tells her. "I drove through here and camped out by the river and one day while walking through town looking for coffee, I met Jug."

I remember it so clearly. Another stormy day in Riverdale and I was locked up in the Coffee Club writing. She wasn't shy at all and sat herself down at my table. "Yeah, then you asked if I knew of any jobs going..."

Cryss throws her head back and laughs. "Yeah, and by chance, you did!"

"By chance? I say. "You weren't taking no for an answer," I look at Betty. "Josie had gone to California by then," I tell her.

She nods in understanding.

"One person leaves Cali so naturally, one has to replace them, that's the way it is there," Cryss jokes. Betty keeps flicking through records and Cryss stands up, stretching high above her. "Look, I'm out, I'll see you tomorrow Jug," she says waving.

I wave back weakly and Archie waves too. "See you tomorrow. Cryss," he yells.

She shakes her head. "I don't think so, Archie, or you looking for a job too?" she says with a wink. "Can't have two good looking guys here at the same time, you know."

"Just as well it will be only one, eh Jug?" he teases. "Me."

She saunters out with her back pack on.

Archie looks at the time. "Well, I better head off before V thinks I've left them, I'll see you guys tomorrow too, yeah?"

"Yeah," I reply, standing up with him to start packing up. "Hey, you help me with this mess, you made it!" I groan looking at all the pulled-out records. He wanders out, not even looking back. "You're worse than your son, you know, that right?"

I feel Betty's eyes on me and I can hear her soft breathing in this quiet room. I can feel that she was thinking about Crystal, who was I kidding? I know she was. Betty had made fleeting comments for as long as she knew about Crystal and I avoided them every time, not wanting to talk to her about Crystal or what Crystal was to me.

How could I explain that Crystal was the world that made me move on? That Crystal was everything that Betty wasn't but not in a good way. In a way that made me forget, made me laugh when I couldn't, made me realise that there was more out there than just the depths of Riverdale. She was me moving out of my comfort zone; she wasn't years of memories. She was fresh-to-Riverdale and awkward meet ups and things I shouldn't do.

I screw up papers and throw them in the trash with my thoughts as Betty says; "She's beautiful."

I sigh and screw shut my eyes before turning slowly to look at Betty's frown. "She's pretty, Sunlight. But she's not you."

Betty shrugs and leans back in the chair. "She's funny too."

"She's stupid funny," I reply quickly. "But she's not you."

Betty swallows loudly and places a hand on her stomach filled with the summer, the sun was setting in our dark room but she was still as bright as ever and felt like burning right now. "She likes you," she says with a small smile. "But then, who wouldn't?"

I groan and run a hand over my face, trying to cover my eyes and thoughts. I didn't want to be having this talk, not when things had been so great. "Cryss is just my friend, Betty, you know that."

She nods and looks down. "I know that," she replies softly. "I know you two are good friends and I'm glad you have a good friend, a fun one like her that's not -"

"Demanding like Ronnie?"

"Or puppy-dog like Archie," she says biting her lip. "I'm glad you had someone like her around."

I was glad too. I liked the ease and fun Cryss expelled, the air of spur of the moments and green plained fields. That was all Cryss when I was dark in myself. "She's cool," I tell her easily. "But she's just a friend."

Betty's eyes stay on me as I keep moving around the station, filing away Van Halen and Guns'N'Roses. "Do you think she thinks of you as just a friend?"

I feel a lump in my throat that doesn't go down. "I dunno..."

"Does she know what we are?" she asks.

"Yes!" I say a little too quickly, a little too unconvincingly. "Of course, she does."

"Right," Betty says standing up to brush her skirt. "I don't want her to think you're touchable," she says with a forced wink.

My heart races, my mind ticks. I could think of so many things to say right now. Cryss may have touched me physically, may get to hear what my head and heart is thinking on a daily but there was a lot that Cryss didn't know about me. She didn't know my past, my history. She didn't know about what we fought for my dad, how I had barely seen my mom. How my sister and I would spend hours on the phone just to feel we were still together. What Betty and I went through in mind and soul, how we left each other that fateful day that turned to into five years. Cryss was here and filled a void but she was so misshaped and didn't smell of vanilla. She looked into my eyes but I didn't look back. "Betty," I reply lowly. "I want you to know that there was no one who reached in and touched me the way you did."

Betty sighs and looks at her feet, scuffing her shoes on the carpet. I moved towards her, tilting her head to see me. "That's the worst part," she whispers. "Because you shouldn't have had to go through that."

"It wasn't my intention," I say quietly. "It's just the way I work."

"Don't worry," she says. "I'm here now."

"I'm not worried," I tell her. "But we don't have to talk about this again, ok?"

"You say you didn't move on, but maybe you did."

I tried so hard for so many years to move on. But I was strung up in Riverdale in a haze of smoke and coffee steam and the occasional visit from Jim Beam himself. I was late nights with Ronnie and Archie; the epitome of a reminder of Betty. Vanilla never left my mind even when I was wrapped in strawberry lip-gloss and black hair that smelt like the dark night that Betty left me. I walked the length of Sweet Water River that reminded me of hurried kisses behind trees, the Blue and Gold left a faint indentation of where Betty had been hunched over papers with a chewed tipped pencil. She had left, and time moved on. But I didn't. I never have. "Time moved, Betty, but I stayed here and I waited for me to move on but every moment dragged," I tell her truthfully.

She smiles weakly at me and as much as I liked to believe that Betty is the Sunlight, she always had clouds in her mind. "She's cool," she says against my lips. "And she means a lot to you."

I sigh with her on my lips. "She does," I say honestly. "But she isn't you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On the rampage my loves, to posting all my chapters on here. Wish me luck! It's been an ongoing battle!


	14. I'm still here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter in which Jughead has dinner with the family.

_ **Chapter Fourteen** _

_Diamonds aren't forever._

_Whoever said that was a liar._

_Or never was crushed under the weight of love._

* * *

It was sickening how perfect my life was now. I woke up most mornings with Betty in my arms, blonde hair spread across the bed I was now referring to as _ours_. Ronnie and Archie both text me every morning to make sure I get off to work alright, still not trusting me enough to believe I don't need to be reminded I need to go to work but I trust in them that they simply miss me.

Riverdale seemed perfect. The days are so warm and inviting, sun kissing, river soaking, green plained perfect.

But that part in me, the _deep_ , the _dark_ , the hands that held my heart all dripping and bloodied, well, it was hard to wake up every morning with that consistent perfection when the dull throb behind it says nothing lasts forever.

My morning starts the same. I read through the messages that Ronnie and Archie had sent me, flicking through a couple of photos they send me of Abel wearing a beanie like his Uncle Juggie.

I roll over to look at Betty whose eyes were still shut and her stomach hanging out of a poorly covering T that she has resorted to wearing. Any mention of maternity clothing turns her sour so I avoid that topic all together; I laugh to myself as I chuck the sheet over her.

I get up, place my feet on the natural wood floors, feeling the smoothness under my feet. I rub my eyes a little; it's the same as yesterday, I stand to walk out of the bed room. The room I was now referring to as _ours_.

I go into the kitchen, I missed the home cooked breakfasts that I was accustomed to, I didn't want to tell Ronnie that as I didn't want her to worry about me. As if she had anything to worry about, I was a big boy – a big boy who was fast approaching fatherhood – I would have to get pointers off her, how to prep a breakfast of champions.

I don't put on a shirt, I don't bother putting anything on my feet I just grab the packet of Marlboros off the kitchen bench and wander outside, taking my time, revelling in the moment of peace I had before Betty starts rushing around the house, a mess of lace and pink.

I sit outside at my designated smoking area that I love and appreciate, taking a long drag of my cigarette and rubbing my eyes with the palms of my hands, my movements slow and delayed; thank God it's Friday.

I keep smiling to myself. I feel my life is a lot of smiles these days, making me blush, embarrassing me a little. Things shouldn't be this good, but they are. _God_ , they are.

Betty keeps growing ever like our relationship. Betty was growing bigger, her movements slower, her tiredness growing too but is that not the life of a person whose body is dedicated to the growth of a human? A small person, living, feeding within you? I feel this whole experience is deeply ingrained and primal. Not once had I expected to feel what I feel, to experience this experience. To be part of something that was bigger than her and I.

I flick the ash that falls with a leaf and on to the table. Domestic bliss was quickly becoming a part of me but it felt so new, so fresh, so _accepting_ of me. I felt I fit seamlessly into this new world, the one that Betty had started building and she's included me in the foundation, I was a brick in her newly built world.

I hear a faint knocking on the back door and I see Betty standing there, stomach out, rubbing her eyes. She opens the door and steps out, yawning. "You're glowing, Betts."

She looks at me as if I'm lying, but I'm not. I'm very serious. She was glowing, there were no clouds around her, no mist or dark. All glowing and bright. "I don't feel like I'm glowing," she grumbles.

I flick my cigarette butt on the ground and she moves through my space, coming to sit down on my lap. "You're glowing," I reinforce, "Like sun orbiting, like candle light. Glowing."

She laughs though I don't see it; I _feel_ it, rippling through me. "I'm so tired."

"At least you're over the sickness," I say shrugging.

"Barely," she murmurs. "I'm glad to be over it but I also feel like I haven't slept in a week."

"Ah, at least it's the last day of work for you, huh?"

She nods, looking out towards the small backyard. "Thank God it's Friday."

"That's what I said too," I reply.

"Don't forget tonight, it's family dinner night with Fred."

Ah yes, family dinner with the makeshift crew. "I'm looking forward to pretending like I'm enjoying the food he makes us."

"You never used to complain about it when we were younger," she sniggers. "I didn't think Jughead Jones would ever complain about food."

"Believe it or not, I used to do most of the cooking," I tell her honestly. "That or we ate a lot of take out."

Betty turns to face me, both legs draped over my right leg. "Oh yeah? You haven't utilised your cooking skills in all the years I've known you."

"I didn't have a kitchen to cook in, I used to live off ramen."

Betty laughs weakly. "Next week, you will cook for me."

"Next week it is, get ready to wine and dine, Betty."

* * *

"You talk a lot more than you used to," Crystal announces across the room. "I like it, it makes me feel like I actually have someone with me in here."

She moves across the room, records almost spilling out of her arms but she comes to rest on my desk, looking down at me.

I look up at her from the papers discarded in front of me and say; "I have a lot more to talk about."

She raises an eyebrow and grins. "Oh yeah, you're not going to become one of those parents that continually talk about their offspring, are you? And here I was thinking that you wouldn't be the type to send me postcards at Christmas with a picture of your kid in it," she quips. "I'm going to add a reference here about the Kardashians and how they do that _every_ year, so you're practically a Kardashian."

I lean back in my chair and lift my arms to shift my hat. "We'll have to see. Maybe I'll buy the kid one of those outfits where they can dress up like an Elf?" I tease.

"You up to much tonight?" she asks, "Hitting the clubs? Or the sheets?" she winks at me.

"The clubs? When have I ever hit the clubs?"

"The sheets then?"

I smirk. "I will never tell."

"Go you!" she replies, clapping me on the back. I felt a little awkward talking about my sex life but Crystal did have an air of ease.

"We're going to dinner at Archie's dads," I say, trying to change the subject. "We haven't had family dinner there in a while and I think Fred might be feeling a little left out."

She nods. "Sounds good. Nothing like a bit of comfort food."

I lean further back, putting my Docs on the desk in front of me. "Not so comforting; he always makes this tuna bake and chocolate cake and it's terrible but we all force it down."

"Oh really? Sounds delicious," Cryss says sarcastically. "Save me some?"

"Sure," I reply. "I'll bring it in on Monday, I'm sure it will still be good," I laugh.

She laughs too before getting off the table and walking to the other side of the room to put the records on the shelf. "Thanks."

I keep watching her a little longer, moving around the room, placing things here and there. "Hey, how have you been?" I ask her.

She stands still before spinning quickly on her feet. "... good?" she replies.

I nod. I felt bad, I hadn't spent much time with her and for a long time, she was all I had to keep me sane. I held on to a small amount of guilt, feeling like I had pushed Cryss aside to pursue what I have now. "Good? Anything changed in your world?"

Cryss smiles. "You know me, Juggie. My world is the same."

"I'm sorry I don't see you much any more," I reply quietly, feeling a lump form in my throat. I push it down. "I do miss hanging out..."

I was still shit at this.

She shakes her head and throws her hand in my direction. "Don't be stupid!" she says. "There will always been pizza and booze at my house, you're always welcome."

I nod in agreeance. "We should definitely do pizza and booze one day soon."

"The invite is extended to Betty too, only if she likes listening to indie folk though," she says seriously, pointing at me.

"Right," I say with a laugh. "I'll make sure she brushes up on her indie folk knowledge."

Cryss just shrugs with a record in both hands. "Maybe she can learn a pan flute so we can make an indie folk band."

"That sounds very Betty Cooper to me," I say rolling my eyes. "Thanks, Cryss, for being you."

She runs up to me and wraps her arms around my neck. "And you for being the angst-ridden cloud that is you."

And to most, that would not be something appreciated being said but it means a lot to me and I take it as a compliment.

* * *

I felt bad for not coming here earlier. Fred had an open-door policy that Archie and I still laugh about almost every day. Nothing was off limits apparently. Especially after the shit storm that was Geraldine Grundy.

Once we hit twenty and Archie was partying all the time and sometimes he would drag me along with him so I could stand in a dark, wet corner in a cheap night club, we would get home and Fred would be waiting for us and as mad as we could tell he was with the vein popping out on his temple, we would play the open-door policy card that would work wonders and allow us to actually sleep in a proper bed.

I was standing out the front of my somewhat home with Abel in my arms and Betty trying to coax him with chocolate to stop being so hyperactive. "Is this a glimpse into our future?" I ask her.

"God, I hope not."

"Hey, kiddo, be nice to Aunty Betty, ok?" I try and reason with him.

He looks at me straight in the eye and says; "But I like being naughty."

"I know you do, should we go inside and see grandpa?" I ask him.

He seems to be thinking about it, a mess of dark hair falling into his eyes but he wiggles to get free and I let him go with Betty and I following after him.

We follow the quick steps of Abel up into the house and I hear his parents pull up behind us and as soon as I step through the door my arm is being yanked by Fred Andrews and he quickly pulls me into his arms, clapping me on the back. "You thought you could come into family dinner without a hug?" he asks me, grinning.

I ease up and hug my makeshift dad back. "Nothing like a cuddle, eh?"

Betty stands next to us with her hands in the pocket of her jacket that hasn't been doing up for a couple of weeks and Fred claps his hands together, palms showing and smiling at the stomach in front of him. "Betty!" he exclaims. "Look at you, you're gl-"

"Glowing?" she says, trying to force a smile but coming up a little short. "I don't feel like I'm glowing," she groans.

Fred shakes his head and puts a hand on her shoulder. "Looking great, I was going to say."

"I don't feel great either, Fred," she says while pulling her coat off. "I feel like an oversized whale."

I look from Betty to Fred, "Let's see how she is in twelve weeks," I say, throwing my thumb over my shoulder.

"I'll be fine," she says a little too shortly. "Twelve weeks will be a piece of cake."

She saunters off towards the kitchen and Fred raises his eyebrows at me. "She – ah, ok?"

I shrug."She's probably tired," I say, "She's had the flu lately too."

He nods. "Right, women, when they're pregnant..." he doesn't even finish the sentence.

"Nothing I can't handle."

"Hmm," he says, tilting his head to the kitchen. "Let's see what the girls are doing, Archie hasn't walked in, I hope V's ok."

"Girls?" I ask, "What's wrong with V?" I ask.

Fred chuckles and puts his arm around my shoulders. "I have one Hermione Lodge joining us for dinner," he says a trace of a smirk playing on his lips.

"Hermione huh? I'll ask no questions and..."

"You'll get no lies," he finishes.

I snigger. There were many times in the fleeting years of our teenage-hood where we would say that to him and show up his open-door policy. Especially on the day where Archie and I had woken up in the backyard of the house, pretty much naked with pounding headaches and empty bottles of beer discarded everywhere. That was the extent of our memory of that night. Eighteen years old and looking a mess. I think Archie woke up in a puddle of his own vomit and Veronica's heels tied around his neck. Alice took great pleasure in waking us up with a hose in our faces and Fred in her wake. "No questions, got it."

I walk into the kitchen with Hermione at the oven pulling out a chicken with all the trimmings, "That smells good," I say.

She spins on her heels. "Hey Jughead!" she says excitedly, putting the chicken on the bench next to Betty who was stirring a cup of tea. She rushes over to me and kisses me on the cheek. I liked Hermione, she was kind and relaxed – a toned down version of her daughter which I embraced and loved.

"Hey, Hermione," I say smiling back at her. "Thank god you're cooking tonight."

"Hey, hey, hey," Fred says shaking his hands in the air at me. "I'm insulted!"

Betty looks up from the tea and laughs gently. "Don't worry, Fred, Jug never looked malnourished in all the years he stayed with you."

Before I can reply, I hear the clicking of Ronnie's heels on the wooden floors and a groaning Archie. "Ronnie!" he calls after his wife. "I just want to eat this chicken in peace."

Betty leans in closer to me, "Ronnie doesn't do peace," she sniggers.

Ronnie stands in front of her mother with her hands on her hips but her mom is quick and says; "Play nice, Ronnie. I just wanted in on the family dinner."

Ronnie exhales loudly. "I see you every day, mom. You didn't have to come."

"But I don't see Betty every day," she says, placing a hand on Betty's shoulder. "And you're truly a spitting image of your sister, Betty."

Betty takes a sip of her tea as Ronnie looks at Betty slack jawed. "I don't remember Polly feeling so shit," she mutters.

"Polly had a lot more on her mind, Betts, with Jason and the murder," I say which earns me a scowl from Archie.

"Dude, don't bring up Jason on family dinner night," Archie replies.

I just shrug. "It's true!" I whine.

"Play nice, kids," Fred says with Abel crawling under his legs back and forth. "Arch, come and get this kid."

"I don't want to be gotten," Abel says from the ground. "I want to play!"

"Come and play with me," Hermione says holding out her arms. "Come and give me some love."

"I don't want to be loved either," Abel argues back.

I walk away from Betty and start opening up the cupboard to pull out the plates for dinner. I watch Betty blowing on her tea, "You want more milk?" I ask her.

She bites her lip and looks me in the eye. "I'd like an extra tea bag, it's super weak but Ronnie doesn't like me having strong tea, apparently."

I nod at her cup. "Tip it down the drain?"

"Oh no," she says quickly. "It's ok."

Ronnie seems to have forgotten all about her mom being here and she sits down next to Betty at the bench. "Betty hasn't wanted to find out the sex of the baby which is becoming increasingly hard for me because buying neutral toned garments is wearing thin."

Betty flicks her eyes to me and chuckles to herself, still not letting Ronnie in on our secret about Summerbaby.

Fred looks at Ronnie with a handful of forks. "That must be really tough on you, Veronica. I don't know how you do it."

I hold back a laugh and bite my lip. He had a talent for not sounding as sour as his comments and she doesn't get the trace of sarcasm. "I know!" she replies.

We finish setting up the table and we all gather. Abel is on his mom's lap because tonight he's had a little too much chocolate that I only feel the tiniest bit guilty about and she is trying to be a human vice on him. Eventually she gives up so she can finally eat. "I don't remember Ellie and Jace being like that," Betty says smiling.

Archie rolls his eyes. "Because Polly knew everything that was put in her kid's mouths," he says shooting me a glare.

I hold my hands up in the air and Betty looks down, trying to avoid Archie. "Hey," I say, "In my defence, Betty had the stash of chocolate!"

She panics a little when Archie turns to her. "It's my craving, ok?"

Archie shakes his head at the two of us and points his fork in her direction. "And to think I _trusted_ you," he jokes.

Hermione and Fred glance at each other from across the table to which Ronnie did not miss. "Thanks for cooking, mom," Ronnie says, trying to act cool.

Fred clutches his hand to his chest. "You kids are the worst," he says.

"Don't worry," I say. "We'll force down the tuna bake next time."

Hermione's eyes grow. "You don't still make that tuna bake for them, do you?"

Fred's mouth opens, trying to form a lie but it doesn't work. "It's cheapest when I'm trying to feed the tribe and now I have Betty back and the new baby – I need to make things stretch."

"Next time, you let me know, I'll make something a little tastier stretch," she replies, smiling at him.

Ronnie groans and stabs her potatoes a little roughly and Archie's ears grow red but I look across at Betty and she is holding back a smirk, thinking what I was thinking. This was a little weird but I was happy regardless.

Dinner carries on and somewhere in between, Abel got his hands on a can of soda and I see him silently sitting in the corner drinking it. I don't have the heart to take it off him and he deserves to live a little so I let him. Cleaning up after dinner was the same as it used to be. A chain of washing and drying and putting away was created in the small kitchen and we leave Fred and Hermione to chat around the table. It was getting late, well, the new late to me because in my domestic bliss, I started heading to bed by ten at night to be able to rise without Crystal blowing up my phone twenty times just to make sure I get to work late not _super_ late.

"Now you kids, don't you forget your old man, ok?" Fred says pulling Archie and I closer to him. Veronica had already walked outside to strap Abel into his car seat and Hermione had followed behind her.

"Same time, same place in three weeks?" Archie asks Fred and me.

"Sure," I say, wiggling out of Fred's arms. "No tuna bake?"

Again, Fred clutches his chest. "Jug!" he groans, "I thought you at least didn't mind it!"

"I – Ah – I don't mind it," I say unconvincingly.

Archie rolls his eyes. "You can admit it, Dude, stop throwing the rest of us under the bus!"

Betty was standing at the door with her jacket in her hands but walks over and says; "Can you hold my stuff? I need to go to the bathroom."

I take her stuff in my arms and Archie walks out. "Just going to finish up in the kitchen, Juggie, I'll see you next time," Fred explains.

I wave out to him. "See ya!"

I stand in the hallway waiting for Betty and Archie and Ronnie walk back in. "We're gonna go home and have a couple of drinks," Archie starts. "You in?"

Even the mention of more than a single drink makes me feel whiskey on my tongue and I feel a blaring head ache creeping up my neck. "A beer I can handle," I tell him, watching his smirk grow.

"No more getting shit faced for you, Mister," Ronnie says tapping her heel on the floor. "No more taking advice from Crystal either!"

"Yes mom," I answer, rolling my eyes.

"What was that?" Betty asks us, wiping her hands on her dress. "What advice?"

Ronnie's eyes grow and she looks at me with a worried expression. I don't even know what to say, I hadn't told Betty about my melt down or the fact that Crystal was there and I shove my hands deeper in my pockets. "Oh nothing," Ronnie says trying to brush it off.

"Shit faced?" Betty says, raising an eyebrow. "Jughead Jones? No way..."

Archie clears his throat and pats me on the shoulder. "I was just saying to Juggie that I'm going home to have a beer if you guys want to come?"

Betty's eyes pierce into mine, I should have told her that I drowned myself in Jack and Jimmy, that I couldn't scrub the smell of whiskey off my skin and I had tried so hard to forget. "You got shit faced?" she says, pronouncing every word so delicately. "When?"

I feel my skin blushing up red hot, I'm clutching for something in my pocket just to do something but they were empty. "When Alex turned up," I tell her honestly. "Cryss and JB and I went to my dad's and we had a couple of drinks -"

"A couple isn't _shit faced_ , Jughead."

Ronnie opens and closes her mouth, Archie gulps out loud and I still hear Fred and Hermione in the kitchen; "You guys still here?" Fred yells out.

"Yes!" Ronnie and Archie say together, looking between each other – everywhere but us.

I can sense the anger in her, I can see her frown is so deeply etched, it's not letting up and I could feel my heart and head pounding but for what? I fucked up, I got so drunk I could barely walk but it wasn't the worst thing. "I know, Betty, it's just I was stupid and Cryss -"

"Crystal?" she hisses. "Everything ends back at her, doesn't it?"

I feel my ears burning, turning red. A lump in my throat is forming and I'm trying to swallow but I can't. Crystal's name in Betty's mouth is so loud, it hurts my ears. "I -"

"Crystal is Jughead's friend, B, don't kill him for it," Ronnie says, trying to save me.

"Look," Archie says, lifting his hands trying to calm the situation. "It was stupid but sometimes you do stupid things and that was Jughead's stupid thing..."

"Shall we go?" she asks me, wiping her hands on her dress.

I take my hat off and wipe it over my face as I walk roughly outside; every step heavy on the porch. Archie and Ronnie follow behind us and when they hop in their car, Archie's winds down the window, a weak, sorry smile on his face. "See you guys tomorrow?" Archie calls out.

I don't reply.

I hear the sharp intake of breath behind me, hurried foot falls; running almost.

I chuck the car in reverse. I hear her side door open and she rushes in, looking at me all wide eyes and lips, her lip between her teeth so tightly, it was turning white and she chucks her jacket at the back of the car.

"Jug!" she says loudly, putting her hand on mine and trying to force my hand to take it off the gear stick, she starts swatting it. "We have to talk about this..."

"What?" I say, roughly changing gear. "Talk about what?"

"You always resented your dad for his drinking and then you went out and got drunk with Crystal," she hisses through her teeth. "You turned to the _one_ thing you said you would never." She tries to put her hand on top of mine.

I shake my hand out of hers and she swats me. "Don't," I hiss. "Don't swat me."

"I'm not swatting," she says, still swatting me. "Tell me why you did it."

"Because!" I snap back. "It's all I knew how to do!"

"So that day you turned to Crystal and you wouldn't even let me explain anything about Alex?"

I drive on, I refuse to say anything to her. I need time to think, time to hear myself thinking. How could she even comprehend how much I wanted to blank out that entire day. How could she even understand that Crystal was just my friend? I needed time.

But time was ticking so slowly and I can't hear anything through the sound of silence.

* * *

The room feels like it's closing in around me with Betty seeming so close, I could smell her and feel the warmth radiating through her body. We were eye to eye, she's looking up at me but in this moment, I feel so small. My chest feels like it's caving in, the warmth is spreading up my body. The white noise, it's back. The static, I can feel it in the air. At some point, I need to speak but I feel like her eyes are talking over me, there was no way I can get a word in.

"Stop ignoring me," Betty says quietly. "You don't explain anything."

"I'm not."

"You're not what? Not ignoring me? Or not explaining anything?" she says loudly. "Because you're right, you're not doing either."

"Right."

"Talk to me!" she snaps. "Jughead!"

I shake my head and the room spins. "No," I say, I was shutting down.

"Jughead!"

I shake my head, still shutting down. "Don't."

" _Forsythe_!" she almost yells. "Talk to me!"

"I _drank_ , Betty. I got _drunk_. I tried to blank you out – is that what you want to hear?"

I've shut down. No lights, no movement. No nothing.

_She's going to leave. She's going to leave._

She stands there, tears forming. I see one slip out and it falls straight to the ground. Static crashing. She starts shaking and I see her fists form, I know she's digging into her own fists so hard, she'd be breaking skin but I felt like that too – I felt it – I _feel_.

She's trying to think of the words to say, "You always do this!" she snaps. "Just shut things out. Drinking wasn't going to change things, going with Crystal wasn't going to tell you why Alex was at my house. You just turn off all the lights, don't you?" she says with a snigger.

She was telling me I turn all the lights out, and right now when I wanted to the most, I'm trying not to because I can't give in. "I don't know why you're so wound up about it."

"It's not the _drinking_ , Jughead. It's the fact that whenever something happens that's too hard for you, you just shut off! And Crystal -"

"It's Crystal, isn't it?" I say laughing humourlessly. "I know it is, because you keep bringing her up." I start shaking, I feel shallow breaths lodged in me but I can see they're lodged in her too. She's resting her hands on her hips, her chest rising and falling so quickly, not even my eyes were keeping up.

Betty bites her lip and tilts her head back. "It's not Crystal," she moans. "It's the fact that you're so easy with Crystal and here we are, the two that never stop fighting to be together!"

"Betty..."

"She filled in three of the five years I was gone, she's so carefree and untouched and you have so much fun together and then that day, she was with you when I wasn't and you just... I don't even know, you've never told me what she was to you -"

"She was nothing -"

"She wasn't _NOTHING_ , Jughead! I know, I _see_ it!"

She echoes around me and the room continues to be static. If I listen hard enough, I can hear Betty's blood pulsing but it was pulsing and pulsing and pulsing _in_ me. The tension was building up my neck, deep and cutting into my brain. Crystal was a lot to me but she was dim and tinted in comparison to Betty. Betty was right, I shut off, I drown deep in things to blind me and Crystal was blinding and smoke and mirrors but Betty is the _sun_.

I take a deep breath, it gets stuck again. I exhale, my chest is caving in. "Crystal is my friend," I tell her. "More than a friend, she's one of my best friends. We've slept together. We weren't ever more than that. She kept me smiling for three years, Betty. And when you left -"

She takes a step back and wipes her eyes with her hands, taking in sharp breaths. "You freaked out that day and it was her that you turned to, and you tried to get through all that hurt in you by doing the one thing you hated most in your dad... It's like I don't know you sometimes."

" _You_ left _me_!" I almost yell. "If you think you don't _know_ me it's because of the five years that we were apart!"

There it was, the cold, harsh, blood drawing truth. The one thing I hadn't been able to voice in five years but it was out, hanging in the air like smoke in a windowless room.

I hear it, the sob; the sob that wracks through her body and stings me. The tears are falling so quickly and thickly, I want to reach out, cut through all the anger and five years of build ups and pull her in. But I can't and I won't. I can't – I can barely move.

"I left _you_?" she asks. "You left _me_!"

"How did I leave you, Betty?" I hiss. Trying to ignore the tears on her face, the floor, the tears that had fallen on my boots. "You went! Skipped town and you didn't come back."

She shakes a little more violently, almost shaking the room. "I didn't _'skip town'_ I went to college and I DIDN'T IGNORE YOU FOR FIVE YEARS!" she says, gripping onto her hair. "I come back after five years and you just take off where we left things! I had a new life, Jughead, I had a boyfriend, I got pregnant I moved on but you _didn't_!"

"You don't think I moved on? Do you know how hard that is? To walk streets that we used to walk and still hang out with the same people who all love you too yet you're not there. A huge, gaping, seeping hole that you left!" I see her body becoming smaller and larger, I can't focus on anything. I grip my own palms so tightly just so I can feel something but I can barely feel my skin breaking. I kick the floor just to see if I can concentrate on that but I can't. "I'm sorr -" she cuts me off.

"Don't say that you're _sorry_ , Jughead. Don't say it. You can't say all of that and then top it off with a sorry. I might have left physically but you checked out as soon as you knew I was going and it didn't matter how many nights I cried to you and asked you to come with me, it didn't matter that Fred said that he'd help you out if you come! You need to take ownership! Responsibility! You own this!" she cries, banging her fists against my chest. "You own what happened to us! I begged for months that you'd come."

"Betty -"

"Own it, Jughead!" she says, pulling at my shirt. "Own that for once, this isn't just how it played out – you made this all yourself!"

"I'm sorry -"

"You left when you decided it was all too hard for you -" she sniffs, "you're a runner, and you always have been, your dad told me! Archie told me! Stop running right now, trust yourself for once!"

"They say you have to trust in yourself, first, Betty. They say you need you need to love yourself before you can love other people and I tried so hard, five years I tried, Betty, can't you see?" I say with my hands gripping onto my beanie. "I tried until my hands were permanent fists and my mouth became dry from trying to talk myself through it but -"

"But what!" she begs, tears landing loudly on the floor.

"But I couldn't even decipher how to love myself when every inch of me and every drop of blood in me only had enough space to love you."

"Stop being so scared, Jughead..."

"I was scared," I say weakly, scrambling to pick up words that I can use, my mind erratic. "I was scared. My mom, she went, she took Jelly and my dad he's not even _there_ -"

"You put me in the same category as them but when had I ever, _ever_ given you an excuse to think I would up and leave like the rest?"

"When you decided to try and find the good in me!" I say loudly. I throw my hands in the air and slap one to my chest. " _Me_ , Elizabeth!" I say, still banging my chest. "The outcast, I can't even walk down the street without something haunting me. Crystal was there because you haunted me. I got drunk that day because I didn't know what else to do but I had to do something just to feel like I was in control, that's why I did it, Betty. Yeah, I hated my dad for years because of it but when everything else turns wrong, where do you turn to? Sometimes, I feel like he's the only one that makes any sense in this god damn town! I thought it was going to happen all over again, you'd go with Alex and I'd just be here..."

She sighs, trying to wipe the tears from her eyes but the mascara keeps running, dark smudges all over her that I am so tempted to wipe away. "You never knew me if you thought I'd leave you again. _You_ left _me_ when you decided it was all too hard for you."

The room is thick with tension. The tension was so thick, I could barely get enough air in my lungs, Betty was standing in front of me, trying to hold herself but her stomach was in the way and I could sense she had a frustration with it. "Betts..." I start, still searching for the words. "It's wired in me to run. From my dad, not follow my mom, me not to follow you..."

"I don't need you to follow, Jughead. I thought I could trust you to help me."

I keep standing still, I can feel the heat burning me so hot on my face and my body shake. "Betty," I say, trying to pull her back into this world but I feel it, she's already gone.

"Don't say anything, I need you to just be here but I can't even keep my head above water! I don't know what to do!"

"I'm here, Betty, I'm still here."

She laughs humourlessly, wiping her chin with the edge of her shirt. "Maybe this time, Jughead, it's time for _you_ to leave."

I just nod and pick up my bag that's discarded on her floor. Her stare was burning into me, I try to ignore it. I want to turn around and take a look in her eyes. She needed space, she needed time. She needed me gone. "I'll go."

* * *

I sat outside in the driveway for twenty minutes just staring at the fuel gage of my car before I hop out. I've already been through ten cigarettes by the time Crystal notices I'm out here and opens the door. "Jughead?" she calls out.

I flinch at her saying my name. It just reminds me of how many times Betty had said my name when I became the fuck up of all fuck ups. I fucked up. I _majorly_ fucked up. Like, no turning back, no fixing kind of fucked up. I wasn't coming back from this one. I fucked up. Again.

I swing open the car door, rubbish spilling out in the meantime and I laugh to myself as if this was some sort of metaphorical meaning. Ridding my car of the rubbish was like how I rid myself internally of all the pent-up things I kept inside and I didn't voice for five years.

Crystal stands in her doorway, all long hair and long limbs frowning at me. I keep walking towards her but I don't feel my legs working. I just feel two pieces of lead for legs that aren't functioning properly. "Sorry to do this," I say, my voice cracking. "I just couldn't go back to V and Arch and I..." I couldn't finish my sentence.

Cryss nods understandingly and puts her hand on my shoulder. "Shit, Jug, what happened?"

"I fucked up," I say simply as I follow her into her kitchen. "Big time. I-I-I think I've lost her."

Crystal doesn't hold back a gasp and then turns to grip me on both sides of my shoulders. "What happened? I thought you guys were having family dinner! I didn't think the tuna bake would be that bad."

I laugh at the small trace of humour and take the glass of soda Crystal offers me. "It went perfect."

"Perfect? Obviously not."

"She asked me about the night I got fucked up at my dad's place. She thinks I'm not good with coping with things. She thinks I run too much. I thought she was going to leave me and now? Now I think she's going to."

Crystal shudders and takes a sip of her own drink. "You don't trust her?"

I think about it. "I think she's the only person I can trust."

"But you think she's going to leave you?"

I snigger. "Everyone leaves me, Cryss. It's just the way things are."

"But she wasn't going to, was she? You miscalculated."

I groan and place my head on the bench of Crystal's kitchen. "Whose side are you on?" I ask.

"The right side!" she argues. "Whatever pent up rage and resentment, that's on you!"

"She said that I left her, that I checked out as soon as I knew she was leaving five years ago."

"And did you?" she looks at me sideways. I was starting to feel frustration towards her too. So many questions that I didn't want to answer.

"I did," I reply weakly. "Because there was no way I could have gone with her and become part of this new world so far away from here. Not when we were already two completely different people, opposite sides of the tracks."

"Ah, the great calling of Riverdale you always bang on about," she says raising an eyebrow. "As if that mattered."

I look up from burying my head in the bench. "I fucked up."

"You _fucked_ _up_."

"She says I need to take responsibility for feeling like this all the damn time and so that's what I'm trying to do."

"Good," Cryss says quietly. "That's a start."

I laugh without humour. "You know, the reason why I didn't talk to her for those five years, it was because I was trying to give her a shot."

"A shot a what?" Crystal asks.

"A shot at not having to be with someone like me. Broken, trying to fix myself but I can barely shave without cutting myself."

"You're not broken, Jug!" Crystal says loudly. "And who's to say she doesn't need fixing too!"

"She does," I reply. "She needs a lot of fixing too. You know Cryss, I don't tell people the shit I tell you."

Crystal nods. "I get that, you wouldn't have turned up on my doorstep at ten at night if you did."

I inhale sharply. "You're right. She needs a lot of fixing too, you know. She – she just handles it differently. Some might say, a little healthier."

Cryss smiles gently. "Do I hear a joke, Jughead?"

I shrug. "Yeah, I think so."

She chucks me a packet of Marlboros and jerks her head to tell me to join her outside. "I think you might need a couple of these tonight."

I nod feebly and follow after her, feeling like my feet are dragging on the ground. "Thanks."

We sit down outside on the step and share the lighter. "What are you going to do?"

"Try and fix things," I tell her. "Even if my fingers are bloodied with shards of glass in them."

Crystal looks a little mystical through the haze of our smoke, the glow of her porch light on her relaxed me.

"And you think you can fix all this?"

I let the smoke out of my mouth, wishing it would engulf me. "It's all I've ever done, tried and fix things."

I feel Crystal move closer and she hooks her arm around my neck, "This is all seems like too much. You need to take a couple of moments to chill out."

"It is," I say, easing a little. "I can't breathe properly."

"That can't be good," she says frowning.

I laugh humourlessly. "My sister would tell me that if I can talk, then I can breathe..."

She sighs and keeps looking at me, "Things don't always have to be so hard."

"It's my life, Cryss, it always is," I say licking my lips, tasting hours-chewed gum and vanilla on them. "I don't know any different."

"It can't be fun when you're roped up so tightly. But you are and she's roped in _you_ and I don't think you should be running anymore."

"You don't think so?" I ask her.

"No, Jughead. I _know_ so. Stop running, she's not going to leave you again."

"You seem so sure."

She sniggers and laughs. "Yeah, as sure as the sun rises," she chuckles again. "As sure as Betty's the sun rising in _you_."

"You know I have love for you, right?" I say, looking down at my kicking boots.

She sighs. "Yeah, I know," she murmurs. "But I can't compete with what you have with your girl."

"I don't want you to compete. I just want to..." I get stuck for words. "I just want you to know that it's there and don't second guess it. You're like the calm before the storm."

Cryss smiles and looks up to me, burning brown. "Betty's not your storm, Jug. You're your own battle. But I'm happy knowing I have a special place in there. I'm happy knowing you're happy."

"Yeah..." I say rubbing my face. "You know I'm sorry, right?"

She nods. "Yeah, I know you're sorry Juggie."

It starts raining. I take the last drag of my cigarette and chuck it on the ground, it crackles in the rain. My mind, it's falling onto the ground, it crackles too.

* * *

I chuck my car keys on the sofa and I pull my boots off. I chuck them in the corner and they bang against the wall as they fall to the ground. I throw my cigarettes next to my keys, pull my beanie off and put it on the counter, I run my fingers through my hair.

I put my jacket on the stool and pull my T-shirt off too. I walk slowly to the bedroom, quietly click open the door.

I see her there. I know she's pretending to be asleep but I don't bug her to wake her up. She's tired, she'd be red-eyed and puffy lidded. I let her ease. I need to ease too.

I don't take off my jeans, they feel heavy when I slide into the bed but the sheets are warm and soft against my skin.

She's cold and wrapped in one of my shirts. I lie on my back, I stare at the dark ceiling. I feel her shift a little further from me.

I turn onto my side, I smell vanilla in her hair, I reach up and brush it a little before I wrap my arms around her, I put my hand on her stomach – she sucks in a little but her shoulders release onto me. She's easing up.

"I'm done running," I whisper to her.

She sniffs out loud. "Thanks for not being scared anymore."

I bury myself in the crook of her neck, I can taste the vanilla from her hair, I feel her push into me, her and I becoming one again.

_One heart, one soul, one heart, one soul..._

_Heart, soul, heart, soul_ , "Sunlight," I murmur, "Sunlight, Sunlight, Sunlight."

"Don't go," she says again. "Stay with me, we're bigger than this. We're more than Riverdale, we're more than the five years..."

"God, I love you," I whisper to her. "I loved you, I wanted to hate you for leaving, you always knew how I felt about leaving but God, it made me love you more. I couldn't even feel like I hated you at all, fuck," I say sighing. "I loved you even more for shooting for the stars. I couldn't even resent you when I was here in the dark. Do you know what you do to me? I'm all dark and you're..." I can't even finish.

"You know there's more to you than the dark, Jughead," she says wrapped in my hands. "There's more to you than just the dark, there's never been a moment in all the time that I've known you that I've thought you're just a deep ocean of dark."

"I'm sorry for always running."

"Fuck the last five years, Jughead," she replies. "Just be with me here."

"I'm here."

I sigh and in my mind, I'm shouting at myself; No, don't do it. Don't taste it. Don't feel it. Don't regret it. _Don't do it. Don't taste it. Don't feel it. Don't regret it._

Don't run.

_Do it. Taste it. Regret it. Feel it. Feeling it._

I can feel it.

Her sigh dances on my skin and her hand starts moving, quickly, the licking of her lips sounds slick across her own skin and I can't focus when her hand is on me and the vice that was tightening with every beat of my heart is easing and...

I'm still here.


	15. The Rebirth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter in which Jughead moves on.

_ **Chapter Fifteen** _

_The rebirth_

_Rising up from the ashes_

* * *

What was home supposed to feel like?

Is it the instant ease when you walk through the doors? The smiling faces of your family shining down on you? the familiar scent of your home that you recognise instantly? Or sometimes I wonder if you don't smell or feel anything at all because it is so ingrained in you; it's a part of you.

The old, worn out sofas that have your body shape indented into the fabric, you sit down and its part of you too like an extra limb. The smell of worn, stale vanilla on my skin, it's ingrained in me now, all I am is Vanilla in my threads.

Fall was spreading through Riverdale and I think it's leeching into the wood of Betty's home. Soft spoken whispers were all we were now and I whispered sorry so many times, it feels like the word doesn't exist anymore.

But we said hello to the last five years, we dove head first into them, we waded as much as we could then they drowned us. And now we're back from the depths.

I'm calling it the _rebirth_.

Every card was laid on the table. Every flaw that is part of me was stripped and laid bare. I was exposed to the masses, and Betty was too. I tried to run because that's all I knew but Betty was back and she was staying here and she keeps me _grounded;_ she makes my heart soar and reach new limits but I have never been so grounded. We have a new life, another five years to look forward to and I refuse to run ever again. I think about Sunlight and how she warms me, I think of Sunny-Side-Up in her. She will be born and I will welcome the next five years with her in my arms and hopefully a bright-light mind like her mom's. I think of all the things that she will be, and all the things that she will be to _me_.

I kiss her. Five years worth in one kiss on her lips and roll onto my back, I rub the sleep out of my eyes. Ironic considering I barely sleep these days. I wonder too much. My mind _wanders_ too much.

"I want to quit my job..."

Betty frowns as she rolls back onto her side to look at me. I can feel it – one million and one questions about why I would want to quit. I can't quit, though can I? I have a baby on the way. But Betty's trust that was always so unwavering was shaken and distorted now. I can feel it in the way she looks at me, the way she watches me and my every move. My love for Betty was never shaken but what Crystal has become is a pothole in the road. Unwanted barriers. "Why?" Betty asks me.

I bite my lip, I try and come up with the right words but my words have never been right. "I don't want you to think about Cryss. I don't want Cryss to be there every day in my face. I think I need to change things up a bit... I have to move on in several different ways and they all link back to the station."

Betty scoffs and I can tell she thinks I'm being dramatic. Am I? I don't know. It was the job I got when Betty moved, the one everyone thought I wouldn't be good at because I don't communicate properly. I proved them wrong, I met Cryss, my hair-rock days were a Riverdale favourite yet I can't shake a lot of it. It still looms over me and I smell of it. Everything the last five years gave me if anything at all. "You're not going to quit your job over it, I'll be ok."

Even just those few words seemed to be a little malicious but I can't blame her. I don't blame her. Riverdale Air was my second home, I had invested so much time into it, I don't even know where I'd go. "I don't know, Betts," I say with a sigh. "I mean, it's not optimum timing but at some time, I have to let go. Try my hand at writing again. Who knows?"

"Who knows," she repeats, rubbing her stomach. She inhales deeply and leans her head into my shoulder, I kiss her temple.

"What better time to move on though? New home, new baby, new job..." I say shrugging.

She smiles to the morning sun. "Maybe," she says. "New life."

"A new life," I repeat.

Betty kisses me on the lips. "I love you,"

"I love you too," I tell her. "I'm sorry for every single thing I have ever done to you."

She smiles against me. "I still love you though." She holds onto my hand as we lay in the bed and she smiles to the morning. "I can't wait for this baby to be born," she says quietly. "Then all this wasted time can hurry up and move."

I squeeze her hand in mine. "It's not wasted time," I tell her. "It's _us_ time, I'm calling it the rebirth."

She laughs and shakes her head. "This is true, though. We needed to iron out creases, we had to catch up on the lost time. We had to prepare for our girl's entrance."

"In mind," I start, "We are ready. But in a physical sense, we are not."

Betty groans and rolls slowly onto her side, I see her face screw up in frustration with the growing stomach. Her movements were slow and I bite my tongue to not laugh. "I know," she sighs. "I have a lot of crap to get; _we_ have a lot of crap to get."

I nod and I roll over too, much quicker to kiss her lightly again and again. "Summer baby can sleep with us, we will make clothing out of old curtains, I've seen it being done before..."

"This isn't a musical, Jughead," she growls.

I smile at her. "You really were going to get this far into our relationship before telling me?" I joke. "After all the performances, I have made in public settings?"

She laughs and me and reaches to shove my shoulder. "Summer baby has a lot to deal with, with a dad like you."

"With a dad like me," I start. "I'll shift mountains." I start clicking my fingers and kicking my feet out in dance. She hates me all the more for it.

* * *

I walked into the kitchen of my actual home. The one that I shared with Archie, Ronnie and Abel and I raided the fridge for food. I ate a whole plate of pasta before Ronnie even realised I was home and I held out my arms to her, ready for my embrace.

I was greeted instead with a shove.

"You've got the nerve, Jughead," she says storming away from me to the fridge. "And that was my pasta!"

I shrug and take a sip of my soda. "It was good, did you make it?"

"Yes, I made it!" she snaps. "I bought fresh basil for it – that's beside the point – I'm surprised you even came home."

I feel guilt creeping up the back of my neck and I smile weakly. "I know, Ronnie, I'm a stranger around here."

"No, I meant, that you're not going to _Crystal's_..."

I feel a lump in my throat and I stare at Ronnie blankly. She's glaring back but her hands are on her hips and I can practically hear her foot about to tap. I put my hands in the air, I drop them. I open my mouth, it closes. "Don't."

Ronnie shakes her head and grabs my soda, sipping it before putting it back down on the bench. "Cryss is your friend, I get that -"

"No, you don't," I say with a sigh. "Or we wouldn't be having this talk."

She nods and exhales loudly through her teeth. "She was your friend, Jug. And she still is but you're not her _friend_ to _her_ , Jughead. And I don't think you're making it any easier on her by doing what you do. And you're not being fair on Betty," she says sighing. "Like, what you're doing is actually sort of stupid. I could shake that brain out of your head if I didn't love you so much!"

I feel my heart beating triple time and my cheeks growing red. I want to lie and say that what Ronnie's saying isn't true but it's completely true. And it _has_ to be true because Ronnie would never lie to me, she was blood drawing truths. It had been a long time since I was at the receiving end of Ronnie's mom-lectures. I feel shame, I feel a little sick in myself. A little sick _of_ myself. Ronnie's eyes keep on me and I know she's waiting for all my excuses. I will go one better; I will give her answers. "I know," is all I can say.

So much for answers.

Ronnie rolls her eyes and leans on the kitchen bench. "You've got to tell her something, Jughead. And you have to reassure Betty. God, I would have kicked your _ass_ by now if I were her."

"I didn't go to Crystal to start trouble, Ronnie -"

"But that's what you've done!"

"God!" I say shoving off the bench with the palms of my hands. "I was on autopilot, I had to go somewhere and that's where I ended up. I didn't give in, I told her I'm with Betty and I just... I don't know!"

"You could have come here, to us, to your home, Jughead!"

"I don't want to be treated like a kid any more, Veronica," I say standing up and grabbing the keys out of my pocket. "But I will take your advice and tell Crystal once and for all," I grumble.

"You got to think further than the last few years. You have to think about forever kind of things. Betty and baby are forever; it's your sense of loyalty, I know it is. Your loyalty to Cryss is what's holding you back, I know it."

"I'm going to go..."

Ronnie sighs and grabs my hand. "Don't go, Juggie," she says quietly. "I don't want one of the few times you've come home be all about Crystal..."

I rub my face before pulling out a stool to sit on. "I know, it's shit," I mumble. "Because Cryss is a good friend but this isn't... I don't know... It's not healthy."

Ronnie comes over and starts rubbing my back. "I know, Jug," she tries to comfort. "You can't change the past few years, you can't change anything that's happened, Alex, Crystal... Remember how hurt you were when Alex was over but you wouldn't even listen to what Betty had to say?"

I nod, my head feeling heavy in my hands. "Yeah."

"Well Betty has listened to you, she's trusting your word on Crystal but Crystal is not Betty and right now, you have your family. Isn't that what you've always wanted?"

"You'd know," I mutter. "I was the one sleeping in between you and Archie for months on end because I couldn't function."

Veronica laughs and claps me on the back. "We don't have to talk about those days. Those days are long gone and she's back and you guys will never be apart again."

"We don't have to ignore those days," I tell her. "That's what's made me, me. What's made you and I, _us_ ," I say forcing a laugh.

"Let's have a coffee, ok? Just stop... just stop running all the time."

I can see the hurt in her eyes and the glisten in the corner. I ease up and give her hand a squeeze. I didn't want to storm out of here, I'd been victim of that behaviour too much lately. I just wanted to come home – reconnect – see Ronnie, wait for Archie and Abel. "It's ok," I mutter. "I better go anyway..."

She rolls her eyes at me and I see her dab the corner of them. "Don't be stupid, I know you need at least five coffees to function."

"Ok," I say, fighting a losing battle.

Ronnie smiles and goes to flick the jug. "I've got new coffees to try out anyways!"

* * *

I had called three times before I even got an answer. It was too early in the morning for her but I knew my incessant need to keep trying was going to make me win in the end.

"Hello?" a drowsy voice says over the phone. "This isn't the cops calling to tell me my brother's dead, is it?"

"Hey JB," I say without even pretending to laugh at her joke. "That's sick, you know?"

She laughs over the phone and I hear her getting out of her bed. "What's owed me the pleasure?"

"You sound just like dad when you say that."

"Ha-ha," she says sarcastically. "For real, though. It's three in the morning."

"You should be up and getting ready for school, don't you think?"

JB groans. "What do you want Juggie?"

"You," I say simply. "I want you to come back and we can talk shit and pick on dad. I want you here with me."

"What's happened?" she asks. "What happened to the domestic bliss and the white picket fence that was being built when I was there?"

I sit back in the chair out in the patio area with slippers on and Betty's dressing gown. It had been a fight to sleep that I didn't win. "I'm trying to update you since I don't do much social media..."

"Keep talking to me, I swear I'm listening."

"You, pinkie swear?"

"Yeah, yeah, I just flicked the jug. I'm listening."

I chuckle to myself. Our love of hot drinks was very much inherited from our mom. Mom loved nothing more than a menthol and fifty hot drinks a day. I realise just how much of my mom I have in me even though it had been a hell of a long time since we had been together. "I'll start with the bad news and then the good news, yeah?"

She snorts in the phone. "You have to be the King of stalling..."

"A Doctor told me that Betty and I are the King and Queen of reluctant, so this does not surprise me."

"A Doctor, huh? Sounds right, they do have the qualifications, you don't waste eight years of studying to not have some sort of insight into the human brain..."

"Hence why you're not a Doctor then?"

"I could be if I wanted to be," she retorts quickly. "Don't be an ass, I'm smart enough... tell me all about why you're calling me."

"Bad news," I start. "Betty and I argued out the last five years..."

"Oh god," she says sighing, crackling the phone. "I didn't realise it's been five years since I've last seen you."

"What?"

"Five-year argument? God, you are so slow – I'm rolling my eyes right now."

I laugh and roll my eyes too. "You suck."

"Tell me more about this five-year argument," she says laughing. "Was it about how much you love each other?"

"I know you're being sarcastic, but I do believe that is the root of the evil here."

"What happened? If I'm to give advice, I need the whole story."

"Whole story?" I say with a sigh. "You want me to start from the beginning? It all started in two-thousand-and -sixteen..."

"Skip a few years."

"She bought up me running, she bought up Crystal... I ran, I came back. Cryss is nothing to me romantically," I say. "I know I sound like an idiot when I say romantically but I don't know how else to describe it."

"Thank god she bought Vanessa Hudgens up!" JB exclaims. "Honest to God, I can't stand that girl."

"Cryss was there when people weren't, JB, but Betty came back and my world shifted and then – I dunno – Cryss gets it, but I don't think Betty did."

"Green with envy..."

I scoff. "What?"

"She would have been jealous, I mean, Cryss knows the new you and Betty knows you too but she missed out on a lot that Cryss was there for. Betty is fighting for her man."

I can hear her choking back a chuckle.

"Maybe," I say quietly. "But then we got past it, we talked it out. Ronnie hates me. I have to tell Cryss we can't be friends," I say sighing into the phone. "We can't be because it's just too hard..."

"Damn," JB groans. "I mean, I don't like Crystal but this is... I don't know, I feel sorry for you. But You've got Betty and you can't have Crystal around all the time, it's not right."

"I know!" I groan, "Ronnie's right but she's always right and now I have to tell Cryss and I should just look for another job -"

"Maybe she'll get another job and I'll come work at the station instead?"

She's silent.

"Wait, what?" I ask. "You want to come and work at the station?"

"I don't know, I mean, I think I have a natural talent for it..."

"And how do you know?"

JB groans. "I'm a natural born speaker, Jughead. You know that!"

"Ah of course," I say biting my tongue. "It's so obvious."

"Tell me the good news now," JB tells me. "I'm sick of listening to your Crystal drama."

I feel a pang in my chest. I missed my sister. Things aren't the same as when she's around. She brings an air of ease to my world, I don't want to sound sappy but it's something you would only share with someone who lived the exact some life as you. Blood. "This is why you should be here, so I can tell you all this face to face over coffee."

"Stop trying to disperse the topic, Jughead, I can't be giving advice when you're talking shit."

"I don't remember saying at any point that I needed advice..."

"Continue." I hear her pouring water into a cup and wish I was joining her.

"I got good news."

"I know," she says with an exasperated sigh. "You've said it like three times now."

"No, I don't think you're ready for this..."

"Tell me before I beat the crap out of you through this phone – an ear bashing!"

"I can just hang up..." I say with a laugh, teasing her.

"Or, you know, maybe I could?"

"You're going to be an Aunty..."

I was killing her and she was hating it. I on the other hand, was loving it.

"I'll ring Betty and she will tell me rather than sitting here at three in the morning listening to your cryptic messages."

"We're having a girl."

JB stays silent before squealing. "Oh my god! You asshole! you've been holding out on me and my baby girl!"

"Not yours," I tell her.

"A girl! A girl, Jughead! You know what this means! It means I'm going to be the best aunty in the world to a pretty baby girl!"

"I knew you'd be happy," I laugh.

"Happy? Shit kid, you don't even know how excited I am! I can't breathe!"

"Breathe," I tell her.

"I can't!"

"If you can talk then you can breathe, so do it."

"Ok, breathing."

"In and out, in and out."

"I got it!"

I smile to myself. "A girl, JB, can you believe it?"

"I hope she realises her dad speaks in cryptic riddles..."

"I don't," I say quickly. "You're just not on the ball enough to keep up with me."

"Yeah right," she answers back. "You just like to have hour long conversations on the phone because you can't cut to the point."

"Alright, point is that Betty and I are fine and the baby is a girl and I miss you."

"What date is she due?"

I think about it. "Not sure..."

"When's the baby shower?"

"I don't know."

"Jesus Christ, you don't know a lot of things, do you Jon Snow?"

I laugh. "Nice pop culture reference."

"Baby is growing all good? Betty getting enough vitamins?"

"Polly lived off rations and hid up in the attic for ages, her kids turned out alright."

"You disgust me, do you know that?" Jellybean snaps.

"I had an inkling..." I reply. "I better go, Betty's probably waiting for me to get home."

"Thank God! Finally, you're talking some sense! Now good night, I have had enough heart to hearts to last me the rest of the year."

"Good night," I say stiffly. "I'll call you later."

"Much, much later. Like early evening rather than early morning. Love ya."

"Love you too."

I hang up and sit in the dark a little longer, Riverdale was changing around me, my happiness growing, the last five years down the drain. My focus may always be hazy but now it was all set on my new little family. The one waiting inside for me.

* * *

"We have several questions here, I choose this one." Crystal says throwing me a print out of questions. "Dear Cryss and Jug -"

I cut her off. "That's us."

Cryss eyes me with one eyebrow raised and she lowers the paper she's reading. "What's up?" she asks me.

"Nothing," I reply and I feel like some bizarre automated voice recording.

"It's not Betty, is it?"

"No!" I reply quickly and I feel tense in my shoulders. I look up to Crystal with weak eyes and my head in my hands. "No, it's not Betty."

"I was going to say," she says with wide eyes. "Not again..."

I groan and push my paper away, the more I think about it, the more I wonder if maybe her soothing words and calm demeanour were slowly and steadily trying to push me in the wrong direction. Or maybe Ronnie was right, it would make so much sense because Veronica was always right. Maybe I made this path, maybe I'm too scared to walk it. Maybe it was all my fault. It _is_ my fault, I created this. I made this bed. I'm not wanting to lie in it any longer than I have to.

I hiss courage up through the gap in my teeth, I run my sticky palms over the desk in front of me. I don't want to meet her in the eye, they were so dark and mystifying and right now, they're intimidating. But I had to do it; settle the score. I'm moving on rapidly and Riverdale doesn't wait for anyone, it moves on, Sweet Water River flows on and it was pulling me with it. I was creating the new life; this is the rebirth. "Cryss..." I say.

She keeps on, I don't think she's heard me and how could she when I could only hear my thoughts crashing around us. "You don't look good, if it _is_ Betty, just tell me."

"It's not Betty!" I say a little too loudly.

She stops.

She knits her eyebrows and shrugs shoulders with chiffon on them. "Are you ok?"

"No," I say with a huff. "I'm not."

"Why?"

I lean back further in my chair and I wonder just how much further I could go until I was one with the chair. Oh, to be an inanimate object right now. My face burns, my heart beats; _Prove yourself_ , it's telling me. _End it_. I take a deep breath, I exhale shallowly but she keeps watching me. "I can't do this anymore -"

"Do what?" she asks, raising her hands in the air. "What?"

"This!" I groan, rubbing my face. "I can't do this, I can't live in _limbo_ any more; you know I almost lost Betty? Ronnie is pissed at me, I don't think even Archie can look me in the eye at the moment. I need to cut this, Cryss."

She shakes her head and she frowns deeply. "I don't understand..."

"We're friends, Cryss, I know. But I can't just have you there for me whenever I lose a little control. I can't be friends any more -"

"Jughead, we work together!" she whines, still shaking her head. I can see her cheeks are flushed and the records in her arms are a little shaky. I hated this, but I hated even the idea of hurting Betty more. I can't hurt Betty, I can't disappoint Archie and Ronnie any longer. They were always there to pick up the pieces but I feel they're sick of doing it. Betty is sick of my floating and flickering from place to place, person to person. I just need to keep grounded before I lift off again.

"I know Cryss," I say shaking my own head. "But maybe I should go, find something new. Move on. Move on _further_."

She slows her head right down to a nod. She sighs, looks down at the floor, kicks the carpet and puts records on the table. "Right," she says quietly. "I didn't know the great calling of Riverdale was so strong to you. But I guess you always said it was."

"It's not Riverdale, Cryss. It's Betty. I love her so much, I can't even..." I shake my head, shiver in my mind. "I can't even think about going through what we've been through again. We're having a baby, I'm moving in. I got to think further than the last few years. I gotta think about forever kind of things."

Cryss doesn't look up, she pushes papers around on the desk. Occupying her hands. "Forever," she repeats.

Forever was a long time, no time would be long enough with Betty and our Summer baby. "I just had to tell you, Cryss. Before it was too hard. But I think I might look for a new job anyways. New home, new job, new baby..."

She nods. "A new _you_. Sounds great."

Something tells me she doesn't think it's great but I have to move on, cut ties. I sever connections. I need to get out of here because the room is caving in.

* * *

I felt a little lost after a silent day at work, this is the way it is now. One week down and silence is booming every day, but we get through it. I feel a little lost for a while but I know exactly where I was. Riverdale made sure of that. Riverdale was a home, the epitome of the American Dream where the daughters did cheer and the sons all stars of the football team. Dinner was served at six PM sharp, father's clapping backs and mothers smiling sweetly over the equally sweet apple pie laced with maple – a Riverdale classic.

Candy apple red lips moved so quickly, the girls so proud to talk about the win of the previous night's rally and the boys who blitzed maths that day. It was the sun setting over Sweet Water River, it was an afternoon shake at Pop's. How can you feel lost when every day rolled into the next, repeating itself?

Riverdale is home now that Betty is home.

My shoulders feel weight free, I feel I could float away into the sky; I felt a release. But true to Betty, I am grounded and I am here, right here with her. I didn't hold the guilt for long, that floated away too. I just finally felt like I had moved a piece of me that was holding me back. If people didn't think I could move on then they're wrong, because right in this moment in time, Jughead Jones has swallowed courage and I have set free. Freedom has never felt as good as it does when driven by the force of Betty Cooper.

I walk into the Coffee Club and see Betty sitting on a bench with her legs crossed and my flannel on with Ronnie next to her and Archie sitting across from Ronnie. Archie waves at me as I walk up to the table they'd occupied and notice they'd already bought me my usual latte and muffin. "Hey guys," I say slightly out of breath, "Sorry I'm late."

I sit down next to Archie and he puts his arms over my shoulder and Betty quickly reaches across the table, closing the gap and taking my hands in hers. "Hey," she says gently. "Glad you could make it."

Betty's blue eyes turn upwards as she smiles and I can feel that she's easing into the now, just like I am. Every day seems a little easier and as sappy as it sounds, it was all because of her. Her swelling stomach has her right hand resting on it and I reach over to give it a quick rub as Betty bites down a smile. I give her a wink before leaning back.

"Thanks for ordering for me," I say to Ronnie but she smirks a little and flicks her eyes at Betty.

"It wasn't me, Holden, it was Betty and apparently she knows you better than I," Ronnie says with a laugh.

"Since when did Jug ever order a cappuccino?" Archie says, laughing at his wife. "Like at any stage of our lives."

"They're exactly the same but one has more froth! I told you, Archie."

"Juggie does a latte with triple choc muffin in the afternoon," Betty says, "I always remember."

"And you a chai latte, I remember too, you know," I reply.

Ronnie seems to be splitting at the seams with excitement because her smile doesn't falter at all. "I'm so glad you two remember so much," she says clapping.

Archie chuckles at his wife and nods at her. "Stop smiling like that, you look a little crazy."

"Oh shush, Archiekins!" she retorts. "I'm just glad my two babies are good."

Betty's cheeks flush pink and she offers me her hands from across the table. I grab them and smooth them out, running my thumbs over her palms. Is it possible to be able to send a message through just mere touches? Sometimes I feel that Betty sends me so many through her touch.

I remember when we were sixteen and she had tried so hard to hide her pain from me. With Betty, it was all or nothing, she had no in between and she always tried so hard to make me happy, to make me feel wanted and she had set up this big party for me. I had never had anyone try so hard to make me happy and it scared me and her efforts were so foreign to me and I had been the one to snap back. That was the first time I had seen Betty and the hurt she tried to contain, her hands pink with damage and even after trying to heal her hands, try and get her to see the good in her, she was so embarrassed and shy about it, she completely blocked it out - it was like it had never happened.

"Speaking of babies," Archie says looking at Betty seriously. "How's my nephew going?"

"More specifically," Ronnie adds, "What are you up to with your tests? You have ten weeks left! We have to go shopping!"

Betty bites her lips and exhales loudly. "I know we do, V, I was meaning to ask you if you could take me."

"We could go now?" Ronnie asks excitedly. "I've got nothing on tonight!"

"Ummm, our child, Ronnie, I have Taste of Riverdale tonight!"

"I could watch Abel if you wanted to go?" I suggest but Betty's look tells me otherwise. "Or not..."

Ronnie looks from Betty to me with understanding. "Ok, but we have to plan something and we will go and look through the stuff I have in storage and you pick what you want from there."

"Just last week you were talking about having another baby!" Archie says shaking his head.

"I would rather give this stuff to my girl and my little nephew, they need it more than us."

Betty's small smile plays on her lips and she lets go of my hands to rub her belly. "A boy, that would be cute, right Juggie?"

I try and hold back a grin, I swallow a laugh and instead opt for a small smile that matches hers, Betty was having fun messing with our best friends and I wasn't going to be the one to ruin it. "Super cute," I say trying to sound like Veronica. I think about the little girl that would be summerlight like her mom and I just know Ronnie would kill me if she knew I was hiding it from her.

This was going to end badly and with my death, but anything to get my girl laughing.

"How come you're trying to kill us by not telling us what the baby is!" Ronnie begs Betty.

Betty laughs and grabs Ronnie's hand, pulling it to her stomach. "Is this preventing you from being killed? Because I don't like the idea of you dying."

I raise an eyebrow at Betty, oh god, if only she knew it was me who would die at the hands of Ronnie.

Ronnie's eyes widen and I see a tear falling. "Oh my god, Betty!" she says. "That's so beautiful!"

Betty smiles at her best friend and then sits back, taking a sip of her hot chocolate that she has recently fallen in love with. "It might feel beautiful for you but it feels so uncomfortable to me, I don't know how people do this pregnancy thing."

Archie grins at Betty and offers her a piece of his muffin. "Little Archie is coming along nicely, then?"

Betty scoffs. "Little Archie?"

"Or Archer?" he decides, that would be cool.

"I'm not calling my kid Archibald Jones, Archie."

If at all possible, Ronnie's grin grows larger. If this was some sort of animated cartoon, her smiles would swallow her face. Archie's arm that is still slung over my shoulder grips on tighter and his hand digging into my shoulder, he leans in close to my ear to whisper; "I still fucking ship it!"

"You sound like your wife, you know that, right?" I hiss back.

His grin matches that of his wife, their faces being swallowed by their smiles.

"We're best friends our entire lives, Betty! It's only right..." Archie continues trying to bargain with Betty.

She shakes her head; "Not unless Jughead says we can name our child Archibald, it's a no go from me."

Ronnie's head snaps up from her phone. "I have a book of names!"

"We're not picking a name out of a book, we need something with meaning," I tell the group.

"Something deep and meaningful like Jughead?" Betty says, teasing me.

"My dad is FP Jones after all, you know him, deep and meaningful as always," I reply.

Betty nods and raises an eyebrow at me. "We should go and see him."

Archie's eyes grow as he looks at Betty, "Go and tell him he's going to be a grand daddy?" he asks.

She glares at Archie. "It's only fair, your dad knows why shouldn't FP?"

"My dad knows," I groan. "We don't need to go and see him, he's ok."

"Family dinner at FP's?" Ronnie suggests. "Maybe we could invite him over to ours?"

"As great as that sounds, dad's not into family dinner night like Fred is," I tell them.

"Oh, come on Juggie!" Betty says biting her lip. "I know we don't have the best track record of your dad coming over for dinners -"

"That has to be the understatement of the year," I mumble.

Dad had enjoyed dinner with Betty on two occasions. The first one being the night of our home coming of 2016 which ended in disaster thanks to Betty's mom and then the night Betty came to the trailer for dinner with dad that ended up with dad being a drunk mess and Betty saying that he was a sorry excuse for a father which made dad almost end in tears. I didn't want a repeat.

"I don't want to go and see him after I've already pushed this baby out, I need to make sure everything is working out just right - for the birthing plan," she says flicking a prize-winning grin at Veronica.

Veronica is still overly elated by Betty's presence and starts clapping again. "Yay!" she almost shouts.

Betty leans across the table to me; "This has nothing to do with a birthing plan."

"I didn't think so," I tell her. "Dinner with my dad has nothing to do with the birth."

"That kid is super lucky," Archie says, "To have three grandfathers!"

"Who?" I ask.

"Well, Dad, Hal and FP..." Archie explains.

"In some societies, wealth is measured by the number of grandfathers one has," I say jokingly.

Archie punches my shoulder lightly. "Don't be a dork!"

"Have you told your mom the good news?" Ronnie asks me.

I purse my lips, trying to think of an excuse for why I don't call my mom anywhere near enough. "Uh, nope."

Betty glares at me. "Are you ashamed because this is all out of wedlock?"

I shake my head and grab my beanie back off the table, pulling it down over my ears. "No!" I say quickly, "No! I just haven't got around to calling her. Gladys isn't the best to hold a conversation with over the phone and especially an important one..."

"JB would have told her everything anyways. In detail. And she would have added a few things on to it that didn't actually happen," Ronnie says laughing.

"You better tell your mom, dude, before FP sends her pics holding the baby and she goes all hulk smash on you," Archie says.

"Well Mister Andrews, it's time to drop you off at the school and get one sugar loaded Abel from my mom, we'll see you two later? Dinner at ours tomorrow, yeah?"

Ronnie kisses Betty on the cheek and then gets up from her side of the table to come and pat me on the shoulder. "See you later!" I call out.

Before I know it, it's just Betty and I in the Coffee Club with her picking away at my muffin and my coffee growing cold. "Arch is right," I tell her. "I better tell my mom."

"At least you can tell your mom; my mom has been terrible," she replies with a moan.

"Your mom is high maintenance but you're good at maintaining her... But last time I spoke to her, she told me you haven't had your last bloods done."

"Because I hate needles."

"I know you hate needles but it has to be done."

"I know," she sighs. "You'll have to come with me?" she says, raising her eyebrows at me.

"Of course," I tell her, "I'll come."

I pull out my phone and consider texting my mom or calling her. If I called her then I don't know how long the conversation would go or what questions would be asked. "What are you doing?" Betty asks.

"You don't think it's weird that my mom hasn't messaged me if JB told her we were having a baby?"

"I think maybe JB respects you enough to hold off telling her..."

"True," I reply. "JB just oozes respect for her big bro," I say rolling my eyes. "Do you think I should call her?"

"I can tell you don't want to call her, so text her?" Betty suggests.

"Damn, you're good," I say with a laugh. "Am I that easy to read?"

She laughs too. "I just know you, Juggie,"

I start typing but go back on my words. "I don't know what to say."

Betty frowns and holds out her hand for my phone. "Gimme that, I'll do it."

I give in and hand over the phone as Betty types away, her smile playing on her lips again. "What are you typing? I'll read it."

Betty shrugs and hands me back the phone. "Sorry, it's gone!"

I quickly flick through my texts and slap my hand to my mouth, "' _Hey mom! I'm having a baby!'_ , Betty!" I groan.

"What?" she replies innocently. "It's the truth, isn't it?"

I rub my face, god, I didn't think she would do it. "I know it is but it seems weird when I read it in a text!"

I hear my phone ring; "I think it's your mom," Betty says, "Answer it!" she says excitedly.

I just shake my head and shove my phone away. "Your mess, you do it," I mumble.

"Ok!" she says but I reach out for the phone before she gets it.

"I don't trust you!" I hiss but it just earns me another laugh in reply.

My phone dings and I look at the message on the screen.

_\- You're having a what?! Answer your phone, Forsythe!_

"Answer your phone, Forsythe," Betty says with a wink.

"You're going to be the death of me, do you know that?" I ask.

She just stands up to leave and I follow after her, my phone never stopping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO CLOSE TO THE END OF THIS TRANSITION IT'S NOT FUNNY! One more chapter to copy over!


	16. Of friends and family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter in which Jughead spends time with friends, and more notably, family.

_ **Chapter Sixteen** _

_Baby Summer Jones,_

_You are as beautiful as your name_

* * *

I had gotten used to the silence in the station. Most of the time, the loudest thing that would echo through the station was just sixties guitar riffs. Cryss kept quiet and we never did come back from _that_ day. Betty's tension and worry that she wore around the house wore thinner and thinner every day until she was dancing around the house, stomach out and bright smiles. She changed just as she began to trust again and I can't help but think about how much more we seamlessly fit. Today Betty saved me from the silence for another visit to the Hospital and I almost fell on my hands and knees when she came to pick me up, letting me loose from the silence.

We watched summer enter Riverdale through the front window screen of my hatch back with the heat waves rising and the brightness of the sun reflecting off the lighter strands of Betty's hair. Her head fell back on the head rest and she smiled to herself; she smiled to the sun. She was my sun and she was brighter than that of which was shining through the wind shield. I let it warm me up.

It had taken a lot of persuading and bribing her with promises of shakes and movies to get her to go to the Hospital. According to Betty, the glucose test went well until Polly started bugging her with a million questions that Betty didn't know the answers to and a million strings of advice that Betty didn't want to listen to. According to Betty, her second lot of blood tests she did at twenty eight weeks didn't go well and her mom had to help her through it, and now we're getting the results.

We head up to the counter of the Outpatients department that I'm all too familiar with now. I can remember six times I've been here; four times with Veronica when she was pregnant, she had swollen ankles a lot and she needed help getting around. She had toxaemia in which Archie thought she just liked the attention, he did a lot of ass kissing after that and didn't miss a single appointment from then on. This was my third time here with Betty and I held on to some guilt for not helping her with her previous blood tests, she was still afraid of needles.

I remember when we were kids; she would try so hard to avoid getting the flu shots when we were at Elementary School. Sometimes she would get out of it after fighting with her parents but when we were ten years old, her mom told her she had to and she laid sacrifice to the needle and she ran out of the booth, screaming and searching for Archie and me. We were only kids but I remember feeling that she can't have been so scared, it was just the flu shot, we always had to get it but the look of terror in her eyes and the way the tears didn't stop falling, she was terrified. Archie and I took turns doubling her on our bikes that day, it was a long trip to Pop's but after we explained to Mary what had happened, she gave us a crisp ten dollar note and we shared a couple of shakes and fries. We were heroes that day.

"Hey, I'm here for an appointment, Elizabeth Cooper," Betty says drumming her fingers on the counter.

"Just take a seat, Betty," the receptionist says with a smile. I cock an eyebrow with the realisation that Betty's on nickname terms with the receptionist as I walk away.

I follow behind Betty who was increasingly becoming slower, each move seemed a little exaggerated and I frown as she takes a seat. "You've only got ten weeks left, Betts."

"I know, don't count down, I'm starting to panic."

I hold my tongue. "Ok, no counting down, got it. I meant more in the way that you should maybe stop working..."

Betty closes her eyes as I sit down next to her and rests her head on my shoulder. "It's the only thing keeping me busy."

"Funny that, usually it is work that keeps you busy so you're right," I reply.

She slaps my leg. "Jughead, I'm just so uncomfortable and my body doesn't feel like it's mine anymore," she says looking up from my shoulder and pouting.

"I'd like to hear more about these parasites invading people's bodies," I joke. "A little dark, don't you think?"

"I want to laugh but I don't think I feel right calling our kid a parasite..." she says pondering.

"Abel looked like an alien, trust me, but now he looks more like his dad so that's a bonus. Handsome, tall, those gleaming eyes..."

"A true bonus," she says patting her stomach. "Hey what do you think would be a cute name for a girl?" she asks.

"Jughead?" I ask.

She laughs. "I don't want to name the baby Jughead, No offence of course," she says with a wink. "It's just not feminine enough for me."

"Of course, I'm not offended."

She kisses me softly on the cheek. "What are you thinking? Seriously though..."

"You really trust a guy called 'Jughead' to name the baby? You got guts."

"I value your opinion, even if slightly interesting with the choice of names but I am open to suggestions..."

"I don't really have anything, except that she's my Summerbaby so..."

"Hey that reminds me, hear me out," she whispers again, looking around the room for signs of people listening in. "I've been doing a bit of research..."

"Yeah?" I reply curiously.

Betty blushes and I lean over to kiss her cheeks, smiling at her red blush. "I've been researching baby names and I've found one I really like."

"Not keen on Jughead then?"

"Nope, I'm sorry to break it to you," she says lightly. "I know you like to call me Sunlight and the baby is also your Sunny-Side-Up, so I've been looking at names and there's one that really stood out to me..."

"Yeah?" I ask, turning to face her more, intrigued by her research.

"It a Greek mythology and the Goddess of Light and Sun, so kind of fitting. Thea Jones?"

I repeat it over in my mind, Thea _Summer_ Jones, all the best bits of what she already is to me, Sunny-Side-Up, my Summerbaby. My everything.

My world.

I say it out loud; "Thea _Summer_ Jones," it rolls off so easily and when I say it, Betty burns brighter than the sun here on this sofa with me, her legs move up and she slings them over mine, leaning back.

"You like it?" she asks me.

"I love it Betts," I tell her. "I love you. But I love it more with Summer in it... My Summerbaby."

"I knew you would, I read it a couple of times and it just stood out. And then Summer because she's your Summerbaby, that's cute. And it will be a little bit of you in there."

I grin so hard, my gums grow cold and my cheeks hurt. I reach over to give her tummy another rub, looking at it as if I can actually see Summerbaby in there. "I love you too, Thea."

Betty smiles gently again, keeping my hand on her stomach with hers on top. "Don't you go around telling anyone, either," she says sternly. "I want it to be a surprise."

"Elizabeth Cooper?" a Doctor calls out.

"A surprise? You know Ronnie's never going to forgive us right, I think we should tell her," I say, fearing for my health and wellbeing.

She squeezes my hand tightly as we walk through the Doctor's room. "Ok, I'll put it on the to-do list. I'm putting it on the top of the list."

I think about it. Little Thea Summer Jones, the perfect match of her mom's looks and the little ray of light I have in my being. Would she like writing? Just like me? I hope she does. I hope she looks at me with the awe that I wish I could have when looking at my own dad. Maybe a little more like how I look at Fred that would be enough for me.

The Doctor turns to us sitting in the chairs and claps her hands together. "The countdown is on!" says the Doctor.

I put my hand up weakly and force a grin. "Apparently we can't talk about the countdown..." I say which earns me a scowl from Betty.

"Jug!?" she says, flicking from me to the Doctor. "Ah," she sighs, "I did say that..."

Doctor Adams chuckles again. "It's natural to feel like this during your first pregnancy and what I've learnt is that it doesn't change even after the second. Or third. Or more."

"That's great to know," I say sarcastically. "Looks like just the one for us then?" I ask Betty.

She shoves her elbow into my side. "It hasn't been all that bad apart from the morning, afternoon and night sickness and the anxiety," she mumbles.

Doctor Adams frowns. "Do you often get anxiety? It is a little higher during pregnancy but we have to be wary of postnatal depression."

There it was, looming over us. Postnatal depression. I remember all those flyers Ronnie had received on postnatal depression and her forcing me to read them out to her, marking off all the symptoms she thought she might have had. I'd be lying if I didn't wonder if it were something Betty would be susceptible to.

Betty sighs and her elbow digs into my side a little harder, making me want to lean away so I grab her hand instead and give it a squeeze. "I do suffer from depression and anxiety anyways," she replies weakly.

"Ok," the Doctor says a little too cheerfully that doesn't match the scene at all. "We will keep an eye on things, have things been particularly bad as of late?"

"As of late?" Betty asks, looking at me for some direction, I just nod at her. "Yes, it has been."

"Have you been coping?" Doctor asks.

"No," Betty says flatly.

Doctor Adams starts typing away at her computer and Betty looks at me, her eyes just as flat as her tone so I keep my hand on hers, trying to let her know that these questions were normal but I feel a little uncomfortable myself. This all seemed so clinical and probing. I always knew Betty suffered harder than others but sitting here, in this clinically white room that smelled of rubbing alcohol and the white cloak in front of us, it made it all seems a little more real and harsh.

The Doctor speaks again; "Don't worry too much. If things are starting to get out of hand, you come back and see me. Otherwise, just keep an eye on things and continue as normal. You're looking great!" she says encouragingly. "Which is good but you do have dark rings under your eyes which is usually a sign of low iron... Now I do see here that your blood results came up ok but moms are prone to being iron deficient and that's something you need to keep an eye on too."

Betty looks at me again, worry etched all over her face. "That just means more beef burgers," I joke.

"Think steak rather than fried goods, dad!" the Doctor adds.

Betty groans and turns to laugh at me. "Maybe it will be a home cooked meal instead, Juggie."

"Damn," I say, clutching my chest. "That really sucks."

Doctor Adams smiles at me and shrugs. "Mom knows best!"

"Mom knows best," I repeat, slumping down in my chair.

The Doctor starts measuring Betty's stomach and doing palpations all the while muttering ' _perfect_ ' under her breath. Betty seems pleased with all that is perfect because her smile was growing and growing. She pulls out the Doppler machine and we hear it, beats that are slower and steadier than the last ones I heard. "Everything is perfect! You keep an eye on her, Jughead, and if you guys need anything, you let me know! See you in two weeks, yeah?"

"Thanks Doctor Adams," Betty says pulling down her top. "We'll definitely see you in two weeks."

"Try getting some more iron in! And drink a glass of orange juice, vitamin C helps absorb iron."

We walk out of the Hospital with Betty being pulled alongside me, smiling to herself. "Why the grin as big as the sun?" I ask.

Betty looks up at me. "I've got no reason to not smile," she says pulling on my arm. "You, me, the baby is great! This is great," she says sighing.

"It is, Betts," I tell her. "It's really great."

"Do you wonder what the baby will be like?" she asks.

Do I tell her the truth? About how long I've been thinking about what the baby would be like? Praying that the baby looks so much like her that there would be no doubts in my mind. "I've been thinking about it for ages," I say honestly.

"I hope she somehow inherits your brain," she says opening her side of the car.

I scoff and put my key in the ignition, turning on the car. I really did need a new car. "I hope she has _your_ brain," I counter.

"You're the smart one," she laughs.

"Yeah, well, you're the amazing one."

She shakes her head and opens the glove box to pull out the photo of her, Archie, Ronnie, Kevin and I. "This was six years ago, we'll have to show the baby this when she's older."

"Hey, get your grubby fingers off that," I say attempting to get it off her. "That's a family heirloom, now!"

She flips it over and reads the writing out loud; "The love tale of Jughead and Betty?" she laughs. "God, Ronnie is a sucker for romance isn't she?"

"Can you blame her?" I say moving my hand back and forth between us. "We're like a modern day Notebook."

"Woah, woah, slow down Noah," she teases. "You're right though, I should guard this heirloom with my life, I'd love to show our daughter this when she's older."

"How about we concentrate on getting the baby out first?"

"That would be a good start," she giggles. "Look at the way I'm looking at you," she says, looking at the photo.

I glance over at the picture and see Betty's fingers dancing over it. "Look at the way _I'm_ looking at _you_ ," I add.

"I always felt so safe when you're around, I can see it in this picture."

"Just as well your Ol' pal Juggie is around then, huh?"

"You're more than just my pal, Juggie. You're my home. And now you're hers too," she says pointing at her stomach. "Now we just need to move you into our home."

Her words are my relief and I'm revelling in them right now. She was my home, too. Everything in this beat up car was my home. "You're dead set on moving me in, aren't you?"

Betty's smirk plays on her lips. "Now that she has a name, it's a little hard to not be set on having you move in."

"We need to think of a way we can shorten it or a nickname."

Betty laughs. "You guys and your nicknames, I swear!"

"Would you prefer me to call your Elizabeth from now on?" I reply, cocking an eyebrow.

"Maybe tonight. In bed..." she says, teasing me.

"Woah, you slow down," I say shaking my head and laughing. "You're talking dirty now, Elizabeth!"

Betty groans and covers her face, cheeks blushing. "Stop teasing me!"

I felt seventeen all over again.

* * *

We had been summonsed by the Queen herself. Ronnie wasn't taking no for an answer and now I was squished between the ever growing Betty Cooper and the very tall Kevin Keller. Joaquin even made the effort to come and join us tonight which shocked me but I was happy to see my old friend.

"You ah, gonna finish that?" I ask Joaquin, pointing at his shake.

Joaquin sniggers and pushes his shake towards me. "Malt," he says, "Just like you've always liked it."

I raise an eyebrow. "I didn't know you still remembered that..." I say taking a sip.

"Your dad likes malt too, I don't know how many shake runs I did for him when I was a prospect," he replies. He turns to Kevin. "His dad could down a lot of shakes, you know?"

Betty takes the opportunity of Joaquin talking to Kevin and reaches out for Joaquin's fries, stealing one and quickly putting it in her mouth. "Betts!" I whisper.

Even though Joaquin is talking to Kevin, his smirk grows and he pushes his fries towards Betty. "Pregnant girls are hungry and I'm not keeping fries from a mom."

"Or candy from a baby," Kevin adds, laughing. "Excuse my best friend and her hunger."

"I remember when I first started hanging with you guys – she's always had a big appetite, no wonder those two are made for each other," he says laughing at Betty and me.

"At least I have a proper excuse," Betty says through bites.

"Nah, nah," Joaquin starts. "Everyone is entitled to have an appetite!"

"Here, here," I say knocking my new claimed shake to Kevin's. "Your man speaks the truth, Keller!"

Kevin sighs and looks at the time on his phone. " _'Don't be late'_ , she said. _'O_ _r_ _I'll knock your teeth out...'_ And we are supposed to believe that Veronica grew up in the fancy streets of Manhattan, am I correct?"

"She wore Louboutin heels at High School, Kev, we _know_ she did," I reply.

"And what poor Kardashian did she rob to get those?" he asks, a serious expression on his face. "I'm serious, I swear hasn't told us the entire story!"

I laugh and Betty pats Kevin on the back, "Don't worry, Kev, I've lost count of all the death threats."

"But she wouldn't kill Jughead, as much as she hates to admit it, I know he's higher than me in the pecking order," he replies.

Betty nods, taking the shake that once belonged to Joaquin from me and taking a sip. "It's true; I think I rank near the bottom now."

Joaquin reaches for his shake back and takes a sip. "I'm so happy I'm keeping the family fed," he says through a sip.

Betty bites her lip and gazes at him. "I'm sorry, it's just I thought V and Arch would be here by now and I could have ordered."

"Tell me what you want," he replies. "I'll go up."

I pretend to look shocked and clutch my chest. "Dude, you're making me look stupid in front of my girlfriend."

"Chuck me your card, I'll get it on your behalf," he says laughing. I chuck him my card.

"I'll take a vanilla shake and a burger," she says, she bites her lip as she switches her gaze to me. "I didn't realise how hungry I am..."

"Right on it," Joaquin replies.

"So, Jughead and I have been talking..." Betty starts to which Kevin starts clapping.

"And you're getting married!"

"Yes!" I say clapping my hands together.

Betty scowls at me; "Jug!"

"What?" I ask, trying to act innocent. "We might as well tell him now."

"We're not telling him anything until you put a ring on it," she says holding up her left hand.

"Ok, Beyoncé."

Kevin looks between us. "I'm so confused... I didn't think I had stepped into a music video."

"We've been talking about baby names," Betty explains, still scowling at me.

"Did I hear baby names?" Ronnie asks from behind us, said Louboutin's clicking on the vinyl. "I want in on the baby names!"

"Archer," Archie says laughing, "If a girl, or Archie if a boy."

"Your name is Archibald, Archie. And it's not very cool..." Betty says, trying to force a caring grin, "I've told you this multiple times."

Archie pretends to be hurt by this. "That has to be the worst thing you've ever said to me, Betty."

"You're a big boy," Ronnie says kissing his cheek, "You'll be ok."

They squeeze into the booth, leaving barely any room for Joaquin and Ronnie reaches out to the malt shake on the table, taking a sip and screwing her face up as she slides it across the table towards me. "Malt, gotta be yours," she says.

"Join in on the communal shake," I tell her.

Joaquin just stepped up to the booth. "Mine actually, well, the family's really."

"Hey Joaquin!" Archie says, moving closer to Ronnie and stepping on my foot from under the booth in the meantime, "Just in time to see whether or not these two name their kid after me!"

"Archibald?" Joaquin says, looking at Betty and I, "Not a little dated, don't you think?"

"Hello?" Betty says waving, "We're here, you know, the parents?"

"I really thought it would be a great idea for Archie to name the baby, Betts," I say with a wink.

"We are open to legitimate suggestions on boy's names though," Betty says raising her hands to the group. "So any good and serious suggestions are welcome."

God, she was really playing this one out.

"Not Kevin," Kev says through a sip of his soda. "I don't like it."

"Thanks for that, Kev, because it was on the top of our list," I reply sarcastically.

Kevin groans. "Let's hope your baby isn't so salty like his daddy."

The table laughs and Ronnie puts her hand up to speak. "How about Forsythe? That's a family name isn't it?"

"It is..." I say slowly. "But I don't really want to carry on that name; my dad isn't really someone I look up to..."

The table nods understandingly and I appreciate them not pressing me for more answers. "This baby name thing is hard to figure out – Thank you," Ronnie says as our food comes out, grabbing a basket of fries from Pop himself.

"Thanks Pop!" I call out.

"Yeah, thank you Pop," Betty adds.

"You're telling us," I say whining. "It's gonna be hell trying to figure out a name."

"Just as well you guys have heaps of time, eh?" Archie says, thinking he's hilarious with his sarcasm.

"We have ten weeks at least," Betty says placing a fry in her mouth then offering me one. I take it.

"We still have to go shopping and then we have a baby shower!" Ronnie says. "You two," she says pointing at Joaquin and Kevin, "You two need to be on call because we have a baby shower to plan."

"Last time I checked, Jughead Jones was our resident baby shower planner," Kevin says, pointing at me. "He's the only one with the relevant qualifications."

"This is true," I reply. "But I have a baby to plan for so..."

"I'll help!" Archie says excitedly. "Let me help, you never let me help with the parties," he says pouting.

"Oh honey," Ronnie says, pinching his cheeks. "It's because you're a little rough and you eat all the little cakes... or if there's alcohol involved, you become an adorable puppy..."

"Aww," Joaquin says, teasing Archie. "Ain't that sweet."

"There won't be alcohol at the baby shower, will there?" Archie asks seriously.

"Champaign for the gals, beers for the guys?" I say rolling my eyes. "And what exactly for the children?"

"There'll be Abel and Ellie and Jace with fruit boxes," Veronica says seriously. "I'm thinking rose gold and white..."

"There's a colour theme?" Kevin asks looking from person to person. "Is that even a _thing_ for a baby shower?"

"Sounds like a re-run of Polly's," Betty says quietly. "Minus the brawling," she says looking from Archie and back to me.

"I wouldn't have called it a brawl, B," Archie says looking a little embarrassed.

"Yeah," I say, pointing in Archie's direction with a fry. "More like a lovers quarrel."

Everyone nods as if this makes sense. "I love you, Dude," Archie replies making kissy noises with his lips.

"As I love you, my moon and stars," I say, making the kissy motions back.

Kevin puts his finger in his mouth to make gagging noises. "You two are hardly Daenarys and Khal Drogo, you two are more like Cersei and Jamie Lannister..."

"Blonde?" Joaquin asks.

"Incestuous," Kevin says.

I shake my head and eat more fries. "You're sick," I tell Kevin. "And between you and Veronica, you talk a lot about incest."

Everyone keeps chatting amongst themselves before Kevin and Joaquin get up to leave after promising to see us next week, same time, same place. Archie and Ronnie keep arguing lightly about what would be appropriate at the baby shower as Betty rests her head on my shoulder and grabs my hand. She leans into my ear and whispers; "Do you think we should tell them?"

I look to Archie and Ronnie; she pulls her plate away as Archie has his fingers on her fries. "Sure, why not?"

Betty clears her throat and taps on the bench. "Guys, we're having a baby girl!"

Ronnie's eyes well up and she slaps a hand to her mouth. Archie cheers and grabs my shoulder from across the table and shakes me, my head falling from side to side. "Dude!" he says excitedly. "You're having a girl?!" His eyes turn wide, tilting his head to the side as if to read me.

Ronnie sniffs and wipes her eyes with a napkin, smiling and laughing. "B! B, you're having a baby girl! Jughead, you didn't even tell me! Do you know this is a cardinal sin?"

Betty laughs and looks at me, grabbing my hand to hold. "Yeah, I thought it was about time we told you..."

"We've been holding out..." I say with a shrug.

Archie just claps and his grin makes me grin, he reaches out for me again and shakes me from across the table. "Juggie!" he says excitedly, biting his lip.

"This seems a little aggressive..." I tease. "But I know you're happy and you're channelling it through aggression."

He looks over at Betty this time and shakes his head, rubbing his forehead. "I can't believe it, we grew up together and now you're having a baby girl, B, this is amazing!"

Ronnie starts wiping her eyes which are running freely, mascara running and pooling at her chin. "A baby girl!" she says through sniffs.

Betty looks at me and smiles as she reaches for Ronnie's hands and she holds them in her own. "Don't cry, V, you're so funny!" she says with a chuckle. "We need happy smiles, not happy tears."

Ronnie sniffs again and nods, grinning back at us as Archie rubs her back. "I know I'm just being silly. But my boy! And my girls! I'm just so happy. I just... I can't think of anything better than this."

"No," Archie says rolling his eyes. "Not your husband or your son -"

"Don't ruin it, Archie," she sniffs again.

"So you're happy then?" I tease.

"Shut up, Juggie!" Ronnie snaps. "I'm more than happy for you guys – wait – when exactly did you find out?"

"You kept a secret from her!" Archie says clapping his hand to his mouth. "Oh my god."

"Don't even get me started," Ronnie whines. "Pretty in Pink but my girl's going to be pretty in neutral!"

We keep talking and stuffing our faces, at one point we had all ordered dessert though we switched around a couple of times and I ended up with Ronnie's brownie in the end, eating the last of it. Archie and Ronnie ended up leaving, Fred had called Archie to tell him that Abel had got into the shaving cream and he couldn't scrub the smell of Lynx off him and Ronnie had told everyone it was maintenance night in which she spends a good two hours shaving herself from top to bottom and tints her eyebrows. Even though Ronnie had scolded Betty for ordering a second shake because sugar, I ordered a coffee to join her and had popped out for a cigarette while I waited for it.

I walk back in and see the hot coffee on the table as Betty sipped away at her Strawberry milkshake; "Now I remember why I don't like them," she says cringing. "But I can't stop drinking it."

I take a sip of my own coffee, also finding this extremely unsatisfying. "Coffee Club really does make the best coffee in town."

She looks from my cup of coffee to her shake. "Looks like things do change around here don't they."

I look to Pop at the counter and the neon lights shining down at the girl in front of me. If only she was wearing her cheer uniform and I had my laptop placed on the table with us, I would have thought it was eight years ago where school was one of the most important parts of our world and the great adventures of Jason Blossom. "We don't," I say quietly. "My love for you doesn't."

Betty smiles down on her shake, stirring it with her straw. "When I was at college, I used to wonder if you would be here, with Ronnie and Archie and Kevin, talking about all the things we used to do."

I snigger, looking down at my coffee, not wanting to meet her eyes because the most stupid thing I ever did was stop coming here. I don't know why I thought this place would punish me so much, maybe if I had faced my fear, the last five years would have been completely different. Maybe if I had come here and forced myself to drink those vanilla shakes that reminded me so much of her, I would have drunk down the courage to go to see her. "We did sometimes – not here – but we would talk about the old days. Until I couldn't talk about you anymore."

I wonder if she will storm out of the diner, if she'd flee and never come back and think I had taken a little part of Riverdale from her, her Riverdale family. But instead she sighs and nods and smiles at me. "I'm just glad that you had them when I wasn't here."

I smile back at her, rubbing my thumb over her knuckles. "No one can look after me the way the Andrews do," I say with a laugh.

"Not even me?" she asks, "I look after you."

"You do in a completely different way," I say bringing her hands to my lips and kissing the tops of them. "In a world shaking, heart healing, soul cleansing type of way."

"You make me feel like I'm sort of magical being," she says biting her lip.

"It's probably because you are," I say shrugging, trying to play it off. "You are to me."

* * *

For the most part, shopping day out with Ronnie hadn't cost too much money. Ronnie had given us Abel's crib and she was ordering Archie to dismantle it. Throughout the time I had gone back home to pick up Betty and all the things she had bought, several mentions of my moving in with Betty had been thrown around by both Betty and Ronnie but Archie and I stood in silence.

This had been my home for the last five years almost. Betty had gone and I had briefly moved between Fred and FP but as soon as Archie and Ronnie invested their money into this home, I had moved in, not even leaving them in this house for two months to enjoy their brand new, fresh out of the box marriage. I had so many parts of me connected to this house; I would be a liar to say I wasn't scared.

I think Archie felt the same because we had been inseparable for the past eight years and I don't think either of us truly knew how to live apart.

Neither of us give into the small talk of moving. Betty had been folding and refolding all the new clothes she had bought for the baby. Swaddles, diapers, bottles, more clothes, wipes. "Do we really need all this stuff?"

"Don't you remember, Juggie?" Ronnie asks, putting down a pair of tiny socks. "I had even more than this when Abel was born."

"And did we use it all?" Archie says raising his eyebrows. "I don't think so."

"I remember a lot of crying," I say under my breath. "So I blocked a lot out."

Ronnie rolls her eyes and hands Betty a bag full of shopping. "Now you go and take this all home and put it in the wardrobe then next weekend after the baby shower, I will come and help you set up because by then," she says shooting a glare at Archie. "He should have dismantled everything and it should be all ready to go!"

Betty throws down the bag of shopping and takes Ronnie in her arms, hugging her tightly. "You're the best, do you know that?"

"Thank me when it's all done!" Ronnie says, holding Betty on either side of her shoulders. "You get this girl home and rested."

Betty's eyes grow and she gives me a look to tell me it's been a long day. "I will," I reply.

We head outside to the car and Betty straps in, my car boot overflowing with baby stuff and the overwhelming smell of both baby powder and vanilla. "Shit," I say out loud.

"What?" Betty asks, looking scared. "What happened?" she says trying to force the belt over belly.

I hold back a laugh as I watch her struggle but I reach out for the belt and click it in for her. "I just realised this is what my life is now, baby gear and vanilla."

Betty rolls her eyes and elbows me. "And here I was thinking that you liked it."

"I love it." I tell her, starting the ignition.

Before I pull out of the drive way I see Archie running out of the house so I put on the breaks and wind down my window, manual style. "Hey!" he shouts out to me.

I'm still winding down the window and I hold back the urge to smack it. "We really need to get a new car," I tell Betty. "Yeah?" I ask Archie.

"I know our lives are over run with females these days, no offence, Betts," he says trying to flash her a grin.

Betty scowls at Archie; "Archie!" she says with mock shock. "I'm super offended by that!"

"Ah Bets, don't kill me!"

"Over run with females, yeah?" I ask.

"Yeah, so I was thinking maybe we could catch up over a few beers?"

"And football?" I tease, "And man hugs and hunting?"

"Yeah, why not?" he says shrugging. "Like old times!"

"Fine bro," I say, reaching out of the window to clap him on the side. "We'll bypass coffee date tomorrow and do dude date instead, yeah? At your dad's?"

"Sure," he says, pulling out his phone and I just know he's texting Fred. "Tell FP, too."

"If I remember," I mutter to myself.

I pull out of the drive way and start heading to my new makeshift home that I still feel guilty for not committing to. The path from Archie's to Betty's was so deep in me now, I feel like I could drive there blindfolded.

"As much as I love Ronnie, I don't think it's necessary to buy a rose gold bracelet for the baby, what do you think?" Betty asks.

"I think it's completely stupid," I tell her honestly.

I hear her sigh with relief. "Thank you!"

"You're welcome."

Betty clears her throat and I see her lick her lips next to me. "Ronnie told me something interesting today..."

"Yeah?" I say, turning a corner and I realise I haven't had a cigarette all afternoon and shit, I was craving one, I saw my packet roll across the dashboard. "Can you grab those so they don't fall off?" I ask Betty.

She takes them off the dash and opens the top to smell them. "They smell nice and they smell like you."

I laugh and shake my head. "I'm right here, with you."

"You are," she says nodding. "Is work ok?" she asks.

I grip onto the steering wheel a little harder and try not to look crazed. But work was currently a dungeon of silence and I don't think I've had a proper conversation with Crystal since I severed ties. "It's ok," I say quietly. "It's not bad but it's not great."

Betty sighs and reaches to pat my leg before looking at me. "I don't like you feeling uncomfortable at work..."

I didn't like it either. If at all I ever felt like I was somewhat of a misfit in this world, it didn't stand at all against the feeling I had now with Crystal. But my world hasn't ever been torn like it has now and if I had a sense of loyalty to Crystal, then I have always been beating as one with Betty and there was no way I could pry myself away from her. "This is just the way it is now, Betts," I say a little stiffly. "I can't change that. I can't have you thinking you can't trust in me... I'm trying to build the life I thought I'd lost."

She nods as she looks out of the window. "I know," she replies quietly. "I want to say that its fine... but I just don't... I don't have a lot of trust."

I avoid her eyes in the mirror and I keep staring at the road too, not wanting to face this conversation, "And I don't blame you. But trust that all I need is the sole contents of this car."

"And all we need is you."

"So," I continue, "This interesting thing that Ronnie said?"

"Oh yeah," Betty says slowly. "Ah well, apparently, theoretically of course..." she doesn't finish.

I look over at Betty briefly and start laughing. "Theoretically, what?"

She buries her head in her hands. "Apparently having sex helps induce labour."

I snort out loud and I look at Betty, flicking between her and the road. "You're getting all shy about having sex?"

"Not just any sex," she mumbles. "Sex to help bring on labour!"

I liked this shy Betty, she was cute and she was funny and well, shit, she was thinking about sex. Had she been thinking about this all day? "And?" I question.

"And I was wondering if you thought that was weird?"

I can see she was visibly turning red and she was biting her lip hard. "Let go of that lip," I tell her, trying to reach up to her mouth to pull her lip out but she abides.

"Is it weird?" she asks.

"It's a little weird that you're asking me..."

She sighs; "Is it weird to be having sex when I'm so huge?"

I laugh out loud; "We've had sex a few times now..."

"Not when I'm so huge though but..." she trails off.

"But what?" I ask, wondering what she was meaning.

"But now I really want it but I don't want you to feel uncomfortable."

"I'm more concerned about you being uncomfortable; you are the one with that thing sticking out of you..." I say trying to joke. "Sorry, that sounds terrible."

"You're the one with a thing sticking out of you too, you know," she says grumpily.

I bite my own lip to prevent myself from laughing because I can tell she's dead serious. "So you admit you've been thinking about that thing sticking out of me, huh?"

She giggles a little. "Maybe just a little."

We pull up to Betty's house and I see my dad's truck parked outside. "Shit," I hiss. "What's a bet he's been talking to your mom or Fred?"

This had to be the worst timing ever, especially after the conversation held in the privacy of my beat up car. I wanted nothing more than to go inside, all storms and hands and lace being discarded on the floor and barely making it to the bedroom but that was all being destroyed by dad's truck parked outside.

"Worst timing ever," Betty says as if reading my thoughts.

"My thoughts exactly," I mutter turning off the engine of the car.

I step out of the car and Betty follows after me. Tightening her ponytail and then grabbing my hand as I stride ahead of her. "Looks like two people in there," she says.

I squint my eyes, trying to figure out who was in the truck with him through the dark. "JB?" I call out.

I hear the driver's side of the truck open and then slam shut, JB winds down the window on the passenger's side and I feel my heart start beating faster, JB was back in town! "Hey Jug!" she calls out. "Hey Betty!"

I feel warmth spreading through me, I can't believe my eyes and I look down at Betty to make sure that I was in fact seeing this and was she seeing this too? Betty's eyes glisten and I can tell she's surprised but happy too. "Did you know?" I ask her.

She shakes her head. "I think your brother's going to pass out, Jelly!" Betty calls.

"Jughead!" I hear another familiar voice call out.

Then I see her. Long dark hair and that smile that matched JB's almost perfectly. She was wearing her knee high leather boots she always wore with jeans tucked in and a leather jacket – the same one she wore whenever she travelled, a cup of coffee plastered to her hand as she tried to run across the road. "Mom?" I say, lost for words.

She slams against my chest and her arms wrap around my neck before she pulls away and pulls Betty by the shoulders to meet us in this group hug. "How long did you think you could keep my grandbaby away from me huh?"

I cling on tighter, not believing that my mom and sister were here. Here with Betty and me. I could drift off, far away as long as I could hold on to this moment. It had been years since I had seen my mom in the flesh and the way she's smiling at me now, watching my eyes – I feel like when JB and I were kids and she'd wrap us both up in her arms, kiss us both on the forehead, brushing back our hair while we were all sleeping in the bed.

And it was all broken with JB's yelling from the truck. "See, Juggie! You're still mom's baby!"

"Shut up with your teasing, JB!" mom shouts back. "God that girl can rib a person, can't she?!"

"Hey mom," I say, rubbing my face with my hand. "What're you doing here?"

Mom looks over at Betty and throws her hands in the air, hurried steps towards her. "Come to see my grandbaby!" she says, moving instantly to Betty's stomach, she smiles at Betty. "You're more beautiful than JB described, Jesus, you look like your mother."

"I described you as a Minotaur, that's why," JB yells from the truck.

Betty blushes and looks at me with a grin. "I haven't seen you in forever, Gladys," Betty says placing a hand on mom's shoulder. "I'm glad you could make it."

"Not often Riverdale summons me," mom says laughing, looking at Betty in the eye as she held on to her stomach. "Gotta be something big to get me out of Toledo."

Mom always said it had to be something big to get her back here. Even the times that I begged her to come home to dad and I, the times she told me she was too busy for me to go to see her.

God, some things never change.

Gotta be something big to get her out of Toledo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BRAND NEW CHAPTER NEXT! Yaaas, I did it, I copied everything from fanfic dot com and I am up to date! Love me? Pleas?


	17. Welcome home, Gladys Jones

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter in which Jughead's mom arrives.

_ **Chapter Seventeen** _

_The great calling of home,_

_But what if you don't hear it?_

* * *

"Don't be so scared," Betty whispers in my ear. "It doesn't suit you."

I rub my eyes and roll my head back to look at her as she tugs on my suspenders from behind, slowing me to a halt. Of course there was nothing to be afraid of. It was just my mom and dad in the same room, crowding around Archie's table because it can fit more people on it. It was just my mom and dad in the same room even though they can't seem to keep away from each other's throats. It was just my mom and dad in the same room with JB who will be trying to kill them with her glare.

It was just my mom and dad in the same room even though they'd never been in the same room as Betty and I and our Summerbaby in the mix.

Shit, I wasn't looking forward to this.

"I'm not scared," I tell her, looking down at my boots and rubbing my neck. I bit my lip as I thought about all the things that could happen. JB could spill red drink all over Ronnie's white carpet; that was definitely something that would warrant murder in Ronnie's eyes. _That_ would end catastrophically. Dad could roll in drunk, mom could start nit picking like she always does, I could curl up into a ball, Archie could try and talk sense into me though he can't comprehend sense himself. Abel would bear witness to it all. It could all end badly; it always does.

Betty could run as fast as possible away from it all because I would not blame her for it.

"You're scared. Don't be – it'll be fun, a family dinner... a little better than the last one," she says blushing.

I reach back as she lets go of my suspenders and I pull her as closely to me as I possibly could with Sunny-Side-Up bumping into my own stomach. Betty lets go of a loud sigh and she feebly tries to sit her hands on my hips, but again, her stomach prevents this and makes my grin grow. I smile down at her swelling tummy and give it a quick rub before leaning down to give her a quick kiss. Betty pats my head and chuckles. "Don't talk about the last one," I say against her stomach before standing up straight again. "I'm all for the bonding and uniting of our family, but the Jones's don't do dinners well. More like a bad revising of the Last Supper in which dad is Jesus and he will look at mom with Judas all over..."

Betty rolls her eyes and tilts my chin with her fingers, brushing her thumbs over cheekbones and letting my shoulders drop. Instant ease. "Jughead," she says sternly. "I want to have this dinner with your mom so she knows she's welcome around here."

"Mom's a Riverdale Native, she knows she fits in just nicely," I lie through my teeth. Riverdale wasn't calling to mom. I could tell. The only calling she had right now was the heavy text message Betty sent her in order to alert her of Summerbaby's approaching arrival. Mom wasn't pulled into the depths, wasn't swaying with the breeze like the rest of us. No matter how much I begged she'd be summoned by it. Who was I kidding, even at sixteen years old Riverdale didn't bring her back to me.

Betty ignores me. "Ronnie wants to do dinner too..."

"Hence why we're using her house and her good dinner plates..."

"She wants to spend time with all of us, and there's no better reason than your mom and Jellybean being back in town -"

"But JB will just rile Ronnie up and you know what they're like when they're at each other's throats," I say, moaning.

"Ronnie loves spending time with JB and you know it -"

"But -"

"Juggie!" Betty groans, "Tell your mom and dad they're invited for dinner. Or I will do it myself."

"Is that a threat?" I ask, raising an eyebrow and she stands before me, stomach in tow and hands on her hips.

Betty bites her lip. "Of the worst kind – do as I say, Jughead."

"Or what?" I challenge.

Betty laughs and lights up the room. "Or you will feel the wrath of an angry pregnant lady."

Needless to say, I will do as I am told from now on.

"I don't need an angry pregnant lady on my back," I say but I instantly regret it. Betty jumps to every conclusion but the right one these days and I can just see her face contorting with shock.

"Is that a stab at my weight?" she says, rubbing her stomach.

I keep myself from rolling my eyes or that would be the last time my eyes function. I instead bring her in closer again to me, placing my hand on her swelling stomach. "It was not," I say, pouting.

Betty pouts too and she looks up at the clock in her room. "Do you think they know we're awake?"

"I don't know," I reply against her temple. "My mom's always been a _sleeper_ so I don't expect her to be up."

"Take me back to bed," Betty says leaning into my shoulder.

"What?" I say scoffing, "You want to go back to sleep? We just got up..."

Betty turns around to look at me, I can see she's irritable. She often is these days but as much as I try not to laugh and be amused by this easily irritated Betty, it was a little hard when she struggles to even stand straight. "I didn't mean it like that," she says slowly.

I feel stupid as cogs slowly click over in my head. I don't waste any time, I grab her hands, pulling her towards the bed.

It's our lips at first. Our lips make the best sort of love, they're moving and grinding as one and I can taste the vanilla chapstick on her lips, it's the mix of vanilla and mint that makes me groan into her. If I can feel our hearts beating as one, it has nothing on the way our lips are dancing. I can feel her lips slick against my teeth, running down my jaw. Saliva sticky on my chin. Our teeth are colliding and I can sense her desperation which is just as well.

Because I'm just as desperate as she is.

Betty brushes her fingers through my hair and I keep my hands on her hips, she's grinding into me. "Jug," she begs. "Fuck me."

My lips are soaking wet and I can feel her lace catching on the zipper of my fresh jeans, the ones I had put on to start my day. I suck on her tongue before she chews down on my lips, she's licking my teeth. She's pushing down harder on denim-harden patch. She needs more which is just as well.

Because I need more too.

She breaks for air, her dress she has on flies above her shoulders, she keeps moving, and keeps begging as she grinds into me. It's just her, white flesh exposed with white laced tits framed with black trim and lace caught on denim zippers, it's just her. All I can see is her.

I move my hands, over her thighs, up her ribs, I cup black trimmed tits, I pinch hardened buds, she smiles up to the sun with her eyes closed and her head rolling back. "Do you like that?" I ask her.

"Yes," she replies in a single breath.

I run my hands back down, feeling smooth honey as she keeps her smile on her face. I reach in between hard denim and my fingers scratch lace away from her core. She hisses a breath through her teeth, my palm slipping inside her panties.

Betty loves it. She's begging for it. She's pushing down harder on my palm and already I feel slick on my hands, my fingers slipping easily between folds. _Begging, begging, begging._

She's wound up and trying her damn hardest to get as much of me in her but it's not working, not like this. I push her hips so she rolls off, she's not happy.

I smirk to myself as I watch her defeated on the bed with her brows knitted and her pout on her lips. I lay Betty down on the bed, I rip my flannel off. I keep my barrier-jeans on but I smooth her out, I run hands back over to steady her and I help her take her bra off before my eyes grow. "You've grown," I tell her. "And your bra doesn't fit."

She doesn't like my comment and she holds herself, scowling at me. "You going to leave me like this or what?"

I feel a rumble in me. I dive head first.

I spread her knees wider as she hitches herself up on her elbows, looking down at me with her lip between her teeth. She sucks in air again as I use my fingers to separate folds, palming her thighs with my other hand. I sink my teeth into her right thigh, licking softly, biting hard. She whimpers just before I put my mouth on her centre.

My lower lip touches her clit with dry skin from over licking them in nervousness, my tongue dances softly on her sugary skin. My tongue slips in almost completely and her head rolls back, elbows giving way. I feel my chin and nose, on her, my hum echoing through her and she uses a hand to push my head in deeper, but not far enough for her to be happy. Her nails scratch on my head and I smile against her, she's loving it.

I keep my focus on her clit, my tongue stiff and wanting; I open her wider, she accepts me even deeper again.

She's arching her back and my mouth can't move fast enough, my fingers walk up her thigh and into her core, two fingers pumping in and out with her breathing. "More," she begs.

I slide my fingers in and out painfully slow. I can't concentrate enough on my beating heart because I'm scared I'll lose all control, become a man without water and she's a flowing river. My denim is almost painful against me and I'm not one with my mind any more.

I'm so lost in her I don't know where I am.

She grips tighter in my hair, she's moaning so hard it's like she'll never get enough. I can't give her enough.

All I can think about is bending her over and slipping in.

Even through all this, even with my body in the air and my mind higher than space, I keep going, I keep pumping, I keep sucking.

She's shaking, she's so close she can't even expel a proper breath. "Fuck, Jughead," she murmurs, her voice high. "I'm going to come."

I let her shake around me, I let her unravel on my hand and I reach up with the free one to palm her tits, pinching her just the way I know she likes. I watch honey shimmer on my skin. I kiss against her, tasting her. _Sweeter than honey sweet_.

She lays, rubbing herself with a satisfied smile as her heart beats easy slow and I unzip my zipper, and it's loud and clashing in this easy room.

I drop denim down on the ground and get back on the bed. She was licking her lips and as soon as I crawled between her, she had my cock in her hand, pumping it slowly and gently and I swallow my voice, spit down with it.

I crash down on her, hard falling from her hand and slipping in between her but not in her. Not yet. I tuck my face in Betty's neck, inhaling vanilla and tasting salt on her skin. It's slow when I push my length in her and her neck presses closer to my teeth as she arches again, dragging nails down my back. It's slow and it's more painful than it should have been.

I'm _torturing_ myself.

"I love you," I whisper breathlessly, moving in her, slowly, steadily...

My mind is raging, I am loud and fierce. I drown it out.

She's wet where we connect, her nipples are hard against my chest and goosebumps flick over her body, I can see them on her forearms, feel them on her legs. My breath gets stuck and I groan as I move a little faster, biting down on her collarbone.

"I love you too," she says with force as I hit her a little harder. "Deeper," she orders me.

I let my head fall forward, catching her lip and pulling, her head moves with mine as I keep taking care of her, pushing in her just the way she likes, deeper like she begged. My hips move slowly and carefully, filling Betty with all of me.

My cock twitches as she bites back down on my bicep, putting her mouth anywhere and everywhere and everything is so sensitive. My elbows buckle and I slip a little, trying to steady my pace but I'm growing greed inside me, I'm trying to dull out selfishness.

Her breaths become depthless, they become staggered. "I'm about to come," she tells me.

"Come for me, Betty," I tell her. "Come Sunlight."

Her tits rise and fall so quickly, her nails dig deeper into my back and I feel her pulsing around me, sucking me in deeper and I'm about to lose all control, greed taking over me, I start fucking her so hard, we're moving up the bed and the frame is knocking walls.

Room shaking, fist tightening, thunder breaking.

"Harder!" she commands.

I listen to all commands; I am nothing if not around to please her. This is more than love making.

This is pure fucking greediness.

I groan into her neck, biting down as she pulses on me and she's shaking. World shaking. Earth shattering. She's coming, coming down from the high that she's just touched, she touches her nipples while she's at it, her eyes screw tightly shut.

I watch her, she tastes her lips with me on them, and she's rolling nipples between fingers. "Come, Jughead."

And as usual, I do what I'm told. I feel the power convulsing through me with her honey on my lips and her in my head. "Fuck," I say, spilling into her. "Betty."

I feel my lungs expand as I spill into her, I feel the fresh of the air entering me as I look up to the ceiling, praying to the Gods, this is it. This is all of it. I feel her thighs keep me hostage as I lose all control, fall victim to greed.

Betty just smiles at me, all lust lost and dreamy. I pull out of her and lay back on the bed, knocking my head to hers. "Thanks," I tell her. "I needed that."

Betty rolls her eyes as she tries to put her bra back on, she turns her back to me so I can do up the hooks before she turns back around to look at me in the eye. "You're a little..."

"Wound up?"

"Wound up."

"I know."

"You're scared of your mom," Betty says gently to me, rubbing thumb pads over my cheekbones as she holds me.

"I'm not scared of her, Betts," I say with a sigh, sitting up and trying to put my boxers back on. "I'm scared of feeling anything for her all over again."

"She's here though," she whispers on my lips. "She's trying," she says pulling her dress over her head.

"Trying..."

"Try with her too, Juggie. Try for me."

And I give in and I'll try, because I can't not do what Love says. Love is loving me with her whole heart and that means I have to love her with all of mine. Because they beat as one.

Maybe mom never felt that.

* * *

Distance is not always defined by space. It could be the tiniest of comments they would usually say disappearing or the language between two bodies slowly decreasing to become nothing. It felt like the gravitational pull my hands always had towards Betty's face where my fingers would brush along her cheek bones and smooth over her lips was still there. It told me that we had never experienced distance at all. Magnetic was how I felt. I held myself back, though. Maybe the distance she felt seemed like even though, right now, we were so close we could touch, she still felt like she was in a different city. So much space.

Betty touched me like we had never been apart, like the five years never existed – like they disappeared into the depths of Sweet Water River. Swallowed whole and drowned, just like the dark that had laced us for the last weeks we had endured. Even now she was finger tips on my skin as we spent more and more time with my mom.

But eight years wasn't five years. And if Betty was five years of trying to figure myself out, then mom wasn't anything more than eight years of _nothing_.

Mom was a cloud of menthol cigarettes and coffee steam. Riverdale didn't call to mom the way it did to the rest of us. She tried to make out like it wasn't strange to be here in Riverdale where she hadn't stepped foot in for years on end, it makes me wonder if she had the great calling of Riverdale or if maybe, she thought the effort would be appreciated.

The effort was a strong one; I don't know if I had thought that maybe Toledo would have changed her but it doesn't seem to have. Mom always spoke so animatedly, hands and legs flying everywhere, long dark hair moving with every move of mom's hands, she spoke about how much JB had taught her and that maybe JB should be a teacher, just like Betty. JB had a foul mouth and a short fuse. JB wouldn't be able to educate anyone.

I could tell JB had been stealing cigarettes from mom's purse because when I went to go and do the same thing, JB had left the lid of the packet open and that had to be the worst type of sin in mom's books. Mom had a routine and liked everything just _so_.

At some point dad had sent me a text saying not to fall into mom's trap. The trap that he had laid himself. Mom had stayed at park with dad on the first night and JB said that she and mom had been sharing the bed and he had made himself at home on the couch. Ever the gentleman, she had joked.

"Where's B?" Dad asks, piling into my hatchback. He kicks the back seat and I fling forward, seatbelt tightening on me as I almost loose air. I groan and roll my eyes at JB who's occupied the front seat, no apparent respect towards either of my parents who will kill each other in the car ride.

"Who's B?" Mom asks.

"Really, you don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure that one out, Gladys..." Dad says, mom's name rolling off his tongue. "B is for Betty."

Mom huffs and I see her folding her arms from the rear view mirror. Here we go, we're settling in for the battle. "Always got a smart ass comment, don't you, FP?"

"That's because I'm the only ass with the smarts around here."

"It's because you're the only ass around here," mom mutters under her breath.

JB slams her hands on her thighs and turns to look over her shoulder to the back seat. "Yeah, hi guys, it's us, your children. The ones who are obviously more mature than the two of you!"

"He started it!" mom argues.

"Yeah, well, you didn't do a good job at trying to end it, Gladys. Eh Juggie, you agree?"

I shake my head and start my car up, wishing it was completely empty of all bodies right now. "Don't drag me into this."

"Just like your father to drag you into it, eh, son?" mom says, giving dad a smirk that tells me she thinks she's won this one. "Between keeping you here in Riverdale and the Serpents..."

"Shut it," dad says simply. It was over.

"You shut it!" she snaps back.

The breeze picks up and if I ever wished I could be anywhere other than the place I currently was, it would be now. Riverdale calls and it doesn't fit around mom's being here. I wish I was wrapped up in bed, Betty at my side and Summerbaby pushing into my sides, I wish I could be at Pop's laughing at Archie with Ronnie and Kevin, I wish I could be anywhere right now.

Anywhere but here.

Mom came in, all smiles and comforting words. Even the look on JB's face last night told me she didn't feel that this was right. Because mom's words seemed a little forced; a little planned. Mom's words weren't right. Mom being in Betty's house was like she was eating our home up whole, overtaking everything that we had built. Without her even prompting, I felt like I was questioning so much. What little progress I had made with Betty seems foreign because mom doesn't know her at all, I feel like I'm telling stories about our history to mom because she doesn't know any of it but she's my _mom_ , she should know all of it. I feel like I'm trying to learn how to trust all over again because my mom should be one of the only ones I trust. But I don't.

She doesn't _get_ me anymore.

At what point do you lose that connection? Now with a baby of my own on her way, I felt a sort of instinctive connection to her, I feel I know her. I know her better than I know myself because I know Betty better than I know _me_. I'm running off pure instinct these days, it's a primal calling. She is a part of me.

But mom? I lost it. I lost it eight years ago. I don't know her any more; she doesn't look the same as I remembered. I had seen her sporadically during the time we were apart but right now, she was in my realm, she was trying to fit into my world and it doesn't seem right.

And dare I think it?

She was riling dad and I didn't like that, because FP Jones had done a lot of growing for the better in Gladys' absence and I have an unlimited amount of pride towards that one great change.

"Does Archie live far?" mom asks, tapping on the back of my chair and I am pulled out of my thoughts.

"Nah," I answer her. "Lives not far from Freddie."

Mom seems happy with this response. "Who would have thought he'd grow up to be a teacher!" she says cheerily. "And marry a Lodge at that!"

"You would have known if you were around," I mumble but I stumble and wish I could take back the words because mom falls silent.

I look at dad from the rear-view and he seems happy though, he enjoys my low blow. "How are your mom and dad, Glad?" dad asks mom.

Mom purses her lips; "You never liked them, FP, in the eighteen years we were together..."

"Oh come on," he says clapping. "I'm genuinely interested!"

"You've never been one for small talk, you don't have to humour me, and I know you're not gifted in the oral department in more ways than one..."

JB sighs out loud and snaps her head back. "Can you two just stop! Jesus Christ! I don't want to know about your oral problems!"

I hold back a laugh and look over to JB, she rolls her eyes.

Mom starts up again; "Where's Betty?"

"Yeah, you didn't answer me, I was waiting to see her!" dad whines.

This was already a trip too long.

I wish she was here, I wish she was occupying and entertaining the small talk and I can feel Jellybean wishes it too. "She's at Archie's waiting for us."

"Pregnancy suits her," mom tells us. "She's beautiful and smart, which is always a bonus."

I keep myself from rolling my eyes. "So if she wasn't beautiful and smart then I'd be screwed, huh?"

"Watch that snark, Jughead Jones," mom growls at me.

"Still treating that boy like a baby, eh Glad?" dad presses.

"I bet I can still knock you into line too, Forsythe," mom says, drawling his name.

Dad sits back. He has no words. He is knocked into line.

"I'm not being snarky," I say, sounding like the kid mom's treating me like. "I just feel like that's what you're implying."

"I'm going to ignore that comment, Jughead," mom says saying my name in the same condescending tone she used on dad. "But I guess we do have to talk about why you didn't tell me you were having a baby..."

"Probably because you live all the way in Toledo," dad says, sticking up for me. "Bet the price of calls is too high for him."

"They're free."

"And maybe he just didn't want to tell you?"

JB shoots a panicked look at me, raising her eyebrows. "Dad..." she warns.

"Don't you start, Forsythia! You didn't even tell me, do you know how that feels?"

I can feel the tension building in the car. And true to our family, we all remain quiet, refusing to speak. "Mom," I decide to start. "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too," she says sighing, "I'm sorry you didn't want to tell me, I'm sorry everyone kept it from me. And I'm sorry that Betty's baby isn't really you -"

"Hey!" JB says, turning her head. "Don't say it."

"I'm talking of the technicalities of it," mom says quickly.

My hands tighten on the steering wheel and we finally reach Archie's street. My face feels hot, my heart starts racing.

I wonder what it would have been like if she hadn't come at all. She's racing for words. "You know what I mean," mom says, "I didn't mean it like that – I just meant, wow, you have a big heart, son."

"If you didn't know that," dad grumbles, "Then you don't know him at all."

Mom folds her arms again and sits back in the seat. "Gang up on Gladys day, I get it."

"Probably why you liked to roll with the Serpents, eh Glad?" dad says, trying to ease the tension. "You fit in with the gang scene."

Mom just frowns. "No I didn't," mom mutters. "I only fit in with you."

* * *

Archie turns around to smirk at me he's all smiles turned up on the left side and hands in his pockets, rocking on the balls of his feet like he can just smell how uncomfortable I am right now. I roll my eyes at him and groan, throwing my head back to look at the ceiling. "Archie!" I whine. "Tell my mom to go away."

"She's your mom, Dude," he says shaking his head. "I can't tell her that, it would be disrespectful."

I groan again. "I know, I just..."

"What?"

"I can't do this, not with my mom. My mom's never part of this, she's never around. Why now?"

Archie takes a step back and looks me in the eye. He sighs loudly and shakes his head. "I don't know, Juggie. Maybe she wants to fix things?"

My mom was not one for fixing things. She's always been dust in the wind and late night escapes. "Fix things?" I say with a snigger. "Until she leaves tonight with nothing but a note on the counter..."

"Give her a chance."

Before I can think of something depressing to say about how sixteen year old Jughead felt all those years ago I can already hear the great FP and Gladys Jones at it in the door way, "You could have at least shaved, FP," mom says loudly.

"And give you a reason to come crawling back? I don't think so, Gladys."

"You could've flown me home on a private jet and promises of a mansion and you'd still not find me on my hands and knees..."

"God, I missed you woman," dad says, malice dripping from his words. "On your hands and knees..."

"You got a funny way of showing it."

"You got a funny way of showing up!"

"You two are DISGUSTING!" JB chimes in from the kitchen.

"I'm here for Jughead, ah!" mom starts. "You must be Veronica!" she cries.

I walk into the kitchen and look down the corridor where mom had Ronnie pulled up in a hug, Dad's still standing behind mom, hands in his pocket and looking particularly dishevelled – he looks like how I feel.

Bizarre, uncomfortable and pissed off.

Betty comes in from the bathroom and instantly I feel weight easing off my shoulders. I almost rush over to her, she seems shocked by my arms wrapping around her and she takes a step back, hands on my shoulders and gives me a smile. "Are you ok?" she asks.

"If I said yes, on a scale of one to ten, how convinced would you be?" I reply.

"Negative ten," she whispers.

I breathe her in, sighing against her lips. "I am now," I tell her honestly. "I am now."

She nods and looks into my eyes, trying to read me. "You'll be ok," she says. "I know it's a little weird for you and your mom."

"They've been arguing all afternoon and the entire drive here and you left me all alone with them, Betts, all alone!"

Betty laughs at me and I don't sense any humour in all of this but I do feel lighter now that I'm here at Archie and Ronnie's, my old stomping grounds. The smell of the house, the sound of Ronnie's familiar pots and pans knocking, the feel of the sofa. It's all so familiar and heart-easing, I feel like I don't want to leave after this.

Betty frowns as she holds my hand, watching me stare blankly at the kitchen. "Jughead," she says softly. "Stop frowning, just be here. You're ok."

I kiss her again on the temple and she closes her eyes. "I know," I say weakly. "I just worry too much."

"Don't," she replies, giving my hand a squeeze. "The only things important are us three," she says moving my hand to her tummy.

I rub Summerbaby and I realise that she was bigger than all of this, bigger than the uncertainty of my mom. "I know," I tell her. "I do."

Ronnie comes clicking into the lounge room and raises her hands in the air. "You going to say hello or what, Holden Caulfield?"

I smirk and let go of Betty, walking over to Ronnie to give her a kiss on the cheek. "Hey Ronnie."

She steps back with her hands on my shoulders and looks at Archie, "I got a kiss, must have missed me!"

I snigger and shake my head. "You're feeding me, you deserve a kiss."

Ronnie claps her hands together. "I've recruited JB into helping me in the kitchen, you guys sit down. Gladys!" she calls out. "Come in here, these guys will entertain you while I sort out the last of the dinner, ok?"

Mom walks in from the kitchen with dad following behind her but she makes sure to take the seat next to Betty so she's left dad to sit with Archie. Good idea, because if I have to listen to them argue anymore, I'm going to end up with an aneurysm.

"You got any names thought out?" mom asks Betty, turning to face her. "Something pretty, like her mommy."

Betty takes a deep breath and shakes her head. "Nothing serious..."

"Archer if a girl or Archie if a boy," Archie replies quickly, grinning spreading like wild fire.

"I love you Archie, I really do, but it's not happening!" Betty argues.

"You need something light and bright because I know Juggie calls you his Sunlight, something sunny and sun related I think..." mom says, thoughts ticking through her head, I can tell because she's looking up at the ceiling.

"You've never been one for thinking up names, Glad," dad adds.

"Probably because I wasn't given the chance, you had all the bright ideas, FP. Very _original_ ideas."

"You're right," Betty says to mom. "I think considering, sun related names would be cool. Juggie already calls her his Summerbaby."

"That's cute," mom adds, "Summer."

"I might put Summer on the list," Betty answers. "I do like it a lot."

Mom smiles at Betty and places her hand on her stomach, giving her a rub. "You're big, Betty, I'll give you that. Your baby is going to be healthy!"

Betty laughs and bites her lip, giving mom a worried look. "I know, I'm a bit worried about it... My sister had twins and I don't think I'm that much smaller than she was when she was this far along."

"Genetics," mom replies with a shrug. "But when Mary was pregnant with you, Archie, I wouldn't have guessed you'd end up as big as you have!"

Archie blushes and laughs, running a hand through his red hair, "Yeah, Abel picked up the gene too."

"Built for the football field," dad chimes in; raising his cup of tea he was forced upon by Ronnie. "Your dad was too, buddy, Freddie was great on the field too."

Mom turns her attention back to Betty, "Maybe you'll end up with a big girl?" mom suggests. "Was the father solid too?"

The air turns thick and almost fluid like. I can hear the gulp of tea running down dad's throat, I can hear Archie's grip tighten on his jeans. A plate crashes in the kitchen and I wonder if they hear it too, they can sense the thick air.

Mom's expression doesn't even falter, I can tell; she doesn't think she's said something out of line. Maybe she hasn't. Maybe this is the conversation I'm going to have a million times over when I explain things to people. Maybe this is normal. Maybe mom's right to bring it up.

I can see Betty smack her lips together, I see her rubbing Summerbaby almost furiously, and it's her new trait when she's panicked. "I guess so," Betty says quietly.

Archie looks at dad and then back to me, giving me a sorry look but that's how I _feel_. A little sorry for myself. "Ah, we don't really talk about him around here," Archie says.

Dad's glare is pure poison dripping right now, he shakes his head and looks down at his tea but mom keeps going. "Well if we don't talk about it, then we have to agree that my son has a big heart..."

"Mom," I warn her, flickering my eyes towards her. "Just stop."

"No," Betty says loudly, clearing her throat then going again. She looks over at me and tilts her head when she looks at my fists clenching. "It's ok, we can talk about it."

"I didn't mean to upset anyone!" mom says, finally looking at everyone other than Betty. "I just meant..."

Betty cuts mom off before she even has the chance to think up more words. "It doesn't take much to be a father, Gladys," she says sternly. "But it takes a lot to be a dad. Just being there is the first step and Juggie has been there right from the start."

"Just being there..." mom says, trailing off. "I understand, Freddie was there a lot. He was just there."

"He's still just there," dad says holding up his tea cup for me. "That's the greatest thing people can offer," he says looking at mom in the eye. "Time."

"Who's ready for dinner!" Ronnie says, walking in with oven mitts on.

I have a feeling no one's hungry, but they all stand anyways.

I don't follow after them but Betty comes up to my ear. "Just being there," she whispers. "You're always right here."

"Where you are is the only place I want to be."

Betty smiles gently again, keeping my hand on her stomach with hers on top. "Don't you go around telling anyone Thea's name," she orders. "I want it to be a surprise."

I scoff. "You were the one who told Ronnie and Archie what she was! I kept that secret deep inside; it wasn't going to come out."

Betty bites her lip and looks away. "Ok, guilty as charged."

* * *

Mom was flying in and out of my days and she had promised to stay until after the baby shower which was just as well because I don't think JB would have gone down without a fight.

Betty was shackled to Ronnie's side these past two days, arranging and rearranging everything planned out for the baby shower of the century, I had joked in saying that she could make a career out of it but the look on Archie's face told me he did not want me to humour her, so naturally, I did. He hated me for it and I loved it.

Today it didn't matter how many times Betty tried to beg me on metaphorical hands and knees with her nails digging into plush, white linen for me to come up with some wild excuse as to why she couldn't go with Ronnie, I wasn't going to fall into that trap because I know Ronnie and I could tell her that Betty was in labour and she wouldn't take no for an answer.

"Jughead!" Betty whines from the sofa. "Look!"

I saunter over to the sofa, only one sip deep into my morning coffee and I feel my feet dragging on the ground; "What?"

Betty chucks me her phone as I scroll through a string of messages from Veronica. "What is this?" I say, mostly seeing blurs of pink and various knitted hats. "Are you showing me photos of clothing?"

I read a message:

_\- This would suit our baby girl just fine_

_\- What do you think about this outfit?_

_\- Betty, I feel you're not interested in your daughter's clothing_

_\- Fine, I got all three outfits_

_\- One more for safe measure_

_\- Betty, are you there?_

_\- One more for winter..._

_\- Shit, I've spent too much money, Archie's going to kill me_

_\- Does our girl have boots?_

All messages one after another, photos sent alongside them and so much pink, I'm slightly blinded. Betty watches my face as I screw my eyes and shake my head, she laughs as she takes the phone from me. "That's your best friend," I say shrugging. "All or nothing just like always..."

"That obsessive part of her, that's _your_ best friend," she teases. "That parts all yours!"

"I will take any part of her friendship," I say biting my lip. "I like having a fancy friend."

"I'm not fancy enough for you?" Betty says pouting.

"You're _too_ fancy."

Betty exhales loudly and puts her head on my shoulder. "I don't want to go with Ronnie shopping again," Betty complains. "I want to stay here with you."

"Maybe you can?" I whisper. "Maybe we should run away?"

Betty laughs and shakes her head. "No we can't, your mom is still here and JB is keen for shopping with Ronnie until -"

"Until Ronnie drives her crazy and she -"

"Ends up snapping?" Betty finishes for me. "Yeah, and I will be the only buffer around."

I frown as I look down at Betty's stomach, I rub my baby. "I don't want you to be the buffer, not when you can barely walk."

She chuckles and bites her lip. "I can barely see a fist fight breaking out between JB and Ronnie, Jug."

I turn to her and drop my jaw in mock shock. "You don't know how dark my sister is, Betts, she'll get a good one in on Ronnie I think."

Betty pauses and thinks about it a bit more. "Maybe you're right..."

"I'm always right."

"Wow, you're really humble aren't you?"

"One of my greater attributes, I know," I tease, giving her a wink.

Betty's phone starts ringing and she moans out loud before grabbing it, "It's Ronnie," she says slowly. "Come to sentence me to death."

"Death?"

"Death by shopping."

Just as Betty goes to answer Ronnie's call JB comes sprinting into the lounge room. "No work for you today?" she asks me. "Does that mean you're going to drive us into town?"

I shake my head and look at my watch. "Nah, I've got work late today," I tell her. "Why? Did you want me to take you?"

Laughs in my face, head thrown back, eyes almost watering. "Hell no!" she cries, "I was praying that you wouldn't, I want to roll through Riverdale with hair blowing in the wind in Archie's Jeep, not your heap of shit!"

"I didn't hear any complaints when you were rolling through Riverdale in your father's pick up," mom chimes in from behind her.

JB's eyes grow wider, "Of course not," she says. "I was too busy thinking about how you were going to kill Juggie."

Betty shakes her head and stands up from the sofa, stretching her arms up above her head. Mom rubs her hands together and chews on the corner of her lip as she slowly walks towards Betty, putting her hands up in front of her. "Do you mind if I get a quick rub in, Betty?" mom asks.

Betty eyes widen and she grabs both of mom's hands, slapping them to her stomach. "No, of course not!"

Mom's expression grows by the moment, lips turning up, eyes flicking from me to Betty to JB as she rubs and rubs. "It's been a long time since I've felt a pregnant belly," she says with a laugh. "It's beautiful – thank you Betty, for being here for my son, for giving him this."

Betty's eyes then flick to mine; I pull my beanie down further on my head as I fall deeper into the sofa. That was mom, all words through the phone, all pretty words.

And as much as she tries to make up for the last eight years in that one sentence, I'm a little slow in accepting it.

* * *

Cryss was slammed records on the desk all day. Not that she was much more than that lately but I could really feel it in the air, it was palpable and not so palatable. Every day was a little more like this but today, I really thought we made progress.

She flicks through albums and pulls out an old Deep Purple record, spinning it in her fingers. "You up for a little old school rock?" she asks me almost through her teeth.

I look up from my phone and nod. "You know me, Cryss, I'm always up for Deep Purple."

She laughs a little to herself, smirk playing on her lips. "You're right," she replies quietly. "I do."

I go back to my phone, flicking through a message from my mom who had gone visiting old friends and a message from dad telling me that mom had just arrived at the trailer... conflicting messages.

Before I can reply to a selfie that Archie had sent me of himself, the door of the station swings open, JB storming in. "Jughead!" she says a little out of breath. "Save me before I commit murder!"

Just as she falls onto a seat next to me, Ronnie comes clicking through, hands on her hips. "Tell your sister she's overreacting!" Ronnie tells me, pulling up another seat.

I look weakly at Cryss and back to the girls sitting next to me. "I don't want to hear it," I mumble. "Where's Betty?"

"Still in the car," JB says shrugging. "She'll be in in a moment."

Cryss coughs out loud and waves her hands in front of her. "Hello, you've invaded my work place too you know," she says irritably.

JB just sneers and Ronnie's eyes grow, she waves her hand back at Cryss but I can just tell she's doing it venomously. "Hello, Crystal," she says snarkily. "Didn't notice you there." I flick JB a glare.

Cryss scoffs. "I bet you didn't."

JB raises an eyebrow and I take a deep breath through my teeth, glaring at my sister for her to drop it.

Naturally she doesn't.

"Cryss..." I say in a breath.

"How've you been, Vanessa Hudgens?" JB asks.

Cryss drops more records on the counter. "I really hate it when you call me that."

"Cryss," I say quietly. "Just ignore them; they've had a long day at each other's throats."

"Ignore them?" Cryss says standing back, putting her own hands on her hips. "I'd have a lot to say about how it's probably these very two people that influenced you into your spiral with Betty..."

"Spiral?" I hear from behind me, I spin in my chair to face a very pink faced Betty, rubbing her stomach. "Please continue explaining this spiral, Crystal."

Cryss purses her lips and goes back to flicking through records, sighing loudly and flicking her hair behind her shoulders. I feel my face creeping up red hot, my hands not knowing what to do so I readjust my hat, anything just to do _something_. JB gulps loudly and grimaces but Ronnie hasn't finished yet.

Shit.

Ronnie raises both eyebrows, looking from me to Crystal. "Sorry, it seemed like you might have had something to say to us, Crystal," Ronnie says.

"Ronnie," I moan, "Don't," I say standing up to meet Ronnie, I put my hand on her shoulder but she brushes it off, tip-toeing to look over my shoulder.

I look at Betty who just seems totally confused but I am too. I don't know what's happening or how this even started; I was just trying to finish my day at work before the storm brewed.

"Yeah, maybe I do have something to say," Cryss says behind me and I spin on my heels. "Maybe Jughead's a grown man? Maybe he can speak for himself? Maybe if he wasn't so pressured, he wouldn't be standing here surrounded by you all who've decided his life for him! There!" she snaps, "I've finally said it!"

JB looks livid, her own fists tightening and flexing, she could be a beast unleashed and the look on her face was all FP Jones. She did a good imitation of dad but that was nothing on the way she was channelling him right now. I was so distracted by trying to keep an eye on JB that I didn't notice Betty waddle right past me to stand by Ronnie.

Crystal glares at Betty, it's like she's truly looking at her for the first time and I just want to snatch all three of them up and take them home, ignoring the last five minutes all together like they'd never happened. I need Riverdale to pause, to stop shifting. To stop all this change.

Betty stands tall as she puts her arm in front of Ronnie, stopping her because Ronnie doesn't stop for anyone and she's about to rip shreds with Louboutin's on. "I gave you the benefit of the doubt, Crystal. I let you keep going because I know how much you mean to Jughead but you've overstepped a line right now."

Crystal sniggers and shows her teeth, throwing her head back. "You haven't given me the benefit of the doubt, Betty," she says, dripping Betty's name from her tongue. "Your only concern is having Jughead wrapped up in you and you've never given him a chance to move on!"

Ronnie doesn't like this, her head falls back, and her arms are in the air. "God woman!" she almost shouts. "LET HIM GO!"

"Don't yell!" I command but it falls on deaf ears.

"He doesn't want you, Crystal! I think deep down you thought this was all some sort of phase but it's not! Jughead's going to be a dad and you're in here wallowing in records thinking up poisonous, vindictive ways of keeping him with you, it's not going to happen!" Ronnie says, stamping her foot.

I feel the room spinning, I want to rush to Betty's side but I can't risk letting JB loose. Crystal looks at me, she's asking me for answers but all I can give is a defeated look because Ronnie was right. Crystal's been trying to leech into me, sway my thoughts, she was poisoning, and maybe we had poisoned each other.

Crystal stands there, I can see her arms shaking but she grips onto records tighter, clutching them to her chest. "Jug..." she says weakly.

I shake my head; I can't keep her voice in my mind because this was all too much. "Cryss," I groan, throwing my hands in the air and grabbing at nothing. "You know this, you know it's me and Betty, we can't keep fighting like this – _you_ can't keep fighting like this. You say that they don't let me have any control but that's exactly what you're doing to me too... It has to stop," I say, defeated and unsure.

"Make up your mind, stop making these people fight your battles."

"They're not his battles," Ronnie says, standing her ground. "They're ours too because we're family and if you don't understand that, then it would never have worked out anyways."

"Yeah!" JB adds.

It's dead silence in the station, Betty's breathing is steady but Ronnie's is not. I plead to Crystal with my eyes, wishing that this had never happened. I didn't want any more dead silence in the station but it was for the best. Cryss walks out with records still in her arms.

We all look at each other, I don't think I've seen Ronnie like this is a long time but she fought battles bigger than this; she's protected me for so long. "I'm sorry -" I cut Ronnie off.

"Don't be," I tell her. "I tried to tell her but I don't know... she's clinging on. I just need to start fresh, I need to move. I need to be anywhere but here."

"Don't say that, Juggie," Betty says, calming me instantly. "We didn't mean to start anything."

"Don't worry about it," I tell them. "It's probably better this way – no more grey areas..."

"No more grey," Ronnie repeats.

Ronnie links her arms with mine and with Betty's. "Ronnie..." I start but she hushes me.

"No," she snaps. "No one talks shit about my girl and my boy. Let's go home – I think your mom was cooking dinner for you guys."

"She was?" I ask.

"Yeah, food is the way into a man's heart, am I right?"

"Yeah..."

"Give mom a chance, Juggie. I just don't think she knows how to communicate with her baby that isn't a baby anymore," JB adds.

I look over to Betty and she nods her head. "Give her a chance, Juggie."

So I listen to three of the main people in my life because they're the only ones who know how to look after me.

And I feel all cotton wool kind of protected right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I feel like doing an entire speech here, I'm not going to lie. But I wont. This is the first time I am posting a brand new, fresh out of the box chapter here that has not been on fanfic.com. I'm buzzing. I don't know why, but I am. I feel like maybe I'm a grown up now in the writing of fanfic circles.   
> Kudos, comments, all that good stuff. I will beg. 
> 
> Love you all either way. 
> 
> Here's a preview? 
> 
> I don't even remember the last time it was just Archie and I. Coffee Date usually has a few added people and even dinner out includes more people. I'm not often away from Betty these days and whenever Ronnie hears about anything to do with going out, she's included, invite or not. "It's not the boys night we had agreed on, is it?"
> 
> "Hey!" he whines. "Don't blame it on me, I didn't bail on you."
> 
> "You have quite the record on bailing on me," I say laughing. He doesn't find it anywhere near as amusing as I did. "Ok, I won't bring up Grundy again."
> 
> "You are not a nice person," he mumbles.
> 
> "Do you think I'll be a good dad?" I ask him. "Theoretically of course."
> 
> "Theoretically I think you'll be the best dad. Theoretically of course."
> 
> "Theoretically, this makes me feel a little better."
> 
> Archie frowns as he looks at me. "Why? You worried?"
> 
> I was petrified. Like sweat inducing type of freaked. "Yeah, this sort of thing doesn't come natural to me..."
> 
> "What? Parenting? I don't think it does to anyone to be honest," he says with a chuckle.
> 
> "No," I explain. "I mean feeling this way."
> 
> "Like a dad?"
> 
> "Like an adult."
> 
> "It's been a long time since you've been so open, Juggie. You're not high, are you? You're always a little more talkative when you're high..."
> 
> I punch him in the shoulder. "I'm dead serious..."
> 
> "I can't take you seriously when you say dead serious, bro!"
> 
> We both lay back on the carpet and watch the clock ticking above the TV. "We better get going, you're right," I tell him.
> 
> As soon as I speak, Archie's phone starts vibrating. "Uggh. Ronnie says if we don't get to her mom's soon, we''ll both be single."
> 
> "Maybe we should stay then?" I say shrugging but we both sit up and reach for our shoes.
> 
> "Jug," Archie says.
> 
> "Yeah?"
> 
> "You'll be the best dad. You're the best brother and the best uncle and the best ever to Betty... so you've got a good start..."
> 
> I hook my arm around Archie's neck and give him a quick hug. "Don't ever say those nice things to me again. You hear?"
> 
> "I hear," he replies.
> 
> "Thanks, Archie. I love you too, baby."


	18. The Great Baby Shower

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, thanks for the love I've received on here! I have made the great move from ff.net to here so all the love I'm getting, I want to return ten fold. I love you all. Ps, only 3 more chapters of this fic to go!

_ **Chapter Eighteen** _

_ Family comes and goes _

* * *

Mom was a constant cloud both figuratively and literally. She smoked like a chimney, she smoked more than dad and I together and now I see why Betty and Archie always had it in for me and my bad habit because I can't help but look outside and see the cloud of menthol laced cigarettes around her, her phone to her ear as she flung back, laughing into it.

"Stop frowning, you might be stuck like that if the wind changes." Betty says, trying to wrap her arms around my waist but her stomach in the way and pressing firmly into my back.

"I'm not frowning," I say, "I'm analysing the situation. When you came home, did you notice that your mom had aged?" I ask her.

"No," Betty says, moving to my side and placing a tea bag in one of the cups. "Why?"

"My mom has aged, and not so gracefully..."

Betty swats my hand. "Don't say that, that's rude."

"I have a string of rude things I could retort with that my mom has done to me; try me."

Betty frowns matching mine. "She's trying to make an effort though, isn't she?"

That wasn't a question, Betty thought it was fact. It doesn't take twenty three years to try and make an effort. "Making an effort means just being there, and I don't know if you've noticed, but she hasn't been here in a long, long time."

"Oh, I have noticed," Betty replies rolling her eyes, she was getting sick of reasoning with me.

I grab the jug that was on the side and steal another glance of my mom outside, watching as JB picks away at the guitar Archie leant her last night; he will regret that in the morning. "You think I have mommy issues, don't you?"

Betty bites her lip and looks up at me, whenever she did this she reminded me of how much bigger I was than her. "We all have issues."

"A welcomed change from my daddy ones, that's for sure."

"Don't get me started on daddy issues," she says rubbing her stomach. "We have enough of those to share around the entirety of Riverdale."

"Gather around, children," I tease. "I'm dishing out the daddy issues today!"

Betty laughs and grabs my hand, placing it on her stomach, "At least this one no longer has daddy issues."

I look down at her stomach, my hand rubbing round and round. "I swear that we will not be the Gladys and FP to your baby Jones," I tell my daughter inside.

Betty giggles. "Or, the Hal and Alice."

"Or, the Clifford and Penelope?"

"Jug!" Betty groans. "That was too far."

I shrug. "Always one step ahead, I like to think."

"Jughead!" mom calls from outside, waving her hands at me, she makes a drinking motion from outside and laughs at something JB says to her.

Betty shakes her head; "Your mom loves hot drinks, doesn't she?"

"As long as it's not a beer bottle," I mumble as I pick up the cup of strong for my mom. "Then I have nothing to complain about."

* * *

Since mom had arrived, the talk had been short and sweet. She smiled at Betty, she rubbed Betty's stomach, she told Betty about how happy she was to be a grandmother and she asked a million questions about Alice Cooper. She had given Betty photos of me as a baby that made me feel a little weird because, in blood, this baby wasn't ours.

Betty had been snatched away by a very demanding Veronica Andrews and I could tell that Betty wanted to stay here; keeping up with the Jones' but naturally, that wasn't the way it was going down with Ronnie. The baby shower was to be tomorrow since mom was here and Veronica had a lot to plan and Betty had a lot to do with following Ronnie around. Ronnie had described five different types of pink over the phone to me. She repeated them over the phone to Betty afterwards apparently I don't get the colour _cerise_.

Mom sits back in her chair and lights another cigarette before taking a sip of her coffee; "Finally, we can talk, son," she tells me. "Your dad tells me you go over more to see him, that's really nice."

I lean back in my own chair, trying to find some comfort in having my mom here but it just wasn't fitting right. It was like rapidly trying to turn pieces of the puzzle just to find we're on the completely wrong end of the board. We could sit here and pretend all we wanted that my mom being here was as normal as it ever was but it wasn't. We can't turn back the clock. She hadn't been here in a long time; she's not even part of Riverdale anymore. The clock doesn't rewind.

JB bites her lip and eases into her chair too. She was waiting for it. Some big lecture of sorts.

I just nod and flick my ash at my boots. "It's good to have you here, mom," I say.

Mom smiles at me, and it is all childhood and memories. "You guys have a good thing going here, you've a lovely home," she says brightly.

"It's not his," JB sniggers, "It's Betty's."

"I'll have you know that what's hers is mine so stick it," I say poking my tongue at her.

"Stop it!" Mom says glaring at the two of us. "You two are supposed to be grown!"

"I am," JB argues, "He's not!"

I inhale at the exact time mom does and she pulls her jacket higher up her neck. "Betty's lovely," mum starts again. "I mean, I know your dad likes her but she really is lovely."

"You didn't trust his opinion," I say holding back a snigger.

Mom shakes her head. "I don't trust most of what he says."

It's more silence from all three of us. I can feel it, something looming ahead of us. "What made you come, mom?"

Mom looks me in the eye, her green eyes hanging on to something. "You made me come, son. And that baby."

I flick more ash, I look away. "My baby?" I ask. "My daughter?" I correct myself.

"Yes."

JB gulps loudly and decides to rip a further hole in the knee of her jeans. "Mom..." she warns.

"What, Jellybean? I'm your mother; I have the right to know what's going on."

"What's going on is not much," I mumble. "What you see is exactly what's going on."

"You're twenty-three, Jughead. You're having a baby. Someone _else's_ baby."

Was it bad of me to wish that my mom would just walk out like she always does? Because, that's exactly what I was hoping. She might be able to erase the past eight years as well as I did with the previous five but she wasn't going to slip right back in. She couldn't. I want to question her just like she was questioning me. Where was she? Where was she when dad was in a cold cell? Where was she when I was jumping from Fred to foster home? Where was she when I got my first car, when I had my first kiss, when I fell in love for the first time, had my first heart break, what about when I got my first job? Where was she?

I flick my cigarette butt on the ground and pull down my beanie; I scuff my Doc's on the concrete. "It's not someone else's baby, mom. She's mine."

She sighs and shakes her head. "Juggie, I don't want you to get mad -" JB cuts her off.

"I told you mom," she JB says rolling her eyes. "Jug, I swear, I was not feeding her on this."

I believe my sister, I truly do.

"Jellybean!" mom groans. "Jughead, you've always had the biggest heart and Betty is a sweetheart but son, this is not a path that you can leave at any point. This baby is a lifetime commitment and I don't know if you're ready for that and I don't know if you should even be ready for it! You're so young -"

I feel my fists tightening; I think I feel my blood boiling too. My face is hot, my shoes feel tight; I can barely swallow. It's anger that's pulsing through me. Utter anger. "We were too," I say quietly, trying to swallow.

"What do you mean?" she asks, already reaching for another cigarette.

"We were!" I reply loudly, sitting up straighter, gripping onto the arms of the chair so I could see her better, look my mom in the eye. "Jelly and I were a lifetime commitment!" I almost shout. "We still are! We don't just grow up and then we're no longer needing of you, shit, I can't even count how many times I would have needed you in my life and you weren't there."

"I know, Son," she says in that exact same condescending way she used to use when we were kids, it was all soft and slow and now that I'm older, it was frustratingly irritating.

"We were a lifetime commitment but you made Jelly look after you and you left me!"

Several beats were echoing around us at the moment. I see Jellybean look at me as if she's begging me to stop, her brown eyes brimming with tears and the hole on her jeans is being ripped bigger and bigger. But that was the truth, wasn't it? There is so much pain in the truth but it's probably because no one wants to admit their fuck ups. In eight years mom has always been short, light conversations through the telephone but when I look at her, she's here in my world, it just showed me that the life she made for me has made me into the person I am today. The one who doesn't need her.

"I didn't want to leave, Jughead," she says, voice cracking, knuckles too. "I had no choice!"

"I asked you more than once that I could come to you but every time you said no!" I say, my own voice cracking. I feel tears forming. I don't want to waste them, not here, not like this.

Mom looks from me to Jellybean, as if one of us would back her up, just like we always did but it wasn't working. This time I wasn't making up excuses and this time Jellybean wasn't comforting her. This was it. We were adults and now we don't need her.

"I don't want you making any mistakes, son. I don't need things to be any harder for you!" she's begging now. I feel it. Her words are on their knees and she's looking up to me, trying to make me see her side. "I've made mistakes, your dad's made mistakes but as a parent, we don't want you to make them if we can help it!"

I ignore her trying to give me a reason for everything; she wants me to pick her side. But I won't.

I already have a side, I have a family.

"Mom," I try and say with an air of strength. "Things can't be any harder than they have been."

She feels it. This conversation is over and there is nothing that she can say that will sway my decision. Jelly gives me the smallest smile but at least I know she thinks I'm right. "Jughead has made it this far on his own, mom," Jellybean says. "And Betty loves him. I think you've made a tonne of mistakes but this is not going to turn out a mistake for Juggie."

Mom shakes her head. "I'm sorry," she says weakly. "I'm sorry. I came because I wanted to know how you were, how you were doing. And you're doing fine. You're doing just fine without me..." her eyes were watering and looking down on the ground where the ash fell. "I guess that's the hardest, knowing that I've missed out on so much and I don't want to anymore."

My dad had his faults; I grew up watching him legless most nights. He knew I was sleeping everywhere but at home but at least he knew _something_. At least he protected me in every way that he could. But mom hadn't been around for a long time and now trying to listen to her give me her reasons was like trying to listen to Abel give me advice, I know deep down I'd sooner take his three-year-old-irratic-mind advice.

"I've done just fine without you for a long time, mom," I say with a sigh. "But I don't want you to miss out on things either, mom, I want this baby to have you as a grandmother."

Mom sighs and rubs her eyes. "I just, I don't know. It's so much, Jughead. I just want to know you're going to be ok and this baby and Betty and everything, it's going to be good."

I look to my sister for back up, after all, that's what siblings are for but her eyes grow wide and her eyebrows knit together. "Heya Sunlight," she says forcing a smile.

Betty looks like she's just walked into something she'd rather not have; I don't blame her because I feel the same way. But she's caught the end of my mom's comment and says; "Is everything ok, Gladys?"

Mom forces a small smile and nods. "I'm just a mom, I get worried."

Betty smiles gently and nods. "I know, I'm starting to get that too," she says smoothly. "I know it must be awfully hard to be away from Jughead..." Betty's face doesn't falter at all.

Mom's face contorts as if she'd just been hit. And I feel like I've been hit just a little too, in the chest but I don't say anything. Betty knew everything and she was just as shocked as I was to hear that Riverdale called to my mom. Neither of us believed it. "It sure is."

Betty turns to look at me; palms flush against my cheeks, running her thumbs over my cheekbones. I wonder if she's preparing for tears. I don't waste them on my mom, not today.

* * *

Archie and I lay on the floor at our house chucking chips at each other. It was lame and stupid but I missed my best friend and I think he missed me too.

"Your mom was just trying to look out for you, dude, don't worry about it."

It was so like Archie to try and see the best in every situation. Even the worst ones. I can't even get mad at him anymore, I used to, when we were younger. But now, it's just _him_ and I should be used to it. It was just one of the biggest attributes of my best friend.

I think about all the things I could say to try and make him see that this is not normal behaviour, but I don't. "It's just shit because Ronnie and Betty wanted mom to come to the baby shower and now I don't think it's going to happen."

"Where did she go?" he asks me.

"She went back to the trailer, to freshen up apparently. I dunno, I feel she might head back to Toledo. Not exactly the welcome home she was looking forward to, huh?"

Archie sighs and then rolls onto his side to look at me, shoving chips into his mouth. "JB texted, she says that baby shower prep is driving her crazy and she would rather walk all the way back to Toledo than follow Ronnie around," he says laughing. "So maybe they both skipped."

"Tell her to do it," I laugh.

"I did," he replies. "She told me to fuck off."

"Nice," I tell him. "Sounds fair enough."

Archie starts crunching away. "You know," he says through a mouthful. "We should probably go and help them."

"We still have two hours of peace, bro, lap it up."

Archie smirks. "Two more hours of peace here. Then when that kid comes around, you got eighteen years of shit creek!"

I roll my eyes and punch my friend's shoulder. "I thought as a dad, you would be the one to try and tell me how amazing parenting is."

"Oh don't get me wrong," he says unconvincingly. "It's the best job ever. But it's tiring... and I know you like your beauty sleep."

"I don't get this beautiful from not sleeping, Arch," I tease.

He raises an eyebrow and chucks a chip at me. "That's true."

I don't even remember the last time it was just Archie and I. Coffee Date usually has a few added people and even dinner out includes more people. I'm not often away from Betty these days and whenever Ronnie hears about anything to do with going out, she's included, invite or not. "It's not the boys' night we had agreed on, is it?"

"Hey!" he whines. "Don't blame it on me, I didn't bail on you."

"You have quite the record on bailing on me," I say laughing. He doesn't find it anywhere near as amusing as I did. "Ok, I won't bring up Grundy again."

"You are _not_ a nice person," he mumbles.

"Do you think I'll be a good dad?" I ask him. "Theoretically of course."

"Theoretically I think you'll be the best dad. Theoretically of course."

"Theoretically, this makes me feel a little better."

Archie frowns as he looks at me. "Why? You worried?"

I was petrified. Like sweat inducing type of freaked. "Yeah, this sort of thing doesn't come natural to me..."

"What? Parenting? I don't think it does to anyone to be honest," he says with a chuckle.

"No," I explain. "I mean feeling this way."

"Like a dad?"

"Like an adult."

"It's been a long time since you've been so open, Juggie. You're not high, are you? You're always a little more talkative when you're high..."

I punch him in the shoulder. "I'm dead serious..."

"I can't take you seriously when you say dead serious, bro!"

We both lie back on the carpet and watch the clock ticking above the TV. "We better get going, you're right," I tell him.

As soon as I speak, Archie's phone starts vibrating. "Uggh. Ronnie says if we don't get to her mom's soon, we'll both be single."

"Maybe we should stay then?" I say shrugging but we both sit up and reach for our shoes.

"Jug," Archie says.

"Yeah?"

"You'll be the best dad. You're the best brother and the best uncle and the best ever to Betty... so you've got a good start..."

I hooked my arm around Archie's neck and give him a quick hug. "Don't ever say those nice things to me again. You hear?"

"I hear." he replies.

"Thanks, Archie. I love you too, baby."

* * *

Ronnie rushed around her mom's to the point where sweat dripped from her brow and she had grease stains on the front of her little black dress she had bought specifically for the party even though the party was a complete throw up of pink.

The dynamic was completely shifted when Betty lay on the couch, her manicured toes digging into fluffy cushions of Hermione Lodge's sofa with a satisfied grin and a glass of milk resting on her stomach. No dress; all pink track suits that she had apparently inherited from Polly's wardrobe.

Archie was already a slave to the masses. He was a mess of pink and red. Pink tassels hung from him, from his hair, from his hands. Pink balloons floated above him and he grinned with every extra added pink thing that was attached to him. Archie was so happy that his teeth would grit together when he smiled, he walked past Betty constantly patting her on the head and asking if she needed more milk. Betty used and abused his kindness for a solid hour.

"Archie!" Ronnie yells. "I need you to shift this table!"

"Ronnie!" Hermione scolds, her eyes flicking to me and she rolls them. "Stop being so bossy!"

"If she's not bossy, then who would be the boss around here?" JB asks Hermione, shrugging her shoulders.

Hermione laughs at JB then throws a packet of sprinkles in my direction. "Be a doll and decorate those cupcakes, won't you, Jug?"

I start sprinkling the cupcakes I had iced, even if not so perfectly. "Being said doll over here, you know."

Betty rolls over on the sofa to look at us in the kitchen, her hair a mess and make up not on. "Can one of you chuck me a cupcake before my mom turns up?"

Polly stops taping streamers to the ceiling in the lounge room and chucks something pink at her sister. "Mom may not be here but I am!"

"I don't have gestational diabetes, Pol!"

"Only because you're not eating that crap, Elizabeth!"

"God, do you know how much you sound like mom at the moment? I should start calling you Alice!"

JB looks from Hermione back to me and wraps a cupcake in a paper towel. "I don't care if I end up looking like the devil to Polly," she says sneaking out. "I will feed Betty whatever she wants."

The bickering continues and JB tries to slyly hand Betty a cupcake. In the kitchen, we chefs Hermione and I laugh at the expense of our personal soap opera.

"She's fiery, that one," Hermione says with a wink.

"Who?" I question. "Ronnie?"

Again, Hermione rolls her eyes at me. " _Betty_. I could have told you she was having a girl if I had known she was so fiery!"

"God dammit, why didn't anyone tell me this is like a doppelganger of Polly's baby shower? I would have pulled out my old outfit!" Kevin cries from the door.

Several crashes later and a storming Veronica tells me she isn't happy with his comment.

I look at Hermione and smirk. "Thank the beings held higher that she's not having twins."

Kevin wanders into the kitchen with a plate of sliced fruits. "Hey Juggie, I know it's not your usual choice of foods but according to Polly, I might have done Betty a favour because she's banging on about gestational diabetes as if I even know that's a _thing_."

Hermione laughs. "You don't want to be on the receiving end of an angry pregnant woman, Kevin, so come and join us here in the kitchen."

Kevin eyes my cupcake decorating skills and I can just feel the judgement oozing from him, I, on the other hand, have been admiring my handy work. "Come on," I tell him. "Go British Bake Off on me."

Kev shakes his head and point at the cupcakes. "They're not Mary Berry standard but they sure as hell are at least Kevin Keller standard so I'll take one."

JB saunters back in; "That Polly has one hell of a whip," she laughs. "And her kids are literal devils -"

"JB!" Ronnie cuts into her talking. "I NEED YOUR HELP!"

JB groans and turns around slowly before composing herself and replies grudgingly; "Coming!"

I keep sprinkling and take some direct orders from Ronnie which her mom tries to talk me out of because apparently she thinks I shouldn't be treated like a slave. I wonder if she knows her daughter at all because doesn't she realise when it comes to parties, Veronica Andrews loses her mind?

I went to put out a bowl of dips on the buffet table and managed to steal a moment with Betty while everyone was moving the dining table into the dining room. I threw myself onto the couch and laid with my head on her chest, she just sighed and rubbed my head over my beanie. "You ok?" she asks me, sounding as relaxed as I dreamed I would be.

"I'm ok," I reply truthfully.

I tilt my head up to look Betty in the eye but she frowns at me. "I don't like you being sad, and especially today of all days!"

"Saturday?" I ask teasing her.

She whacks my shoulder and I dig my head deeper into the crook of her neck. "The baby shower," she explains. "Today was supposed to be good. Your mom was supposed to be here..." she trails off.

"Don't worry about it," I try and say lightly. "It's probably good that she's not here or she'd just eat all the food and can't you see there's not enough?" my sarcasm was trying to make up for the fact that I did feel rather shitty.

Betty reads through me, she tilts my head again and her nails dig into my jaw as she brings my face up to hers. "There's more than enough food and I want your mom here too..."

I inhale sharply. I wasn't fine but I was used to this. My mom was not around; it was just the way things were. "Betts," I start slowly. "My mom's lame. I'm used to it; I have twenty-three years' worth of conditioning."

Betty gives up and kisses my forehead gently. "Ok, but I don't feel right having everyone here and knowing that your mom is in town. Can't JB talk her into coming?"

"Hey, you two!" Kevin shouts from the hallway. "If you two are getting nookie, please move your asses to a room!"

"God, please, do not do that. This is my mom's place!" Ronnie groans.

JB nods in front of us. "Her mom has fancy sheets, too nice for your cheap ass, Juggie."

I got up off Betty and the house buzzed. Kevin lay with Betty on the sofa and called himself the resident butler; he rubbed Betty's feet and kept her laughing. Ronnie had pink glitter plastered all over her skin, so did Archie. Polly flitted from room to room, rubbing Betty up the wrong way and trying to keep Ellie and Jace from breaking things in Hermione's immaculate home.

"I heard your mom is back, Jughead?" Polly asks me, wiping icing off the tip of her nose. "How many of these do you have to decorate?"

I had done three trays already. "Apparently one-thousand isn't enough..."

Polly's eyes widen and I wink at her. "A joke? Because I don't know if it is or not because if you were serious, it would not surprise me."

I laugh and exhale loudly. "I know there's just no medium with Ronnie. It's all or nothing," I say looking back down at the last of the cupcakes I had to ice. "But yeah, my mom is back and in true Jones style, she bought up some things that we had tried to ignore..."

Polly frowns and pats my shoulder before looking over it at something behind me. "JACE!" she shouts, "DO NOT TOUCH WHAT YOU CANNOT AFFORD, YOUNG MAN!"

I turn to look at Jace touching Hermione's expensive vase with JB standing next to him, she reaches out and touches it. "HEY!" he says, pointing at JB.

She shrugs. "I can afford it."

I bite my lip to stop myself from laughing but Hermione just bursts out laughing. "The life of a mom, huh?" Hermione says.

"You're lucky you only have Veronica, Hermione. Two at the same time is just hell!" Polly replies. "DEVIL'S WORK!" she shouts at her kids.

"I remember you telling me a completely different story when they were babies, Polly," Hermione replies with a wink.

Jace comes running towards us from the lounge room, frown etched so deeply into his face and hands on his hips. "I didn't touch anything, mom, Ellie made me do it! And JB touched it too!"

"I didn't make you do shit, you liar!" Ellie replies, frown even deeper than that of her brother's. They were both mad and oh-so-Cooper-like with their serious expressions.

Polly gasps and grabs both her kids by the shoulders. "Jace! Don't lie! And Ellie, watch that mouth of yours or I will send you home to hang out with Grandpa for the day and we all know that would be as fun as smacking your head against the table actually!" she says letting them both go and putting her own hands on her hips. "Next time I catch you guys doing something stupid, I will make you smack your heads against the table, and Hermione's table is made of oak, so it's real tough!" .

I see both kids shudder a little as they turn to run away. Something is telling me there will be more trouble from the duo before the day has ended, I really hope so, and I feel like some entertainment.

Polly turns back to me, frowning at first and then a smile creeps back up. "I'm sorry to hear that about your mom, Jughead," she says sighing. "But she doesn't know Betty the way the rest of us do. Even your dad comes into the bar and goes on and on about you and Betty and it bores the shit out of me, but he's so happy for you two!"

I think about my mom and everyone that was here. She should be here, she should be helping ice cupcakes and laughing with Hermione, she should be talking with Betty, laughing with Polly, getting messy with the glitter with Archie. She should be proud of me. But here I was, icing cupcakes with Hermione and talking with Polly, this had been my world for a long time. I feel a little bit of sadness pulsing through me as I realise my mom hadn't been part of any of this.

Or more to the fact; that she hadn't ever been part of this world at all.

"Don't worry about it Pol," I say winking at her. "Toledo is far enough to not bother me. Toledo has always been far enough that it might not even exist on Jughead's personal map."

Polly groans. "Your mom will be the one missing out, because if my niece is anything like their cousins, she'll be the most behaved kid you'll ever meet," she says pointing at her two that were doing handstands near Hermione's expense vase. "See, sweethearts, aren't they!" she says sarcastically.

"Oh yeah!" I reply sarcastically too. "I just can't wait for such great behaviour!"

"GET DOWN!" she shouts. "Little shits!"

"Language, Polly!" I hear Alice say from behind us.

Polly shudders in the same way as her own kids did when she told them off. Yet again, I bite my lip to keep myself from laughing. "Hey mom," she says dully. "You made it!"

"Of course I made it, Polly! Now, Hermione! Where do I start?" Alice asks.

"Hello, Alice. Nice to see you too, yeah, I've been good thanks," Hermione says, glaring at Alice. Alice doesn't seem fazed; she ignores Hermione and grabs a cupcake instead. "Gladys?!"

Mom walks in slowly waves at me, a box in her hands. "Juggie?" she says quietly.

I look at mom, she came. She made the effort. She's just being here. "Hey mom," I say slowly. "You came?"

"Well I wasn't going to let her miss out on this," Alice snaps quickly. "The perfect family is what we're trying to establish, isn't it, Gladys?"

Mom rolls her eyes at me and turns to look at Alice. "Perfect?" mom sniggers. "You know we don't do perfect on the Southside, you haven't forgotten already have you, Alice?"

"There's not much that I remember from the Southside, Gladys," Alice says smiling at her, but she links her arm with mom's. "We're a long way from there now..."

"Yeah, standing in Hermione Lodge's kitchen, who'd have guessed?"

Hermione smiles at mom and leans over to kiss her cheek. "It's been a long time since I've seen you, Gladys; you've raised a good son."

"He's a good boy," mom says, smiling at me. "But he's a testament to those around him."

Alice pats me on the back as I try not to blush. It's been a long time since I've felt so sheltered. "Hah!" Alice says looking at the tray of completed cupcakes. "There's none left to do."

"Probably because Hermione asked for everyone to turn up at one and you're here at three..." Polly snaps at her mother.

Alice's eyes shoot up to her daughter. "I was busy!"

"And so were we," Hermione mutters. Alice doesn't miss that beat either and looks at Hermione, grinning at her.

"I was busy gathering items for my grandbaby," Alice replies.

Polly leans over to my ear and whispers; "God, after this, we deserve a drink."

"Like you wouldn't believe it, Polly," I whisper back.

"I see Alice hasn't changed," mom whispers on the other side. "Still high maintenance."

Hermione and Alice eventually end up being civil to each other. Betty was blessed to not be in the middle of this; instead she was being treated like a Queen all grape bunches and fans. Polly and I, we were the prisoners to the kitchen and Archie? I don't even know where he was or if he was even alive. He may have suffocated under pink chiffon.

Betty had made Veronica swear that this would be a small affair with only the family here. And for the longest time Polly and I had thought that Veronica would bypass all laws and invite the entirety of Riverdale. For once, I didn't think this was a bad idea. We had enough food here to feed the people twice over with extras for breakfast. Veronica had gone all out, but like I always say, it's all or nothing with Veronica Andrews.

Fred had showed up with a present and a coy smile for Hermione which I could tell she was holding on to. Ronnie glared at them. I smiled at them. Betty smiled at me and kissed me on the cheek.

"You're so funny..."

"I just ship them," I reply.

"You stole V's line," Betty laughs. "That's cute."

"It's 'cause we're BFF's," I tease.

Betty groans and shakes her head. "You're mad."

"For you, Sunlight," I reply with a wink, "Completely fucking crazy."

She blushes and keeps smiling.

Mom walks over and wipes her brow with a sigh. "Keeping up with all these people is making me crazy," she says rolling her eyes but she's holding a box with a bow on it. "I bought you a little present..."

Betty smiles at mom and squeezes my hand before letting go and reaching for the box. "Gladys, you shouldn't have," she says shaking her head. "This baby shower is already so huge, she doesn't need anything!"

Mom shrugs and flicks her eyes over to Alice. "Allie is already such a good grandmom and I raided the trailer all morning looking for these!" mom says with a laugh. "It's not much but the thought is there."

Betty looks down into the box and pulls out an assortment of baby hats, beanies. Betty's grin grows and she gasps. "Gladys, are these Jug's?"

Mom nods and reaches down to pat me on the head, rubbing my hat. "Juggie's always been a beanie kid, since he was first born! I thought you might like them..."

Betty smiles at mom and stands up, wrapping her arms around mom's neck. "This is the sweetest thing, thank you so much, Gladys."

Mom smiles back and rubs Betty's belly. "Anything for my Juggie's two girls."

* * *

We were all standing around in the lounge room. Joaquin apparently had to work at the bar but Kevin was doing enough talking for the two of them. Archie was tired and every step he made through the house, at least a bag full of glitter would fall from him. He hated glitter now and pink even more so. "I'm never having a girl!" he almost shouted.

Ronnie loved him even more for the effort. The looks she was giving him made me feel a little sick and a little happy for my boy who was going to get some tonight.

"To Betty and Jughead!" Alice said lifting her flute of Champaign in the air. "And our new baby girl who is on her way!"

"To our baby girl!" mom adds.

"You're not starting a toast without the baby's grandpa, are you?" I hear a voice say with a clicking of the door. "It's just like you, Glad, to get things started without me..."

I hear Alice's voice hitch before breathing out loudly. "God dammit FP, you always have the worst timing."

Mom groans and rubs her face. "You told me you weren't coming."

"You told me you weren't coming back to Riverdale but here you stand..."

Hermione sighs and claps her hands together, "Come on FP," she says with a small smile. "Thirty years later and you two still like to argue, huh?"

Fred chuckles a little and taps his beer bottle to Hermione's flute. "You still got a sharp tongue!"

"You would know, eh Freddie?" Dad says with a wink.

I bury my head in my hands as sniggers make their way around the room with the exception of Kevin who loudly says; "Oh my god! Drama in the retirement village!"

"Hey," Hermione says elbowing Kevin. "I'm still young, thank you!"

Dad comes in to stand next to Fred who punches dad lightly on the shoulder. "You got a way with words, FP."

"Don't encourage him, Freddie," mom snaps. "You used to do it all the time back in the day and you personally inflated his head ten times its size every time..."

"Lighten up, Gladys," dad groans.

"A little hard when you're always running havoc!"

"Yeah!" Alice chimes in.

"She's your granddaughter as much as she's mine," dad says with a shrug. "Welcome to the family, Alli," dad sniggers. "Didn't realise I stepped right into Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants, Southside did bring you two together after all..."

"No, you're welcome to the family, _Forsythe_ ," Alice says dragging out dad's name seeming a little lost for comebacks. Polly scoffs at her mom and Betty looks at me from across the room, eyes begging for me to take her home. I hold up my drink to her.

"You always did moan my name real good, Alice," Dad says laughing.

I grip onto my face tighter.

Betty sighs loudly and impatiently, rubbing her stomach and stepping foot to foot. She was getting tired and nowadays, she was heavier on her feet. "If we can all be civil, shall we get to it?" she asks.

"This is getting good," I hear Kevin whisper to Polly.

"This might end up worse than my one," Polly replies excitedly.

"Betty," dad says, raising his bottle of beer. "A toast to my son and Betty; love conquers all and all that stuff but this right here, this was _destiny_!"

Everyone smiles brightly and many ' _awww's_ ' go around the circle again. "That's real sweet, FP," Ronnie says clicking her glass to his bottle.

"Super sweet," I reply, clicking my own bottle to dads. "Teeth stinging, eye squinting kind of sweet..."

Everyone starts moving out around the room. Ronnie was checking that Abel was still asleep which was going to be a fuck up on her behalf because when he sleeps this late in the day, she better be ready for an all-nighter.

I go to sample one of my cupcakes but before I can step away, dad pulls on my shoulder. "Hey, son," he starts.

I turn to look and dad who was surprisingly clean shaven and wearing his good flannel. I hadn't seen dad smile at me the way he was right now in a long time. Not since the day he was released from prison or that time we took the road trip in my car after I had tried to forget Betty and thought the open roads were going to do me some good. He was genuinely happy and I liked it. "Hey," I reply. "Shall we step outside? All this pink and shit is making me need a smoke. And, you look a little too happy in there."

"Yeah, sounds good, I need one too. Especially after being in the presence of not only Alice Cooper, but your mom as well. But good to see you know pink's my colour."

We head outside and we both lean against the railing, beer in hand, looking over the lights of Riverdale. "Hermione has a good spot, huh?" I ask my dad.

"You should hope so for the amount she pours into this place. You don't see the likes of Hermione Lodge coming up Southside do you?" dad says with a smirk. "Not unless -" I cut him off.

"Don't dad," I warn him. "Not today. You're on a roll though, aren't you?"

"Yeah, I've been practising all my insults since your mom is here..."

I know he wants to talk about it but dad and I are a lot of lost, misplaced and unspoken words. I wonder if mom's rolling back in town has changed him, but can anyone really change? I know she hasn't. "How's it been since mom's been back?" I ask him.

"Well," dad starts. "Your mom's always been a crier so at times when you're not around, she cries about how much she's fucked up, so that's a start."

I laugh and inhale my cigarette deeply. God, as terrible as it sounds, cupcake decorating was hard and stressed me to the high hills. "And what did you say?" I ask dad.

He pauses for a moment and flicks the ash of his cigarette over the balcony. "That she didn't have to come to your house and try and go all mom on you. I know we don't have the best track record, Jug, but for a long time it's only been you and I. Us against that harsh world."

Dad doesn't look at me. He stares out across the town. I don't think I want to see his eyes but he was right. Sometimes, we only had each other. Even I was privileged enough to have the support of Fred, Archie, Ronnie, Betty. But for the most part, dad only had me. And when it mattered most, I had him. When threats were made, when murders were at their peak. He had my back.

"I know dad," I say clapping him on the back.

"I'm glad you know, son, because you know; you got a good thing going on here, with your friends. With your girl. Gladys doesn't know that."

"I know she doesn't..."

Dad puts his hand on my shoulder and shakes me a little bit. "This is the point, son, where you wonder if you can keep all that resentment in or if you should just let it go," he chuckles. "I mean shit, you're going to be a dad soon, are you gonna sit here in the Penthouse Suite of Hermione Lodge and hate on your mom? Or are you going to move on and just promise me you'll be a better parent than me and Gladys?"

Dad looked me deep in the eye, the deepest we had been in years. Sometimes you learn to just move on and forget everything and try your damn hardest to invest every single drop of energy you have into forgetting things but you end up with the hugely growing, deep rooted resentment that you can't get rid of. "I promise dad."

"Then move on, son. Let's get going! You only have a month left."

I hear the sliding door to the balcony open and close and a sigh of relief. "Why didn't you two come and get me, huh?" Betty says. "It's getting rowdy in there with my mom and Polly."

She struggles a bit as she makes her way over to dad and me, dad smiles gently at Betty. "Hey, you're looking good, Betty."

Betty frowns but rubs her stomach and leans against my chest, vanilla filling my nose as her hair brushes against me and a piece of watermelon barely touched between her fingers. "I don't feel good, FP. But JB is keeping me entertained like always..."

"It'll all be over and done with soon and then you'll be wishing she could find her way back inside ya." dad says with a wink.

"That has to be one of the weirdest things I've ever heard," I say shaking my head and pulling Betty closer to me.

She relaxes in my arms. "Just like I had imagined, Ronnie lost her mind in there and mom and Polly have both had three drinks already."

"Ah, I think I'm with the wrong group of people," dad says with a laugh. "I better get in there with the Coopers."

"Ronnie's on the war path because of Fred and Hermione and Kevin and Archie have eaten most of the food, I'm ready for home," Betty says with a yawn.

I kiss Betty on the cheek, "Go lie down if you want, I'll keep these guys entertained with my great jokes and enthralling conversation."

Both Betty and Dad laugh at my expense. "No, I can't," Betty says. "I need to keep going, I haven't even opened the presents, and I've just been lazy and eating."

"Don't worry about it Betty, that's the best part of life!" dad says.

* * *

The baby shower had finally wound down and Kevin went home shortly after Archie took Abel home and Polly took the twins who had somehow managed to eat fifteen cupcakes each and vomited in Hermione's bath. Alice was more disgusted in the fact that Polly had also given her kids raspberry soda and it had stained the white dress that she was wearing. Alice has a lot of priorities and none of them made sense in my head.

We were lying in bed when I heard the bedroom window crack open and saw a long, denim covered leg push through followed by my sister hissing; "Fuck! Can someone help me?!"

I groaned and got up out of the bed, Betty shaking her head which told me she was also wondering if this was actually happening or was it part of some weird, Jellybean infested dream. "Jellybean?" Betty asked.

Jelly fell onto the floor. "Mom's sitting in the truck - doesn't know if she should come in or just drop me off, she's being weird."

I went up to the front door and swung it open, mom was still sitting out there with a coffee cup in her hand and I did at least, feel a little bad. "MOM!" I call out. "COME ON!"

She doesn't hesitate. She turns off the ignition of the car and swings the door so hard, I thought it was going to fly off which wouldn't have surprised me, that thing was old and a heap of shit worse than my hatch. Betty come up behind me and wraps her arms around my waist again.

Mom clicks her boots across the road and stands in front of me - me in my boxers and a tank top and Betty wrapped up in her dressing gown, JB behind us like she's part of the household. "Oh Jug," mom says, reaching out to touch my face before dropping her hand just short. "I had so much fun today; I miss you all so much!"

She was here in front of me, almost begging for my response. Maybe I knew how she felt all along; to think that not being in touch was the best option, that staying out was the best thing. For giving the ones that you love a chance to carry on without you. Maybe that's what I hated the most that I understood. I move out of Betty's arms and put my arms around my mom's neck, pulling her close, inhaling the comforting smell of mint and menthol cigarettes. I was being held by my mom even if it didn't seem as natural to me as I thought it was supposed to. "Let's just move on, ok mom?" I ask her.

I hear her sniff in my ear and she pulls away, gripping onto my shoulders as she looks up at me. "Please, I know you're grown up and you know what you're doing, all I can do is be here, right?"

Mom looks past my shoulders to look at Betty. "Come on, Gladys, let's get you a hot drink, yeah?" Betty asks with a smile.

Mom sniffs again and nods, wiping her eyes. "Thank you, baby, that would be nice."

JB claps and slings her arms around mine and Betty's necks, "You guys down for a third wheel tonight? Mom can sleep in the spare room and I'll bunk with you two."

Betty elbows JB in the ribs and then kisses her on the cheek. "Your niece says it's a no go."

"Jellybean!" mom hisses from the counter, filling up the jug. "You stop stirring, girl, Betty needs all the rest she can get and you're over there busy stressing her!"

Mom didn't fit too badly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love me with kudos and comments? Here's a preview for you anyways:  
> I didn't take much to my new home. It was sort of sad to think that my entire life fitted into five boxes but then JB reminded me that I had had a life time of moving around and most of my life could actually fit into one backpack. Now that was sadder.
> 
> Betty had moved the five boxes into the lounge room and we instead spent the rest of the night decorating the little girl's room. Growing up, Betty had hated her pink on pink room but here we were, sitting in a miniature model of it.
> 
> "Seems pink," I say, hanging up a diaper rack in the wardrobe.
> 
> I turn to look at Betty who had her tank top hitched above her stomach as she grimaced, rubbing circles on her own skin. "I know. I didn't think I had bought so much pink..."
> 
> "Well you definitely did," I say frowning as I walk across the bedroom to her. "It's not too pink though really, you got those greys in here just like Ronnie suggested," I laugh as I pick up a grey throw from the crib.
> 
> Betty tries to smile but she inhales sharply. "I'm ok," she says, noticing my frown. "I'm just really uncomfortable."
> 
> I move behind Betty and start rubbing her back, she eases into my hands as I keep rubbing harder and she throws her head back a little. "Betty, it's Ten, maybe we should go to bed, yeah?" I ask her. "No offence, but you don't look good."
> 
> Betty sighs and moves away from me, rolling her tank back down over her stomach. "You know how V got that pregnancy shot out in the ocean and she looks all serene and mermaid like?" Betty asks, her eyebrows knitted together.
> 
> I snigger and nod, moving my beanie over my head. "Yeah, of course I do," I say with a scoff. "That day was the day from hell because she changed her outfit like thirty times and I was the one who had to drive her out to her shoot."
> 
> "Well, I don't know how she looked so peaceful in that shoot because I feel like a damn dragon!" Betty whines.
> 
> I laugh and pull at her hand to bring her closer to me, her stomach bumping mine in the meantime. "So hot?" I say with a wink.
> 
> She gives me a small smile and bites her lip. "Don't be an idiot."
> 
> I kiss her lightly on the lips and look around the room that was our daughter's, I go to the ledge of the window and push the framed photo of seventeen year old Betty and I to the front. "You think she'll grow up looking at this photo thinking you were a Serpent?" I ask Betty.
> 
> She laughs and moves closer, picking up the photo too. "I think she'll grow up thinking that we loved each other then and still do now."
> 
> "God, I really hope so," I say, straightening the frame again. "Because I didn't spend hours on end decorating a girls room for nothing if not for your love," I say with wink.
> 
> Betty rolls her eyes at me and goes to walk out of the readied room. "You and your words get me every time..."


	19. There's no place like Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two more chapters after this. Put your hand up if it makes you scared. No one? just me? Ok then...

  
  _ **Chapter Nineteen**_

_They say that home is where the heart is,_

_But what if my heart is you?_

* * *

  
   
We had been speaking about it for ages. I didn't think the day would come around so quickly, we hadn't even set on a date but now it was Betty's last day of work and we only had a month left of frantic planning. The day rolled around so quickly. I couldn't even bring myself to talk about it; that's why I hadn't been. Ronnie had sent me a text, she asked me if it were true. Archie called me three times, I missed it twice. I don't know why I'm so scared but things change, things change so much. My mom was here, Betty was having a girl, Ronnie was going to miss me.  
   
I was moving out.  
   
“Gladys Jones - well, you can take the girl out of Riverdale...” Alice Cooper says, clicking her tan heels through the hallway of Betty's home. She told us she had come here to see how Betty was doing but Betty had her suspicions that Alice had just come to see off the biggest rumour in Riverdale at the moment; now she was staring said rumour straight in the face with mom looking back at Alice, with a second cup of coffee in her hand. Mom's presence shook Riverdale; it just shows me how small-town Riverdale is but mom and Alice both came from the Southside. I feel there is a lot more to their story than Betty and I would ever know.  
   
Mom laughs and puts down her cup of black coffee, her own boots clicking on the wood floors. “But you can't take the Riverdale out of the girl!”    
   
Alice chuckles as mom gives her a quick hug, Alice holds mom by the shoulders and steps back. “God, I'm going to get a little sentimental when you leave, it's been a long time since we've spent so much time together!”  
   
“Time is funny like that, isn't it Allie?”  
   
“And to think when we lived on the Southside we thought it was the be all and end all, now here we are, sharing a grandbaby,” Alice says smiling at both Betty and I, Betty groans in my ear.  
   
“Why does she always say such weird things?” Betty asks me.  
   
“I don't think even God knows.”  
   
I was glad that Betty hadn't told her mom the finer details of my mom and her almost not coming to the baby shower. Mom came and that was the main thing thanks to the forceful nature of Alice Cooper.  My mom had a lot to catch up on even if she was good at ignoring the fact that it was eight years lost. Mom had got to know Betty a little better. We had shown her photos of when we were at school and the great photo of all of us leaning on my beat-up car. JB had made a comment about my car, and now, I just think about it more and more – selling it.  
   
Alice spins on the back of her heels and looks at her daughter, face stern and hands on hips. “Betty, you have four weeks left and you're still working?”    
   
Betty turns red and opens her mouth without saying anything. Lost for words. That's just the way it is when Alice was around. “It's my last day mom,” she replies, moving slowly towards the fridge.  
   
Alice doesn't like this answer and I can tell she'll be fighting with Betty to get the answer she does like. “You'll work yourself into the ground for those teenagers but won't put in a little effort into preserving yourself for the one that actually matters, why doesn't this surprise me?” she asks her daughter while pursing pink lips.    
   
Every movement now from Betty was slow and laboured – no pun intended. She walks with her hands pressed on the small of her back and her gait; well, it was easy to see that she was uncomfortable. She turns to me as she shuts the fridge and I walked over to her, moving my arm around the back and placing a kiss on her temple. “You ok, Sunlight? You want me to carry you?” I ask her.  
   
She smacks me lightly on the chest but then turns to kiss me on the lips. “You going to carry me around the school for my last day?”  
   
I nod. “I could, I could do anything you want me to,” I whisper in her ear.   
   
Alice clicks her fingers at Betty and I. “Elizabeth, you could call Weatherbee, you could take the day off, you look terrible!”  
   
My own mom scoffs. “Jesus, Alice, I think the girl looks good! When I had JB, I could barely walk around the Diner by the time I was six months pregnant. She was a handful then and she's a handful now!” mom laughs. “I worked right up until my waters broke in Pop's serving Fred Andrews a beef burger!”  
   
JB comes rushing in from the shower wrapped in only a towel and a mess of hair. “Betty, you got a razor, Sunlight?”  JB – the girl who doesn’t give a fuck about public nakedness…   
   
“Why do you call Betty, Sunlight, JB?” mom asks her, confused.  
   
“Because she's Juggie's sunlight, mom,” she says with a sigh. “Get with the times, woman.”   
   
“Your sister is weird too,” Betty adds with smirk. “We have the weirdest family.”  
   
JB starts rummaging around in the drawer, completely ignoring the fact that Alice was staring at her. “Ah, JB,” I start flicking my eyes from my sister to Alice in front of us. “We have a visitor,” I say, widening my eyes at her, begging her to put some damn clothes on.  
   
“I have a razor in the bathroom drawer, JB,” Betty says, holding back a laugh. Mom wasn't even bothering to suppress her laugh. She laughs out loud and points at her daughter.  
   
JB drops whatever she was holding back in the drawer and smiles sweetly at Alice before clutching onto her towel with one hand and holding out the other. “Hey!” JB says, reaching for Alice's hand. “Good to see you again!”  
   
Alice shakes JB's hand and smirks. “I remember when you were just a little kid, you're so much like your dad.”  
   
I keep myself from snorting when JB says; “Gees, thank you so much that has to be every girl's dream to be like their dad...”    
   
JB rushes back into the bathroom and Alice turns to mom again. “Well, hopefully not that one,” Alice says pointing at Betty which makes Betty grit her teeth. “When do you go, Gladys?”  
   
Mom frowns and exhales loudly. “Today sometime. Gotta get back to work and things but I'll be back more often, now that I have a reason to!” mom says. I feel my face creep up red with her comment and I flex my hands, trying not to tense them too much with my increasing annoyance.    
   
She looks over to me with a small smile but Alice pipes up again. “Now that we're sharing a granddaughter, we better get used to seeing more of each other again.”   
   
Mom comes over to me and puts her arm around my waist before leaning against my shoulder. “As long as my son has open arms, and Betty too, then I will be around much more.”  
   
Mom looks up at me, her eyes almost brimming with tears and her smile trying not to falter. Betty gives me a weak smile from across the kitchen as if she was telling me to be more accepting of my mom's words. I was trying. I had tried all night and all morning. Mom was so many small smiles and comforting words, always looking up at me as if to say sorry without actually saying it. Right now, she was still looking at me, trying to get me to say something. Instead Betty speaks. “You're always welcome around here, Gladys.”  
   
Mom smiles back at Betty. “Thanks Betty.”  
   
I wait a little longer and Alice keeps hitting the edge of her tea cup with her spoon. “Well I'm sure we'll be seeing you again shortly, baby is due at any moment!”  
   
I look down at my mom. “You better start showing your face around here more often, mom, we don't want my girl growing up without you," I say.   
   
Mom sighs and eases into my shoulder. “Of course, baby. I can't make the same mistakes again.”  


* * *

  
   
Mom's leaving actually felt like a tight grip in my chest was released. I hated having these feelings towards my mom but she didn't come here and bestow ease into my unsteady heart and head.    
   
She just made me question more things.  
   
The last days of September are so cold – unnaturally so. Autumn was all orange and yellows that were clashing against the pale of Betty's skin and the pinks she wore. Mom had left when Alice did this morning, she told me she was going to drive out listening to me on the radio. I wonder if she's waiting for me to start or if it was just going remind her that she was leaving me again. I only have four more weeks of being me, I shouldn't be wasting my time thinking like this.  
   
Mom didn't only leave this morning with promises of coming back, she had left a very excitable Jellybean with us who was leaving scuff marks on Betty's couch with her boots. Betty whacked her three times this morning all before six o'clock.  
   
I drag JB to the station and it's dead quiet in here, nothing but the buzzing of electricals and the clock telling me I'm early for once. I have to be. I dump my bag next to my chair and start flicking switches, prodding buttons. Thinking of what's best to start the morning.  
   
JB clears her throat in front of me and throws herself down on the chair where Cryss would usually sit. “Where's Crystal?”  
   
I hadn't thought about it much and I didn't care to. I had too many things running through my mind with mom turning up and helping with the baby shower. “She's left us.”  
   
“She's left us?” JB says with a fright. “What do you mean?!”  
   
“She's gone.”  
   
“She's dead?”   
   
I roll my eyes and look up from the record pile. “I meant she handed in her resignation and sent me a text about it on the day of the baby shower,” I groan. “Jesus, don't be so dark and sinister.”  
   
“Be more specific with your words,” JB mumbles, flicking through records on Cryss' desk. “Then I wouldn't get confused.”  
   
I rub my face and try and think of the positives. Positive, I get to work alone which means I get an office to myself. I have a baby to look after so I'm not the one left in an awkward position trying to find a new job when I've never had any other job. I'm free to do as I want. I can choose whatever songs I want.  
   
I'm screwed.  
   
I hadn't thought this through at all. Cryss was gone but she's left a huge, gaping hole in the Riverdale Air. I'm approaching D day for my baby but I have no one to cover me. “I'm fucked!” I whine to JB.  
   
“Why?” she asks, pulling out Basement Jaxx and twisting it between her fingers.  
   
“Cryss took off and now I have no back up!” I say, rubbing my temples, “What am I going to do?” JB's grin grows and she slams the record down on the counter, making me flinch and I lean over to snatch it from her, rubbing it. “Please respect the vinyl, Jellybean...”  
   
“This is the moment I was born for, my time to shine!” she cries.  
   
“Why?”  
   
She smiles with her eyes squinting and she pulls out another record with no purpose or even looking at it. “I can help you on the air!”  
   
I think about it. Jellybean's a talker, she's funny and she's got good taste in music. And she was here, that was the main thing. “You might rectify my issues that's in front of me, Jellybean, but I don't know what I'm going to do when you go home to Toledo.”  
   
JB looks down on the pile of records again, biting her lip and tilting her head from side to side. “I don't really want to go home... and if I had a job, then I wouldn't have to go.”  
   
“Are you trying to guilt trip me?”  
   
“Do you have a job for me?”  
   
I want to keep JB here with me, I know she'd be good on the air and I needed the help. “Fine,” I tell my sister, “I'll give you a go, but only because I need your help, not because I'm giving in!”  
   
JB claps her hands and shoots off the chair, lunging her way towards me and she wraps her arms around my neck, kissing me sloppily on the cheek. “You won't regret it!” she says, shoving off and putting my headset on. “I'm a natural born speaker, this is what I was made for!”  
   
“How do you know?” I ask, taking the headset off her and putting it down on the desk. “You've been on the air before?”  
   
JB rolls her eyes and shoves my shoulder. “No,” she says slowly. “Well, I sort of, kinda was on the air back in High School.”  
   
“Are you ready to have the whole of Riverdale listening in – critiquing your every word on the air?” I challenge her. “Are you ready for that kind of pressure?”  
   
JB raises an eyebrow and puts her hands on her hips. “Gimme a go,” she replies. “I'll show you what I have.”  
   
I nod and put my headset back on and point at Cryss' old chair, “There you go, your time to shine, you said it yourself.”  
   
She almost sprints to the chair and chucks Crystal's headset on, I put up my hand to start my announcement. “Good morning Riverdale!” I say, “We have my very own Jellybean Jones on the air with us today!”  
   
I point to Jelly to start and at first, she grits her teeth but she gives me a grin. “Good morning Riverdale! We're here for another beautiful Autumn day here in Riverdale with Fleetfoxes to start us off, what do you say, Jug?”  
   
I give her a wink across the desk and she spins a record between her fingers before chucking it on – I've never been so proud and panicked that I'm going to lose my job at the same time, JB is a natural and that is the end of it. I see the phone light flashing and I pause before JB starts Fleetfoxes. “Good morning, Riverdale air.”  
   
“Put me on the air,” Ronnie says with a laugh. “Come on Juggie, I want to give JB a go.”  
   
I look over at my sister whose grin is so huge, I don't think she's ever going to leave Riverdale. I turn off my mic, “JB,” I start. “You have your first caller of the day.”

 JB gives me a thumbs up and a nod. “You've got JB on line one!” she chimes.  
   
“You run the station now, huh kid?” Ronnie teases.  
   
JB instantly recognises her voice. “Sorry, crazy people aren't allowed to call through,” she digs back.  
   
“You suit it on the air, Jellybelly, well done!” Ronnie adds.  
   
“Let me live with you and I'll stay on here forever,” JB laughs.  
   
“Have a good day, team, see you tonight!”  
   
The day carried on and deep down in me, I wished it wouldn't end. It's one more nail in the coffin. There wouldn't be days when I could roll up in the middle of the night and Ronnie would have left my dinner out. There would be no more days where I would squeeze myself in next to Abel in between his parents and have movie nights. No more late-night talks with Archie, no more early morning chats with Ronnie. I would be moving in with Betty, finishing the last of the baby's room and putting the little bits of me around the home. The home that was now ours. JB and I pack up and she spins on the balls of her feet to look at me. “How did I do?” she asks.  
   
I shrug. “Perfect. Made me look like I suck at my job, which is good feedback for you, but shit for me.”  
   
She smiles but her cheeks turn pink. Was she embarrassed? My sister is never embarrassed. “Aww shucks, Juggie, that's too sweet.”  
   
“Nah, you did good. Maybe you could stay?”  
   
She scoffs. “And stay where?”  
   
“Dad's not so bad,” I tell her, flinging my bag over my shoulder. “You could stay with him until I get a bigger house. Or until you can get a place of your own.”  
   
I see her thinking it over in her head. She's frowning and I just know she's thinking about mom and Toledo. “You're thinking about getting a bigger house?” she laughs. “You haven't even moved into Betty's yet and your baby is only weeks away!”  
   
This time I'm embarrassed, I look away from JB and pretend to be locking up the windows. “I'm getting there!” I whine. “I'm moving out today!”  
   
She nods and I can tell she's not convinced. “I'll think about it.”  
   
“You're not scared of coming back to big old Riverdale?”  
   
“I'm not scared,” she explains. “It's just a big move. But I'd love to be close to my baby girl!” JB grabs onto my cheeks and squishes my face together.  
   
“I will need someone to fill in when I go off when Betts has Thea,” I tell her, trying to run through a game plan.  
   
JB nods and puts her hands on her hips, tapping her foot on the ground. “You have a resident babysitter right here.”  
   
“You're not the babysitter,” I tease. “That's why I need to have the time off.”  
   
“Fine, call me the station sitter.”   
   
“Makes sense,” I tell her. “You down for coffee date?”  
   
“I'm down for anything you're down with,” she says smiling.  
   
I put my arm across her shoulders and pull her out the door. “I'll be a dad soon, you know.”  
   
“And I'll be an aunty and a radio host!”  
   
“Will you?” I ask.  
   
“I want to be.”  
   
“You want to stay in Riverdale and work with me every day?”  
   
“Anything for the love and support of my Thea girl.”   
   


* * *

  
   
It was all coffee steam and happy smiles around the table when we got to the Coffee Club. Betty was wrapped up in Archie's Letterman and Ronnie was scribbling away in her diary which was her very planned out life. JB threw herself down next to Archie and took a sip of his latte. “You guys had a good day?”  
   
Betty doesn't look like she's had a good day at all when her eyebrows furrow and she looks up at me as I took a seat next to her, pulling towards me my muffin and coffee she had already ordered. “You ok, Betts?” I ask her.  
   
She takes bite of the muffin herself and sighs; “I'm ok,” she replies weakly.  
   
“B,” Archie starts. “The kids will be ok, Alannah is a good teacher, she'll take good care of them. You're only off for six months...”  
   
“The six months will go so quickly, you'll be begging to quit once it's done,” Ronnie adds, looking up from her diary. “These past eight have flown by.”  
   
It's silent bar the obnoxious sipping from my sister who adds; “Before you know it, little Jelly will be eighteen and enjoying coffee date with us!”  
   
I can't even imagine being a dad to an eighteen-year-old. All I can hope for is that life is easy on her and she doesn't ever get a broken heart. She doesn't feel resentment towards us. Riverdale is kind and we, her parents, are kinder. “Let's take it one step at a time, eh, Jelly?”  
   
Jelly and Archie keep talking to each other and Ronnie keeps flipping her pages of her diary. Betty looks up at me through her dark eyelashes with a smirk. “You're stalling, Juggie.”  
   
“What do you mean?” I ask but her turned up corner of her mouth tells me she's about to snigger and me.  
   
“You should be going to Archie's to start packing, don't pretend like you're not stalling.”  
   
I run my hand over my face and look at her from between my fingers. “I suck, I know,” I tell her. “But it's been my home for so long – you sure you don't want to move in with us?” I ask, I know it's a losing battle.  
   
It always was with Betty.  
   
She lifts her hands to take my face in them, running her thumbs across my cheekbones. “I know, Juggie. It's hard starting a new life, trust me.”  
   
“I trust you the most,” I mutter, letting my head go heavy in her hands.  
   
My world was usually something that I shared with myself and the last five months has been so deeply ingrained with Betty, I thought this would be easier. I feel like I haven't spent enough time with Abel, I feel like I haven't been home in forever but my new home, the safe warm one with Betty, it was calling to me and part of me was resisting it.  
   
Betty lets go and takes a sip of her tea. Before wincing. “God.”  
   
“What?” I ask with a mouthful of muffin, “You ok?”  
   
“Yeah,” she replies with her eyes shut but Archie doesn't miss it.  
   
Archie frowns. “B, you told me if you got the pains again, you'd tell us!”  
   
“No, no,” Betty snaps quickly. “I'm ok! I'm just uncomfortable.”   
   
I'm not convinced at all. “You've been having pains?”  
   
“They're common even if Archie doesn't believe me,” she says with an air of irritation. “I'm pregnant, it's what happens!”  
   
We let it lie a little, even if the looks Archie is shooting at me tells me he's not letting anything lie. “I should probably go and get my shit together.”  
   
Ronnie scoffs. “I did most of it for you, your clothes at least,” she replies quietly.  
   
Archie looks from Ronnie to me and raises his eyebrows at me. Ronnie had been quiet since I told her I'd be moving on into the new world. She had packed my things, pressed all my clothes which I found strange but I was thankful. Ronnie hadn't spoken to me properly since the baby shower but even there, they were more like demands. “Thanks, V,” I tell her.  
   
“We only have three weeks left,” Betty says with her cup against her lips. “We have to finish the baby room and find space for all your stuff, then we'll be a real family!” she says with a grin.  
   
I shake my head and kiss her quickly on the cheek. “Sunlight, we were a family five months ago.”  
   
She blushes.

“When's your next appointment, B?” Ronnie asks. I see JB's hand creeping up towards Ronnie's cup but Ronnie is quicker and snatches it away from JB. “Why don't you go up and get you one, you thief!” she snaps at my sister, chucking her a twenty-dollar note. 

   
JB gets up and kisses Ronnie on the cheek before running to the counter. “Anyone want anything?” she asks.  
   
“I'm not treating anyone else, Jellybean! Just you!” Ronnie yells out to her.  
   
“I have one coming up at the end of the week and then every other day from then,” Betty says huffing. “I'm a slave to the medical system now.”  
   
“And so, you should be!” Ronnie answers. “You're on the count down!”  
   
Every small reminder of time just reminded me of all the time we lacked. Betty was ever swelling – even now, she was straining against the table and the Letterman didn't do up on her. She rubs her belly and I reach over to pat it. “The _great_ count down,” I add.  
   
Ronnie winks at me and reaches out to Betty's stomach too. “I hope you're not a handful like Abel, Aunty Ronnie wants to dress you up pretty in pink!”  
   
Betty grins and bites her lip. “I hope this all goes smoothly and painless...”   
   
Archie snorts and chokes on his coffee, spraying me in the meantime. “Oh yeah, painless for sure.”  
   
“And you would know, wouldn't you, Archie?” Ronnie replies sarcastically. “Because you pushed out a child.”  
   
Archie turns red and looks at me. “This is the sort of shit you have to look forward to.”  
   
“And I am – I'm looking forward to it,” I say laughing.  
   
Ronnie's face turns serious and she looks at her watch. “You gonna come over tonight? I asked Fred if we could borrow his truck.”  
   
“We could do a load tonight and then a load tomorrow?” I suggest.  
   
Betty looks at the time on her phone. “Maybe we should just try and do it all tonight? I want to get started on the rooms,” she says. “Now that I'm on leave.”

 

"Sounds like you're nesting," Ronnie says with a shrug.  
   
I nod. “Sounds logical,” I reply. “You're right, I'm stalling.”  
   
Archie reaches out to take my hand from across the table. “Don't worry, Juggie, we'll still see you every day. And besides, this baby will be more fun than us three.”  
   
“I don't know, Archie, I mean, you three are pretty fun...”  
   
Everyone laughs as JB sits back down with her coffee.  
   
“What about me? Am I not as fun as them?” Betty asks with a pout.  
   
I wink at her. “You're more than just fun, Sunlight, you're the world!”  
   
“Alright you sad sacks, let's get going and go and sort all this shit out,” Ronnie says clapping her hands. We all get up and I sling my bag on my back.  
   
“Hey!” JB says, standing up last. “I still need to drink my coffee!”  
   
We walk out with her chasing behind us.  
   


* * *

  
   
“Do you have your laptop cord?” Ronnie asks, sitting with her legs crossed on the floor of my old room.  
   
“Yeah,” I say, chucking a baseball in a box that used to belong to dad.  
   
“What about the spare one? I know you have a spare one, so, where is it?” she asks.  
   
“In the box with all the other chargers.”  
   
“What about your pair of red Docs, the one you wear for special occasions?” It had been all questions all evening. Where was this? Where was that? Do I have this? Do I need that? She was flustered and turning redder by the moment. “And your leather jacket, or do you want to keep it here for storage?”  
   
“ _Veronica_ ,” I say slowly. “If I forget something, I can always come back and get it...”  
   
“What about your blanket? You can never have enough blankets...” she says ignoring me.  
   
“You bought it for me, you guys can keep it,” I tell her trying not to roll my eyes.  
   
“Can I move in here, V?” JB asks, lying on my bed with said blanket on it.  
   
“No, you can't,” Ronnie replies, rummaging through a box of old papers.  
   
“Why?” JB asks.  
   
“Why so many questions, Jellybean?” Ronnie says through her teeth.  
   
“You're asking Jughead heaps of questions...” JB challenges. JB was going to get hit if she wasn't careful. “Are you saving the room in case he comes back?”  
   
Ronnie groans and starts taping up the box. “He's not coming back!” Ronnie snaps at my sister and slams the box against the wall. “How many more boxes?!”   
   
JB and I look at each other and I can tell Ronnie wasn't ok and she hadn't been in days. She wasn't living by her own law of self-healing and self-preservation, that was for sure. “Hey, Jelly, can you go and check on Abel?” I ask her.  
   
“Archie's in there,” she says playing with the ends of her hair.  
   
I grimace and shake my head. “Ok, in other words, piss off for a moment, won't you? I thought you were going to go and hang with Betty and finish folding the stuff in the baby's room.”  
   
JB glares at me and swings her legs over the bed to hop off. “Fine,” she says flicking her long hair. “I'll be out talking baby talk with Archie and Abel, catch you two up soon.”  
   
Ronnie's hands keep fluttering from box to box and she never looks up. I don't want to say anything, Ronnie was unpredictable at times but I wasn't going to leave here without saying anything to her. “Hey, you want to jump out the window?” I ask her, shaking my packet of cigarettes.  
   
She smiles weakly and nods, “Ok,” she says. “You don't think he'll catch us, do you?”  
   
“It'll just add to the thrill of it,” I was shrugging. “Come on.”  
   
I slide open the window and jump out. It wasn't a big jump out at all, my smoking area was right here next to my window so it was as far away from the family area as possible. I reach out for Ronnie's hand and she follows after me. “Thanks,” she says wiping her hands on her jeans.  
   
I light a cigarette and pass it to her, she eyes it between her fingers before inhaling it. “You ok?” I ask her.  
   
She nods. Then she shakes her head. “I dunno, I didn't think I would feel so sentimental about this Jug but you're moving!” she says with a sigh. “You're moving and for so long it's been you, Archie, Abel and I.”  
   
I nod. I feel a lump forming in my throat that I try to swallow down but it wasn't moving. “I know, V, I feel the same. It's always been us four and now...” I can't even finish.  
   
She laughs humourlessly. “I don't want you to be offended by this -”  
   
“But naturally I will, go on, you insult me all the time,” I say taking a drag.  
   
“Yeah, I wouldn't be me without a couple of insults,” she says flicking her smoke. “But I just sort of thought it would always be us four. And now it's us three and you three and I'm gonna miss you, Juggie,” she says taking a deep breath. She lets it go and opens her eyes to look at me. “I'm gonna miss morning coffee and you and Archie arguing down the hallways and Abel hiding out in your room and your deep and meaningful chats that you have with me that I have no idea what you're saying or how to follow you but you've been around for the last eight years and now, it'll be so quiet in the house.”   
   
I can see Ronnie biting her lip to stop it from shaking but a tear runs down her face. I wrap my arm across her shoulders and bring her closer to me, wiping the lone tear from the corner of her eye. “Don't waste your tears on me, V, I know you hate crying,” I say trying to joke.  
   
But I know how she feels, because I feel it too. They had protected me for so long from so many things and now I was exposed and supposed to be protecting a baby but I don't know if I can do it or how to do it but it was time for me to move on and learn.  
   
“I guess we'll just miss you. Archie won't even help because he's going to miss you too... and we haven't even told Abel.”  
   
I smile to myself. “Don't tell him, I'll just come over every day and see you guys.”  
   
“We love you and we love Betty and we're so happy that you two are happy. We're so happy that Betty is back with us. But the thing with Betty is that we love her so much but she didn't live with us, not like you.”  
   
“Ronnie,” I say quietly. “The only difference is now I sleep at a different home, but we all still share the same life.”  
   
“That sounds so hideously corny, Jughead,” she laughs.  
   
“I know, I'm a dad now, I'm entitled this.”  
   
Ronnie sighs and starts rubbing my back. “You've been through hell, you've been through more than people can even comprehend. You deserve the world, Jughead. And my girl deserves you.”  
   


* * *

  
   
I stared at a photo that took me back in time. I wore denim on denim and bright yellow suspenders for some reason. And Betty was wearing the Southside leathers with a bright yellow thigh length dress that clashed with the leathers, she was smiling up at me, wearing my beanie. She looked so proud as she smiled, but the photo told a lie, because she didn't approve of my dedication to the club – the only thing she approved of was her dedication to me.  
   
We were seventeen, it was one of FP's old friend's birthday's and she had joined us. That day I shared a whiskey with the kind of characters Betty wasn't accustom to. Betty didn't really approve of Southside and now that I look back, that was when this all started. The past five years all started on the Southside and a stupid Jughead who wanted to belong. That night, she didn't really talk to me. Not until I was on my hands and knees begging for her to forgive me. Not until I was on my hands and knees with my hands smoothing up her thighs. She donned the jacket, we took a photo – one of the only without my beanie on, and now it's between my fingers as I look at it with Betty trying to peer over my shoulder on her tip toes.  
   
I didn't take much to my new home. It was sort of sad to think that my entire life fitted into five boxes but then JB reminded me that I had had a life time of moving around and most of my life could actually fit into one backpack. Now that was sadder.  
   
Betty had moved the five boxes into the lounge room and we instead spent the rest of the night decorating the little girl's room. Growing up, Betty had hated her pink room but here we were, sitting in a miniature model of it.  
   
“Seems pink,” I say, hanging up a diaper rack in the wardrobe.  
   
I turn to look at Betty who had her tank top hitched above her stomach and her tights slung low on her hips as she grimaced, rubbing circles on her own skin. “I know. I didn't think I had bought so much pink...”  
   
“Well you definitely did,” I say frowning as I walk across the bedroom to her. “It's not too pink though really, you got those greys in here just like Ronnie suggested,” I laugh as I pick up a grey throw from the crib.  
   
Betty tries to smile but she inhales sharply. “I'm ok,” she says, noticing my frown. “I'm just really uncomfortable.”  
   
I move behind Betty and start rubbing her back, she eases into my hands as I keep rubbing harder and her head rolls back a little. “Betty, it's ten, maybe we should go to bed, yeah?” I ask her. “No offence, but you don't look good.” I rub her stomach and her skin is pulled tight, there's almost no space left in there.  
   
Betty sighs and moves away from me, rolling her tank back down over her stomach. “You know how V got that pregnancy shot out in the ocean and she looks all serene and mermaid like?” Betty asks, her eyebrows knitted together.  
   
I snigger and nod, moving my beanie over my head. “Yeah, of course I do,” I say with a scoff. “That day was the day from hell because she changed her outfit like thirty times and I was the one who had to drive her out to her shoot.”  
   
“Well, I don't know how she looked so peaceful in that shoot because I feel like a damn dragon!” Betty whines.  
   
I laugh and pull at her hand to bring her closer to me, her stomach bumping mine in the meantime. “So, hot?” I say with a wink.  
   
She gives me a small smile and bites her lip. “Don't be an idiot.”  
   
I kiss her lightly on the lips and look around the room that was our daughter's, I go to the ledge of the window and push the framed photo of seventeen-year-old Betty and I to the front. “You think she'll grow up looking at this photo thinking you were a Serpent?” I ask Betty.  
   
She laughs and moves closer, picking up the photo too. “I think she'll grow up thinking that we loved each other then and still do now.”  
   
“God, I really hope so,” I say, straightening the frame again. “Because I didn't spend hours on end decorating a girl’s room for nothing if not for your love,” I say with wink.  
   
Betty rolls her eyes at me and goes to walk out of the readied room. “You and your words get me every time...”   

* * *

  
   
I woke up this morning a permanent fixture in this house. We even used the blanket that Ronnie had insisted I take which was good because I didn't realise just how much I loved this blanket.  
   
I had my favourite coffee cup unpacked and Ronnie even gave me the last of container of my favourite coffee. Betty made one for me and one for JB; JB was still asleep until Betty stormed in and ripped open the curtains, JB swore a lot that morning while Betty laughed.  
   
Betty frowned at us and told us she hated us when we left for work. Two days down off work and already she was bored at home. Every time I'd get home, the house would smell like cleaning detergent and Betty would be lying on the sofa, rubbing her stomach, begging me for gossip. Ronnie had come over once and not even she had enough tales about the soccer moms at Abel's day-care to occupy Betty's time. And Ronnie sure did hate those soccer moms.  
   
Having JB come to work with me wasn't anywhere as weird as I thought it was going to be, she fits in perfectly but she's not keen on bunking in with dad at the trailer. I promised her I'd take one step at a time and we'd sort something out.  
   
The feeling of waiting for the baby is how I feel when I wait for the summer even though she'll be born during the middle of Autumn – just like me. I wonder if Autumn will call to the little girl the same way as it does to me. Betty is born in the summer. If the baby is like her, she'll be born of the sun too and that might be why I feel this way during the long wait.  
   
JB bops her head during Jimi's riff and I smile at her. I switch off the mic. “Yeah, I feel like that too,” I tell her. “Easy and free...”  
   
JB laughs and points at me. “Good choice, you've always liked a bit of Jimi,” she tells me.  
   
I nod. “Good morning Riverdale! I hope that Jimi Hendrix has brightened up your Friday morning!”  
   
JB takes over; “For your best Friday wakeup call! Hit Pop's for fresh coffee and muffins!”  
   
We switch off.  
   
I look at my phone on the drawer light up, it's Archie. I pick up my phone and shake it at JB to tell her I got a message, she gives me another thumbs up.  
   
The first one from Betty;  
   
_\- Miss you already, Juggie. See ya soon!_  
   
A second one from Archie;  
   
_\- I got a box of papers here I'm gonna drop them off to B._  
   
I reply to them both, I tell Betty she's being crazy and if she's bored, to go and see Ronnie and I tell Archie to drop off my pillow too, my favourite one that's stained and gross but I realise if I'm going to be living with Betty, I better live in comfort. I also tell him to pick her up when he heads over, she's bored.  
   
The day rolls on, it was a boring Friday – one of the quietest ones I've had in months but it was good to just chill out and relax, especially after the last few days of moving.  
   
JB flicks the songs; “You all settled in with Betty now? You unpacked and everything?” she asks me. “I wouldn't know, I spent the night listening to Abel cry... Maybe I'm looking forward to moving in with dad, at least he doesn't cry.”  
   
I start flicking through next week’s announcement plans and nod. “Yeah, pretty much. We set up everything in Summerbaby's room. I now know what fabric softener is and all the baby's stuff smells really good,” I tell her. “Did you know that fabric softener actually softens the fabric?”  
   
JB laughs and shakes her head. “I think this is only stuff a parent learns, you're doing really good then! That's got to be the first step!”  
   
I nod. “Yeah,” I laugh. “I am. We washed all the baby's clothes and linen. Betty is actually ironing it but I set up the crib and Ronnie chose colour schemes and this is my new life,” I say waving my hands in front of me. “Welcome!”  
   
JB starts laughing harder. “Thank you for welcoming me, you do realise that because I've been forced to spend time with Veronica, she's been talking colour schemes to me too, right?”  
   
The radio phone starts ringing. “You didn't let calls through the lines, did you?” I ask JB.  
   
She shakes her head and answers it. “Hey, Riverdale air, this is JB,” she says switching off the connection. “You know we have personal phones? Fine – sorry – god! Yeah, sure, hang on -” she says, chucking me the phone. “It's Archie,” she tells me.   
   
I take the phone. “Arch?” I ask. “Why didn't you call me on my phone?”  
   
Archie sighs out loud. “I tried! It must be on silent!” he says, panic obvious through the phone.  
   
“You ok? What's wrong?” I question.  
   
Archie stutters a bit. “I'm at the hospital with Betty, I got to your place to drop off the box and she was sitting down – she was – her waters broke, Jug, you gotta get here!”  
   
I feel faint. I feel my temples pulsing; my hands start shaking as I nod against the phone. “Ok, Archie, I'm coming!” I tell him.  
   
I get up and put down the phone, snatching my keys off the desk and putting my phone in my pocket. I feel my head and pull down my hat on my head.  
   
“Is everything ok?” Jellybean asks.  
   
I shake my head as I start towards the door. “Betty's in hospital, her waters broke,” I answer.  
   
Jellybean says something that I can't hear, it's like she's talking underwater at me.  
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yah! Here's my preview. Like always. - ps, leave me comments? Pay me in love? Be kind? :-
> 
> “They're talking about a caesarean section,” Betty groans. “And if you thought I had something against needles then you have not seen me and knives!” Betty says sitting up in the bed, moving cords out of the way between her legs. “And I feel like an octopus!” 
> 
> I laugh and lean back in the chair that's in front of her, holding out my hands for her to grab so she can sit up properly. She still had her sense of humour even with the clinical backdrop and the constant beeping coming from her. “If it makes you feel better, I currently hold some very bizarre, unspoken feelings towards octopuses.”
> 
> She kicks my shins. “It's not a joke,” she says trying to hold in a laugh. “This girl is making things a hell of a lot harder than I thought they were going to be.”
> 
> “No giving birth on a bed of rose petals?” I ask. “Right on the stroke of midnight, a new baby is born of the sun with hair as red as roses and ivory skin?”


	20. Welcome to Fall, Summer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE BABY IS COMING! CALL AN AMBULANCE!

_ **Chapter Twenty** _

_Welcome to the world,_

_My world,_

_My universe,_

_My warmth in Summer._

* * *

It was a constant beeping that kept me awake. The beeping that had been ingrained in me from the many movies I had watched that were related to death.

Ronnie paced up and down the room, fighting with the Doctor that she was most definitely allowed to be the in room but I think with the way Betty's eyes almost slammed shut with every blink that she didn't want Ronnie in the room, I don't think she wanted anyone.

Alice kept sighing and looking at her watch then would flick her eyes to the phone plastered to her hand and would send many messages, keeping everyone in the loop with how things would pan out. Every now and then both Alice and Ronnie would ask me questions that they thought I should know the answers to, but naturally, I didn't have any answers, just questions looming above head.

The morning sun shone through, asking me also if today would be the day. A heart beat was hard to source, there were so many loud heart beats echoing through this room but one was so hard to detect, my gut was asking me if I truly felt like we would ever get something worth recording. Heart beats seem so mundane but sitting here in the Hospital, I feel stupid. Heart beats aren't mundane. They're more than important and no heart beat was more important than the one they're trying to get from my Sunny-Side-Up and Sunlight lying in a mess of sweat and loose Hospital gowns.

It's always been said that birth is a brutal, bloody mess. Essentially, that was exactly what it was. Did there have to be so much metal around? I don't know. Sterile dishes, forceps and metal machines and contraptions. This was not how it was in the movies at all, this is not what I had seen when Ronnie gave birth in the Luke-warm pool with the hideously papered wall that had the scenery of Sweet Water River glued to it. I remember it so clearly, the way Abel was bought into this world with Archie watching his first breathe and Ronnie's loving kiss on his lips, I remember so clearly thinking that I was so much more in this world having seen life bought in to it. I didn't think life would be so clinical and metallic to me like it is right now. Abel was born in the middle of hard times between his parents, they were young and in love but they weren't ready. Abel was born though and he was wrapped in young love and soft, fluffy towels. It worked out.

My own child, the one who was not so Jones, was being brought in with a rod attached to her head and rubber gloves that would snap cold against her bare, exposed skin and it made me feel a little sick. I shake, I worry. I keep my manic smile on my dial for Betty whose hair is sticking to her sticky forehead and her eyes screw shut with every sharp turn of Summerbaby in her.

"You have been sat up in this room for twelve hours now and I still know no more than I did back then," Alice says to Betty who was clearly not listening. "Have you told Gladys what's happening?" she asks me.

"Yeah," I lie. "I have."

I hadn't told my mom anything. I don't have my phone on me, it's lost in the bags I had bought here for Betty with clean clothes and a bag for the baby, right now, I didn't have time for anyone when I could barely figure out my own thoughts.

Alice seems pleased. "And you have your sister filling in for you at work, yes? She understands that this is a long, drawn out process, correct?"

"Correct," I reply to Alice the drill sergeant.

"Juggie?" Betty asks, barely rolling from one side to the other to face me.

"Yes?" Alice asks, shooting up so quickly she almost lost her step with her stilettos on the slippery lino.

Ronnie scowls at Alice and then turns her eyes to glare at me, her look begging me to say something but I can't, I haven't been able to since they had that long knitting needle up her to break the waters that weren't waters at all, more like thick oil. They'd attached a long needle thing to the baby's head because they couldn't read the baby's heart beat properly through the belt that they had also attached. There were so many cords and hooks and things attached to Betty, I pray to myself that she wouldn't move them all a way that made it seem she had many tentacles.

Betty groans and her eyes stay shut, mascara smeared all over her face that no one even offered to wipe for her. "Mom, I just need Jughead."

Alice turns to me and her eyes widen, moving her hand in front of her as if she was showing something to me, she tilts her head as if to say; _"Here you go, hurry up."_ I don't hurry, I move slowly I wonder how many years have just rolled by that I didn't get to see.

I pull my hat down tighter on my head, I put my hands deep in my pockets and I feel the weight of my cigarettes in my pocket, feeling like I need some sweet relief to clear my mind but it has been a lot of waiting and a hell of a lot of standing in this room that beeps constantly. I sit down in the chair that was once occupied by one Alice Cooper and I take Betty's cold hand in mine, squeezing it to try and tell her that I might not be sure of what's happening, but I am here. She smiles weakly at me and opens her eyes; "You must be hungry," she murmurs.

I laugh quietly and shake my head. "If you can't eat, then neither can I."

This is not true, I can't eat because the contents of my stomach would be likely to come straight back up. The head ache I had was throbbing so badly, I wanted to rip my hat off and save my head, so much dead weight.

"What are you thinking?" she asks me with a sigh, her eyes shut again. "You're thinking a lot."

I wanted this to end, I hated that nothing had answers. I wanted this baby out so I could hold Betty and hold the baby. I wanted us to go home. I wanted the Doctor to tell us how this was all going to happen instead of all the cords and ropes binding Betty to the bed, instead of the blood tests and the waiting game. "I'm not thinking much at all," I lie, kissing her hands. I think more, I think too much. I try to stay focused on the part where we go home and lie in bed all day just basking in the happiness, not sick with worry any more.

She doesn't buy it. "You haven't spoken at all," she replies.

Ronnie's repetitive clicking of her heels was starting to drive me a little insane. Alice must have felt the same because she says; "Sit down, Veronica, no one likes a pacer."

Ronnie barely holds back a roll of her eyes and takes a seat by the window, the morning sun becoming a little brighter. "How much longer do you guys think?"

This time I shoot her a scowl but I look up at the clock, just as I read that it's six-thirty-six, Doctor Adams comes flying through. "Morning, people!" she calls.

Alice seems thrown by the positivity of this woman and stands up again, "My daughter is in pain and these readings mean nothing to me!" slamming her hand on one of the screens that's attached to Betty. "Why they make these things so indecipherable is beyond me!"

The Doctor sighs and looks at Alice. "I know you're concerned about your daughter and grandchild but you probably can't read the readings because you're not medically trained."

Ronnie smirks and looks at me, I try and hold back my own smirk that is weakly busting through the barriers but Betty clenches harder onto my hand and I ease back into the chair. "Talk to me," Betty whispers.

The pulsing in my head keeps up as I see pain flicker through Betty. How woman survive this to talk about how beautiful birth is, now _that_ is beyond _me_ because all I can't feel right now is the pain that Betty is having. The heart crushing, brain breaking pain. "What do you want me to say?" I ask her.

"Tell me this will all be over with soon," she says gritting her teeth.

Just as I was about to lie to Betty for the second time in one day, the Doctor claps her hands together. "We're getting a better reading now, we should keep this up for about another five hours. If things don't improve, I'm sorry Betty, but we might have to perform an emergency C-Section."

There are several gasps through the room, Ronnie even has the audacity to slap her hand to her mouth and try and meet eyes with everyone in the room. Betty doesn't seem thrilled about the idea but I'm all for the safe arrival of the baby and a safe Betty, I wonder why they can't do it right now.

"I'm sorry," Alice says smiling sweetly but I can tell she's not sorry at all. "Five hours? Of pain? I think not," she adds scoffing.

Betty groans and then let go of my hands, pushing up off the bed to sit up and I fly out of the chair, hooking my arm under hers to help her. "You shouldn't be sitting up," I hiss at Betty. "This isn't resting."

"I'm not dead, Jughead," she says. "Women go through this all the time... unfortunately."

"I know but..."

"Don't," she hisses back. "And you too, mom," she says a little out of breath. "I'm in safe hands."

Alice doesn't seem so convinced but sits down roughly in the chair by the doctor, trying to look at the Doctors notes. "You buzz if you need anything, the others will be in through the next few hours to keep an eye on you, and I'm sure your mom here will alert us if anything you need arises."

The Doctor walks out and shuts the door and as soon as it happens, Alice stands up again. "Safe hands my ass," Alice hisses. "Five hours of this? I think not!"

"Mom..." Betty warns. She points at a glass of water next to me. "Can you pass me that?" she asks.

I do what I'm told and Ronnie starts her pacing again. "I need to go and make sure Abel and Archie are ok, Juggie," she says softly. "I think you should come and get something to eat."

I think about the next five hours and all the things I should be doing. I needed to wash for starters, that was often high on the priority list but had taken the back seat. I did need to eat something because the last thing I ate was a chewing gum that Ronnie had given me. I needed to pick up my wallet from the station, shit, I had so much to do and was not prepared even remotely for any of it. I look at Betty who gave me a quick smile and I rub my face, nails scratching my skin. Was birth always so stressful? So concerning? Scary?

"You can go," she says through a long breath. "I'm ok, you're hungry."

I shake my head and squeeze my eyes shut, trying to block out the pain she has in every breath. "I'm ok," I whisper against her. "I'll stay here."

"You're lying," she says, rubbing my cheek. "Just go, I swear to God I'll still be here when you get back."

"I'm not lying," I mutter.

Betty laughs and shakes her head. "Yeah you are, tell me another lie."

"You're the Sunlight," I tell her with a weak, defeated smile.

"That's stupid," she groans.

I snigger. "Yeah, because it's not a lie..."

Betty gives me a smile that lit up the room and closed her eyes. "You go," she whispers. "I'll be here."

"Come on Juggie!" Ronnie snaps. "Come and eat something and then we'll come back, ok?" she says, moving over to me and placing her hand on my back.

I throw my head back and give Betty a sorry look. "You wait for me, you hear?"

"I'm not going anywhere, I didn't come all the way back to Riverdale for you to miss out," Betty says with a yawn, closing her eyes.

"Do you promise?" I ask her.

I don't think she heard, she was fast asleep.

* * *

Archie paced the kitchen and kept looking at the clock before looking at his phone and then pacing again. "Eat, bro," he says as he starts up again.

I have a mouthful of spaghetti. "I am," I say through a chew. "You're not."

Archie groans and then looks to his wife. "What's happening?"

"You know as much as me, Archie," she says stirring her tea. "But no news is good news so..."

"Alice is there?" he asks.

"Yeah, and no news is good news..."

"Especially no news from Alice," I say with a snigger.

Archie reaches up for a high five as he sniggers, "Good one, Juggie."

Ronnie gives me a tight-lipped smile and looks back down at her tea. "She's a doctor, Juggie, I don't know what you're on about," she says with a wink.

"Doctor Cooper," I scoff into my spaghetti and only now do I realise how hungry I was. "She could just deliver the baby herself."

"Don't joke, guys," Archie moans. "I don't feel right about joking when Betts is in the hospital and we're here."

"Eating spaghetti," I say through bites. "Some sort of sick fuck you to the health system."

"There's nothing we could have done if we were there, babe," Ronnie tells Archie. "We're just wasting space."

Archie frowns but pushes my bowl of spaghetti closer to me. "Come on, you gotta get your energy."

"I am!" I whine. I notice that Archie hasn't stopped his pacing or looking at the clock, his jaw tense. "You ok?"

"Yeah." he says in a high-pitched tone. "Fine, Jug, just fine..."

"She's going to be ok," Ronnie says rolling her eyes. "I don't remember you being so concerned when I was having your son!"

This wasn't true. She was in too much pain to notice Archie when she was in labour. He cried out in the corridors of the hospital, he pulled his hair. He told me he couldn't be a dad. He was Twenty and shit scared about life. He was worried about his new wife in the birthing suite trying to breathe through contractions. He made himself sick. He had me there to talk him out of his worry and force him back into the room to hold her hand. I wiped tears that day. I shook him and all his thoughts out just as quickly as Abel entered. "He was worried, V," I tell her.

She purses her lips and looks at the clock herself. "Hmm..."

Archie looks up to the clock and shakes his head. "It's Betts," he mumbles. "She's so strong but you know, we've been neighbours since we were born, it's just hard knowing she's in pain..."

Ronnie hushes her husband and rubs his back. "She'll be ok, she's a tough cookie."

I go and wrap my arm around Archie's neck and kiss his temple to which he acts disgusted and rubs my face. "It must be so hard knowing that your best friends are having a baby and you get to sleep a full night every night," I tease, finding my energy. He shoves me away, Ronnie laughs.

After all I had eaten, I finally felt my own sickness. I feel my head throbbing and I grip onto my head just to stop it. It was pure dread pulsing through me. I knew birth was brutal and bloody but watching Betty lie in bed like a human machine was freaking me out. Once upon a time our biggest barrier was school and stolen kisses in a janitor's closet. It was me turning Southside... it was Betty's leaving. But now, she was tired and worn, she was running mascara and it wasn't me running. It was me staying right here, dreading what was about to happen.

"Are you ok, Juggie?" Ronnie asks, rubbing my back the way she had been all day. I was into her back rubs, I look at Archie with defeat.

"I dunno," I say choking a little. I clear my throat. "Is it always so battle-like?"

Ronnie laughs. "Oh Jug, I wouldn't know; I've only done it once."

"You want a ciggie?" Archie asks, the word thick on his tongue.

I nod and grab the packet off the bench. "Yeah," I tell him, "Only because you made the effort to say ciggie like you're fourteen and trying to buy a packet over the counter."

I get off the stool and follow after Archie. "You must be ok if you can make jokes," Ronnie calls behind us.

We make it outside and I reach for my lighter before I even sit down in my allocated area. It feels a lifetime since I've been out here and since Betty has been growing life, I know I've been spending more time with her. I flick the lighter and hear the crackle of my cigarette, I almost close my eyes. "Remember when we used to sit up in your room and play Playstation all day?" I ask my best friend.

Archie bites the tip of his tongue and rubs his eyes. "Yeah, how can I forget? You were always better than me."

"At least I was better at one thing than you," I say with a shrug. "That's a bonus."

Archie sniggers. "Yeah right, dude, you were better than me at things that mattered. Like Betty and school and shit."

I nod, he had a point. "True," I say with a wink.

Archie sighs out loud. "We used to always feel sorry for ourselves and talk about the reckoning and how Veronica and Betty would never come back to us and now look," he says, gesturing to us.

"We're living the American Dream?" I ask.

He shoves my shoulder. "What time are you supposed to be heading back?" he asks.

"When Ronnie tells me to," I tell him. "I don't want to be bugging Betty if she's sleeping..."

"You don't bug her, she probably wants you there," he tells me.

"True," I say with a sigh. "But I'll let her rest, might buy me some time to chill the fuck out."

Archie nods and kicks his feet out under the table. "You're doing a good job..."

I laugh humourlessly and rub my face. I was trying so hard to remain calm and cool but Betty was up in the hospital in pain and I don't even know where to start comprehending that people have kids all the time and this was completely natural. The human body was supposed to have been built essentially for this one thing that Betty was experiencing yet here I was, sitting amongst the breeze of Riverdale trying to understand this process in its entirety. I couldn't. I couldn't understand and I don't know how feeble, weak words uttered into her ear by me was going to ease her. "Did you feel like this, Archie?" I ask quietly. "Did you not understand how the person you love most is all cords and wires and pushing a baby out?"

Archie freezes and looks me in the eye, he opens his mouth but words are stuck. "Yeah, Juggie," he replies nodding. "I didn't know how I could do that to V, how people make it out to be the most beautiful thing in the world but it's really not."

My best friend is silent and understanding. He could feel it too, and in a way, I think he felt it for Betty as well. They had been the two inseparable kids growing up and now they're parents too. He didn't like seeing Betty hurt as much as I did. "At least I'm not the only one who felt scared out of their damn minds."

"Just as well you got a bright mind then, huh?"

I scoff. "Sure."

"You do, Juggie."

I inhale sharply and chuck my butt out in the ash tray. "Sometime really fucking soon, I'm going to be a dad," I say with a small smile. "I'll be a dad and my baby will look up to me and I pray this entire thing that Betty is going through is worth it."

Archie smiles and pats my shoulder. "Trust me, Jughead. It will be more than worth it," he comforts me. "'cause you're the best person I know."

* * *

"They're talking about a caesarean section," Betty groans. "And if you thought I had something against needles then you have not seen me and knives!" Betty says sitting up in the bed, moving cords out of the way between her legs. "And I feel like an octopus!"

I laugh and lean back in the chair that's in front of her, holding out my hands for her to grab so she can sit up properly. She still had her sense of humour even with the clinical backdrop and the constant beeping coming from her. "If it makes you feel better, I currently hold some very bizarre, unspoken feelings towards octopuses."

She kicks my shins. "It's not a joke," she says trying to hold in a laugh. "This girl is making things a hell of a lot harder than I thought they were going to be."

"No giving birth on a bed of rose petals?" I ask. "Right on the stroke of midnight, a new baby is born of the sun with hair as red as roses and ivory skin?"

Betty inhales sharply and rubs her stomach, a smile still on her lips. "That's exactly what I thought was going to happen, eyes of emerald, she enters the world..."

I kiss both her hands as she gives them to me again and look up to her, eyes bloodshot and hair matted. "Ah, Sunlight," I say with a breath. "She wouldn't be your kid if she didn't make someone work a little to prove their love."

"I don't think you ever had to work, Juggie," she says with furrowed eyebrows. "It was as easy as breathing..."

"For you," I tell her. "But for me, you're like thick, humid air filling my lungs."

Betty thinks a little on my words and then groans. "I didn't think I would ever be getting a kid cut out of me..."

"I'm just for the safe arrival of little Thea Baby," I answer.

Betty nods understandingly and looks down. "I didn't think I would be here... I thought I did every to the book," she says, smirking at me.

"And what book was that?" I reply. "The one written by Betty Cooper herself that encourages self-preservation in the form of shakes?"

"If it wasn't my love for shakes, I don't think I would have rocked back up in Riverdale so you should be grateful."

"I am forever in debt to Pop himself because of your great return."

Betty leans back on both her hands and looks at me seriously. "Have we settled on her full name?" she asks. "Maybe this is pay back for not naming her..."

I think about it. It was so Betty to think that everything had an underlying reason. But I think about our Sunny Side Up girl who was about to make her grand debut, how she'll be all bright and easy like her mom. How already she was the seamless connection of Betty and I, the physical representation of just how much I love Betty. "Thea Summer Jones..."

"Thea Summer Jones," Betty says searching for my eyes. "Because she's like the Sunlight you always seem to think I am."

Thea Summer Jones... It had a ring. It fit so much. Perfectly placed pieces. "You're right," I tell her standing up. I walk over to her, my legs between her thighs and avoiding all cords as Betty rests her head on my chest. I rub her back and kiss her on the top of her head. "Our Sunny Side Up girl is just like the Summer, even if she's gracing us in the middle of Fall..."

Betty laughs. "If she graces us today, it will be amazing, and I know you hate making a big deal today of all days..."

The door opens roughly and bangs against the wall. "B," Ronnie says quickly. "Are you ok?"

Betty groans against me and looks up with widened eyes, telling me she didn't a visitor just yet but she turns to look at Ronnie. "I'm fine, V," she tells her.

Ronnie clicks her way to the bed and brushes Betty's hair back, kissing her on the cheek. "Do you need anything? The Doctor is about to come in and kick me out but I wanted to come and see my girls before I go to pick up Abel."

"Go and pick up Abel," I tell her. "He's probably wondering what the hell is going on..."

Ronnie laughs and shoves my shoulder. "Abel doesn't worry about anything unless his grandma isn't around. Mom's doing a good job of replacing me."

Hermione would be lapping up the chance to have Abel for an extended amount of time until it hits bed time, the kid can't ever sleep without his mom or dad. Or me. "Tell your mom after all this is done, I'm down for one of her meals."

"Mom will be down too just so she can come and see our baby girl," Ronnie replies with a smile. "Hell, even I'll put on a meal if it means I can get some kisses."

"We're ok here, V," Betty says shortly, obviously sick of all the visits. "I'll get Jug to call you when anything new happens."

Veronica looks at Betty and can instantly tell that Betty just wants some peace so she gives her another kiss and turns to walk out before Doctor Adams walks in in which causes Ronnie's eyes to widen as she's just been caught red handed. "Betty needs rest, guys."

"I was just about to leave," Ronnie starts.

"You can wait now," the Doctor replies quickly. She starts tapping around on screens and looks at a printout that's just come out of one. A student Doctor comes rushing in and they start talking clinical between each other to which I try hard to translate everything in my mind but I don't understand any of it.

Doctor Adams starts feeling Betty's stomach and I watch Ronnie cling on to Betty's hand tightly, worry deep on her face. "You'll be ok, B," Ronnie tells her but I think she's trying to convince herself.

Doctor Adams frowns and exhales loudly. "I'm sorry, Betty, but I think we better book you into theatre for a caesarean section."

Betty nods understandingly and frowns. "I thought so."

"It's ok though," the Doctor says. "At least we can say we'll definitely be seeing your baby today and it will be the safest possible way at this time," she looks to the student Doctor. "Doctor Keenan here will organise prep for the epidural and then we can head out."

Betty gives Ronnie a fleeting look and Ronnie gives Betty another kiss. "I'll go home and I'll give your mom a call," she tells Betty. "And I'll tell Archie too so he can come up later?"

"Yeah," Betty mumbles. "That would be good."

We watch Ronnie walk away as the Doctors keep chatting amongst themselves, making plans for the baby's great escape.

"Juggie!" Ronnie says before getting out of the door, spinning on the balls of her feet and smile brightening the room.

"Yeah?"

"Happy birthday, Juggie. I just wanted to say that before I forget, but we didn't forget your birthday... I just didn't want to jinx it, you know we don't have the best track record on your birthday."

I smile to my friend before hurrying over to her and giving her a kiss. "Thanks Ronnie," I tell her. "Thanks for everything."

"Love you Juggie."

"Love you too."

"Come on, dad," Doctor Adams says quickly, clapping her hands. "We have to go and get this lady ready for theatre."

"Ok," I say, dragging my feet to Betty's bed.

"Is it your birthday?" Doctor asks.

I think about lying and saying no. I don't like making a big deal about my birthday but it's a bit hard to anyways if we're locked up in here. "Yeah," I say. "Yeah it is."

Doctor taps her clipboard and raises an eyebrow. "Well, you're going to get one heck of a present this year!"

* * *

They rolled her bed out of the room with me almost running just to keep up. Every foot felt heavy but Betty smiled and waved at me to hurry to be by her. They robed me up, covered me and my hat with a hair net and sent me in to hold her hand and whisper comforting things to her. I don't know who I was comforting exactly because every word was heavy in my mouth and I was whispering things that only seemed to matter to me.

They attached another band to her arm, made her repeat her address and name a million times and I felt I could feel the worry oozing from under the door where Alice was standing and waiting with her dress pressed, her heels clean and her hair and make up a mess. Trying to decipher why Betty chose me to go in there over Alice was difficult and strained but Betty's wishes were final and it was me in here wiping sweat from her brow and not Alice.

More beeps. "Take deep breaths, Betty, it'll all be over soon," they soothed.

"I'm ok," she answered through breaths. "I'm fine."

Her eyes were heavy and rolling back. Her grip weaker on my hand but she still smoothed her thumb over my knuckles.

"I love you," I told her. Trying to say something that made sense and right now, that was the only thing.

The beeping? It never ended. And the ticking of the clock was echoing and obnoxious. The smell of rubbing alcohol, well, it was so strong and foreign against the smell of vanilla that was also obnoxious and flowing through the air.

Quiet pads of Doctors cloth-covered feet were heightened as I tried to concentrate but I could barely do that when Alice was pacing. I see the hand sanitiser on the bench next to me, three loud pumps into my hands made me feel like I was doing something. But the word _'emergency'_ didn't make me feel like Betty was in safe, caring hands of surgeons.

It made me feel like this was the dark decent to hell and I couldn't breathe through all the drowning. It was all muffled talking and bad vision under all this water anyways.

Betty was quiet, drug-induced relaxed sighs as everyone surrounding her told her to relax. I could feel my heart beating so fast, it came up and was resting on my tongue. I was so cold, but I was sweating. Betty was so relaxed that she even gave me a smile which made me feel sick. They told me to look away, it would be quick, they told me that; they promised me.

"What's that?" I asked them but it was falling on deaf, medically educated ears. They kept prepping, rubbing liquids on her stomach.

The beeping kept going, I couldn't see anything past the pitched-up curtain they had put up to separate reality from what was happening behind them. She would be ok, they kept telling me that; they promised.

Deep breathes; they told us to have deep breaths but I could hear the clanging of metal on metal and bloodied scalpels. I saw soaked through cotton pads and swabs, three surgeons hunched over and a room full of students. Heart rate monitors, oxygen on standby.

"You ok?" I asked Betty.

"I'm ok, love," she whispered through groggy haze. "Are you ok?"

"I'm ok if you are," I tried to speak. I don't know if I actually spoke the words or if I was speaking under water too.

I heard the sound of suction and it was a while before I realised that the sound of suction was our baby coming up through the force made gap in Betty's stomach. "Hang on dad," a nurse said, pulling out a blanket. "It's time!"

I was shoved a pink blanket and I had my arms waiting, there was so much red everywhere and a small mouth opened, noise coming out. Rubber hands passed me my baby as Betty smiled.

It was cliche that this would feel like the alignment of planets. The world's biggest, brightest, most loved planet was the world currently in my arms. I cradled the entire world in my arms; it wore a pink hat that was as pink as her fresh body. Her movements were in slow motion but she need not do anything drastic, her entire being was enough to surprise and shake and make every person in her presence stare with awe and amazement.

She seemed so fragile but she had the firmest grip with her whole hand wrapped around my finger but god, she was so strong with the grip she had on my heart. Her eyes didn't open but they didn't need to be because finally, I could see enough for the both of us.

And blood might be thicker than water but love was so thick, it was stronger than all the granite in the world.

"Happy birthday, daddy," Betty said through weak lips.

And it really was. It was the happiest. It was the best.

I looked down on barely open eyes and sweet, pink lips. "Welcome to the world, Sunny Side Up."

* * *

Betty was still sleepy-heavy eyes for the remainder of the day and I was holding cool and calm in my arms with the big, bright eyes and the soft, cherry lips. She was so many soft movements and even when she did cry to be fed, it was soft and serene.

I sat in the corner of the maternity room with Betty quietly snoring in the bed, holding my hand and with my other arm, I cradled Thea.

Thea's dressed in pink on pink. Ronnie called me and demanded photos but I'm somewhat punishing at the moment, keeping her all to myself in the strongest form of greed.

Betty opens her eyes gently, "Hey," she murmurs and it's slow and delayed but in the moment, I'm tearing my eyes between both Thea and Betty.

"Hey," I say, lifting her hand to my lips, kissing her quickly. "Please, don't take this the wrong way, but I only have eyes for one girl at the moment and you're distracting me," I say with a wink.

Betty laughs quietly and tries to sit up, wincing as she stretches and she quickly lets herself down. "This is so sore," she tells me.

I gave her a glass of water and some pain relief and she swallows slowly before reaching her arms out towards me. I almost want to retreat back with my bundle of joy but I stand up instead. "You want her?" I ask. Betty nods.

Betty undoes her gown and positions Thea in her arms, Thea is a baby starved and she jerks her head from side to side, "She's hungry!" Betts laughs.

I sit on the edge of the bed, careful not to move my two girls but I swing my legs on to the bed next to Betty, stretching my arm across the head of the bed. "She's starving, my Summerbaby!" I laugh. "You've been holding out on her!"

Betty watches in awe, tracing Thea's eyebrows as her eyes shut slowly, mouth moving so quickly, it is surely the only part of her that moves quickly. "She's perfect," Betty tells me.

I watch my girls, how they seem to glow in the setting sun coming through the windows, how they're both so light, free, soul cleansing. I don't think at any moment in my life have I ever felt so grounded, so steadfast as I do right now in the presence of these two. Gentle, rolling and easy. I tilt Betty's head up to me, I kiss her gently on the lips as I trace patterns on Thea's bare arm. "You're more than perfect," I tell Summerbaby. "You're everything."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I could put into words how much everyone's support means to me, there wouldn't be enough space in this little box. I thank you. I thank you for the support, it means more to me than I could ever express.  
> We're one chapter away from the end. It's been a long 7 months but completely worth it.


	21. Love is the End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for humbling me and being here. It's been a long 7 months and we're still alive.

_**Chapter Twenty-One** _

_Rapids keep flowing,_

_and Summer keeps calling,_

_And I am still here_

* * *

_Five Years Ago_

I promised that the last smile she gave me was going to be the last to kill me. Every smile she's ever given me has broken me down, made me movie-like weak at the knees. And shit, it happened all over again; Betty made me weak with her smile and I broke my own promise. Go figure, it's been happening for the last three years and I was shit at ignoring her. I keep blowing it.

At some point when we were younger, we had something that kept us together. We might have been from opposite ends of Riverdale but that Riverdale Pep kept us connected. But then we drifted physically, I went to the Southside. And then it went further that, we drifted a little more and Betty hated Southside and I know, deep down in me, this is why we're here today.

We stood outside the front of her house. It was raining, in more than the physical drops of water on us. It was raining in my mind. My heart feels heavier than the wind in a storm, thunder rocking through me as I take feeble steps, lightening pulsing in my veins. I feel tears on my skin. They're hers.

I shouldn't feel this way. I was eighteen and running free, I could do anything I wanted; be anything I wanted. I was out of the system, I was no longer a statistic. Dad was with me, we laughed over hot drinks, he told me jokes, we lived more. Betty was leaving, she was stolen tears in alley ways, she was desperate kisses and last touches. She was going. Pursuing an Education away from here. But I know, it's probably more to do with the _disconnect_.

 _Don't leave, don't leave_ ; it keeps echoing through me.

"You'll come and say goodbye tomorrow, right?" she asks. "Skip work tomorrow and come and see me," she says lightly moving fingertips across my forearms.

"It's not goodbye," I tell her through gritted teeth, trying to concentrate, I smooth my hands down her hips. "But I do hate goodbyes."

She laughs against my lips and pulls my neck tighter. "Don't say goodbye then, just say see you soon..."

" _See you soon_ ," I repeat against her. "See you soon, see you soon..."

She sniffs loudly and wipes her tears. "I don't know why I'm crying," she laughs.

I kiss a tear on her cheek bone; I taste stinging salt, smell cold iron. "I know, we still have hours together..."

"That sounds morbid, like maybe you're not going to come and see me," she says weakly. "But you are! Don't count down hours, Juggie. Don't count down..."

"I won't count anymore," I promise. "And I'll come and see you, maybe you'll get sick of me?"

"Do you promise?" she asks, moving her mouth to the crook of my neck. "I could never get sick of you..."

"Like I said," I groan with her teeth on me. "I'll see you soon..."

"When College is all over and done with, we'll move home."

"You'll move home to me?"

She laughs, "Or maybe you can just come to me? I think you're the one who needs to get away from home, come with me?"

Fleeting comments on Southside make me feel guilty.

We wait for the next few hours on the floor of her bedroom. I pray the bus doesn't come, that she changes her mind, that she doesn't go. But this will be good for her... I convince myself; _this needs to be good for her. It needs to be good for her... I'm not good enough for her... I was the worst type of project for her._

I am the worst and my leather jacket feels heavy on my shoulders.

I try not to think of how bad Southside is and how visiting her seems like an even worse choice when I'm trying to keep her good.

* * *

_Right Now:_

Sunlight streams in through the window just as Sunny-Side-Up starts crying. Sunlight groans next to me and I realise that Thea was apparently asleep on her chest and Betty hadn't been able to move since she last woke. "Your kid," Betty groans. "She's hungry." Betty, as much as she likes to think she doesn't give into Thea's every whimper, has become somewhat of a human mattress. Summerbaby is a constant on Betty's chest and most times I find them sleeping in each other's embrace, chest rising and falling making Summerbaby's entire body move in unison with her mom.

"You're the feeder," I laugh, rolling over to lift my feet out of the bed. "I'll go and get a bottle," I tell her.

"I'm not the feeder, Jug. I am simply the udders; I am a cow, I am nothing but a milk producer..."

"As is the life of a mom, Betts, embrace it. Summer's calling to us!"

I walk over to Betty's side of the bed and push Thea's underused bassinet out of the way, recently, it had been nothing more than washing basket. I grab soft cotton in the form of our Summerbaby from Betty's chest and Betty sighs in relief, rolling over to her side and stretching out. Thea stops crying instantly and I smirk to myself, giving Betty a wink and she rolls her eyes at me. "I get it," she groans. "You're the favourite..."

"I wouldn't say _favourite_ ," I reply, watching my daughter look at me, her small lips mouth moving, looking for food. Her pink swaddle being unwrapped as she tries to stretch her arms out. "Ok, I would, she loves me."

Betty sighs and relaxes more into the bed as I try and fix Thea's swaddle. "What were you dreaming about?" she asks me.

I keep quiet as my daughter slowly moves her head to the side, still searching. "Nothing," I tell her. "Why?" I ask, shoving thoughts of teenage Jug and Betts out of my mind.

"You were frowning," she says quietly.

"Nothing, Betts. Go to sleep, I got things handled over here," I tell her, briefly thinking of when we were kids.

"Do you?" she answers quietly. "No more calls to Archie?"

I blush and bite my lip, looking down at the bundle of pink in my arms. "I dunno, depends how I go I guess, you have to admit that Archie has skills and a level of patience that can't be matched," I say with a chuckle. "Summerbaby and I will go and bunk out in the lounge, you rest up, Betts," I tell her, leaning down to kiss Betty on the temple.

"Thanks, Juggie," Betty says dreamily. "I need a rest."

"Rest up; Thea and I are ok."

I walk out and shut the door behind me, Sunny-Side-Up settles in my arms and I can tell she's tired. She smells like baby powder and milky-sweet and the soft downy feel of her hair tickles my lips as I kiss her. I get to the fridge and now it's the juggling act â€“ just like Ronnie had warned me. I try and pull out a bottle of milk that Betty had made last night, I flick the jug. I wait with my lips on soft skin and my nose in her hair. I run my thumb over her eyebrows as we wait for the jug.

She was soft, slow movements that I was amazed by. Her grip was so strong all the time, even though she's drifting in and out of slumber in my arms with her hand wrapped around my pinkie. Every now and then, her eyes flicker to mine and I wonder if she can see me. _Really_ see me. See that I love her so much, I'm preparing to move mountains, start storms, just to please her. All because of this little wrapped up human who weighs nothing in my arms.

I hear the jug flick off and I look down at Thea. "That's our cue, Summerbaby," I tell her. "Hope you're still hungry. Who am I kidding? Of course, you are... you're my kid."

She doesn't answer but her eyes do and they're sleepy, dewy, loving. And this is enough for me.

I bob her bottle up and down in a jug of water before testing it on my wrist. It's like she's magnetically drawn to it because before I even make an attempt to put it in her mouth she's shaking her head and opening her mouth, closing her eyes. She starts sucking away and I settle on the sofa, watching the TV on mute. "You hungry, huh?" I laugh at her with her eyes closed. "Your mom holding out?"

I press my lips to her head again and again, rubbing my thumbs over soft, chubby cheeks and exhaling gently, not wanting to jolt her. Sometimes when I think a little deeper in my mind, I remember the life I used to live. But mostly, I don't remember much of when Summerbaby wasn't around and it had only been a few weeks. What kind of person was I before? I don't know anymore. As cheesy as it feels to think it, I can only pinpoint the man I want to be now that Thea is here.

I feel my own eyes falling heavy but Betty comes up behind me, kissing my head before running her fingers over Thea's. "Look, she's out cold!" Betty says. "She wasn't bad last night but she wasn't sleeping either..."

"She just needed the Midas touch," I say shrugging. "No big deal. What's the time?" I ask Betty, "Seems like we've just come in here."

"It's been almost two hours, you fell asleep!"

"Time flies when you're having fun and all that shit," I say pointing down at Thea. "She's barely been awake."

Betty laughs and jumps over the back of the sofa to come and sit by me, leaning her head on my shoulder. "We have so much to do!" she tells me. "We have to go Christmas shopping -"

"Which reminds me!" I say with my eyes growing. "I need to buy an Elf outfit!"

"Oh god, we're not _those_ parents, are we?" Betty asks with a snigger.

"Yeah, we are," I reply. "I need to dress Thea up in a suit and take her to see JB; JB's going to hate it!" I laugh.

Betty shakes her head. "You two are so lame, you know that?"

"Yeah, that's the point, I have to be a lame dad..."

"Then your daughter will hate you," Betty smirks.

"Then I will know that my job is done, if she's embarrassed to be around me. I'll be a _cool_ dad."

"You'll be a _joke_."

"At least jokes are funny," I say shrugging. "That's always a bonus."

Betty chuckles and reaches over to smooth her finger over Thea's skin. "I don't want you to go to work," she mutters, still looking at our baby. "I want you to stay with me..."

"A bit soon to be putting our infant to work, don't you think?"

"I see you've been practising your jokes," Betty says biting her lip. "You're so cute."

"I don't want to go to work either," I sigh. "I want to stay here with you and Summerbaby but JB will get lonely."

Betty raises an eyebrow. "JB? Lonely? Honestly, she's probably taken over the station."

"She's been sending me snarky messages about how cold, dark and damp the station is and listening to podcasts about murders, she's not in a good way," I say with a wink.

"You guys are so brooding," Betty laughs.

"She'll be like that too, you know," I say tracing the outline of Thea's lips. "Considering she's a Jones..."

Betty frowns but kisses my lips. "She's always been a Jones, Juggie. You know that."

"I know," I reply with a smile, running my free hand over Betty's lips, feeling her skin, feeling her inhale sharply. "And you will be too, soon."

Betty runs her tongue over her lip. "Oh yeah?" she laughs. "Is that you oh-so-romantic way of proposing?"

"No," I say shrugging. "You'll get the real deal. When you least expect it..."

"I will be expecting it at all times now."

"Get ready," I reply, kissing her again.

* * *

I carried my little green and red bundle into the station wrapped in my jacket and a blanket as well. Riverdale howled for her, wind stung our nose and ice was sounding from beneath our feet. Summerbaby didn't stir once in our cold walk from the car and I knew in an instant that she was born of Riverdale, it's cold, harsh domineering call. Sweet Water River didn't move her, winter-white winds didn't shake her. She laid in my arms as calm as waves from the ocean.

But of course, she was calm in the winter, because she's from the Sunlight.

Thea keeps sleeping in my arms because that's all she really does but I held her out, my grin so big my cheeks hurt and my jaw tenses. JB glares at my daughter in all her Elvan glory.

JB cuts the mics and her eyes grow huge, her mouth drops, she shakes her head. "No," she mumbles. "No, no, don't tell me you went out and bought one of those damn costumes â€“ oh god, you did! Look, it has candy cane striped legs and a belt buckle... is that a hat with ears?"

I nod proudly and Thea still doesn't move. "Yeah, cost me quite a bit but I don't care," I tell her laughing. "Don't you love it!"

"I â€“ uh, well, I don't know... Yeah, I guess so, I mean, I love it," JB says unconvincingly. "But it's fucking hideous -"

"Shush!" I hiss. "No swearing in my kids untainted, pure ears," I say, shielding Summerbaby from JB. I turn back her. "But it's cool, right?"

"You're my nieces father, Jughead Jones, if she still has untainted ears, you better get on to revising your vocabulary. And regards the outfit," she says pulling at the cuffs of Thea's outfit. "It's screaming Christmas which is just as well because it's Christmas Eve..."

"So, it's fitting, yeah?" I ask JB. "Betty hates it but I will stop at nothing to have my Summerbaby enjoy her first Christmas!"

"It looks like she might just enjoy a rest and a bottle," JB laughs, picking up Thea's limp hand. "Just like her dad," she adds with a wink.

I groan. "No drinking for me this Christmas!" I reply.

"I don't think this one's going to see much of Christmas, try again next year, Juggie," she says, trying to take Thea from my arms but I turn away.

"You just don't understand because you don't understand her," I say, kissing my baby's head. "She'll love it."

"Give me my Ladybug now," JB says seriously, getting mad at me. "You can't bring her all the way here without letting me get some love in!"

I hand Thea over to her Aunty and JB's face lights up. "My poor baby," she coos. "Your father dressing you up in this hideous outfit!"

"Hey, that's no fair, it's my first Christmas as a dad, let me have this."

"I don't see Archie doing shit like this."

I roll my eyes. "You think Veronica would let Abel be caught in something like this? Betty's a little easier going."

Jellybean snickers. "Yeah, you could say that."

"Archie's tomorrow morning, ten o'clock, ok? You know how Ronnie gets when you're late -"

"So, don't be late?" JB replies, handing my baby back to me.

"Not unless you want to be served as Christmas dinner," I tell her. "Bring dad too and make sure he's not late."

JB gives me some thumbs up. "Daddy suits you, Juggie. You're doing good!"

* * *

"There's my baby girl!" Ronnie squeals from inside the house even though I haven't even opened the door, I can hear her. "My baby girl! Come to your favourite aunty!"

I'm almost bowled over by Ronnie as she slams the door against the side of the house, my arms being pried open as she scratches my arms with sharp, manicured nails. A perfectly arched eyebrow rises as she looks at Thea's elf costume. "You're impressed, I can tell," I say sarcastically. "You're stunned."

"Stunned is right, but I'm not impressed... My poor baby girl is dressed in this! On Christmas of all days!"

"So, if it were Easter, it would be ok... makes sense, babe," Archie laughs from behind her.

Ronnie rolls her eyes and puts her nose to Thea's mouth. "What are you doing?" I ask.

She holds up her free hand and inhales. "I love the smell of newborn baby's breath..."

"Newborn?" I ask. "She's practically a woman grown, she's two months!"

She keeps up with her weird sniffing and Archie joins in, kissing Thea's hands and smiling at her. Betty links her arm in mine and watches them as if they were in a completely different world. "What's wrong?" she asks me.

"I'm scared they're going to kidnap her..." I whisper.

Betty just shrugs. "Let them," she laughs. "They'll be returning her in no time."

I hear a high-pitched scream and then heavy, little footsteps on the wooden floors. "UNCLE JUGGIE!" Abel yells out and his small but heavyset form crashes against my legs, clinging on to me.

I feel bad but I feel a little more complete when Abel looks like to me, dark haired like his mom and squinted eyes like his dad. I scoop him up into my arms and ruffle his hair, kissing his cheeks. "How you doing, buddy?" I ask him.

He gives Betty a small but shy smile and points to her too. She looks at Archie and then back to me, rubbing Abel's cheek. "You think I stole your Uncle Juggie, huh Abel?" she chuckles.

"She has a habit of doing that to me too, son," Archie laughs but he turns back to Summerbaby, kissing her little fingers again.

"You have a baby," Abel says, pointing at Thea. "A little baby!"

"You were a little baby too you know, kid," I tell him, giving him another ruffle on the head. He starts struggling to get out of my grip. "Hah, that was short lived," I say, letting him free. Abel was typical boy and his attention span was short but I felt good just having that moment with him.

The front door opens and Fred and Hermione walk in, shaking out jackets and grins larger than life on their lips. "Where's the baby?" Hermione sings as she clicks through, giving all of us a kiss on the cheek. "There she is!" she says walking up to her daughter to where mine laid in her arms.

Ronnie frowns and reluctantly gives Summerbaby up. I would never get used to the pitfall feeling in my stomach when she's being passed from person to person. For a split second, I think of every single bad thing that could happen when she's in between arms. "Make sure she's not cold," I call out.

"Scared of the flu?" Archie asks.

"Scared for your life?" I ask back.

Archie laughs and gives his dad a hug, Fred turns to me and hugs me too. "She's damn cute, Juggie," he tells me. "As cute as a button!"

"The cutest button out," I tell him.

Betty and I continue to stand in the hallway watching Hermione and Fred pine over our baby. My breath hitching with every one of her movements. "She doesn't even seem bothered at all by all these people!" Betty tells me. "She's the most placid kid out!"

"I know," I reply. "She's calm and rock steady like you."

Betty smiles and kisses my cheek. "I guess she has to get used to having all these ones around anyways, and my family are yet to turn up."

Ronnie and Archie go back into their kitchen to start on the Christmas dinner and Hermione spins around. "You two, come over here and grab this girl, I want to take a photo of you two."

I groan but I can already feel Betty pulling at my hand, dragging me to position. Betty holds Summerbaby in her arms and I wrap my arm around her waist, pulling her closer and smiling to as both Fred and Hermione whip out their phones to take shots. "Wow!" Fred says, "Gotta admit, you guys make a fine-looking family."

"Frame worthy," Hermione says swiping her finger side to side, "I'm seriously gonna get some of these framed."

I hear Ronnie groaning from the kitchen. "Because it won't look weird of you to have a photo of Jughead and Betty in your home, mom!" she says sarcastically.

I give Hermione a wink. "Do it to spite her."

"Oh, don't worry Juggie," she winks back. "I will. A nice big one right next to the photo of her and Arch and Abel."

"Well it won't be so weird for me," Fred laughs. "I'm gonna blow it up and put it in my kitchen! I'm a proud Grandpa!"

Betty starts rocking Summerbaby as Fred and Hermione go in to the kitchen to help and we file into the lounge room. It had been a while since I had been here but it's like I never left at all, I feel ease walking in here and my favourite sofa position was calling out to me, begging to be filled. I slump down and kick my boots off as Betty hands me Thea. "You watch her while she sleeps," she orders. "I'm going to go into the kitchen to try and feel a little normal. Let's see how I cope with trying to fit in with the adult conversation..."

I wave her out and I sink further into my sofa, almost feeling like I could go to sleep too.

"MERRY CHRISTMAS PEOPLE! WHERE'S MY BUG AT?" I hear my sister shout through the house. "What? I can't wish people a Merry Christmas? Ok Ebenezer, I get it!" she groans.

I don't even open my eyes, wishing that the Christmas spirit would swallow me whole but that wasn't going to happen and especially if my sister was here. Fred comes storming through into the lounge room too, waiting to see where the shit storm was that is my sister.

"Did I hear Jellybean?" he asks me.

She comes running through, arms wrapping around Fred and a huge kiss landed on his cheek. "Hey, JB!" he says laughing. "You dragged your old man in for a bit of Christmas Spirit?"

"Hey Senior Archie," she almost yells, jolting Thea in my arms. I pat her back to calm her.

"You'll get used to your aunty," I whisper. She doesn't care, her eyes roll back again. She may already be used to the Great Jellybean Jones.

JB sees us laying on the sofa and pretends to creep up. "I don't think it was me that dragged dad here. This little Bug did," she whispers to Fred. "Gimme the baby, Jug, and no one gets hurt..."

I swat JB's hands away and I see my dad saunter in, boxes in his arms and looking sheepish. He's shaved, Christmas does that to him. "Hey Son," he says shaking the boxes in his arms. "It's Santa in the flesh... Ho, ho, ho and all of that."

Fred helps dad with the boxes and hands him a beer. "You're gonna need one, FP," Fred warns him. "It's hell in here."

"It's Christmas," JB groans. "Why do you two always have to be so..."

"Angsty?" I suggest.

"Moody?"

"Dark?" I add.

"Cynical?" JB laughs.

"All of the above?" I laugh back.

JB falls on the sofa next to me and rubs Summerbaby's head. "I missed ya kid," she says.

"I missed you too, Jellybean." I say giving my sister a grin.

She scoffs. "Wasn't talking to you, Jughead," she moans. "I was talking to my Ladybug."

Dad clicks his bottle of beer to Fred's and comes to sit on the arm of the sofa before placing his bottle on the side table. He reaches down to rub Thea's head too. "Shit she's amazing," he whispers. "I mean, I know you two kids were too, you two shook my world but this... magical," he says with a soft smile.

My dad was often blunt words and blunter actions but him right now, here at Archie's with the family around and Christmas buzzing higher, this wasn't something that dad usually a part of but he fit right in. He looks down at Thea with awe - something I hadn't seen in my dad before. His tenderness is an interesting thing to read but I liked it. Hell, I _loved_ it.

"She eats and poops and sleeps, dad," JB says scowling. "Hardly magical."

"Hey Freddie," dad calls out, Fred pops his head back into the room with a questioning look. "You never did tell me what a heck of a feeling it is being a grandpa!"

"I never did say welcome to the club, huh?" Fred replies.

Dad chuckles. "One hell of a club..."

JB ruffles my hair and stands up. "Going to go and see what's going on in the kitchen and steal some supplies, you guys take good care of my Bug, ok?"

She flies out of the room and leaves dad and I sitting on the sofa. "Your sister's been on high alert, son," Dad laughs. "From the moment, we left the trailer."

"She wouldn't be JB if she wasn't on high alert," I answer. "I would be concerned that she was some sort of imposter."

Dad nods. "Yeah, you're right. All she could talk about when we drove here was how happy she was for you," dad says looking at Thea. "We all are, you know?"

Dad's words were softer and his expression was softer. His eyes were glued to Summerbaby and he kept playing with feather soft hair around her ears. Dad didn't often speak softly to me; he was all booming words and sharp laughs but right now? It was calming and comforting, something I hadn't felt since I was a kid. "Thanks, dad."

He pats me on the back before rubbing a little then putting his hands back together. "Shit," he says. "You're already a better father than I was at any stage to you kids. You got a good head on your shoulders... I was so stressed about trying to find money to look after you guys and your mom... we were never good together."

I swallow loudly and put my lips to Thea's head just to do something. I could hear the hurt creeping into my dad's words and the way he wrung his hands was telling me he was nervous to talk but I was nervous to listen too. "I just want to do my best, dad."

He nods. "Yeah, I know Jug. You're settled, you got a good job, Betty's still amazing. I see it," he sighs and rubs his face before looking to me. "Merry Christmas, Jug."

"Merry Christmas, dad," I say patting him on the back.

"Jace! Ellie!" I hear Polly call out.

"Don't yell, Polly, Jesus Christ!" Alice calls out to her daughter.

Polly snickers as she walks into the lounge room, rolling her eyes. She gives me a glare and puts her fingers to her temple like a gun. "I swear to god, who invited her?" she hisses at us.

The twins come zooming in with blonde hair trailing behind them both and they cling to their mother's legs. "Can we see the baby?" Ellie asks me, "Please?"

"Please what?" Polly corrects her.

"Please, Uncle Juggie," the twins say in unison.

My eyes dart from Polly to my dad and I feel a little embarrassed. I was used to having Abel call me Uncle Juggie but these two? I barely knew them but I was now part of their circle, their family. I pull Thea's blanket down from her face and Jace grimaces, Ellie's eyes grow and she grins. "She's beautiful!" Ellie says. "And she's bigger than she was before!"

"Babies grow, Ellie," Jace teases. "It would be funny if she was still small."

"Shut up, idiot," Ellie says rolling her eyes.

Jace scowls. "You're an idiot!"

Alice quickly walks through into the Lounge room and clicks her fingers at the twins before looking at Polly. "Mind your tongues, the two of you!" Alice scolds.

Polly sighs. "Mom," she moans. "Stop, it's Christmas."

"Why don't you two go and find Abel?" I ask the twins, seeing they were bored. "I think he's in his room with the toys."

Alice just looks down at me with a smirk and tapping heels. "Merry Christmas, Jughead," she says, holding out her arms. "Now I need to have hugs before everyone else does."

Dad sniggers and runs his tongue over his teeth. "A little late, Allie," he smirks back. "Already been holding my grandbaby for the past hour, fell right to sleep in my arms," he says, pretending to rock Thea in his arms.

I can almost see Alice's temple pulsing as she grits her teeth and reaches for Summerbaby from me carefully, cradling her head. "Well isn't that good for you, Forsythe?"

"You always did moan my name real good," dad retorts, sipping his beer.

Alice completely blanks dad out as Betty walks in, frowning and shooting looks between her mom and I. "Ah - hi mom?" Betty says.

Alice spins on her heels and gives Betty a smile. "Merry Christmas, Betty!" she says, giving Betty a kiss. "When was this girl last fed?"

I hear Polly laugh and say to JB; "Better her than me."

"Polly, your kids are feeding candy to Abel... they'll be on a sugar high..." JB replies.

"Christmas, Jellybean," Polly says sipping a wine. "Everyone's on a high."

Betty groans and checks Summerbaby in Alice's arms. "She'll wake up when she's hungry, mom."

"Babies don't know what they want, they're babies!" Alice argues.

"That means you're a baby, Jughead!" JB calls back.

Dad laughs. "That's a pretty bad burn, son."

Everyone crowds around in the lounge room and circle around Alice, watching the baby sleep. Ellie has a blue mouth and points at Thea with sticky fingers. "Is that all she does?" Ellie asks. "Sleep?"

Abel reaches over to Thea and touches her nose, leaving blue on it. "Baby is sleeping!" he shouts almost. "She likes to sleep all the time!"

Ronnie shushes her son and her eyes widen. "Who's been giving you candy, Abel?"

He immediately holds up two hands to both Ellie and Jace. "No, we didn't," Jace says quickly, shoving wrappers in his pockets.

Alice wipes Thea's nose and I can see her stirring, moving her arms and legs out to stretch. "Betty!" she calls. "She's hungry!"

Then she starts to scream.

I don't know at what point I had got used to the crying, but in a house, that was currently filled to the brim with parents, they all seemed to flinch at it. Betty rushes through shushing every now and then and takes Thea from her mom's arms.

"Ah," dad says, "She hates you, Allie, that's a real pity," he says with a shrug. "I guess she fits in with the rest of Riverdale then, huh?"

Alice doesn't like dad's comment and turns to her two other grandchildren. "You two behave yourself or Santa might come and take all your presents back, you hear?" she tells Ellie and Jace, they run away before she turns to look at dad. "I guess Santa took all of yours about back in High School though, huh FP? Might explain why you never got anything you wanted."

Everyone hurries out of the lounge room to go and sit at the kitchen table and it leaves Betty and I alone. She's already feeding Summerbaby once everyone is gone. "Christmas is so crazy, I don't know how we're going to do it every year..."

"Imagine how your sister feels," I say with a laugh. "Every year, two times over."

Betty sighs as she leans her head onto my shoulder, listening to the steady sucking of Summerbaby on her, her tiny hand resting on Betty's chest. "My mom's on full throttle mode, your dad is stirring her, Polly and JB are ripping everyone to shreds and Jace and Ellie are turning Abel into a little beast, I don't even know where Archie is..."

"Don't worry, Sunlight," I say with a whisper kiss on her temple. "We only have to worry about what's in front of us."

"That is so _you_ to think that, Jughead Jones," she laughs. "What about Christmas dinner?"

Veronica's head pops around the corner and she chucks her thumb over her shoulder. "It looks like it might all be covered now that mom is here..."

Betty pats the sofa next to her. "Come and sit by us," she tells Ronnie. "Merry Christmas!"

"To you guys too," she says waving her hands in front of her before she sits down. She rubs Thea's hand and smiles down at her. "She's so cute, and very pink, and you know how much I love my girl pretty in pink even though she has these damn rags on."

"You'd be pretty in pink too if you were always warm and snuggly like she is," I tell Ronnie. "And not exposed to any natural light."

Veronica shudders. "That doesn't sound good..."

"She gets her daily dose of Vitamin D and that is it," I say crossing my arms.

Betty rolls her eyes. "He's obsessive over her wellbeing, excuse him."

"Better to be obsessive than not, Betts," I reply.

Veronica slings her arms over both of our shoulders, reaching up high on one side to get to mine and leaning her head on Betty's shoulder. "I just really want you t know I'm selfish and love having both of you here with me. I still ship it!"

I laugh and rest my head on top of hers. "Thanks for giving me a bed to sleep on."

Ronnie shakes her head and clicks her tongue. "Is she always so quiet? She's definitely your daughter, B, so sweet!" she asks, reaching over and rubbing Thea's hands.

I laugh and jerk my head in the direction of the kitchen. "If you're after some noise, go hit up the kitchen. There are kids in there high off candy. _Your_ kid in particular."

Ronnie groans and rolls her eyes. "You ain't seen the last of me."

We lie in silence as we listen to the clashing of pots and pans and Thea stays awake a little longer, making little noises as we speak softly to her. "You know she's the Sunlight just like you, right?" I ask Betty.

She nods. "I know, the Sunlight of your life, Summerbaby," she smirks. "I know."

I couldn't remember a single Christmas where I was so content. I felt it pulsing through me, the content and warmth. Even with us three sat up on the sofa speaking softly was enough to make me happy. Knowing all these people around me were my family and were my home. "I would go through the last five years ten times over if it meant I would end up in this very position, in this very place with you and Thea," I tell Betty.

Betty frowns and reaches to rub my cheek. "I would change everything I have ever done if it meant I would have ended up in this very position sooner."

I shake my head. "Nah you wouldn't" I tell her. "Or at least nah you couldn't have..."

"Why?"

"Because we wouldn't have our Thea if you didn't do everything exactly how you were supposed to."

Betty sighs and kisses my cheek. "True," she says. "But that still really sucks."

"Nah it doesn't," I whisper. "Call it fate."

* * *

Dad and JB went home before us. Both at each other's throats from teasing each other and for once, I was not the victim of JB's sharp tongue. Having to pry Thea from Alice's claws on the other hand made me question just how far one would go to take my daughter. Polly was busy to control double-sugar-highs, I think she missed most of Christmas.

Archie and Ronnie wanted to escape their own home and they followed us to ours, eating the last of our cakes and kicking their shoes off in our hallway. Abel hid under our table for a solid hour before arguing with his mom with slow, quiet words and heavy eyes.

We all laid on the sofas, too full of food to even move. Hermione might have been a good cook but we reaped the benefits when she competed with Alice for the title of the best.

Ronnie patted Abel on the back like a baby as he rested his head on her chest and Archie lied back rubbing his stomach. "You guys look so cute," I tell them with a wink.

Archie laughs and Ronnie scowls at me. "Could say the same to you, Juggie."

Archie chuckles and puts his arms behind his head. "Can we move in with you guys?" he asks. "I like your sofas better than mine."

Ronnie is insulted and whacks him. "I spent a lot of cash on those sofas thank you, Juggie never complained, did you Juggie?"

I look between my friends and shrug. "I wouldn't count on my judgement," I tell them. "I _did_ sleep on a mattress on Archie's floor for years so..."

Ronnie sighs and shakes her head. "Ungrateful, the two of you."

"Hey!" I argue. "I didn't say I wasn't grateful, that sofa kept me comfy for years too, you know."

Betty giggles next to me, making Thea shake on her chest. "You guys argue about the weirdest things."

"Don't get involved, Betts," Archie warns her. "It gets ugly around here."

"No arguing in my house, the lot of you!" Betty tells us sternly. "It's Christmas."

"Christmas doesn't deter Ronnie, Betts," I say, flicking my eyes to Ronnie. "She's a bat out of hell, that one."

"Pick on me all you guys like but I know for fact that my sofa is better than anything you will ever lay your ass on," Ronnie concludes.

Archie rubs his face and exhales loudly. "I swear you guys are hosting Christmas next year," he says. "I'm not going through that again. All that cooking and cleaning..."

Ronnie raises an eyebrow. "Oh, it was hard on you, was it?" she asks sarcastically.

I bite my tongue and grin at my best friend. He wasn't known for either cooking or cleaning skills but the tired expression on his face told a different story. "Walking back and forth through the kitchen with all those pots and pans really tired you out, bro?"

Betty sniggers. "Same excuse for you Juggie?"

"Hey!" I say putting my hands in the air, "I never said I was tired!"

"You must be on night duty then, dude?" Archie says, throwing me in the deep end.

I frown. "I'll be on night duty for four months straight for my Summerbaby."

"You said it!" Ronnie teases. "Betty, don't let him back out of this one!"

Betty laughs and rubs my leg. "Don't worry, Jug, I won't let you do four months in a row..."

"Thank God," I mumble.

Betty winks at me. "Do four nights, then we'll discuss arrangements."

The talk remains light, bright and short. We all fall victim to tiredness and in the end, we were all just saying things sporadically to try and keep the conversation rolling but Archie fell into slumbers arms first.

I watch Archie and Ronnie on the sofa, legs tangled and Abel sleeping on Archie's chest. Betty walks across to them and drapes a blanket on the sleeping family. "Should we wake them up?" I ask her.

She shakes her head and tucks a pillow under Ronnie's head. "Nah, they can stay," she whispers. "Pay back for the time you lived with them, it's the least we can do."

I laugh and sit back in my chair with Summerbaby lying on my chest, her eyes slowly opening and closing as she tries to fight sleep. Betty comes over and sits down next to me, resting her head on my shoulder before linking her hand in mine.

Riverdale calls to me. I feel it in the winter sun, I feel it on my skin. The wind moves and shifts but I am unshakeable with Betty's hand in mine. The wind calls to me, I feel it in the way Thea whispers her soft murmurs on me, the way her little fingers smooth on my shirt and her legs barely move. Slowly her eyes fall and she's asleep with mouth open and soft, tiny lips. Finally, I was one half of a home.

"Are you happy?" Betty asks me, her hand tightening in mine. She places a kiss on my cheek and I smile against her.

"Happy?" I question. "I'm more than happy, Betts."

She smiles again and places a gentle kiss on Thea's soft cheek. "More than happy?"

I nod before putting my own lips to Sunny-Side-Up's head. "Unmovable, unbreakable, forever kind of happy," I tell her.

"Did you ever think this would be us?"

"In every world, in every life, it's always been us."

"Roll on the next five years," she murmurs.

Summerbaby starts crying and Archie groans on the sofa, half way between waking up and slinking down further into comfort; "He's crying, V, it's your turn."

Abel was very much asleep but Thea's crying gets louder as I pat her back, rubbing it. "Do you think they've time travelled and they believe it's their baby crying?" I ask.

Betty holds back a laugh as Ronnie hits Archie with her eyes still closed. "I got up last time," Ronnie mumbles. "It's your turn."

Domesticity might have taken over, my life a series of love, Betty and Sunlight. Finally, everything is fitting seamlessly into my very consistently ordinary life. Maybe it wasn't Riverdale that had called to me all my life, maybe it was the dark after all. But now, I will let Riverdale call to me, let it steer me, let it swallow me whole. Because right now, I was surrounded by so much Sunlight and Summer, there was no way I would ever fall into the deep again.

* * *

_Eleven Years Ago:_

Betty's eyes sort of seem like storm clouds. "You promised you'd never leave me behind and now you and Archie are too cool for me," she says tapping her foot on the concrete.

"I'm not too cool," I mumble feeling ashamed. I kick the dirt on the ground and shuffle from foot to foot because Betty always makes me feel bad.

Betty looks mad at me. The same sort of mad when mom watches dad walk through the doors late kind of mad. "You are too cool, Jughead," she says, saying my name perfect like her mom does and it makes me want to laugh but I keep my lips tight or she might get worse. "You're too cool these days. You won't even hang out with me anymore, you don't come and sit with me at lunch any more - you didn't come to my birthday because you're too damn cool!"

She's huffing and she's got her hands on her hips again. I wasn't too cool, I was just busy. We have different friends now and she's always laughing with her friends that are all girls who think I smell weird and hate skateboards. "I'm sorry," I tell her though because I was. I don't want to lose my friend. "I'll come and have lunch more often, I'll come and sit with you. I'll even sit at the front of the class with you sometimes."

"All the time?" she asks.

" _Sometimes_ ," I tell her.

"All the time," she says slowly, moving her head to the side.

I sigh and smile at her. I give her a wink. "Whatever you say, Sunny Betty, even if I have to do it all the time."

She still looks mad. She doesn't look like she believes me but I wasn't going to back down on this, we have been best friends since the beginning of time. It's always her, me and Archie and maybe I should have just gone to her birthday. Then she wouldn't be fighting me. Her shoulders drop a little bit though and maybe she's forgiving me a little bit. "You promise?" she asks me.

"When have I ever broken a promise, Sunny Betty?"

She smiles a little. Or maybe it was a smirk. She flips her hair over her shoulder and I see it's grown longer in the summer time. "One day you have to stop calling me Sunny Betty, you've been calling me that since we were eight!"

"And now you're twelve and you're a whole lot older than eight," I say shrugging. "We'll be eighty before I stop calling you Sunny Betty!"

She laughs at me and I see her real smile coming through. "You think we'll still be friends when we're eighty?" she asks me.

I think about it. We would be friends forever. "We've been friends since we were six years old, what's another sixty-four years?"

"You mean seventy-four?"

I chuckle. "It's all the same when you're old, and you're really old now!"

"You're older than me!"

I kick my skateboard and flip it up to my hand. "Dad says time flies when you're having fun, have you ever heard that before?"

She nods. "Yeah, maybe it's true because it feels just like yesterday you started coming around here. You'll come by more, right? You'll be here with me?"

"I'm here, Betts, I'll be here."

"Maybe time will fly?" she asks me shrugging her shoulders.

"You think we're having fun?"

Betty links her arm in mine as we walk down the street. "It's always fun when you're around, Jughead Jones."

I look over to my best friend and give her a wink as my skate shoes scuff on the concrete and her ballet flats bounce along the street. "When we're adults we will remember all of this you know."

_**The End** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note:  
> This is going to be lame and long. But it must be done.
> 
> Thank you all, so much, for coming on this journey with me. It's been a long time (I'm talking YEARS) since I've finished a multichapter and I guess that just goes to show how much Riverdale took me. Thank you to everyone for every single review. From telling me that Betty's pregnancy to another man is disgusting, to saying such nice things about me that I don't think you're talking about the right person. From anon hate to anon love. From too much angst to trying to find a level of fluff. Thank you to everyone, every review, every piece of constructive criticism and every single, tiny piece of love. I appreciate it and respect you all.
> 
> A special shout out to the likes of birdlovesafish, browneyedbetty, jandjsalmon, rainbowsquirreljump05, violet1429, mothermaple - my old faithfuls who have been here from the get go, there's probably more but this is off the tip of my head. I thank you with a level of love. Also my people from AO3! Crysty09, cherlynne (I see you here and ffnet!), and my new dedicated lovely, citrusmuppet!!
> 
> And then these bad boys: Kaiya, Meg, Mal and Kim my friends.
> 
> Bekah - Without Bekah, none of this would be possible with out my girl. It's been a long year (?) From Harry Potter to Riverdale, I will follow you just as you follow me. I love you!  
> Last but not least, a thank you to my big brother. For loving your son since he was only months in his mum's stomach. For loving a baby who everyone reminded was not yours. With out you, I would not have done all this!
> 
> Just a thank you in general. Thanks for hanging in there. Thanks for enjoying. My enjoyment comes from your enjoyment.
> 
> And maybe, you haven't seen the end of Bughead yet. Thinking of a sequel, trying not to overcommit myself.

**Author's Note:**

> YOOOO! Hi! I'm new to AO3 and have made the great transition from ff.net to here (though will update on both sites, is that big-headed of me? Maybe...) You can find me on tumblr: weheartscorose and ff.net also under the same name. A thank you is in order to my girl Bekah for always being here and also Porschia for dragging my ass here. Treat me kindly, I am a peasant on this forum. I shall consistently beg for feedback so be prepared. This is me begging. Thank you and goodbye!


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